Time Apart
by Vampire Priest
Summary: Wendy's writing a Journal for when the twins come back in the summer. and other times, and there'll be letters, emails, etc... where they keep in touch over the summer also my OC going around doing weird stuff, drinking, flying, maybe fighting and a whole lot of disappointing. by no means for small children. probably OOC.
1. ch 1: Wendy's Journal Entries Sep 8-17

Chapter 1: Wendy's Journal Entries September 8-17

Preamble: first I'd like to apologise to all of the people following my fanfiction account. I know I bounce around and lose interest quickly. I know I have a few unfinished stories. I know "The King" is probably the biggest mistake in my life. I know that I switch around my formats a lot and it's difficult to follow some of my stories. I know I should really finish my SVTFOE fanfic first but I wrote myself into a corner and don't want to use my deus ex machina. If you're still reading you're probably wondering what format I'll be using now… well… you ever read Dracula? Don't it's terrible and has the most anticlimactic ending of all time, the whole story builds up to nothing. But I like that you can see what everyone is thinking because all the important people get to narrate. You guessed it the format I'll be writing in today is diaries and journals… again building up to nothing here. Welp… considering I've never written in a journal or a diary before this should at least be good for a laugh. Be sure to tell me in great detail all the things you hate about it so I can fail to improve in the next chapter. This has gone on long enough let's begin with Wendy… and no I won't be narrating everything… and for those of you who know me well yes my OC will be in this story as he always will.

(Wendy's journal)

Saturday September 8,

Dipper, hey seeing as all your great uncle's journals were destroyed and you're going to be gone a while I figured I'd write down all the important parts for when you get back. So… yeah I spent the week doing a lot of nothing, hanging out at the cemetery making Tompson dress up as a girl and dance for us, everyone noticed the hat by the way. I got a lot of people asking if we're dating but I told them off. Wouldn't wanna spread rumours ya know. Oh and this guy in a suit showed up like three minutes after you left. A huge red meteor crushed the founder's statue and a guy with wings came out he's been drinking ever since. My dad likes him though I think he beat him in an arm-wrestling match, least that's the reason he gave us. I don't buy it though. Guy's too weak to lift his drink to his mouth half the time. Ok out of interesting stuff to write for now so… yeah, later book.

Tuesday September 10,

Ok, so guy finally wakes up after two-day bender draws his sword and freakin' destroys my dad's record for trees cut in a day! Didn't even see him move! Just a flash of light and the trees slide off the stumps. Dad might of been telling the truth when he said this dude beat him in an arm-wrestling match. I asked to see his sword and he just hands it over the sheath too. It looks like a dragon when it's complete and it even has a name. It's Johnathan and you won't believe what happened when I called it Johnny. It jumped out of my hands, flew over to the guy, still didn't catch his name by the by, and wraps itself around his neck like a scarf. This guy looked awesome and I think he fell asleep like that. Just hat down over his shades and a dragon around his neck. He wears a huge top hat by the way. Looks like something you'd see painted on a wall in San Fran. be back later.

Sunday, September 15

Just realised I was putting the commas in the wrong place but I've been writing with ink so whatever. Guy's been easing off the drinking and seems more sociable but is now hung over most of the time so I can't talk to him much. Tried asking his name and he said he didn't have one so I decided to just call him Hot Wings for the time being also the reason I started writing today, my bad, your Grunkles sent Soos a message today and gave him and me your and Mabel's address asking him to send you guys some pictures of them with a big dead squid most of them are funny Soos framed the one that wasn't, cause they said he could keep one, but you probably already know since I probly already send you guys a letter. And If you write back I won't have to keep writing in this journal anymore unless I decide to go adventuring with friends on ditch day or after school or something. And If it really was you on Facebook sending me a friend request the reason I haven't accepted yet's cause a while back Robie made a bunch of fake accounts when I blocked him for not leaving me alone when we split.

Tuesday, September 17

So I was just getting home from school right and I haven't heard back yet so I decided to check on Hot Wings and he was walking very slowly away from our house. It was really easy to catch up to him. We ended up walking together when I asked where he was going he said he hadn't been there yet but knew the way. Before I could ask what he meant. We stopped in front of a cliff and he asked if I really wanted to follow him and when I said yes he picked me up and flew me across. There I met the Manotaurs. He thought it would be a good idea to challenge them all to an arm wrestling match shouting, "I'll take you all on! Anytime anywhere!" he beat them all and when they asked him his name he said, "refer to me as the classy crusader." they laughed until he made the pain hole cry.

AN: Writing informally is killing me why did I think this was a good Idea. also please give suggestions as to what to do next I am literally already out of ideas. send help. my brother doesn't want to help me write this because I've seen the whole series and he hasn't adding in grammatical errors also pisses me off send help.


	2. Ch 2: letters between friends

Chapter 2: Letters between friends Sep. 15-19 I guess...

Sunday, Sep. 15

Hey dudes,

Soos here, a bird came into the shop today and I was pretty scared and tried to chase it away but then Wendy showed up, like she does sometimes, with the guy who fell from the sky. So the guy just lifts up his arm and the bird lands on it and it had this little tube of what appeared to be plastic on it. He opened the tube and said, "It's a bunch of wet polaroids of two old men and a dead squid. And a letter for Soos." In the letter was your address as you can plainly see by my writing of a letter that has arrived at your residence. As long as I wrote it down on the envelope correctly… hm… anyway, hope you dudes are having fun, hope you like the photos I sent… unless they got lost in the mail somehow. You'll tell me if you can't find them right? Anyway, Wendy has your address now too so maybe she'll write you too. Come visit anytime. Your Grunkles say hi.

From the desk of the Mystery Shack's proprietor Stanford Pines Soos

Monday, September 16

Hey guys,

You know how weird stuff started popping up out of nowhere when you guys were around? Well, the day after you left a big red rock fell out of the sky and a guy came out. Since he fell from the sky and had wings I started calling him Hot Wings. The rock fell right on top of the founder's statue. I wasn't actually there but Soos said that a little while after it crashed it cracked and a ton of smoke that smelled and looked like rust exploded out, and a guy dressed mostly in black reached his armored hands out to grab the cracked edge but it crumbled in his left hand and he had to use the right side. He held himself up by the edge and stood with his hat looming over everyone he took a breath, a step and fell. He then began to crawl to the nearest bar and drink until the gold he paid with was no longer worth his presence. You can thank Tompson later for making that last part so detailed. You ought to meet him. Whenever he's not either drunk or drinking he's quiet, smart, and crazy strong, he beat my dad in an arm wrestling match and I still don't believe such a small person could over power him. I mean without his hat he's like 5"7'. He overpowered all the Manotaurs in a day and told me he had no name. He told me while I was writing this that he was born without a name because of the messed up traditions of where he was born. He also told me he has lots of nicknames in place of an actual name. So I asked and I fell asleep listening and when I woke up the next day he was still talking took me a while to remember why but when I figured it out. He said dapper drunk and I sorta tuned him out. I when I asked what dapper meant he said fancy. So Dipper how's it feels to be one letter away from Pacifica? Jk, he's nothing like Pacifica. But he does have lots of money he seems ready to burn, It's a wonder he has any left. I drank from his flask once but it was just water. I poured it into a glass and when he took it, it turned to wine in his hands. When I took it back it turned back to water. I had to ask for wine but he was cool about it and let me have a taste. He likes it strong and a taste was all I got but he started filming me in case it was too strong… It might have been too strong. I might have said some things. Oh, and he can spit fire. Well… he spits spit but it catches fire in the air so… yeah, the bandana makes sense now. Don't think he'd let me drink again though. Hope to see you guys soon so just survive school and we'll go on another adventure

Wendy

Wednesday, September 18ish

Hey Wendy,

It's Mabel, Dipper would love to send you a letter but he's a little paranoid right now… I should probably write this in another room cause Dipper heard me. Maybe I should just whisper wouldn't want to miss out. He's talking to himself about how you like someone else. He'll be fine. I've been trying to set him up with as many girls as possible, you wouldn't believe how many girls he's friend-zoned. I met a guy I liked though. I think he likes me back. I've been creeping so long, he caught me and didn't seem bothered by it. Hope to see you soon

Love Mabel

Wednesday, September 18

(rough draft do not send)

Dearest Wendy

Hey Wendy

Wendy!

Dear Wendy,

I know It's not been long since we last talked but I missed you Gravity Falls so much, how are you is everybody? Is Soos Ok? How's your dapper drunk situation? your new boyfriend working out? life? How much fun has Soos been running the Mystery Shack? Do you think he'd give tours of the basement? Hey so totally unrelated but how exactly do you see… Hot Wings, Was it? I mean is he just a friend? Your dad's sparring partner… so yeah great catching up, check your friend requests, my email's on the back, bye.

Sincerely, Dipper

After a few hours of revision, reflection, and general self-loathing.

Thursday, September 19

Dear Wendy,

I was more than a little surprised to see you got my address. Good surprised but surprised all the same.I've actually been having a lot of fun back at school meeting new friends again, with stories nobody believes. At this point, people think I'm a science fiction writer. Mabel has set me up on about five blind dates since we got back. One of the girls she found was actually blind. For a while, I had no idea she was doing it. Just more girls walking up to me and talking to me. I just thought I was popular because of the new leather jacket dad got me. After a few awkward conversations and a girl saying, "It's like you didn't want to date me at all" It was pretty clear Mabel had something to do with it. I met a group of very vulgar guys. Like... profane, but also really funny. And their group even has their own Tompson. His name is David though. My English teacher thinks I'm a pathological liar but loves hearing about my time in Gravity Falls. Says that every embarrassing moment makes it feel all the more real. Says I have a real talent for writing but that most people will mistake my creativity for bragging about stuff that didn't happen. But all in all, I'm having a great time. I have more friends than ever, more confidence than ever, and I owe it all to you guys. I learned a lot from Gravity Falls but you and your friends taught me that being cool is more about confidence than what people think about you. My and Mabel's email addresses are on the back.

With all due respect, Dipper Pines

AN: this chapter could have been so much longer. But I wanted to write a chapter a day, emphasis on wanted. Which looks to be about two pages a day. I had to revise this chapter on my own. It is so easy to be a critic I forgot how hard it was to actually come up with this stuff. Anyway suggestions if you got em. And make sure to tell me how much you hate it. Remember to only Follow/Favorite if you mean it, don't let me or anyone else tell you what to do.


	3. Ch 3: Just another Friday

Chapter 3: Just another Friday

Set in a Gmail message board the occupants being: Soos, Wendy, Dipper, Mabel, and their fallen friend. A very peculiar conversation arises

D: is anyone else online?

2:34 Am

U: I am

3:11 Am

D: is Wendy with you?

U: Yeah but she's asleep right now

M: Dipper go back to sleep

M: we got a pop quiz tomorrow

D: what?

D: how do you know?

M: I talk to the teachers

D: why?

M: To set you up with insecure girls. Mum and dad didn't get you that phone to keep you up at night.

U: ha!

3:42 Am

W: what the hell is this?

(sends selfie of her in bed wearing Monokuma onesie)

U: PJs

8:59 Am

S: who put us in this chat?

U: Dipper

S: who's Username?

W: Hot Wings

M: Wendy, Dipper wanted to talk to you but he was up late talking to Hot Wings

W: right…

9:31 Am

D: Anyone else tired

U: does drunk count?

D: no

12:31 Pm

U: why are we on google hangouts?

D: cause Facebook is blocked on the school's wifi

U: why don't you use proxies?

W: those are blocked too.

M: what's a proxy?

D: It's a site you go to when you want to go on a site that you can't go on.

U: why not use ?

S: what's ?

D: tried it and now I have even fewer friends on social media

U: It's an online Libary that has hundreds of books and a copy of every website every year on it… though now that I think about it a website that records how websites were, frozen in time, would be pretty useless in terms of sending and receiving messages.

12:45 Pm

(Username invited Grunkle Stan)

(Username invited Grunkle Ford)

GS: how did you send phones? by a bird?

GF: It was a Falcon. A falcon!

Username sent a photo of him with a black eagle

U: actually a baby eagle

GF: close enough.

M: Great Uncle Stan!

D: Great Uncle Ford!

W: Hey guys how ya been?

D: did you find any interesting abnormalities in your travels

GF: I'd like to say I did but it seems like you've found an abnormality of your own

U: what's that supposed to mean?

S: I might have replied to their pictures with a letter about your origin

U: what that I've been traversing dimensions?

GF: Wait were you the guy who took over that one dimension with the people being capable of great and unimaginable feats

U: please don't go into detail on that. It was by far my least favourite adventure.

GF: but you took over a dimension

U: Actually I set up a monarchy I later abandoned when I found what I sought.

GF: what were you looking for?

U: halos

D: is that why you're here?

U: no I'm on vacation.

D: oh…

U: seriously all you have to do is impress a few people and they'll let you do whatever you want.

W: Wait, what?

U: what?

W: so you're just hanging around my house cause my dad's gullible

U: not gullible just reasonable

U: and no.

W: then what?

U: I deliberately chose to impress your father, because I wanted to rest in a place with someone as layback as I am.

W: like you knew about me before you came.

U: you'd be surprised how easy it is for me to gather information.

W: so you just wanted to hang with people like you.

U: less people like me, more people who'd ask little of me. It was a choice between your house and old man Mcgucket's and as much as I like listening to the ramblings of a demented old man. I figured hanging out with your family would be more enjoyable.

W: well thanks for choosing me over an old man

U: that may not seem like much to you but I really do like to see the crazy things that come from a mind that's already gone over the deep end.

U: If you want I'll move but just know you were my first choice. Remember, I didn't have to land in Gravity Falls, I didn't have to land In Oregon, I didn't have to even land in America. I could have spent my Vacation on the Moon. I chose you out of everyone and everywhere in this entire universe I chose you.

W: Oh…

D: wendy? You were just mad at him

D: don't let him off too easy

GS: shut up Dipper even I'm crying

D: but

M: shut up. He won, get over it.

U: won what?

S: Wendy

U: … Ok…

4:27 Pm

Username renamed the group chat "Welcome to the chat"

Mabel has left the group

Wendy has left the group

Username has left the group

Grunkle Stan has left the group

Grunkle Ford has left the group

S: I think the chat just died

6:00 Pm

AN: Tell me what you thought If you had a suggestion I didn't do It's because I don't have wifi at the moment but as soon as I get back I'll start taking note. I've been writing mostly offline. Again I've been building up to nothing except no smex.


	4. Ch 4: the line between fact and fiction

Chapter 4: the line between fact and fiction

AN: quickly I'd like to say I've forgotten about poor Dipper and Mabel throughout all of this so I'ma gon go write that right now, entirely based off of my highschool experience, names were changed to protect the guilty… I did use my highschool nickname though…

Saturday, September 21

Mabel set me up with this blond rich girl for some reason and we went out for lobster her treat. I have no qualms with a woman wanting to break the glass ceiling and do what the man usually does but I can't help but feel it emasculating that not only do I have no interest in this girl but that now she's paying for my meal. I'd feel better if I could pay but I don't know that I could afford anything she'd like. I'll ask my friend Shepard later about what he'd do. He says he's had a girlfriend since the end of last school year. He's been wearing that leather jacket all year he says. But considering how much he complains about the heat he's probably been lying. I could ask Andrew but his last relation ship ended twice and now he's with a girl half his height. Maybe I'll ask David… no, he seems more interested in memes than continuing his family bloodline. Maybe I'll ask Anny Andrew's girlfriend… or maybe all of them… perhaps none my friends have taken to calling me king of the friend zone. Shepard always has the best jokes though. I could ask him and whether or not he's mocking me at least it'll be funny. Anything to get my mind of this narcissistic girl complaining about getting something worth slightly less than what she wanted when some starving kid in Africa could feed his whole family with her object of dejection. Where does Mabel find these girls.

Monday, September 23

I asked what to do about friend zoning every girl Mabel sets me up with and Shepard was no help at all he just wanted to show everyone the newest episode of dbza on the school's laptop. It was admittedly hilarious but not helpful. They all just crowded around and watched videos during lunch. After school, I tried asking again since Shepard's borrowed laptop was tucked safely away where it couldn't be a distraction. He said something so profound I never expected It could come from someone who portrays him self as such a fool as he did. Quote the idiot, "Every girl has something beautiful about them if you'd just take the time to look" when I asked how the guy who's constantly shouting about his erection being tastier than everyone else could have possibly said that he said, "I'm secretly the smartest person in our group. Don't tell anybody, people don't bully you if they think you're as stupid as they are," the more I asked of him the more I realised there should be a chronicler following him about and recording his every word. Then I thought about how cool he looks with his leather jacket, tie tied backwards, and his feathered top hat that if someone were to do that he'd just lose all the reputation he'd been building with the people who hate him. Just think someone smart enough to realise the world hates smart people.

Wednesday, September 25

We started playing cards against humanity today during lunch behind the library and I can't believe how funny it is that converting to Islam is making life difficult at the nudist colony. Mabel played too I don't think she liked it as much though. But I found out where the rest of my friends sit when they get to school early. Turns out Shepard is two years older than everyone else at the group and shit I forgot all about Jimmy. If he reads this he;s going to threaten me like he does Shepard on a daily basis. But I understand wanting to mess with Jimmy on account of his OCD The difference in the length of the nails on Shepard's hands was enough to encur Jimmy's anger enough that he drew a blade from his pocket. It is fun messing with him though.

Friday, September 27

I saw Shepard before school started today resting his head on a girl's breast. A girl I later found out was his girlfriend and two years older than him. When I asked about the legality of that relationship he merely stated, "Romeo and Juliet clause, as long as we've been dating since highschool it's fine" there I met a completely new group of friends who were somehow more profane than the last I think the one named Tristen made me watch a video about piston rods with the audio of Japanese porn over it. Said it was a requirement of everyone who wanted to sit at their table. Shepard's friends all seemed to hate him all but one, other than me. They all seemed just as baffled that he had a girlfriend as I did. I honestly thought he was lying because if he had a girlfriend it would make more sense for him to be with her during lunch like Andrew and Anny were. Just looking at her though it started to make sense that a guy who wears mostly black would be attracted to a girl with that many ear piercings, and vice versa. Of the half hour I talked to them I realised just how much they had in common. They were both random, both loved coffee, both liked playing mind games on people. At lunch he showed all the friends I knew he hung out with what I can only describe as, "the anime piston video" I have another date tomorrow but I think now that I know what a couple that would otherwise be sad and mopy on their own actually works, I can go into this confident that my sister knows me well enough to match me with someone I'd have at least one thing in common with.

Saturday, September 28 (written morning of after seeing her in his house)

She set me up with a red-headed girl my age who wears a flannel, jeans, and boots named Wanda… she looks acts and sounds like Wendy… I think this might actually work, as long as I don't accidentally call her Wendy.

(Written after date)

She's a Corduroy… She's literally Wendy's cousin and knowns about my crush on Wendy from Mabel. She even told me that her close friends and family call her little Wendy anyway and she wouldn't mind if I accidentally called her Wendy but I owe it to Sheperd to at least try to apply what he taught me and look for what makes her special as an individual. I owe it to her to show her that she is more than just a shadow of the girl I fell head over heels for and then crushed myself trying to get over. If this is going to work It'll take all that I have just to see her as someone I just met as opposed to someone I've known for a while now and have already made things awkward between without having dated Wanda. I'm starting to see why Mabel waited to set me up with her but this time I'm willing to try. Which is more than I can say about any of the other girls.

AN: I ended up reminiscing about what once was and thinking of better days when I still had a reason to live… but hey that doesn't mean you should feel any worse about telling me how bad of an author I am. It's not like I wear a tie every day to remind myself just how easy it would be to end my miserable existence here and now. So don't hold back, and suggest girl names for Dipper to have friend zoned with accompanying personalities. Despite my broken memories of last year and when they happened I had fun writing this chapter. Letting the more verbose side of my style show was freeing, not having to worry about how my grammar had to stay consistently limited to words that are short or shortened. Setting limitations on what I could write made me feel lazy but this was kind of fun. Stretching my wings and showing just how high I can fly. I don't think I opened my webster's unabridged dictionary once through writing this whole story. All in all, I think this will be my greatest story yet. But I am constantly running out of ideas. I'll have more later in the day but suggestions are always welcome.


	5. Ch 5: a Bit of Exposition

Chapter 5: a Bit of Exposition

AN: I'mma write this one about Wendy causes writing about Dipper depressed me.I was scrambling for a calendar cause I'm offline when I write then I realised that there's a calendar on my coffee mug ain't that something

Monday, September 30

Tonight I didn't wait for Hot wings to either sneak into my room and fall asleep with me as he's been doing more and more. I asked him if he wanted to and he seemed to not want to. He almost said no but then I said, "just sleep" and he seemed to stop caring. So he told me, "can we use my bed?" I was kinda confused cause he sleeps on the couch or he did when he first moved in. he explained by saying, "the bloody meteorite I arrived in finally melted enough for my bed and cross to be excavated." while he was talking he pulled a coffin and a big silver cross out of my closet. So I asked, "you sleep in a coffin?"

"One less bill for your family to pay when you die," he replied, then tugged his tie loose unbuttoned his collar and revealed two dark red holes in his neck. So I asked, "are you a vampire?" he rubbed the back of his head gave a little laugh and said, "I didn't choose it and shortly after, one of my students came and killed the vampire who turned me. I didn't know though I was being experimented on by a group of Nazi scientists. They got immortality and I forced them into working for me when their lab got bombed. Slavery is alive and well remember that." he went into a deep history about his past and his family what he was, who he was, and how old he was. He climbed into the coffin and I followed he didn't close it all the way, open just enough to breathe. He held me close stroked my hair and said, "I'm two thousand years old" over and over until I fell asleep.

Tuesday, October 1

I woke up alone in a coffin but heard the shower running. I went into the bathroom and saw Hot Wings was sitting down and brushing his hair in the shower and it was a lot of hair to brush. when I asked if I could join him he said, "but you said just sleep" and I was kinda embarrassed. So I said, "I'm gonna be late for school if you don't either hurry up or let me in" he sighed but waved for me to come in. he handed me a bandana and stuck his blindfolded head out the shower curtain so I blindfolded myself stripped down and got in. the water was cold so he was either there long before I woke up or liked it like that, but I didn't so I asked if he could turn the heat up and he did. Shortly after I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder and he left. He told me that I could take off my blindfold and I saw him take his off, he was still wearing his shades. He put it down and I threw the one he handed me on the sink next to it. He was wearing a towel and still brushing his hair. So I did what I needed to and stepped out. Now he wasn't wearing a towel but I got to see a cool new trick. He let a deep breath out and just like that he was fully clothed again. He knew I was watching and invited me in. I asked if he could do me too. And he said, "how do you think I got you into that bear suit while you were sleeping?" then he sat me down in his lap and started brushing then later braiding my hair. I asked if I had to be naked when he magically put clothes on me and he said, "no but I'm not good at making underwear especially women's underwear and anything you have on when I do put clothes on you will temporarily stop existing." when I asked if that's why I was wearing the bear suit and nothing else that was why he nodded. So I dried my hair really quickly turned around and dropped my towel he got the message and letting another deep breath out I was dressed. I didn't expect to feel like I was being liked all over at once and I really didn't expect to be wearing the same thing he was but fitted to hug tightly around me. Clothes that fit like a glove, including the armoured gloves. I was even wearing the top hat and shades. But now every curve the flannel and jeans hid was obvious… I looked like a business woman. He sat me down in his lap and said, "It's not too late to wear the bear suit. Or would you rather I made it look more masculine?" I told him it was fine and that we could work on helping him make more clothes later and when I got back from school that's what he did, but he really does suck at making underwear.

AN: I've wanted to explain that for a while finally got the nerve to do it whether you like it or not… you know what's hard to take into account when you're writing a character's journal/diary? Two things: first, what other people know the characters say/do and what people generally think they're like; Second, the fact that usually when I write I write as formally as possible but when I speak I stutter make up my own words and say things that are confusing deliberately to get a rise out of people. The fact that what I say and what I write are completely different I made a point of expressing in the last chapter but I might have forgotten to mention it. And remember that for future reference. Not all people write the way they speak and if they did I bet they're failing English… or are British…


	6. Ch 6: a Nice Change of Pace

Chapter 6: a Nice Change of Pace

AN: I forgot about the most important character in the series, Waddles.

Saturday, October 5

I asked Hot Wings what he wanted to do today and he said, "fly around the world." I asked If we could stop by California for a little bit he just smiled and picked me up. He then turned to me and said, "just an FYI in my world a single wingbeat can take me above the legal recreational flight limit." and took off into the sky. I clenched my eyes tight and held on like my life depended on it, but after a second we slowed down and gently drifted along the sky. I could see all of Gravity Falls. We glided all the way down to California and hit the ground next to Mabel playing with Waddles. She looked up at us and shouted, "Wendy! Hey how've you been we missed you!" then Hot Wings' legs gave up and I fell in his lap as he took out his flask and started drinking. Mabel, now looking down on us said, "and you must be Hot Wings, Wendy's told us all about you!"

"All?"

"Well not all, but a lot! Wendy, you never said he could fly."

"I said he has wings, And he can do way more than fly."

"I noticed you didn't get off his lap after he fell, are you two normally this close."

"Yeah…"

"Physically yes but in the context you're providing..."

"Yes?"

"We're just really close friends," we both said to the confused Mabel. There I sat as she asked question after question about how I've been what I've been doing how far I'd gotten with the now sleeping guy beneath me. I asked her how she was and she went on and on about how hard it was to set Dipper up on dates with girls. Apparently, he has a type. Mabel told me Dipper's dating Wanda… that's cool, I guess… not like Wanda wants to be exactly like me or anything. When I was telling Mabel about Johnny he leapt from his spot on Hot Wings' belt and curled up in my lap so I could pet him while I talked. California seemed nice. Even if we were in the Suburbs and not in any sort of big city. Hot Wings woke up around sunset and quickly flew us back home. I waved at Dipper, wait you're the one I've been writing this journal for. I waved from above you and called out to you but you were looking down I don't know if you turned around though. I kinda blacked out from lack of oxygen and Hot Wings had to resuscitate me mid flight. He also had to tell me that last part over again causes the memory was kinda fuzzy. Writing this in bed… coffin… writing this before bedtime. I'd rather not say what I'm wearing and at the moment you don't need to know how Hot wings looks either.

AN: Take that last line to mean what you will just know that they are definitely not friends with benefits nor are they friends with potential benefits they're just more comfortable around each other than most people are. Don't judge me! There are worse things you could be reading. Have you seen Missed Opportunities? Or BillDip? Or Pinecest? I'm not the weirdest writer in the bunch and you can't prove otherwise. Also, I know the chapter's real short I'm under a lot of pressure.


	7. Ch 7:Dipper's Friends at the mall

Chapter 7: Dipper's Friends at the mall and a surprise at home

Sunday, October 6

I heard yesterday that Wendy came to visit and I just missed her on my way back. I was a little more than upset. I missed her too. Even if Wanda seems to want to emulate -or idolise (really)- Wendy, she seems to want to be the Wendy of California she knows I liked Wendy and seems to want to win my heart as she did. Like I'd be so ensnared by someone merely trying to imitate. More of a side note I've taken to writing where I am that so I don't forget to include anything interesting of the day's events. I'm Presently eating breakfast before my day of being a mall rat with my friends may begin.

We got to the mall and Mabel came too. Immediately Shepherd said that we could expect him to not pitch in for food or commodities because he was saving what little money he had to buy a ring… I think. Andrew and Annie made fun of him for a bit. Calling him cheap and making jokes about the size of his reproductive organs, then everyone started making fun of David. Shepherd challenged everyone to a game of giant chess and beat everyone proving once and for all that he was the smartest in the group I demanded a rematch which ended a stalemate with both of us having only our king and one bishop each, his white on black my Black on white he held out his hand and offered a truce as if knowing neither of us could lose in such a circumstance. We stopped by see's candy and All of Shepherds talk of saving money went out the window and he came back with a chocolate cigar in his mouth shouting somebody get me a lighter. We stopped by the food court and ate pizza. Except for Shepherd he had sushi. When we got back home Mabel had a figurative tonne of yarn. Opening the door I found to my horror that Mabel had invited all the girls she'd set me up on dates with, in PJs with sleeping bags. A slumber party was being set up without my knowledge or ability to stop it. I later found that not only did Mabel seek out insecure girls to force into dating me but that she brought back a picture of her with Soos and his girlfriend. After a brief description of his idiosyncrasies she was revered as a matchmaking legend and had later found legitimate boyfriends for some of the girls I'd Quote unquote "Friend-zoned" and now they're her friends. I'm surprised they didn't do this at rich girl's house… shit, what was her name again? Wait. dammit my friends' favourite way of communicating rubbed off on me. Wanda asked permission to sleep in my bed, and when I offered to sleep on the couch she rephrased, "with you" and I was somewhat taken aback by it until she explained further that Wendy had told Mabel that she'd been sleeping with her new friend more often than not. I didn't know what to say so I agreed on the terms that we just slept. She nodded vigorously and when I climbed in bed not only did Wanda join me but all the girls I'd "friend-zoned" except maybe the ones who had a boyfriend crowded around me and kept me their veritable prisoner letting me leave not even to go to the bathroom, that is unless someone accompanied me. Most uncomfortable two hours before sleep ever. I waited until everyone else fell asleep before continuing writing in my journal. Wanda's up, and she apparently has insomnia, because Wendy once mentioned not being able to sleep to her and she, wanting to be like her, ruined her sleep cycle on purpose. Either way, she wants to do things and I got her to settle for just cuddling when she tried to convince me to do something that was sure to wake up everyone in the house. Despite having been crushed between several girls at once the nights that were getting progressively colder seemed to stop and warm me to my core. Despite being worried for my chastity the second I close my eyes to sleep I'm glad so many girls still had feelings for me after I'd, one way or another, showed them my lack of interest. Because of my actions they might do the same to others. I owe it to them to make this relationship work not just because she's the Wendy I never knew existed but because if I move on they might too. Despite all my previous complaints at the very least, my bed smells nice… shit that was a really creepy thing to Write and Wanda wants to see it. She doesn't seem like She'll take no for an answer, but I try anyway. She procures for me a small green book entitled Wendy's journal. She offered me a trade saying that for as long as I read this she'll read mine. When I told her that even knowing I had her permission I didn't feel right reading from the innermost workings of her mind. She shook her head and said, "no It's Wendy's journal." my eyes bulged at the thought and I asked why she would keep one and she read the first line aloud, "Dipper, hey seeing as all your great uncle's journals were destroyed and you're going to be gone a while I figured I'd write down all the important parts for when you get back. " she looked up from the book and said, "Magic exists outside of gravity falls Dipper" and showed me that on the most recent entry the book continued to produce writing. I have to take her up on this if only to see what she's saying now. It was meant for me after all.

AN: Yeah… that happened I was just going to write about the mall but then I got bored and finished the chapter prematurely but didn't want this chapter to be shorter than the last one and so I added the sleepover and changed the title. It got a little creepy at the end there. My bad, but now I can't think of a way to fix it. Suggestions? Support?


	8. Ch 8: Meanwhile thousands of miles away

Chapter 8: Meanwhile thousands of miles away

AN: guys real quick, when I tried to go to sleep I immediately shot up grabbed my laptop and changed the title from Meanwhile to what it is now and in the font, I'm writing the titles in(UnifrakturMaguntia) the word way and the word man look almost exactly the same. Also I just randomly added this in at the top now I'm thinking I should have added it to the bottom but what kind of writer cuts and pastes his story to make it more enjoyable for his readers? figured you could use a more lighthearted chapter after I done goofed on the last one by writing an uninspired chapter about whatever that was. I'm still uninspired but I know how to put some comedy back into my story and not the intellectual kind I try to use.

(Wendy's journal)

Sunday, October 6

I didn't want to get up this morning, Neither did Hot Wings. It's been a pretty uneventful day. I wanted to sleep some more so I just closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of his hair because he washes it with chloroform for some reason. When I woke up the second time he still hadn't moved. We were just lounging around all day but I was getting kinda hungry so I got out saw that it was like noon and got some "Breakfast?" I got back and he was just lying on my bed and flipping through channels. He got bored and got his phone out and read me this hilarious story this guy wrote about giving his best friend Danny a blow job. I think the story was named "The Beej" I'd of been grossed out if it wasn't so stupidly funny. I'm not the kind of person who goes around recommending porn to little kids but you're technically a teen, right? We spent the rest of the day drinking and watching NSP's videos. Apparently, I'm a "flirty drunk" and "kinda temperamental". But we had fun and almost never were too far apart from each other I think we had butter and toast with tea as a midnight snack. Don't know where he got the tea though. I might still be drunk writing this though.

(Dipper's journal)

Monday, October 7

Well… It took us till midnight but me and Wanda finished reading all of the books we traded and I woke up this morning to Wanda taking my phone and blasting "Everybody Shut up(I Have an Erection)" while reading "The Beej" chapters 1&2 then changing the song to "No Reason Boner" for the rest of the story the girls squealed and after the song and music ended she searched through and played "If We Were Gay" and I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. The story was funny the songs were delightful and the story itself was disturbingly funny all the adjectives all the words used to refer to one's reproductive organ but the ending was by far my favourite. We all had a laugh except our parents who were standing outside the door. They thought it better to make their presence known by dancing to the song as Danny was "[listing] all the things that Brian liked to suck" Mabel got up and danced with them and so did most of the girls in the room. Wanda, however, thought it better to sit in my lap and look for an NSP playlist while the song reached its conclusion. she started the playlist and with it "Rhinoceratops vs SuperPuma" began playing and Mabel dubbed NSP her favorite band. After the playlist, which ended on "Samurai Abstinence Patrol", ended mom and dad gave a small laugh and grounded me and Mabel. Even though we explained that it wasn't us and at no point did I pick out a song. Still they took my phone and now all I got is a magical journal. And Wanda made a magical journal where she can see everything I write so that's fun I forgot why I was writing this but at least now I can read Wendy's Journal Directly.

(Wendy's journal)

Monday, October 7

I shouldn't of gotten drunk yesterday! Ah! I woke up late and had to share a cold shower with Hot Wings, hungover too. He bathed me clothed me kept repeating, "you'regonnabelate, you'regonnabelate." and flew me to school with a piece of toast in my mouth and a thermos of coffee in my hand. I never realised how loud and unprofessional all my friends were. Is this how teachers feel like every day? So I ditched last period out of coffee and feeling a little better when I see that Hot Wings was waiting outside to pick me up when school was over but he was asleep and therefore duct taped to the flag pole. The jocks probably did it. His swords was gone so I yelled Johnny and hoped for the best. A second later I hear a man's scream and the dragon shows up and burns the tape offa Hot Wings. I said to myself, "I was gonna use it as a sword but that works too" the impact of his hat on the concrete was enough to wake him up. I later found out that his hat is made of some kind of metal.. He asked for a piggy back ride and despite the fact that he wears full body armor he was surprisingly light. I ended up carrying him like a backpack for the rest of the day and he just slept there like a big koala with his arms around my neck and my arms holding up his legs. For some reason, the rest of my friends thought he was heavy when they tried to carry him. I found out later he can change his weight at will. We're gonna drink again tonight cause I still haven't learned my lesson. Unless the lesson is hungover teens don't mess around in class.

AN: I hope you found comedy in that however juvenile it may be. Oh yeah fun fact, before I start writing, all of my chapters since chapter 3 were named "Penis" as a place holder except for chapter four which was originally named "Formally Known As Penis" and Chapter 5 which was originally named "a Nice Change of Pace"


	9. Ch 9: All is revealed?

Chapter 9: All is revealed?

Wednesday, October 9

Ok so I and my friends were hanging out at the lake right and Robbie decides to throw Hot Wings' hat into the water. Not only did he get a face full of hair, but we all got to see another cool trick this guy did. He walked on water to pick it up again. And all he did was gently place it on his head, tapped the rim twice and his hair was back in there. We asked him how he could walk on water, turns out he's super religious which is cool but kinda ruins my chances… shit, I wrote that down. Oh, and he has the power to see everything at once. Well, I call it a power he calls it a curse he also says that if I wanted he could trade eyes with me. I might take him up on that offer. You know what no time like the present.

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Ok, I've calmed down now. That was all kinds of painful. First, he sat me down in his lap facing him, then he pointed two fingers to my eyes and two to his. Metal finger nails shot out at both of us and I saw every thing. I saw through him but also all of him and everything and everyone. He told me to close my eyes but I couldn't hear him over the collective thoughts of the entire universe. He put his sunglasses over my face and suddenly my eyes could focus on less than they could. He looked at me through my eyes and I, with his. I knew what he thought I knew why he came, but I also knew what I meant to him. He was right his eyes are a curse. But they can tell you what's poisonous and what's not. They can tell fact from fiction. They know all but all is too much for one person to handle even him. Still, I can see anything, but the shades keep me from seeing everything, which felt like staring into a billion suns by the way. His emotions are very complicated. He feels he knows he'd be happy here with me but that fate had chosen someone else for him back home and he didn't want me to miss out on what fate has in store for me here he also has no heart… literally speaking, I checked. I'll try not to read too much into his mind because he's memorised the bible and these eyes can't find a single lie inside his mind. Looks like he's been honest this whole time and choosing his words carefully. After having realised I was still staring at him, he offered me a drink and said, "It'll help dull your vision" so I drank it and he told me I needed to see an optometrist. There's so much I can learn just by staring at him. And that's how I'm going to spend the night.

Thursday, October 10

So Wanda told me she sent the magical journal, that copies everything I write, to Wendy which is totally fine by me, I'm just… I just realised how Shepherd got his nickname. Two things, first when he undoes his braid his hair looks like wool. Second, he carries a bible to school with him every day. I mean, I knew he was counterculture but, I didn't think it was to that extent. To day while everyone was having fun and goofing around during lunch he was just sitting and reading no profane jokes no cursing the sun for being in his eyes just reading. Later that day I found out Andrew was Christian too. If it were just a normal day with him shouting too loud to approach him, I probably would have never seen the cross tied into his backwards tie. He raves about how his tie is tied correctly and it's the world that's backwards. I never knew how far he'd take it. so in the spirit of our friendship, I decided to investigate how serious he was about this new development. Andrew says it was like that since last year but with the way he acts in public, I'd never of guessed. So I asked him about the theory of evolution. Just to see if he cares about logic and scientific principle. He asked me if an explosion was alive. I was somewhat taken aback but answered, all the same, the obvious no. to which he replied, "The law of Biogenesis clearly states that life can only come from life and a scientific law trumps theory any day." he went straight back to reading and I was shocked, to say the least. Then he continued, "I've effectively severed the ties between the theory of evolution and the big bang theory so if you're right where did the universe come from?" I couldn't answer I'll need further preparation to sway him. But just as I had that thought he said, "don't bother trying to disprove the truth I can give you a book written by someone who attempted to disprove Christianity historically by looking through the atheist Roman historical documents, but he found eye witness accounts given by multitudes of people, not just twelve, I could go on or you could read _the case for Christ_ yourself don't take my word for it, you need to hear it from what we call a reluctant believer " I've seen many strange things throughout the summer but never someone so stubborn as this.

AN: Yeah it got personal toward the end there I could leave the story like this or I could continue. Also, I don't listen to people who attack my knowledge of scientific fact and historical evidence on the fact that if I'm right it would inconvenience them. If you're going to complain you best bring proof.


	10. Ch 10: Mabel finds a mirror

Chapter 10: Mabel finds a mirror

AN: First I'd like to thank YrooXrksvi618 for the first ten sugestions so for the next ten chapters I'll write the name next to the number and try not to have my OC as an overwhelming presence in the chapters to come cause as lazy as he is I'd like to think that at least he's interesting. Be sure to tell me how well I do in the reviews. If and when I break 100,000 words I'll stop cause there is a point at which the length of the story mixed with how well it's written makes people lose interest. I'll try to stick to the T rating.

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YrooXrksvi618 #1. Mabel writes about when she tries to find a vampire but ends up accidentally turning into one. She needs to find a cure. And fast.

(Mabel's diary)

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Monday, November 19th...ish

The nights are getting longer and the days are getting cloudier. my chances of meeting a sexy boy of the night are that much better. I recently found out that some vampires live in abandoned mines and churches, so I made a list of all the places I can find them. So far there are three places really close to me one old abandoned catholic church that was abandoned cause the priest had no descendants to inherit his church. One where everyone was brutally murdered on live television and a cave I found Near a river, me and special agent Waddles will investigate as soon as we pack everything we need. Let's see… glitter glue, check. Safety scissors, colored paper, disposable camera, yarn, snacks, and macaroni cross necklace in case he's a jerk. Yup got everything I need. And Dipper can't stop me cause he's trying to cheer up a depressed friend.

I checked the church where everyone died. I found a few vengeful spirits but no vampire so I moved on.

I when to the church no one inherited, all I found was a bunch of spiders. Still no vampire.

Alright on my last two tries I forgot to pack my Dairy and had to write about it later, but this time I took it with me cause If there's no vampire here I'm going to need something fun to do like watching Waddles eat my any proof that I ever failed. But at least this is by far the creepiest place I've been. If anyone talks to me I'll make sure to write it down, "Who's there?..." I think I found one! "One what?" I probably shouldn't be saying everything as I'm writing it. Ok so There's a vampire here but he's not as cute as I thought he'd be. "I am over three hundred years old, Insolent child" wait, how do you spell insollent? Also what does it mean? I'll ask Dipper when I get back. AH! I've been bit! "Fools who seek those who walk the night are doomed to follow in their footsteps" I gotta tell Dipper! I gotta Get help!

When I got home I screamed my head off telling Dipper where I was, what happened and showed him the bite mark on my neck. He also helped me with my spelling and scolded me for scrapbooking when I should have been getting help. Lucky for me grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford are here for thanksgiving. Grunkle Ford said that he always has a cure for everything, I was so relieved I tuned out the rest of what he said then everyone got in the car and it looks like we'll be spending thanksgiving at the mystery shack with Soos. I guess Grunkle ford meant that he kept the cure in a first aid kit he left at home.

When we Got there Grunkle Ford asked to see my bite and cringed at the site he asked me why I wasn't keeping some sort of bandage over it and I said, "I didn't think it mattered I'm a vampire now aren't I?" he said, "No but you will be if we don't cure you. Two things need to happen for you to become a vampire, first you need to be bitten second you need to be dead." while he was talking Grunkle stan ripped off his sleeve and tied it around my neck tight enough that it felt like I was choking but could still breathe. We went down to the basement and for the first time I heard Grunkle ford curse to fast for mom or dad to cover our ears. He shouted about being out of that cure in particular and that I had to help get the ingredients. I told them where I found the vampire as Grunkle ford made garlic juice, and began to prepare to fight a vampire, maybe one of the ingredients is vampire blood. My chest got itchy all of a sudden then it started to burn then I remembered the macaroni cross I was wearing and ripped it off. It fell at Grunkle Ford's feet and he said, "There isn't much time! Dipper, Stan go into the magical forest and get some enchanted mushrooms of restoration"

"Which ones are those?"

"The ones that grow between any given adjacent spheres or sphere adjacent"

"What?"

"Find the mushrooms that look profane"

"Oh you meant the ones that look like-"

"STAN! Not in front of the children!" Stan and Dipper left and Grunkle Ford turned to Soos, "I need you to go out grab a bunch of sand, salt rice garlic and onions and start mixing them together Until I get back"

"You got it dude"

"Where are you going" I asked. He didn't answer he just grabbed a cross bow and put a wooden stake in it as he left. He turned back for a second and told my parents to take me to the hospital because I lost a lot of blood.

So I waited in my hospital bed for everyone to come back I had an IV letting blood flow into my arm. I closed my eyes for a second and I saw the vampire in my room. "Why do you fight? accept your fate! This is what you wanted is it not?"

"No!" I shouted back. "I just wanted to meet a cute vampire boy."

"Even if you had met one what then? Any relationship you start will end and it will end badly whether you chose it end or death does you part. You came to live life eternal. What did you think that 'if he loves me enough he will surely let me go'? Love is a concept denied those who turn their back on the light. All you'd of done is broken a poor imortal heart. " with that last line he disappeared and my family burst in frantically mixing together several ingredients as doctors shouted, scolded and hindered. The potion mixed and my eyes shut Grunkle Ford Pulled out a syringe filled it with part of the contents of his soiled bowl and injected it into one of the holes on my neck. Slowly but surely I opened my eye's and told Dipper what I saw and to write it in my diary along with what happened after they came in. I'm fine now but I don't think I'll be doing that again… at least not anytime soon.

AN: I lapsed into third person for that last part and had to go back and fix it. If you're unsatisfied it's probably because it was the first suggestion I wrote and harder than I thought Originally it was going to be a bat that bit her in the cave but I thought that would be underwhelming. I also ran out of things to write cause I thought surely Grunkle Ford would help he's an expert in the wierd things found mostly in Gravity falls this author's note is long because I started writing it before I started writing… my bad… this is also my first time writing as Mabel so that. Ok so I've been doing some research and Dipper and Mabel are in either Seventh or eighth grade at the end of season two not in high school this was a question I struggled with when I began writing my story but now that I'm writing one shots it doesn't really matter that I messed up on continuity. I hope you enjoyed it.


	11. Ch 11: Wendy's pet rock

Chapter 11: Wendy's pet rock

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YrooXrksvi618 #2. Wendy accidentally finds Bill's statue. She writes to everyone to tell them this.

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Wolowizard77892003: you're not far off

AN: I figured I could make these suggestions apart of the original story I was working on as long as I get my dates right and try to reserve asking my OC for help when I really need him, or if asked. But I do so enjoy writing for Wendy. also, I titled it before I started writing so that.

Friday, November 9

Dear Dipper and Mabel

Ok, so I was wandering around the woods trying to find a sleeping bear to hug and maybe get a selfie. Following the scratch marks and leaving my own on the backs of the trees so I wouldn't get lost I found a small stone hat lying sideways next to a tree right so I walked up to it and I found Bill… what's left of him anyway... After all he did to turn humanity into a giant chair I sat on his face and started writing this. Wait I think I found the cave I was looking for.

Score! Found a bear with cubs, and they're all asleep I'mma go take a quick selfie.

(quick imagine a picture of her hugging a black bear… now imagine one of her posing as the thinker on Bill's defenceless body, still wearing Dipper's hat in both pictures)

I got what I came for, now I'mma go home mail these letters and probably come back later to make Bill into a coat rack at the Mystery Shack.

Wendy

Monday, November 12

Dear Wendy

I and Mabel would love to see that when we come back we're actually writing this together. I'm kind of worried though… you think that if you break it you might let Bill back out? Be careful and take care.

Dipper and Mabel

AN: It's short cause the suggestion was really simple. also, I think that if I continued writing it would just be everyone either scared of him or telling her to be careful cause of what he'd done to them and what he was capable of. Get me work. I need money


	12. Ch 12: Place your bets?

Chapter 12: Place your bets?

YrooXrksvi618 #3. Wendy asks everyone who would win: Manly Dan or the Manotaur.

AN: I'm getting really tired of the whole journal entries thing so I'm just going to narrate this one. Also remember when I said, I'd try to leave my story hopping OC out of this?... Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and call bull crap on that.

Monday, November 5 (just for kicks)

One bored cold day following a pop quiz at school, Wendy had her feathered friend empty his pockets out of curiosity. Of all the things he had, guns, drinks, pretsle sticks labed, "for smoking", an oversised syringe filled with about a liter of dubious green fluid, etc… a small gold book with red wrighing on it, caught her attention. Titled, "Immortal's guide to the multiverse" she immediatly thought of Dipper, but soon realised that the handwriting was too small and messy for even the most experienced code breaker to decifer. He procured a lighter and proceeded to teach her how to smoke the pretsle sticks warning her not to inhale but rather fill her cheecks with smoke for the asthetic alone. She later asked how he kept all his hair in his hat. He then removed it reached inside and pulled out a gold ignot. "Portals" came his reply. She asked, "Dude how much gold do you have in there?"

"Only a couple… trillion bars"

"Dude! You ever try to build something with them?" the two pondered the thought for a minute before going down to the mystery shack and asking the new owner if they could build a fighting ring in the empty lot they set the circus up in every year. He readily agreed hoping his eager attempt at making money would make Stan proud. By night fall all the peices were in place and Wendy had already announced to the town folk not only what they'd built but who they intended to compete. At about this time Stan and Ford had docked their ship and were trying to unload their findings at the shack when Stan found Soos selling tickets. "Hey! Soos keeping up the tradition of selling new attractions to people I see. What you got there?"

Soos replied by bowing quickly and frantically first saying, "the founder" and then as if realising the situation he'd put himself in quickly bounced back up and said, "Uh I mean, the dude in the suit and hat with the mic and Wendy showed up today and asked to build a ring so's two dudes can fight for money… is that Ok sir?" after a breif silence Stan began to slowly step towards him speaking between each ever loudening step, "...So, you're telling me you gave the Ok, to build an illegal fighting ring on my property for money?!" at this point Soos was wimpering and cowering in his shadow. "That sounds exactly like something I'd do!"

"Good to know my name was in such good hands while I was away!" Ford quickly shouted, "Shut it, Poindexter! This is the best thing an ex-manager could ever hope to see, that the next generation is just as bad as his" he finished by hugging Soos which turned his mood on its proverbial head, as his joy of his dream of the closest thing he had to a father (which is actually kind of sad) gave him the affection he always wanted, overshadowed his fear for his former employer. After the MC announced the two contenders, oh wait, "In this corner, weighing in at two hundred thirty-six point four one pounds, It's Manly Dan! And in the other corner weighing in at… nevermind he broke the scale, everybody give a warm welcome to~" his voice trailed off as the thundering footsteps came louder and louder before the trees parted and there stood "The Manotaur!" the contender entered the ring and he shouted, "LLLLLLet's get ready to rumblllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!" before handing over the mic to Wendy taking a step aside and supporting himself on a tree as he caught his breath, then fell asleep. Stan excitedly rushed over and began taking people's bets as Wendy took a seat behind a booth later joined by Soos as they were to give the play by play. After Stan finished handing out tickets to people who bet on the fight he too took a seat at the booth, which was also gold, and talked along with them reporting the bets live to the two contenders just before the first bell rang, "90% of people bet on Dan losing, Prove them wrong Dan!" *Ding*

W: looks like Dan's going for the first strike

S: doesn't look like it hurt him though

GS: of course it did! We believe in you Dan!

W: looks like the Manotaurs swings though strong aren't fast enough to hit Dan

S: But will Dan be able to out manuver them until The Manotar get's tired?

"Manotaur never tires!"

W: looks like The Manotaur is confident in his victory but if ninty percent of people voted Manotaur even if he wins that won't be much money back if you count the vig.

(a loud boo was heard in the audience)

GS: Hey! If I don't charge you to bet, I'm robbing you of the real gambling experience.

(drinks and food were thrown at the booth but didn't seem to stick and everyone got back to the fight as)

W: Woah! Dan and the Manotaur both punched each other right in the teeth looks like somebody's going down.

GS: come on Manotaur!

S: aw dude, don't tell me you bet on the fight.

W: looks like our MC is back up and ready to give us a ten count

MC: one, two, three

W: and Dan's back up

MC: four, five, six, seven

W: and the Manotaur is back up *Ding* looks like this round is over I can't wait to see how this fight ends

After a brief intermission in which their MC stlpit into two versions of himself and coached the both of them, riled them up and got them excited to continue before pulling himself back together and joining the anouncers in the booth *Ding*

W: Manotaur seems to be going on the defencive this round

MC: I talked strategy with the both of them from what I can tell they're both really strong and really tough but as the saying goes "the bigger they are the harder they fall" and they're falling on gold.

GS: Yes go Dan!

S: Dan came right out of left feild with that move who'd a thought anyone could suplex someone that much bigger than them

MC: Jusat a sec

He ran back out onto the ring and began counting, got to three before the Manotaur got back up but he was dizy, he walked right up to him asked off mic if he was fine, if he wanted to conceed. He just pushed him a side and roared.

MC: he's fine!

W: looks like Manotaur's not giving up even if he's wabling about more

MC: Don't like the looks of that grin though I'm going from MC to reffery

He cast aside his blazer and collared shirt to reveal a striped black and white shirt. Lucky he didn't have to change out of his black pants.

W: looks like Manotaur is going for a body slam

GS: DAN!

W:oh, He'll be feeling that in the morning.

S: looks like the reff is breaking them up

W: looks like we should of had him fight the manotaur

R: that's harldy fair I'd win no contest.

As he spoke he lifted the Manotaur with ease and set him to the side as he began his ten count that last fall had knocked the Manotaur unconcious but unless Dan could get up it would be a tie. The croud joined in and everyone began chanting as he lifted himself up and stood on one foot as the croud reached nine despite the loss of money everyone cheered and he was admitted into the hospital almost forcefully over his sprained ancle.

AN: I really do need the money I don't want to fall into student loan debt, get me work. And in case you didn't know MC means Master of Cerimonies


	13. Ch 13: You asked for it

Chapter 13: you asked for it...

YrooXrksvi618 #4. Mabel spills love potion on herself and Dipper by accident and the two need to find out how to reverse the spell.

AN: this is going to be very difficult for me to write. Because I have siblings and this will be unendingly weird for me no matter how I look at it. No "Immagine it's Aki Sora" no "Immagine it's kiss x sis" those were weird too even if the guy in kiss x sis ended up with the teacher. So if you feel this chapter is a bit forced that's because it is. Also back on the journal entries for no particular reason

(Dipper's journal)

Saturday, December 1

My friends came over today, Shepherd is still somehow in both denial and deep hidden depression after his ex-ghosted him. He hides it so well you'd think he was just giving everyone a break from his stupidity. But no he's not nearly that kind. Anny found Mabel's box of secrets and began snooping. She found a nearly empty bottle with remnants of a pink glittery substance. But too fluid to be glitter. Mabel soon caught on and tried to wrestle the bottle away from me shouting about it being dangerous before the final remnants of that particular caper came and matched her up with the last one guy her age who wasn't even on the list, me… Immediately wishing we didn't have any anti-love potion and now increasingly conflicted thoughts flooded clashed and horrified me to the core I can only imagine what she's going through as I realise my resolve is stronger as her arms slowly raise and she tries to hug me. Our friends Immediately jump on the chance to make fun of our newfound closeness. Shepherd seems to have opened the floodgates on his reservoir on terrible comedy, so much so that Mabel realises me looks at her self and steels herself against the potion's effects. His jokes however numerous clever and hurtful were short lived as he burned out and sat quietly in the corner watching videos on out wifi as the rest of our "friends" rode his jokes to death when they finally realised that they'd drawn blood from the dead horse they were beating they stopped and went home. Shepherd apologised and said he needed to vent pent up frustration over a depression that had plagued him all his life and only left when he was, however briefly, as he said "with the only person who's ever made me genuinely happy" but regardless his assault on us had broken us apart and for that at least I was grateful. Even if it was hurtful. It seemed that depression was the opposite of love, but with an optimist like Mabel that only proved to worry me… hey, Shepherd left his tickets to see love god backstage… obvious solution found! As soon as I pry Mabel off.

Sunday, December 2

Woke up this morning wrapped in a warm embrace. Still half asleep I returned the affection. A second later I woke up the rest of the way and wrestling those same thoughts I had yesterday, I remembered the mockery and repeated some of it back to Mabel starting by saying, ""remember that time when…?" and slowly but surely she let go I made sure to stop then and there lest she cry. The day ahead of them was a confusing one. For once they decided to go to the libary if nothing else to bore themselves out of any kind of magically induced feelings for each other when they were leaving, however, they saw a familiar friend sitting in front of the church across the street from the libary playing the guitar with his hat off upside down and next to him. I quickly rushed up to him, "Hey play us something depressing" a gentle high pitched melody began and he began singing, "Hello Darkness my old friend" he then looks obviously close look at his sheet music and gave up on finger style altogether and just played the chords which still worked. Either way that would have tied us down un til the concert alone but after "the sound of silence" he began a cheerful sounding tune and sang,

"what do you get when you fall in love?

A diamond pin to burst your bubble

That's what you get for all your trouble

I'll never fall in love again"

So I left a dollar in his hat and Mabel cried. We were about to leave when he said, "wait for you haven't heard 'American Pie' yet." we said we were going to a concert he just smiled and waved us off. As we were leaving he began "Arkansas traveler". When we got to the concert we rushed to back stage and frantically explained the situation to our cupid acquaintance. He didn't believe us though. We wandered about the concert mall and found someone who looked somehow familiar but also completely different, must have been the hat. When I asked his name he said he didn't have one. I asked if he knew Wendy he asked why else he would be at a concert featuring someone who calls themselves "love god" so I dragged him back stage and told the oversized cupid that he was a living lie detector and re explained our situation. Before the effects of those songs, I'd purposely gotten stuck in my head was drowned out by the potion's effects. Our new friend Hot Wings got into an argument with him over morality Propriety and the ethics of calling yourself God. they got into an actual fight until he drew his sword and it happened to catch fire. The cupid almost immediately bowed and frantically apologised before giving up the anti-love potion. He later put the sword back and said, "And no, I'm not the Angel who was assigned to guard Eden I'd never leave my post no matter how deep beneath the ocean it is."

AN: is thirteen your lucky number? Cause as of now it's definitely not mine. And yeah, this is the only way I saw this story happening. If you want to feel more immersed in my stories I recommend listening to a playlist of Marceline's songs and waiting until the next day to finish reading with a cup of coffee on hand. Get me work.


	14. Ch 14: Gender bend magic?

Chapter 14: Gender bend magic?

YrooXrksvi618 #5. Mabel writes about a recent adventure. She was upset that she doesn't have anyone to do makeovers with and wishes she had a sister. Unfortunately, her wish is granted and Dipper turns into a girl. Mabel finds out about Dipper's situation, but she doesn't want him to turn back. Also, Stan teases him relentlessly.

AN: Alright I have no idea how to even begin with this so I'm just going to start writing a convoluted plot until a clear idea appears… but first more coffee

Freaking December 23

We came back to Gravity Falls for Christmas cause Gruncle Stan wanted Gruncle Ford to be with family for all the first major holidays of his first year back. According to Gruncle Stan, Everyone can stay where they usually did. mum and dad get to stay in Gruncle Ford's secret libary basement after he donated all his books to the local college, but not before scanning every page and putting them on his computer. I'm so excited to be back I can't sleep but everyone else is asleep. At least I can stay up and talk while I'm writing in my diary now. I really wish I had a sister to stay up late and do makeovers with.

Ok so I'm writing this a few minutes after it happened, I'm still not sure if it actually happened or if it was just a dream, but a beautiful man in a suit, with a shining glow all around him like he was an angel, showed up in my window and said, "Is that truly your heart's desire?" I didn't know what to say so I just stared at him, his beautiful blue eyes, his shining white hair, the flowing black clothes that were somehow darker than the night around him, until he cleared his throat and said, "I don't have all night, out with it. Did you speak your heart's desire or just expressed your wishful thinking?"

"Can you really grant my wish?" I asked not thinking. "Then it is done. Farewell and may we never meet again"

"Wait what?" but in a blink, he was gone the room was dark and the light refused to turn on. I guess I'll see if it worked in the morning.

Monday, December 24

Dipper went to the bathroom this morning and came back looking terrified. I didn't think Wendy'd find out we were back so soon but when I asked she shook his head and in a higher pitch than normal said. "That's not the problem" I tried to remember what happened last night and even checked my diary. That brought a smile to my face in no time. I soon told everyone and Dipper was so mad. Gruncle Ford even did a DNA test and found out that he was a girl. I squealed and when I came up for air Dipper was gone. I called Wendy and Told her about what happened and she came running, or maybe I should say flying. There I met two cool friends. I told them what had happened. Then I thought about it harder and ripped Hot Wings' hat off but his hair is black and gets slightly lighter as it goes down almost red at the end. I asked if he was the white haired guy I met the night before he said, "I don't do instant gratification, and I haven't had white hair for three hundred years."

"Yeah… and the guy I met didn't have any facial hair" I thought about it for a bit and he said, "Angels don't do instant gratification, I myself was born human and am currently, regrettably, still alive but even I know that what one wants and what one needs are almost always polar opposites"

"Huh?"

"You didn't meet an angel looking to grant some childish wish, though I do know of someone that masquerades as one to lure in the gullible and the weak, one who always gives you what you want in the worst possible way."

"Who?" I asked, but he fell asleep. Doesn't really matter I got a sister! Too bad Dipper had to be listening, he grabbed him and started shaking him "who did this to me!?" that one line was repeated so many times everyone in the shack came to watch. When he did wake up he shoved Dipper away and melted into the ground. ~Only Wendy seemed unfazed that is until she realised, "aw dang! He was my ride. Now I have to walk home… oh well," she finished with a shrug. Enter Grunkle Stan "Well, Dipper's a girl, looks like another Identical twin to me"

"Yeah! Let's call him Mabel two!"

"Or Donna"

"Or Tracy"

"Or Dipher, hey you hear that Dipher you're finally justified for being so weak" Wendy gave him a look that immediately made him regret saying that as his laughter petered out and he awkwardly exited stage left. Dipper quickly lept on Wendy and said, "Do you know where he went? I have to find out who did this to me!" she quickly produced a paper with almost illegible handwriting, a cross between cursive and script, which seemed to say, "what good is it to find the guilty if you can't amend the transgression" Wendy then asked if he could read it and said she'd been trying to figure it out all morning. Dipper read it though and got mad Gruncle Ford was there too, "From his description, I think I know who did this to you, but if I'm right then so is he, knowing doesn't help and there's only one way to reverse this"

"HOW!?"

"Either make him regret turning you into a girl by taking the fun out of it or find someone powerful enough to reverse it"

"How hard is it to find someone who can reverse this?"

"About as hard as finding someone who can teleport"

"I knew he could help me"

"Dude, don't know how to break it to you but Hot Wings is kinda lazy and peer pressure doesn't work on him. You might wanna try the first option"

"How hard could that be?"

"Seeing as he was trying to mess with you, as who I think it is, tends to like doing, he probably won't undo this until you start enjoying your new… you"

"Looks like I have no choice, I have to bug Hot Wings until he agrees to help me" just then we heard laughing in the next we got there we found that Hot Wings had challenged Gruncle Stan to see who could drink more and were both already drunk, flammably drunk, but that kinda makes sense when you take the pile of empty kegs into account. "Hey, you know what would be great right now? More booze." Wendy rushed over and caught the staggering man before he face planted on a table that seemed to be made of more kegs but crushed. Grunkle Stan then said, "Man I've had some strong drinks in my day but that definitely cakes the take… and You… you just kept drinking, drive safe." he shouted before trying to stick his car key in the door knob. "Well… this guy's not gonna be any help to us at all right now, I'm just gonna go, drag him back into his coffin good luck girl Dipper" my phone was already out and I was already texting Grenda and Candy about a sleepover with the new and improved Dipper.

AN: Just think of the guy Mabel met as the Gravity Falls equivalent of Magic man where the person has to learn some twisted lesson before returning to normal. Or you could go with a sober up ending where my OC Returns after a few days and while Dipper's not really enjoying it he's reluctantly getting used to it and my OC uses his combined knowledge of telekinesis and genetics to rearrange all of Dipper at once in a painful yet effective spectacle. Yeah, I'm just going to end it like that. Whichever ending you like better, go with that. I couldn't decide which ending I liked better so I thought Why not both? Get me Work.

Also, I don't know if I mentioned it but when I write I tend to write from midnight to about three AM. I might have also forgotten to mention that I work at home and currently lack wifi at home. so last minute suggestions will be taken into account later and I'll revise it when I'm super bored, totally ok with you promoting my story to other people though. and to whom it may concern I am a man.


	15. Ch 14n'ahalf : Dipher Shorts

Chapter 14½: Dipher shorts

* * *

We interrupt your regularly scheduled chapter to bring you something I thought up while playing bad time simulator.

* * *

we're crashing

Dip _her_ was sitting in the corner of the room while Mabel and friends gushed over the latest boy band. Suddenly the shadow of a winged figure is cast through the window and dip _her_ notices, "It's the guy that gave me a reverse penis!"(sorry couldn't resist)

"No just me" the usual uninterested look ever present on the almost angelic man's face. Almost unnoticed were two plaid clad arms draped about his neck. "Hey guys"

"Wendy! How'd you know we were having a sleepover?"

"I told Hot WIngs I was bored and that I wanted to go to a party, He asked me if a child's sleepover counted"

"How did he know?"

"I can see through walls, see things that are very far away, read minds… oh yeah, and you are by no means quiet."

"You heard us?"

"I heard you" (In case that wasn't clear, Mabel asked questions, Hot Wings answered once)

"Sorry"

"Don't be it helped us find you and with us here the party'll probably get a whole lot louder." Dip _her_ chimed in, "Let's get this terrible party started" Hot Wings cracked a smile and procured his phone. He proceeded to play the nsp classic "Let's get this terrible party started" Dip _her_ groaned and everyone else laughed. It was looking to be one hell of a Tuesday night

* * *

Wolowizard #1 Pool Adventures (Hope you don't mind I slightly altered the suggestion because though I never resolved the plot as to how Dipper regains his manhood [please don't think the other meaning] I also never overstepped the boundary of December by my brief Calculations at 23:43 at night Winter break ends on January 7 and they have until then to resolve it. That being said I have that many days in which to fit your suggestions into. In my mind this last bit and this next one happened on the same day I also just realised that that day is Christmas. Also if I alter it to a hot spring then Dipper not only has to deal with being seen in a girl's bathing suit, regardless of justice [flat is justice] now he has to deal with the possibility of not only bathing with girls but the possibility of mixed bathing. Let the weirdness and last minute explanation [that I really should have led with] be laid bare)

Dip'er and Mabel wore noticeably different expressions. Dipher was mortified, he… she seemed like she was holding in the biggest fart ever and wanted very badly not to look bad in front of Wendy. Mabel, however, had a smile that challenged even the happiest of men after a successful proposal. Though the hint of something sinister still lurked deep within her features. Hidden so well to the untrained eye it seemed as though she had backslid into her smile dip fueled daze. But her smile was for more than one reason. "Mabel why do we have to go swimming in December?" her cheeky grin cracked wider as she opened her mouth to talk, "I remember Gruncle Ford once talking about a secret hot spring. Gruncle Stan remembers too that's why he sent us to go check it out. It's not that far from the shack so it's technically on Mystery Shack property and You know him. 'If I own it I'm making money off it'. "

"But why do we have to go?" he said Gesturing to Wendy, who was only really there to see if Dipper was really a her under there. Candy and Grenda who were there already for a sleepover. Stan and Hot Wings who tagged along for fun, and to a lesser extent to protect the girls from peeping Toms. And a very Confused Pacifica who didn't know what was going on. They arrived at the entrance of a cave and upon entering instantly felt a change in temperature and humidity. Wendy Quickly consulted Hot Wings and he quickly pulled out a piece of parchment and a pen. After scribbling on it for a second or two, he gave it an approving nod and she snatched it out of his hands and led them deeper into the cave system. The parchment itself was a hastily drawn map that guided them to a massive pool of hot water almost encompassed by stone walls. Stalactites and Stalagmites (I don't remember which is the ones on the floor) were used to hang their clothes as they disrobed to enter the welcome embrace of a warm bath on a cold Winter's day. Wendy was the first to enter and the sounds of ecstasy as she relaxed beckoned the others in. but, Dipher was now more horrified than ever. He quickly made a hasty excuse, "Um… I'mma just go hang out with the guys "

"Why? You think two guys hanging out with a girl who used to be a guy is going to be any more comfortable than a guy with lady parts hanging out with other girls? Dude! They're probably naked right now. Stan's definitely naked, maybe drunk too." as Wendy finished she swam up to him and he shied away but she quickly reached into her pants and pulled out a flask. "Or do you need some liquid courage to come join us?" she (Dipher) quickly contemplated the worst things that could happen. She either saw both Stan and Hot Wings naked or was forced into some terrible decisions by a bunch of girls who would probably give him a makeover while inebriated. He then began to reluctantly strip with her back turned. And even entered backwards so as not to give anything away but Wendy was close enough to see that he was, in fact, a she. Wendy raised the flask and drank feeling her mission had been accomplished. A moment later a deep echoing voice resounded, "Wendy have you seen my flask?"

"No!"

"But I heard you say liquid courage and you know I can see through walls. You even have the map to prove it."

"Fine, fine." she got out and walked over to the edge of the wall where a black sleeve arm was held hand open as she gave him back his drink. "You didn't drink any of this did you?"

"Why?"

"Cause this is pure alcohol."

"Aw crap."

"You didn't."

"Just a sip."

"A sip?"

"Maybe a swig"

"You Ok?"

"I'm fine I'm fine"

"Alright then… don't do anything you'll regret."

"I won't" she walked back to the water and when she turned around so too did dipher. Knowing she'd been staring and the sudden mix of pure alcohol into her bloodstream. Wendy decided to mess with him. So she slipped back into the water with barely a wave and slid up to Dipher, wrapped her arm around her and sat her down in her lap. Panik immediately filled her but before she could protest Wendy quickly said, "you guys think he makes a cute girl?" almost on cue everyone else crowded him and assaulted him with an avalanche of confusion. He cursed his body for being filled with the wrong hormone as his mind told him he was in the embrace of his dream girl his body shouted in protest, were all girls what will you do? His tiny adolescent psyche hadn't been exposed to as much as he thought, and he couldn't for the life of him find a way to enjoy his position. A good while passed and making fun of her was no longer fun everyone had moved on to explore the water, the end was clear but the depths weren't. Wendy, however, refused to let go, she'd grown comfortable enough to fall asleep and Dipher couldn't help but feel increasingly uncomfortable as realisation sunk in she figured she wasn't in her right mind and didn't want to find out how to make two girls work rather she wanted to help her keep her word and abstain from doing something she'd regret. But knowing this she decided that she needed time to think about her next cause of action. And where better to think than in Wendy's limp embrace.

Later everyone left relaxed and refreshed. Wendy had sobered up somewhat and dealt with a slight headache not really from the strongest drink ever, but from knowing exactly what happened and remembering the line written on the underside of the flask she'd drunk from, "Alcohol doesn't make you do anything you didn't already want to do." She was still staggering and using Hot Wings as a crutch but was too tough to stay down long. She looked ahead to the boy er girl who'd been gingerly pressed up to her breast, not by his actions but her own and the age gap seemed like nothing as she thought about how many times her currently Drinking friend, who'd admonished her against the actions she took, outlived her.

* * *

why?

YrooXrksvi618 #21 Stan and Ford need to clean the Stan Of War II, so they have Dipper and Mabel help.

Mabel and the real disco girl were mopping the decks and cleaning the windows when a long groan escaped Dipher's lips "What?" Mabel asked curiously. "Is this really necessary?"

"Well they did come back in a ship covered in inky blood and squid brains they're old they could hurt themselves trying to clean up this mess"

"Not that..." a smile crept across her face, "what is it?" she almost sang as she tossed a huge eye overboard and onto some poor unfortunate jet skier. She didn't apologise as she kept her gaze transfixed on Dipher's face she stuttered a bit before giving up on trying to explain around the issue and bluntly shouted, "WERE THE MAID OUTFITS REALLY NECESSARY?" completely disregarding the red water on deck she laughed unbelievably loud. Slipping she began sliding about the deck still laughing in her now red and black lace dress. The blood on Dipher's face did nothing to hide the blush that slowly overtook all the colour there was in her face. Stan and Ford watched from the dock drinks in hand as they watched the twins fighting on deck their grisly task overshadowed by a frilly dress. "I felt bad at first but looks like they're having fun," Ford remarked, "Told you the maid outfits were a good idea" their drinks clinked and they drank as Dipher and Mabel had a half play half war with the cleaning supplies that finished the job way faster than they'd expected. Until Stan shouted, "Don't forget the inside!" the twins opened the door expecting the inside to be easier when they were assaulted by the stench of an egg that had disappeared one day at sea and had never been fully disposed of.

* * *

Makeover?

YrooXrksvi618 #22 Mabel decides to try and give Dipper a makeover, but he refuses, and then she keeps trying, again and again, to let her do it.

Candy and Grenda patrolled around the shack. Thundering footsteps, swishing shadows and a name being called "Dipper, come out come out wherever you are." every crevice was being searched every door opened every vent opened and closed. As dipher hid in a well-hung chandelier he'd never noticed before… stan must have stolen it from Pacifica's house when she lost everything her family ever owned. "You know we'll find you eventually Dipper." every muscle in her body stiffened as she made extra careful not to jingle the surprisingly noisy chandelier. Every second a burning eternity every breath made a noise. Every noise terrified her. "Dipher, O was going to be nice and only do your makeup, but every hour we have to search is another decoration on the sparkling dress we're going to put you in and we asked Wendy to help find you. She'll be here any second now, and you know that if we can't find you, she will." she froze. Contemplating whether she should turn herself in and accept a plea deal with her relentless sister or face the best huntress she'd ever known as her sister humiliated her in front of her. Before she could make her decision through a familiar covered face came clearly into view. "What are you doing up here" shocked and rattled Dipher felt that she'd been found out all too late when the winged man exploded into a red cloud of smoke that cleared to reveal a smaller but still enigmatic Hot Wings, "this entire structure is made of hard jagged crystal you see that right?" he began fluttering about her head and landed on one of her shoulders. "If something went arie you could get seriously injured." he quickly hopped over to the other shoulder and began vocalising his internal turmoil, "but you can't just go down there and let them dress you as a girl, whether or not you are now you have to hold onto your dignity, your self-respect."

"Don't listen to him, every moment you spend up here Mabel's search becomes shorter and shorter, the chain suspending you gets weaker and weaker at least if you run now you can go hide in the UFO Ford showed you that one time."

"No, stay If just one of those girls comes through either door you've got nowhere to run to and not enough muscle strength or endurance to run far if caught"

"There's an air vent right there"

"You'll never make that jump"the pressure building up for her had reached its limit and in a second she was lifted up by a familiar plaid clad arm and a single word slipped from her smiling lips, "Gotcha." a mix of unimaginable dread and somewhat uncalled for relief washed over her as she reluctantly accepted her fate.

* * *

um...

YrooXrksvi618 #23 Dipper is still upset by all this, so Stan tries to do some good old fashioned bonding. However, then Dipper goes off with Ford to work in the lab and play Dungeons, Dungeons and more Dungeons. So the Stan twins keep competing for their nephew-turned-niece's time and approval. At the end, they split the difference, and both spend time with him at once. At the end, after putting Dipper to bed, Mabel confronts the Stan twins about how they forgot about her, and she wants to do something like that the next day. The closing joke is Stan asking Ford for an aspirin.

A very tired looking twin saunters down the hall to get breakfast. Slowly pouring cereal the less than happy Dipher lazily poured in the milk looking more like a zombie than a teen with her entire life ahead of her. Stan felt a bit responsible as he'd been cracking fun relentlessly the maid outfit was less than kind. So he made an effort to make her feel better, "you wanna go fishing? I know It's sort of an old man thing to do, but still a man thing."

"Gee thanks, Gruncle Stan but I'm not really feeling up to it..." she slowly lumbered away cereal in hand and trudging drearily along. He soon after heard the distinct sound of dice clacking across a stone ground followed by cheers. If he hadn't been standing by the air vent he wouldn't have believed it. They'd only just woken up and the nerds were already doing their nerd thing… at nine in the morning. He felt a sharp pain in the feels. he was jealous, plain and simple. He'd only just offered to spend time with her and she rejected him to hang out with his nerdy brother. Twas then that he'd silently challenged his brother to a fight for their now niece's love.

Later as Dip'er emerged from a long strenuous battle against his Gruncle Ford they were leaving to scavenge parts from the UFO again when Gruncle Stan Stepped in front of them and said, "hey Dipper, I noticed you were sad this morning so I went down to the Summerween super store and stole all their hard candy and got a collectors box set of Ducktective we could watch"

"Sorry Stan but we were about to"

"I'm in" Stan smiled as Ford stood dumbfounded how could watching a dumb show be more fun than doing things out in the real world. Ford wondered. Twas then that he'd silently challenged his brother to a fight for their now niece's love. So Dip'er sat in Stan's chair with a big bowl of old butterscotch and candy corns watching a duck solve crimes. Ford pulled from his coat a brand new red journal with the gold six fingered hand centred and obvious with a big black four in the middle of said hand. "Dipper. How'd you like to read my journal from our latest trip to the seas? I'll be sure to let you write in an interview with the author at the end so be sure to remember any questions I might have left unanswered."

"I'd love to," she said, almost forgetting the complete lack of business in her pants area. There she sat reading and watching at the same time. The Stan brothers shared a knowing glance and though unspoken their fight for her attention was apparent. Knowing they were too old to be getting into petty fights over stupid like their shared humiliation in the Pines Wrong series, as Mabel liked to call it, they were going to share Dip'er's time. An unspoken truce in a smiling nod they shared almost signalled them to stand and sit to either side of the girl they never thought they'd fight over. Dip'er didn't take immediate notice just kept reading when the show dragged its feet and laughed when a joke tore his eyes away from his studies. There they spent the rest of the day until both brothers tucked her in, bade good night and were greeted by a certain unhappy matchmaker. "Aren't you forgetting someone?" Mabel almost yelled her usual smile sat inverted as the Stans tried to procure excuses "she looked tired"

"She looked sad"

"She must feel terrible adjusting to-" she cut them off raising an arm with a shout and said, "no excuses" Ford unwittingly asked for a way to reconcile and her act died as he happily chirped, "Great! Tomorrow we'll spend the day together." only then had the brothers realised how tired they were fighting over the less energetic twin. They winced at the prospect of having to do what the other wanted for a day. Already feeling the pain Stan turned to Ford and said, "you got an aspirin?"

* * *

Oh, boi...

YrooXrksvi618 #25. Dipper and Mabel's parents confront Hot Wings.

In the Mystery Shack's living room sat two less than happy adults and one sleeping drunk in a coffin across from them. Wendy opened the box and let the light of the day hit him right in the face. Rather than burst into flames, he raised his hand in protest to the suns rays hitting his already protected eyes. The older gentleman beside his wife cleared his throat and the man in the box woke up though reluctantly. Stretched out his tired limbs within the confines of his velvet death bed. "For a thousand years I lay dormant. Who has disturbed my slumber?" (I don't know the parent's names so I'll treat them as if they were teachers reprimanding the profane grandpa for being a bad influence) "Mr and Mrs Pines, you know our children Dipper and Mabel Pines."

"Yes?"

"We heard that you could put Dipper back to normal and were wondering how long you planned to drink for"

"Why would you need to know that?"

"It has come to our attention that you can put Dipper back to normal but not while you're drunk"

"Because rearranging someone's DNA is easy but rearranging their delicate organs is another matter entirely"

"Wait what?"

"All I would need is a y chromosome from Dipper's dad here and I can fix his DNA his organs however probably need a bit more convincing and as easy as it would be for me to just open my book and know what needs to be done knowing is half the battle and my concentration has been down since I got here. Not only are your alcoholic drinks weak but your coffee has barely any caffeine either, and I didn't bring any with me"

"So? What does that mean?"

"It means I couldn't help you if I was sober, seriously your espresso is like creamer to me."

"So what we should just learn to live with this?

"It really is more Dipper's decision."

"He'll be made fun of relentlessly you have no idea how cruel kids can be"

"I have a twenty five-year-old son at home who never grew up"

"..."

"What?"

"You don't seem all that old"

"Time works differently where I come from, four months here is a week to me. But he is twenty-five in my time."

"Were you a teen when you had him?"

"I don't know I think I lost count at about my 1500th birthday"

"... so you're a vampire"

"Only for the last few decades, and no, only a few people live to be as old as I did naturally in my world"

"How?"

"TLDR" he began drinking and didn't stop until the flask was empty then he fell asleep and the Pine's parents were none too pleased with their "progress" if you could even call it that. It seemed they'd have to wait for Dip'er to learn her lesson.

* * *

Here come dat girl

YrooXrksvi618 #28. Dipper is upset because some kids at school start calling him names for becoming a her. Mabel threatens the bullies.

I was originally going to put this off for a while but you seemed so sure of yourself I couldn't resist.

(Wendy's Journal)

Wednesday, December 27

Stan decided to throw a second Christmas Party today because some dumb show that completely misinterprets the original had some kinda gag about today being Second Christmas. Hot Wings Later told me that Second Christmas Is Actually July twenty-fifth and that it should be called first Christmas because it comes first in the year. Stan overheard and I think he sat him in front of a computer screen with the ninth episode of none piece on it. Stan related to Don Cringle and I had no idea what was going on and honestly didn't want to find out. After watching the video Stan said he'd throw another party on July twenty fifth for the adults cause that video was not Ok for kids. Comming from someone who recommended a story about a guy giving his best friend a beej to children, that was not Ok. Stan asked Hot Wings to be the bouncer cause all he'd have to do is stand and look intimidating which isn't that hard for a guy who wears a sword. Anyone who bought a ticket got in anyone who couldn't, was too scared to sneak in. the only problem was that, even though Pacifica no longer has any money or respect, and her friends were rich brats, to begin with. They paid more attention to the people they hated than they let on. And even though Pacifica wasn't their leader anymore, they seemed to hold a grudge on the pines anyway because they liked her more when she was rich or something I don't really care and Hot Wings told me what they were thinking after the party cause I wanted to punch Pacifica for putting them up to this and he stopped me.

But yeah her friends surrounded Dipper and started harassing him cause he lost, what Hot Wings likes to call, His dangly bits. It sucks, even more, knowing the full story now as I'm writing it cause when I first saw it happening through the window I saw Pacifica talk to him and then he got mad and started running away. I later learned that she was apologising for her old friends who miss the condescending, deceitful, sociopathic girl they'd once followed. They thought doing something about it now would help prevent her from losing her money in the past. That last part confused me and when I asked him to explain he called them idiots. Mabel ran out from the middle of the crowd and started shouting loud enough for me to hear from outside, "You should be ashamed of yourselves! Who picks on someone with no control over their situation! It would be like making fun of Pacifica for losing all her money! She didn't do it but it's gone now and that's what you're doing to Dipper? Not Cool!" then she ran after Dipper, and Pacifica was the only one who looked sad. I asked Hot Wings to cover for me. I barely opened the door when he asked Johny to cover for him. So I walked right up to her and her "friends" ran away, probably because I looked pissed, and I was. I walked right up to her asked her why she made him cry and when she denied it Hot Wings Jumped in front of my fist and took the hit. It was like punching a truck, probably the armour. He told me in a breath, "she;s telling the truth" and walked away. That was the most confusing rage I ever felt. I knew in my head that he could read minds and that he has no reason to lie to me, but at the same time I saw him run after she talked to him then he said something else, "and if she was responsible for his leave why did she stay" that made me even more confused. Did she not know that her actions had consequences or did she feel guilty for Dipper running away like that I didn't have to wonder long cause Dipper came back and hugged Pacifica, I think he thanked her for her apology too but I was still mad at those other girls but they were already driving away as the sound of screeching tires filled the air. Hot Wings grabbed my trembling fist and fit himself in the face with it. I was surprised when he did that but more surprised that some of my energy went into that and he spat out a very pointy tooth before saying, "Breaking something always makes me feel better, whether it's a few plates on a shooting range or the bones of whoever's closest at the time, usually the spirits of a nation though." we'll need to talk more about that last one later.

* * *

part two I guess

he suggested that Dip-her runs in the front door, slams it shut, slides down and sits against the door and starts to cry, and Mabel, Stan, Ford, Soos and Wendy come in, and ask her what's wrong. She says that some kids in town had started to bully and harass her for becoming a her. (My friend said that maybe the bullies shouldn't just call names. He, unfortunately, was right.) Apparently, they confronted and started to harass her with some insults, catcalls, and verbal abuse. So, while the others talk to and comfort her, Wendy decides to go with Stan, Ford, and Mabel to threaten those kids. (My friend said that Mabel wouldn't be able to be much of a threat without some help. He was right. I lost 5 dollars on that bet. Don't ask.)

Running through the woods Dip'er weaved through familiar trees jumping snow covered logs and greatly distancing herself from her tormentors yet still their insults rang through the forest, "which do you like better sitting down or standing up?"

"Do you wear makeup now or just show that ugly mug on purpose?"

"Could you be any more of a little girl right now hiding from your problems."

Finally, the Mystery Shack was in sight. No one was inside It was too cold today for most people to be out and about. Rushing inside she slammed the door behind her. Locked it tight and slumped into a frail sobbing mess on the floor. Silently at first then choked sobs forced their way from betwixt her now feminine lips. The noise of the door alone brought in the few previously playing poker in the living room. "Woah what's wrong?" Wendy asked dressed normally except for a fur coat she'd been carrying around recently. Dipher made her best effort to stop crying and deny the problem but her voice cracked before she could even manage a "nothing." Dipher hid her face beneath her hat but Wendy denied her the comfort and revealed her still watering eyes. "That doesn't look like nothing," Mabel said quietly before trying to calmly approach both her and the subject. "You sure you're fine?" Gruncle Stan asked Brandishing a hunting rifle that has sat idle behind the counter before he pulled it out and began cleaning similarly reminded him that people have iron in their blood and that though he'd never advocate violence he never did take away his magnet gun. A voice called out from the next room, "Being surrounded by people is the last thing someone having a breakdown wants. Let her work it out of her system on her own so she doesn't have to deal with knowing you're all watching. If she wants help she'll ask, if she needs help I'll tell you." the room cleared out and she sat in silence waiting for her thoughts to sort themselves out. Later she walked into the living room and silently thanked the suited man for letting him suffer privately for which he said, "play you for the truth" whilst shuffling the cards. "Why would I take that bet?"

"Because deep down you want help but on the surface, you want to maintain your dignity and solve your problems on your own. Either way, you think we should know but don't want to lose face"

"I guess"

"At this point, you're willing to flip a coin but that won't make you talk if it lands on true and will leave you unsatisfied if it lands on secret. So if you're gambling anyway why not poker?"

"Alright fine, but what if I win?"

"I'll try to keep everyone from bogging you"

"I'll take that bet."

"Great two or five cards"

"What?"

"I'm asking would you like me to deal two or five cards?"

"Five I guess..." he continued shuffling the cards and passed Dip'er a hand of five cards and picked up his own five cards. Dipper was dealt a king, queen, jack, ten and nine, all spades and a mix of relief and disappointment filled her. No hand can beat this she though. I won't have to tell them she thought. They won't know how to help me she thought. They won't have to know the truth she thought. She was interrupted from her thoughts when he said, "If you fold I won't count it as a loss, I'll count it as a tie and It'll be completely up to you who you tell." she thought it was funny. Why would anyone fold with this hand she tossed the cards on the table face up "read em and-"

"Four aces and a joker" he interrupted. Stan quickly whispered to Wendy, "you think we should of told him that he never lost a hand he dealt?"

"Nah he's fine" So Dipher explained that while walking around town today when she was finally feeling comfortable enough to leave on her own, Toby Determined popped out of seemingly nowhere and asked how it felt to be a girl now after having spent most of his life a boy. Unfortunately, some of the town's children took it to mean he had a say in the matter and almost immediately started harassing him. Toby swiftly apologised and ran away. He was really only curious but his curiosity seemed to have brought out the worst in unapproving people. Dipher began crying again as fresh thoughts of peoples ignorance flooded into her mind. Almost everyone seemed wholeheartedly supportive of him. Hot Wings was building a house of cards not really listening to what he had to say. Mabel noticed and nudged him. The first two cards he'd been struggling to support o each other fell and he said, "What? I saw the whole thing."

"After everything you just said about leaving her alone when she was crying you're not going to be supportive too?" Mabel near shouted, "To be fair I just met you what support could I offer?"

"Ok but you're helping us find the bullies who did this"

"That's fair" together the group drove through the woods in pursuit of a winged shadow before the man came down and the car skidded to a stop that pushed him into a small round child in winter clothes who in turn fell into a snow bank. "Found one," he said casually as the small boy struggled to get out of his position stuck between two fallen trees and half covered in snow. The rest of him flailed wildly until Soos grabbed him by the legs and pulled him out. He was relieved for all of a second as he was now looking down the business end of a very threatening rifle. The winged man stretched his tired limbs and disappeared into the sky. "I wonder what hurts worse your words or these poisoned bullets that will never heal correctly" Stan all but spat at the frightened fatso. "Who gave you permission to harass an innocent young girl"

"Please don't hurt me I was just fooling around"

"Dude, toying with someone's emotions is never cool" he almost smiled when he saw her, almost, she pulled out her hatchet and started twirling it around as fast as she could manage without injury. Soon after the same winged men who'd led them to this one had came crashing down with the rest of the children who harassed Dipper. Though they didn't know it yet he'd fallen asleep midflight and was not getting up any time soon. Stan and Ford picked up a child each and Wendy pinned the last one under her boot. "Alright listen up and listen good, Dipper didn't ask to be like this and even if he did you have no right to do the things you did. If I ever find out that he's being bullied again I'm coming right to you! got it?" she punctuated her speech by tossing her axe that caught a leaf as it fell. The terrified trouble makers ran away screaming and vowed to be good as They all had themselves a hearty laugh. Mabel even recorded the end and Showed Dipher when they returned. A smile spet across her face and still Hot Wings lies facedown in the snow sleeping.

* * *

Sad and pathetic

YrooXrksvi618 #26. Stan tries to teach Soos and Dipper how to box. So Stan tries to incite trouble by calling Dipper "Wuss-girl." Unfortunately, Dipper takes his insult meant to motivate him as a put-down on the circumstances.

Though the weather outside is frightful beating up your friends is not an ideal way to spend your time. Either way, it was too cold to leave and warm enough inside to accommodate a bit of rough housing. Stan motioned for them to bob and weave shadow boxing and instructing them to move like he was. When they got it down good enough to look at least like they could confuse someone else in hand to hand combat he sparked a sparring match between the gentle giant Soos and the happy to be doing something the least bit manly Dipher. Though Soos was pulling his punches in fear of hurting his friend Dipher was intently firing off ineffective body shots that made Soos involuntarily laugh as another of his punches hit air. Still, Stan and Mabel Cheered. Hoping the reaction would be anger Stan thoughtlessly uttered "You can do better than that wuss girl" but instead she froze and immediately thought that the whole mock bout was just another way to mock her. One of Soos' left hooks caught Dipher off guard and she fell over, "Sorry dude didn't mean to hit you that hard"

"No I'm fine" he simply sat there on the carpet until Stan said, "Sorry didn't think that was such a touchy subject. I was just trying to motivate you."

"How would that be motivational?" she asked to which Stan simply sat beside her and apologised telling him that the appropriate response was to get angry and hit harder he responded by saying, "but this was just a practice fight right? We weren't actually going to try to hurt each other"

"Look at Soos does it look like a real punch from a thirteen-year-old will do any damage?" by the end of the day Soos was rubbing a sore tum.

* * *

Maybill?

YrooXrksvi618 #27. Dipper starts to wonder if Bill was still alive. He tells Mabel, who decides to play a prank on him. (It takes a few days.) She first starts calling him "Pine Tree", and the other Zodiac members by their symbols (StanFez, SoosQuestion mark), then put in contacts that make her eyes look like Bill's. Then start dressing in yellow brick-patterned sweaters. Then put an eyepatch on. Then pretend to "reveal" that Bill took control of her. Dipper is so freaked out, that he calls Ford, Stan and Gideon since they have been the ones to know Bill the most. (Gideon starts teasing him for being a she, but that's beside the point.) So, after Mabill (see what I did there?) "Reveals", it backfires on her, and Gideon and the Grunkles, followed by Soos, Wendy, Candy, McGucket and Grenda, come in and chaos ensues.

All of Stan's photo copies of Ford's journals were given over to Ford shortly after Dipper confessed that Bill had destroyed them all. As it turns out Stan had lost the first copy at some point and made copies of all the journals which Ford recently had bound to red covers with proper ink numbers and filled in the disappearing ink where he remembered it being, and the knowledge was hence passed to Dipper to study. He'd been focussing in on Bill and hurriedly trying to find another way to defeat Bill should he return. Thinking the Zodiacs himself included would be an obvious target and hence, the last resort for if she couldn't figure another way Mabel noticed his constant stressing over a dead triangle and found it funny. So on the first day, she noticed him thinking out loud about Bill she wore her top hat and jokingly reassured him that everything was fine, only taking off the hat when being called on it and after a few days wearing it regardless. Her sweaters also changed from pink to red to orange to yellow still telling Dipher that there was nothing to worry about this becoming more and more routine, she started calling everyone by a name she thought Bill might call them. Entering a room and reading from a list of things Markiplier had said as Wilfred Warfstache. Until the game show host esk speech had become easier and easier to say naturally. Trying her hardest to say everything happily with a word choice that could be easily misinterpreted. One day the yellow slit contacts went in Stan's eye patch was on her face and her sweater was a recreation of the coat rack just outside the Mystery Shack's door. Her nightly renaissance changed to, "'course there's nothin' ta be scared of Pine tree, not like Bills right outside your door."

The next day Mabel was in full MayBill mode she'd even convinced Hot Wings to telekinetically carry her where she wanted to go. He agreed for the fun of messing with people. That is not to say Dipher was unaware of her slow transformation. So she'd gone and woken up at four in the morning to gather up everyone on Gruncle Ford's Kill Bill list, but they were short one whimsical little girl with a flair for the outrageous, to which they substituted one Quentin Trembley. Though Dipher was unwilling to see Gideon again. He also knew the contents of her diary as they slept in the same room and Mabel speaks as she writes… no matter how sensitive the information… anyway, Dipher and Ford along with Stan, Wendy, Robbie, Soos, Candy, McGucket and Grenda, and whoever I forgot because Gideon was the last on Dipher's list, but he's the last one that summoned him, He's the one who has to deal with it. But upon ringing the doorbell Dipher immediately regretted it. "Mabel! If not for your clothes I'd compliment your appearance. But to each his own, or her own" he began to laugh hysterically before apologising between fitts of laughter "I'm sorry*snort* hi am s-ho sohaharry *gasp* I knew it was you I just couldn't resist"

"Your ex turned into the guy that made you dance like a fool in front of the entire town! I already asked Ford if we could replace you with someone else and he said it would be almost impossible to find another demented soul with no life and a history of dark magic."

Gideon stopped laughing at the mention of his beloved "Mabel? Is she Ok?"

"NO! She's been acting more and more like Bill as time went on. I thought she was just kidding at first but then she didn't stop and I think I saw her floating"

"How can I help?"

MaBill had "floated" her way into the centre of the Mystery Shack Gift shop where most of the crew were lying in wait. Hot Wings was brought along in case "Bill's powers" were too much for them to handle. But they had a plan. She was Gently placed down in the room. Visibill to her were Stan, Soos, Dipher Wendy and her friends. Throughout the day she'd been having a telepathic, although one way, conversation with Hot Wings so that her levitation seemed seamless and easy. She gave her mental cue to be raised into the air and declared to her friends and family "I'm back!"

"Now!" Dipher shouted. And all the people hidden in the room sprung out. Ford had preconstructed a net made of leftover unicorn hair to build a BIll proof net just for today… used the last of it too. Still in shock of all the people who'd come together on the spot after her accidental foreshadowing the night before she tried to float out of their reach then the net fell down on her and Hot Wings dropped the telekinesis to keep up the illusion that it was Bill. stifling laughter in the corner as Mabel Struggles to free herself Grenda and Wendy leap in and pin her to the ground. Once Grenda had secured a safe position Wendy got up and joined the circle ford had drawn around the edge of the net so that when it fell it would be visible. He said his chant as they all held hands and nothing happened. He said it again… "It's not real!" Mabel yelled after wriggling an arm free and ripping off the hat She'd gotten as a gift from The prez. in her presence. The Winged man in the corner finally burst out in laughter and couldn't contain himself. The man who could have prevented all this unnecessary worry and trouble kneeling in a corner trying to keep from rolling on the ground as his deep thundering laugh continued to rumble through the air. "You knew!"

"Yeah ha!"

"And you didn't tell us?"

"You were so sure of yourselves *continues laughing and wheezing* and you never asked!" as he laughed the wether turned dark and it began to rain. A little at first but then a torrential downpour. And still, he laughed. Soon enough Mabel looked down at the torn Yellow sweater she'd made and laughed at how pointless it was to trick them when asking the person who could literally watch everyone at once and relay everything in perfect detail. Then Grenda started laughing and quickly everyone laughed at just how scared they were of a simple statue that hadn't moved since they placed it outside and started hanging coats on it. Hot Wings managed to open his mouth a full ninety degrees as he laughed and the room quickly quieted down as everyone was taken by the sight of thousands of needle like teeth that looked far too big to fit in anyone's mouth. When he noticed himself looking at he ceiling despite his seated position he too stopped laughing closed his mouth removed his bandana and smiled with almost normal teeth, "Forgot I could do that" was all he said as his toothy grin of now thirty-two had four very sharp very long canines that almost drew blood from his gums. His smile faded and he put his bandana back on the weather cleared and they yet remained in silence.

* * *

Hunt or bust

YrooXrksvi618 #29. Grunkle Stan tries to hunt down the guy responsible, with help from Soos and Wendy. Unfortunately, they fail, as they pass by the mall, and Stan steals that animatronic badger, finally. Blubs and Durland are in pursuit.

Stan stood in the Mystery Shack doorway equipt for the apocalypse standing to his right, a red haired lumberjill with survivalist skills to outlast Bill's Weird Magedon, to his left a man whose size alone was imposing enough to frighten anyone who wasn't aware of Wendy's strength and skill. The team of three looked around and Stan finally asked, "Wendy, you remembered to invite… what was his name?"

"Hot Wings?"

"Yeah him, what's his name?"

"He doesn't have a name. That's why we call him Hot Wings"

"I'm not calling him that"

"Call him whatever you want he seriously doesn't care."

"I'm a just call him Fancy pants."

"Oh… I just remembered."

"What?"

"He said he was going to the mall to buy something before we left."

"Guy can teleport and see everything, what's taking him so long?"

"Maybe he can't bring stuff when he teleports"

"Then wouldn't he be showing up naked?"

"He can also generate clothes from thin air… and diamonds… and gold… a lot of things actually"

"Then we should probably check on him."

"Yeah..." the trio left the Shack and Showed up at the mall late enough that most of the stores inside were closed or closing. The thought that an immortal with no regard for time could be waiting outside the store until it opens tomorrow was not too far fetched. Especially since as previously mentioned, he doesn't care. So the three split up in search of an alcoholic man dressed for a funeral he caused. Why Stan beelined it for the kid's Pizzeria nobody knew. Soos checked all the bathrooms… all of them… luckily no one was present but still, the cameras caught him. Wendy found him though. He was sitting outside a Wetzel's Pretzels that was closed, but he had himself a bag full of sweetened pretzel bread and a cup filled with what appeared to be half melted red Ice shards with the distinct aroma of 150 proof rum (75% alcohol). She reached into his bag and took a piece of sweet and sour pretzel he'd bought still he slept. So she texted everyone where he was and Stan said to meet back at the car. Soos was close enough and offered to carry his bags. When they got back to the car, however, Stan had forced an animatronic Badger into the backseat and might have tripped the silent alarm. Stan saw the cold drink and asked if he would mind to which Wendy replied, "you're driving. Even if I had no sense of smell I wouldn't let you drink from his cup." he quietly grumbled to himself knowing she had a fair point as everyone piled into the car. Soos in the front seat and Wendy with Hot Wings between her and the Badger. The first turn they took landed him in her lap but at this point, she didn't care anymore. If he started to wake up she'd just put the straw in his mouth and he'd drink himself back to sleep. Like a baby that could easily kill everyone. When he stopped fussing she took a sip of his drink. Again not a good idea. Not the hardest thing she'd drunk and offset by about thirty percent of the red icy liquid preceding the rum. It still would have been like drinking from a Russian's glass after they left to make room for more drink. Twenty-one at Twenty-one be damned. She was soon drunk enough to be making jokes and taking part in Soos' game of I spy "I spy with my little eye something red and blue."

"My face next to his?" she quipped lifting the sleeping man's pale white almost blue face up to her blushing face. "No, I'll give you another clue, I spy something flashing"

"We could be flashing."

"Aw dang, it's the cops!"Officer Blubs and Durland were in hot pursuit. Chasing them down. A bull horn sounded and the peaceful night air erupted with "pull over and give back the Badger or we will open fire." Stan slammed on the emergency brakes causing the officers to crash into this trunk and the officer's airbags deployed. Soos saw it coming but Wendy hi her head against the back of Stan's seat and Stan floored it as they took off for Vegas. Where Stan sold the badger and bought an animatronic bear in a top hat instead. They didn't find the guy… they did, however, lose all of their money except for Hot Wings who slept through the whole thing. And ended up carrying everyone back home after Stan bet the car and lost it but the bear he kept.

* * *

The hat

YrooXrksvi618 #30. Mabel and Dipper go to the mall to get new stuff. Mabel sees a hat that looks like Dipper's Pine Tree one, except it's pink with a heart instead of blue with a pine tree. Dipper appreciates the gift but is worried it might be a little too girly.

Dipper and Mabel were strolling through the mall one day, Wendy and Hot Wings in case anyone said anything about Dipper becoming DipHer. Although Hot Wings was still asleep he was still wearing his sword and frighten small children. Regardless of the fact he was being carried. They'd just gone to the movies in an attempt to cheer her up… it worked "Man that Documentary was amazing! Who knew hydroelectric fuel was so economically unfriendly."

"I did I knew" chirped a very tired still sleepy supervisor. "SHHHH. You woke the baby" she quipped as everyone except for Dipper was unimaginably bored and a bit tired from sleeping through the second half of the movie. This joke earned her a slight chuckle from the tired Mabel and an energetic laugh that was almost uncharacteristic for the nerd excited to spread his knowledge. Wendy popped a small candy into the mouth of the man on her back before eating one herself and offering one to Mabel only to find that she'd fallen behind. "Mabel?" Dipher turned around "Did we lose her again?"

"Wait, I see her waving." the group walked into a very strange clothing store that wreaked with burnt incense and looked like a rainbow drank some bad Mabel juice and threw up. Lots of tie dye, lots of ironic T-shirts. And Wendy noticed the load lighten on her shoulders. Right outside the door Hot Wings was in mid-air slowly floating away, where he landed on a bench and tightly hugged his cursed teddy bear. Wendy looked at Dipper, looked at the size of the store shrugged and said, "You'll be fine" before going and sitting beside him to watch from outside in case anything bad happens. Dipper walked up to Mabel and asked, "Why are we here?"

"Dipper look!" she enthusiastically turned around with a pink and white hat. Heart centred above the rim and a genuine look of try this on or I'll make a million copies of you in the lamby suit and send them to everyone so she tried on the hat using the store window as a mirror as the hat fit perfectly on the crown of her head. Mabel excitedly shouted "It fits! It fits!" before tearing the hat off her head and rushing to the counter. Dipper barely had enough time to register the swift movement and by the time she'd got her hat back on Mabel was holding a receipt with a familiar mark "no refunds" Dipher sighed and Mabel bounced around happily and almost forced the hat back on her. She wore it the rest of the day to show that she appreciated it but couldn't help but feel embarrassed as they flew back to the Mystery Shack. Everyone including the bear held on to a limb as he glided down to their destination. Dipher was immediately frightened at the thought of a bright pink hat sticking out against a clear blue sky and worriedly contemplated the thought of anyone seeing him on the way back. He later had a discussion with Mabel about the color Pink and Mabel just shrugged and said, "like your gender the hat's only temporary you can throw it away when you turn back into a guy." that wasn't the encouragement she wanted/needed but it was what she got and what she pondered until her eyelids became too heavy to hold up and her mind became too light to hold down. She sleep, the end.

* * *

Underwhelming

YrooXrksvi618's freind's idea #1?Okay, so the idea is Dipper's mom and dad are looking for Dipper, and they find him in his room, trying not to cry from being overwhelmed by the whole situation. So his parents try to comfort him about this whole Dip-her thing. Then Mabel comes in and ambushes them with a confetti cannon, saying, "C'mon Sis-sis! I need you to test the karaoke machine with me!" They then race out. Dipper and Mabel's parents then have a quick discussion, about what happened to their former son, and what to do. Here's how the ending goes:

Dad: Well, one question is clear and needs to be answered first before anything.

Mom: What's that?

Dad: When the heck did Uncle Stan let her get a confetti cannon?

A couple searches slowly and with little progress in the attempt to find their son… daughter… she'd gone missing one day but couldn't have gotten far and is most likely hiding as in town she gets bullied for being different and If she were at Wendy's house the red headed lumberjill would have called to let them know. They knew Dipper was smart enough not to wander too deeply into the woods especially after all he'd seen and definitely not alone. No note was left she was definitely hiding. But her lunch was getting cold and they didn't want her to think the food would be wasted on her. So they searched almost worried. But soon found her in her room in the doll house. A small flashlight with a strange gem attached to the lens. very quietly sniffling and holding back tears. She must have been thinking about how her entire life could be this she could one day get married have kids and revert back to being a male homo sapiens. At this moment she vowed not to get too involved with any man. So her parents sit down beside the doll house and ask what troubles her. She looked up at them and then under the table. She pulled up a bull horn and simply says, "the future." before putting her head down and burying her face in her arms. Her parents tried telling her it'd be alright that they'd find a way to fix it and that even if Hot Wings couldn't fix him gruncle Ford was making slow progress in learning telekinesis and could, now, pass butter halfway across the table. Before it starts to melt and the drop makes him lose focus. She seemed to stop crying and lifted her face enough to show her irritated eyes almost sparkle at the thought of not having to stay a girl even if it took years for him to learn at the very least it wasn't permanent and that was enough. Dipper walked up to a handheld mirror he'd set up across the table and brought himself to the size of a small hamster before going up to a bigger mirror and getting back to normal size but as the second beam was finishing it;s duties a very enthusiastic girl burst through the door and fired confetti at her causing her to drop the light and accidentally enlarge several pieces of sparkly cut up papers. And armoured hand swiftly snatched a paper through the open window. Mabel didn't seem to notice or care, "C'mon Sis-sis! I need you to test the karaoke machine with me!" covered in papers and thoroughly shocked Mabel dragged Dipper out of the room fast enough that Dipper's legs were moving but she wasn't contributing any of the energy put into their forward motion. The father turns to the mother and begins the dialogue, "I'm scared"

"Don't be, Dipper's a smart person, who cares more about others than anyone, he'd never do anything he thought would hurt us"

"What?"

"You're scared that Dipper will commit suicide?"

"No! I was afraid he might be stuck like that and be unhappy forever. No one said anything about suicide."

"Oh… well, try not to think about it."

"That's the only thing I can think about now."

"Hey, I said he wouldn't do it."

"But then why say it? How could saying that have ever helped."

"Sorry, just trying to make you feel better, you looked almost as sad as Dipper"

"It just bothers me"

"Would telling a dad joke to make you feel better?"

"Ah forget it the moments gone"

"Come on, you know you want to. Who knows I might even laugh."

"Ok fine *clears throat* Well, one question is clear and needs to be answered first before anything."

"What's that?"

"When the heck did Uncle Stan let her get a confetti cannon?" a small origami dragon floats in through the open window.

* * *

Bear-O Returns

P.S. another idea I had was this:

YrooXrksvi618 #37. Mabel mentions Bear-o at breakfast, and Ford asks what Bear-O is.

AN: quickly before I start writing I'm seriously considering leaving the story exactly as you suggested it and paraphrasing it with a bit more description and a little more context and more present tense… and references to obscure comedic shows, lots and lots of references. This is almost exactly what it looks like when I try to draw an outline for myself because the school's instructions were too vague and I had to create my own structure because the teacher's outlines were also vague. Here goes borderline plagiarism at its finest.

Dipher's day started by her waking up, making her bed, showering with her eyes closed, wearing a towel until her, now, long hair is dry, brushing her teeth, getting dressed, and putting on make-up… right up until she realised what she was doing and threw them back onto the vanity. After rethinking every single life choice she ever made she heads to breakfast, where Mabel, Ford, Stan, Abuelita, Melody and Soos are eating Stancakes. Their parents are trying to pick bits of Stancake hair out of their teeth. Mabel's smile gets just the slightest bit wider and she says, "Hey Dipher, you remember that time we found a giant tooth?"

"Yeah turned out to be an island monster, why?"

"Man, that was a lot of fun wasn't it?"

"I guess rowing like our lives depended on it and getting away in one piece could be considered fun..."

"I just wish Bear-O could have been there with us to see that giant island head monster with us in person instead of having to watch it on video later"

"Who's bear-O?" Mabel runs off as Stan and Dipher are vigourously sending all the loudest hand signals they can think to show trying to beat Mabel's speed of leaving the room. The sounds of clutter hitting the floor rings throughout the room before the sounds of accending stairs, more banging chashing noises followed by a gradually loudening plea, "Where is it? Where is it?!" befoere she came back almost sad, scrap book in hand. Little toys, dust and tears in her hair as she slamms the book down in front of him and quickly flips through the pages, backing up a bit and slamming her hand down on what had to be the least photogenic bear Ford had ever seen. Within an inch of its life sown and resown, almost a patchwork bear. Like Frankenstein's monster and build a bear workshop had a child out of aheer unending hatered for one another and abandoned the child on Mabel's doorstep where it got progressively worse. In Ford's mind there was not a snownall's chance in hell this bear was ever not terrifying. Somehow a bear that was already tattered and destroyed made it's way into Mabel's arms and she destroyed the unloved creature with a feeling it had never known. His inishial response was to make sure there were no other bears on the page but unfortunatly there were each reavealing a new side to this already hideous creature. The poses Mabel'd chosen to put him through were enough to give not only a full account of the bear from all angles but also a full range of it's limited mobility. As if the mere sight of it once wasn't enough to give him nightmares. "On completely un-Bear-O-related matters I've grown tired of eating my brother's hair and lost my appetite, no other reason, just the thought of constantly consuming Stanly's hair" Dipper and Mabel's Parents immediatly stop eating as their efforts are deemed fruitless and they'll both be hacking up hair balls until tomorrow. Mabel also left the room but she left to look for Bear-O, that leaves only Stan and Dipher in the room. "You know where the bear is?"

"I buried it in the yard" The two high-five. She searched all day, Waddles was digging around in the dirt when Mabel saw him she said, "come on Waddles, were supposed to be looking for Bear-O not eating truffles!" The pig in question was eating a small black thing about the size of a small potato. Mabel began to follow the pig around for the rest of the day thinking that if he could find an expensive delicacy perhaps he could find a lost bear… she was right.

Later that night as Ford's sleeping tight Mabel decides to surprise him with the bear that didn't get to see him in person. As he mentally screamed for someone to wake him from his nightmare the light powdery touch of a fuzzy paw with dirty, bristly fur on his face. His eyes crack the slightest bit to see Bear-O's face over him. He screams, knocks it out of Mabel's hands and shoots at it. Mabel rushes in and puts a quick end to Ford's loud outburst in the dead of night, calms him down, saying that he's not going to bit, tells him that Bear-O's friendly and whatnot in attempts to stop his trembling hand from firing again. His still shaken countenance resting upon her she explained how and when she happened across him saying that after explaining to Bear-O who he was and that She'd wanted to introduce them that she brought him to Ford as soon as she reattached his fickle arms. Ford askes about why he was buried in the yard. Mabel says that neither Dipher or Stan was too fond of the bear and that Stan had reacted worse still to first meeting him but that she expected better from Ford the scientist. So Ford, keeping as much distance as possible between him and his living nightmare suggested that they get back at Stan and Dipper by making them think it's alive… too… thus they put a walkie-talkie in the bear, sowed it up again and set him on the kitchen table, still covered in dirt.

The next morning Stan and Dipher come in and notice the creepy bear on the table. "Hey uh, Dipher… you did bury that thing right?"

"Yeah?"

"But it's right there..."

"Yeah?!" Then Bear-O cuts in, in the gravelyest voice Ford can muster "I'm Back *giggle that degenerates into horrifying laughter* it's time for Grunkle and Dippette to go night night." Stan and Dipher scream, "Holy Moses! It's alive!"

"Run! Gogogogogogogo!"

"Take her! She buried you!"

"DOESN'T MATTER! RUN NOW!" had they not been watching on the security cameras Mabel and Ford might have heard the screams die down as they got father and farther away from the bear. Taking in much amusement as their pop corn crunches are drowned out by the ever growing screams of the hapless fool who'd fallen prey to Bear-o's horrid appearance and the simple voice modifier Ford had made for the bear. Dipper screams again, and Mabel says that Dipper's scream still sounds just as girly as when he was a boy. Ford says, "No, I actually think that's Stanley."

After the two realise that the bear wasn't possessed by some malevolent spirit that wanted to send them to an, early for Dipper, not so much for Stan, graves. Stanley is furious and locks Bear-O and the other walkie-talkie in a trunk in the living room. So, while they are watching TV, a voice from the trunk says "Let me out!" Dipher quickly turns to Ford and shouts, "It's not funny anymore! We've already been tricked once."

A very shocked Ford mouth agape and eyes wider than dinner plates retorts, "That's not us. We locked it in the trunk, remember?" The four then turn to the trunk, which continues to scream angrily, "LET ME OUT!" The Pines then scream and Abuelita grabs the trunk and throws it out the window. Unfortunately, that voice is a gnome, which got locked in by mistake. Gompers proceeds to eat his way through the trunk, freeing the gnome.

* * *

The date

YrooXrksvi618 #38. Okay, so a guy comes by the Shack gift shop, and, unfortunately, Dip-her is working the register. The guy starts hitting on her. Unfortunately, to not hurt the guy's feelings, Dip-her agrees to go out on a date with him. So she has to find a way to let him down easy without hurting his feelings, with help from Wendy, Mabel, Mrs Pines (Dipper's mom) and the Grunkles. They each give her different advice.

Dipher was confident enough to talk to people now in her new her form. So comfortable in fact, that she had been put in charge of the cash register. A small nerdy boy with next to no self-esteem glasses with masking tape at the bridge, fat sweaty and nervous approached the counter. A singly flower in his hands. He rose the cardinal to her and asked the price, Dipher casually responded, "about five dollars I think, but I could be wrong. If I scan it you have to buy it though that is how this register works."

"I'll pay any price for love"

"I bet who ever it is must be really special if you're buying your gift here"

"She sure is" Dipher scanned the flower and it came up $15. He gladly paid. But when she tried to give it back he said, "no no. I want you to have it"

"What...no… you don't mean..."

"My name's Timothy if I had friends I'd ask them to call me Timmy, will you go out on a date with me?" Dipher was immediately shocked and at a complete loss for words but the way the hope shown in his eyes and how pathetically lonely he'd just confessed being he couldn't find it in his heart to reject him outright, nor could he find a gentle way of letting him down. She knew that if she'd asked someone out, she'd want at the very least to walk away with her dignity but at a complete loss for words in stunned silence she watched his hopeful smile start to deter and fall into a fat ugly puppy dog begging for a win today. So reluctantly and with a heavy sigh she conceded, "just one date." he left the shop screaming and shouting joyously announcing to the world how wonderful his day was and how nothing could ruin it. Shortly after he tripped fell and a bully stole his wallet. "Still the best day!" he exclaimed as he limped his way back home.

Dipper asked everyone what he should do to let him down easy. Wendy had told him to just say that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now and to just be friends until everything blows over. Mabel said to go right up to him and say that there are many fish in the sea but you're one of the fisher people and not the fish being caught. A less than helpful analogy that would be more confusing than anything. Her mom just said to say that he's a wonderful guy but that she likes girls said that it had gotten her out of many a bad situation where pity threatened to overthrow self-worth. Stan told him to say he used to be a man and that that turned him away from many a girl in the past. Ford said to go along with it and be a generally shitty person so that he decides to leave on his own… so far it looked like it was going to be Wendy's plan first, his mother's if that didn't work and Ford's as a last resort… maybe toss in Mabel's if he refuses to listen to reason. When She tried to get Hot Wings' advice he just laughed and said, "you're literally asking a heartless man how to be sympathetic." then he ripped open his own chest and showed her the complete lack of a heart beneath his left lung, gave a quick anatomy lesson too just to be sure he understood that no heart was within this Vampire to stake.

On the date, Timmy sat in his Sunday best across from Dipher in her usual clothes, "You look as stunning as ever" he remarked. "Thank you… I like your… personality… " he giggled in delight and Dipher thought at once no time like the present and said, "Look you're a really sweet guy but I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, and I don't live in Gravity Falls I'm just visiting for the Winter" with every word the fat little man grew sadder and sadder "and frankly I like girls"

"Me too! see we have so much in common please don't leave me"

"We can still be friends, I just don't see how we can make this work"

"No!"

"Please listen"

"Why so you can keep hurting me"

"No, it's just… *sigh* there are many fish in the sea but I'm one of the fisher people and not the fish being caught"

"Oh"

"..."

"So what you're saying is that I came to you when I should have let you come to me"

"Sure let's go with that"

"But now that you know I'd happily jump in your boat you won't come because it's not fun anymore"

"Exactly"

"It's Ok I'll play hard to get until the day comes when you're out fishing and I happen across your line. Don't worry though I'll struggle so you can have all the fun fishing you want" why did there have to exist someone sadder than me when it comes to dating she thought as the fat nerdy boy waddled his way out the doors, "I'll be the catch of the day just you wait!"

* * *

Awkward period

YrooXrksvi618's friend #3? Dip-her wakes up one morning feeling moody, apparently in a spot of blood, and having a stomachache. She, apparently, starts getting incredibly irritable for the day, and can't figure out what is going on. So she enlists Mabel and Soos to figure it out. At the end, after failing again, Ford does some readings, and finally figures it out. He has Wendy tell Dip-her what's happening. Wendy whispers something inaudible into Dip-her's ears, and her eyes get big. She then says, "If you'll excuse me, I am going to go buy a heated blanket, some stuff at the drugstore, and then go lie in a corner weeping. And maybe catch the ending of the "Duchess Approves" with Grunkle Stan."

AN: thought I should point out that I've never actually seen snow in person before but I've seen it on my second favourite British comedian's youtube series last week and I've seen winter described, tell me how I did for never having seen snow on account of my almost total lack of money. In addition, I've also never experienced what was asked of me to write and going completely off of what I've heard this time from my third favourite British YouTuber who decided to describe her pain in a Livestream with her manager.

The bright morning star peaks its head over the horizon warming the frosty world blanketed in a thick layer of snow from the night before. The deer search the woods for their next meal the town in the valley starts to awaken to the sight of a beautiful winter's morning the icicles glistening in the light of this fine clear day an almost refreshing sight after clouds had plagued them all week. The shining light seemed to brighten everyone's spirits… well, most of them… Dipher was feeling terrible and couldn't tell why it just seemed like today was a day to feel bad in more ways than one. For starters, she'd woken up in a small pool of blood but wasn't physically injured, despite the recurrent pains in her abdomen. By all accounts today was a perfect day for playing outside in the snow, but today to her seemed more of a day to survive than to enjoy. As soon as the pain subsided enough for her to move. She left her soiled sheets and took a shower to both wash herself clean of any blood and get some clean clothes on only to later realise that she'd continued bleeding in the shower and was too scared, for both reasons, to confirm her suspicions. She later got out dried herself and put on clean clothes before stumbling her way over to Mabel and saying simply, "Help me." she saw the sheets looked back at her sister and simply nodded. Dipher went down stairs and had herself some breakfast. Stan walked in wearing his usual Mr Mystery clothes save the fact his shirts were still unbuttoned and bow not tied. He walked up to the table buttoning his sleeves and said, "beautiful day out today."

"Bite me." she simply replied, "Woah, what's eating you?"

"I don't know but everything hurts and I'm sad and angry at the same time and I don't know whether to apologize or punch you."

"Time for gruncle Stan to exit stage left," he said a sense of knowing about him. Whether he knew what was wrong or just to stay away from a girl when she's pissed wasn't clear what was clear was that Stan seemed in high spirits and wanted nothing to ruin it. Enter Soos, and Dipher is crying, "what's wrong dude girl?"

"I lashed out at Gruncle Stan and he was just trying to be positive" she barely lifted her face from her arms not really caring that he knows she was crying "Aww don't cry girl dawg, Soos will help you feel better!" after exploding a few hot dogs in the microwave it became blatantly obvious that something was definitely wrong because she finally saw how pointlessly wasteful it was and couldn't enjoy it. She immediately rushed through the gift shop up to the vending machine, input the code faster than anyone could register and slammed it shut behind her Timmy was sad that she hadn't noticed him and whispered "one day" over and over to himself as Wendy wondered what that was all about. Dipher came back, say, ten minutes later and began pacing around in front of the vending machine. So Wendy asked, "Dude what are you doing?"

"I've been in a really shitty mood all day. I woke up in blood, I'm hurting all over all the lights are too bright everyone's too loud and I can't stop both hating and loving everyone at the same time. I'm mad sad and want to be glad but I just can't and I don't know why." Ford kinda… crept out while Dipher's head was down and whispered his test results into her ear before calmly and quietly getting as far away from them as possible. Wendy got up from sitting on the almost unnoticed man in black's lap and strode over to the dreary eyed child, leaned over and whispered something almost inaudibly into her ear. "Run that by me again..." Wendy repeated herself an octave louder and Dipher went wide eyed in a second. The sleeping vampire awoke and began to chuckle lightly under his breath. "If you'll excuse me, I am going to go buy a heated blanket, some stuff at the drugstore, and then go lie in a corner weeping. And maybe catch the ending of the "Duchess Approves" with Grunkle Stan." the second she left the room Wendy smacked him for laughing but he only laughed harder, "How sheltered is that kid that he was allowed to be put in a situation where he became a girl and her never learned a simple bodily function." she punched him again this time more lightly. "Humans are such fascinating creatures."

AN: for the sake of proving my brother wrong I will be writing a fanfic about Raven and Penguin from the DC universe in a romantic relationship just as soon as I read their character Bios and leaf through my Webster's Unabridged Dictionary for better vocab I'm starting to feel like I'm reusing phrases often and that seemed easier than reading another chapter from my all time favorite fanfic author's writing… It's Jubalii if you're interested in world building and character development… and or Hellsing.

* * *

The interview

YrooXrksvi618 #39. Okay, so you know in the Part Two thing Toby Determined was trying to interview Dip-her? Well, my idea was that Dip-her is sitting on the ground in her room, and she hears a whisper saying "Psst. Hey, kid. Over here, in the ducts." It's the Larry King wax head, and he's bored and got tired of the rat that stole his ear. So he asks to interview her about this. She reluctantly agrees. He asks things like how she's been adjusting, will it last forever, what is her sexuality (she ignores that one.), is she enjoying it, how are others reacting,(like Stan, Ford, Mabel, his parents, etc), has Dipper been bullied about this, what kinds of insults have been thrown at him (feel free to make up new ones!), how people might react when he goes home, if he hasn't gotten back to normal, and how Dipper feels about the whole thing, after answering all of Larry's questions (you can make some up, I just gave examples), Larry starts chasing the rat again, and Dip-her goes back to reading. At the end, it's revealed that Ford, Dipper's parents, Stan and Mabel have been listening through the door. Dipper's mom whispers, "Maybe we should go." Mabel asks, "Should we?" Ford nods. Then Dipper's dad asks, "But we aren't going to, are we?" Everyone shakes their heads and say things like "Of course not", " No", etc. Dip-her then yells from in the room, "Guys, I can hear you! I know you're there!" Everyone freezes. Soos tries to make Oinking sounds to make it sound like it's Waddles. "Dip-her then says, "You guys know that Waddles is in here, asleep, right?" Stan then yells "Nonspecific Excuse!" He throws down a smoke bomb, and yells, "Quick, everyone make like-like...aw, heck, JUST SCRAM!"

AN: I was going to narrate this but then I thought, what's the point of making the timeline go out of order when there's no one to tell the time. Also, I've never seen an episode of Larry King interviewing anyone so… right off the top of my head come the questions and answers.

(Dipher's journal)

Sunday, December 30

I sat quietly in my room drawing what my future with Wendy would look like as both man and Girl. confused as to what boundaries could be crossed when both girls that couldn't be when I'm a boy. Contemplating which future I'd prefer I began violently scratching my head when I heard a rap tap tapping more near my chamber door. "Who is it?" I asked the open air, "Psst. Hey, kid. Over here, in the ducts." I approached the old sounding voice in the wall. How many people can say that? When I got there I saw Larry king's head minus an ear in the air vent I asked how long he'd been listening to me and he said long enough to know I used to be a boy. Then he proceeded to ask to interview me for my opinions on certain aspects of the change and such. I didn't want to and I probably should have trusted my instincts more on that later. He threatened to back up just enough that I could still hear his voice and be unreachable so he could pester indefinitely until I accepted his request. So I decided to concede before Mabel showed up and decided to turn the interview into an interrogation and demand I answer wax Larry King's questions. But in exchange, I asked why he cared to which he replied, "the rat that stole my ear realised it's not good for anything except being an ear so I found it but couldn't reattach it. Now I'm bored" so I sighed and he shot back, "you be an immortal disembodied head that can only move around half of the year, it's boring with no friends to talk to" this made me feel kinda bad for killing his friends until I remembered self-defence. So I asked for his first question, "how've you been adjusting? Have you had a menstrual cycle yet?"

"Um… well no, I don't think that I have had a… what?"

"I guess not… so how've you been adjusting"

"Fine, I guess… still not used to showering or going to the bathroom in general… but I gotta live with this now other than that I'm fine I guess"

"Do you know if it's temporary, or do you think it will it last forever?"

"I hope it's temporary. I was born a man and even in a crazy world like this I live in a world of logic and everything must happen for a reason. I was born a guy and I'd like to go back to that"

"By that logic, you were turned into a girl for a reason"

"That was not in my control"

"And being born a guy was?"

"Ok put it this way, it happened unnaturally"

"But it still had a reason by your own logic."

"And that reason was to piss me the hell off"

"Are you sure about that"

"Next question"

"Ok, what is your sexuality"

"NEXT!"

"Ok… are you enjoying your new body?"

"I don't know how to respond to that?"

"Oh come on are you enjoying yourself, that's a simple enough question"

"I guess there are things I can do in this body I couldn't with my old one… getting to see the couch in the women's bathroom was pretty cool"

"They have a couch?"

"Nah, just messing with ya."

"How's everyone feel about this?"

"I think Mabel's enjoying this but everyone else seems concerned and wants to help put me back to normal. Mabel wants me to let go of the thought of changing back and just enjoying what I have now but as I said before I'm not too happy with the surprises my new body has for me. Still not comfortable in my own skin."

"How about the town's kids? Have they bullied you about it?"

"*groan* don't get me started on them"

"I'll take that as a yes." I hug my knees "what kinds of things do they say" I spent the next five minutes venting all the things they said at the wax head telling him about some "events" I'd rather not right down in case read. But suffice it to say talking about it helped. After exasperatedly expressing my final regrets about ever leaving the Mystery Shack alone. He sat in silence for a few seconds before conjuring his next invasive question. "How do you think the people back home will respond if you can't fix this before you get back?"

"You know most of the school doesn't even know I exist, my friends would probably tease me for a while but stop and apologize and we'd make terrible jokes together until such time as I can resolve these problems without the use of unnecessary surgery"

"So overall?"

"I want to get back to normal as soon as possible" after asking that last question the rat came back and took his other starts chasing the rat again, and I went back to reading. At the door, I soon heard the whispers of some uninvited guests, Gruncle Ford, mom, dad, Gruncle Stan and Mabel were listening through the door. They acted like I wasn't right on the other side of the door. mom whispered, "Maybe we should go." Mabel asks, "Should we?" a moment of silence passes by, I asked Hot Wings later he told me simply and I quote "he nodded now be a sport and grab me another beer would you?" Then dad asks, "But we aren't going to, are we?" Everyone shakes their heads, or so he said, and I can distinctly hear them saying amongst themselves, "Of course not", " No", "this is the best show I've heard through a door in ages" so I decided to yell my protest from within, "Guys, I can hear you! I know you're there!" Everyone freezes. Soos tries to make Oinking sounds to make it sound like it's Waddles. " so I said, "You guys know that Waddles is in here, asleep, right?" Stan then yells "Nonspecific Excuse!" He throws down a smoke bomb, and yells, "Quick, everyone make like-like...aw, heck, JUST SCRAM!" how long before they realise the door was still closed and the smoke bomb was wasted? Why did they think speaking quietly was the same as whispering? Will One piece ever have a final episode? Nobody knows and frankly I don't care.

* * *

The clothes

YrooXrksvi618 #40. Dip-her is quite bored. Mabel then gets the idea to get her brother-turned-sister a new look. So she, Wendy and Pacifica make Ford come with them to the mall to pick out new clothes for Dip-her (Mabel for the fashion, Pacifica for funding, Wendy for the levelheaded opinion, and Ford because he is old enough to drive responsibly and he knows how Dip-her would think.

(they leave Dip-her behind with Stan and Soos.) At the end, however, they buy some more tom-boyish clothes, more Dip-her's style (outdoorsy, slightly girly, yet nerdy) Dip-her thanks them, (not Ford. He goes down to the basement to stare at a wall and rethink everything.) But Dip-her decides to stick with her usual look for the most part, but, deciding she could try variety, she accepts them.

(Other stuff that happens during that idea include Ford is awkwardly asked by Pacifica how he is responding to Dip-her's whole thing, Pacifica is asked by Mabel if she liked Dipper when he was a boy (the answer is an abrupt excuse to change the subject), Mabel giving Ford a tour of the mall, and an awkward moment for Ford and Wendy (while the others tell Ford and Wendy to stay in one place while they go look at something, the Scientist and the Laid-back teen spend an awkward 10 minutes together. The conversation goes pretty much like this:

Wendy: so, this is awkward.

Ford: I suppose so. (Pause)

Ford: So, how are you?

Wendy: good, and you?

Ford: Pretty well, I suppose.

Wendy: when was the last time we talked like this?

Ford: I believe at Dipper-I mean, Dip-her, as Stanley and Mabel are insistent upon saying-and Mabel's 13th birthday party.

Wendy: Oh, yeah. I said we should do it more often.

Ford: yep. (Pause)

Wendy: I was wrong, huh?

Ford: yep. (Awkward chuckle)

Mabel: we're back!

Ford: thank Moses.)

Dipher was sitting alone in a corner of the room alphabetizing and rearranging the books she's read on the shelf. Then moving in to rearrange a small card collection in a special book to further categorize and alphabetize the categorize, one thing was certain, no one would put themselves to work at such a meaningless mindnumbing task unless they were either paid or so bored that they could watch other people play card games online. From the look on her face and the uncomfortable looking hunch at her back, it was clear as day, she's bored as hell. So Mabel decided that the best way to make her un bored was to change the same old boring way she looked. So she brought Wendy Pacifica and Ford together to go to the mall and get Dipper back to feeling like a Dipper should.

Ford drove them all to the mall and was given a quick tour of the modern mall by Mabel. God only knows how long Ford's been away from civilization. "There's where the Goths buy clothes, that's where the children play while their moms are shopping and their dads just want to sit down and rest their tired feet. That's where Soos met Melody. Beautiful story I should tell you some time. Hey look that's the video game store where Soos bought his first and last virtual girlfriend." the group almost simultaneously rolled their eyes and then Mabel cheerily announced, "And this is forever twenty one" the small store had mostly women's clothing and a small booth like corner with a lonely sign labeled simply "men's" Mabel and Pacifica ran off and before Wendy and Ford could follow Mabel turned around and ran backwards for a few seconds and asked them to stay put for a while. They were gone longer than expected and the silence was only getting louder so Wendy tried to start up some chit chat but was drawing a blank and could only think to say, "so, this is awkward."

"I suppose so… So, how are you?"

"Good, and you?"

"Pretty well, I suppose."

"When was the last time we talked like this?"

"I believe at Dipper-I mean, Dipher, as Stanley and Mabel are insistent upon saying-and Mabel's 13th birthday party."

"Oh, yeah. I said we should do it more often."

"yep…"

"I was wrong, huh?"

"yep. *Awkward chuckle*"

"We're back!"

" Oh thank Moses."

The two returned with a vast assortment of clothes in Dipher's size and Wendy told them straight away."anything with a dress or skirt you can automatically rule out as an option cause if I being a girl don't like wearing that stuff what do you think a girl who used to be a guy would think about it?" Mabel took an immediate U-turn but Pacifica simply brought it up to her and asked her advice. Pacifica picked out mostly dark thin clothes that looked and felt good didn't stain easily so they'd be good for going on adventures the only problem being that they were soft enough to be a risk of tearing and leaving her exposed if Dipher took a bad fall into the bushes and got stuck in the branches. Wendy picked out any denim or leather in the pile as an immediate choice and a few of the softer shirts for under the new protective jacket. Mabel soon returns with as many of the brightest coloured Treck Wars shirts and some with cookie monster a few with references to anime and one brightly buttoned green flannel. Wendy almost agreed to all of them but ruled out anything too pink allowing slightly light shades of red and the darker pinks but nothing so bright as to insult their still adjusting Dipher. Pacifica said something about why the fancier of her choices had been turned down giving slight allusions to the party her parents threw and how he looked respectable in a three piece suit. Mabel on this comment alone asked if she liked the boy Dipper to which she responds, "Hey Mr Ford what do you think about Dipper becoming a girl" he begins talking about how he didn't know him that well anyway and had only met him long enough that they have intelligence in common. That it made little Difference he still had more family coming back than he did going in and that alone was an adjustment. The only qualm Ford had with him being a girl is that it made Dipher unhappy. Mabel will remember that.

When they returned bags of shoes and clothes all for Dipper broke him away from his cards long enough that his spine wasn't permanently damaged by the position he was in. the first thing he noticed was probably the underwear with big bear heads front and centre. One-half an innocent stuffed polar bear in appearance. The other side Jet black fur, sharp crimson gaze and even sharper grin. No one remembered buying these but the familiar deep laughter that seemed to come from everywhere at once confirmed who'd supplied that particular gift. The tag reading, "100% rape proof or your money back" the thought made her blush and the laughter got louder. Wendy swiftly swiped them away and asked that she see the rest. She didn't really ask for it but accepted the gifts with gratitude and swiftly removed her vest to try on the leather jacket which was a bit heavier than it looked, a bit tighter than it seemed and a bit harder to move around in then first guessed but she kept it on and moving got easier she got used to the weight too. Dipher gave everyone a hug in turn except for Ford, who'd already disappeared into the basement writing up an equation to get people to like him.

* * *

The dream

YrooXrksvi618 #41. Dip-her has nightmares about how his life might be if he doesn't turn back. Various scenarios flash by about the future (for example, once they get back, Dipper has to go back to school and a bunch of bullies start bullying her and punching her in the face, and for another scenario, in their teens, Dip-her approaches a guy about prom, and the guy mocks and humiliates him.) Dip-her then wakes up in a sweat and goes downstairs to find Ford at the table, making warm milk for his own insomnia. Dip-her then talks to Ford about his nightmare, and Ford tries to make her feel better. She then feels better and goes back to bed. Ford then makes a mental note to hunt down the guy responsible with his death ray. He then goes to sleep thinking about what Stan would do to the guy.

Twisting and turning late one night, Dipher lay awake in bed having been startled by thoughts of a life where she'd gotten used to being a girl. Thinking that as a girl she'd have to marry a guy or die alone, that she'd have to give birth, that she'd have to raise children, that the father might abandon them and he'd have no one to turn to. shooting up after the third time trying to get back to sleep she got up and went downstairs to see if Gruncle Stan was as terrible at hiding his sleeping pills as he was at hiding his lies. When he arrived he saw Ford standing beside the microwave a glass of milk within as the timer slowly descended to zero. The microwave beeped loud enough to alert the next room but not so loud it would wake anyone. He took the glass as was about to drink when he turned and noticed "Dipper… what are you doing up this late?"

"I was going to see if drugs could get me back to sleep."

"Why what's keeping you up?"

"Nightmares… "

"You too huh?"

"Yeah..."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Sure… what keeps you up at night?"

"Bill." he began to drink his warm milk. "You?"

"I'm trying and failing to see any kind of future where I'm happy like this." she said gesturing to her female guise "I know that if I'm already being mocked and tormented here it's going to be even worse when I get back home to the people who do know me and have always know me as a guy. I might lose all my friends to this. And if I don't get better by highschool what am I going to do about prom, I can't ask a guy I'll be humiliated… and… and… " she couldn't finish her thought. Tears welled up and threatened to fall but Ford came to her side and reassured her, "If they're really your friends they'll only tease you a little at the beginning but if they start humiliating you publicly on purpose then they aren't really your friends. If they see that it really bothers you they'll stop. And you're not going through this alone either. You have your friends and family right by your side to scare away anyone who bullies you, Stan's been in jail before I don't think he'll have a problem spending a few years work free for your sake."

"Thanks, Gruncle Ford"

"Anytime" Dipher returned to her bed and salvaged what little sleep she could from the few hours before dawn she had. Ford remained in the kitchen seated and drinking, thinking about how it would feel to shoot the guy who did this to his nephew between the eyes. Then thinking about what sadistic torture Stan would concoct to make absolutely certain the guy spent the remainder of his short life in as much pain as the brain could possibly register before the lights finally left his eyes.

* * *

"Identical" twins

YrooXrksvi618 #42: Dip-her has an idea to finally start enjoying this: he can now impersonate Mabel PERFECTLY. So he goes to prank people with help from Mabel and Stan. Many people are tricked.

AN: Finally tore off that annoying piece of skin that kept me from popping that even more annoying zit it's almost midnight but I'm sure I can still get in this one last chapter/short.

Standing at the window Dipher sees herself staring at what appeared to be his reflection so he waved and it waved back with a split second difference. Though small she noticed and did the cliche is this a mirror test, ie goofy movements, making faces, turning away turning back and shouting "Ah HA!", glaring at it and sighing. But the window didn't sigh back it quickly cracked the widest grin and before she could respond it shouted, "HI DIPHER!" she jumped back in terror and tried to catch her breath as she laughed proclaiming the hysteria to be found in the aesthetic of her countenance. Gasping for air Dipher shouts about almost getting a heart attack. Mabel just laughs and tosses a sweater onto her before taking a picture for her scrapbook. Later that day Dipher decides to trick Stan into giving her the sprinkles he'd promised Mabel. She found Dipher eating the sprinkles on her way to see gruncle Stan who claimed to have already given them to her. When she returned to the room Dipher had hidden them. Mabel shouted at him for taking her sprinkles but she decided to see this in a different light. "Let's go back and trick him together"

"There better be sprinkles left when we're done pranking him."

Thus the two entered the room carrying what looked to be a mirror. Mabel left it standing by the wall and turned her back to it Dipher stayed the same looking straight towards Gruncle Stan. Mabel simply said, "my reflection stole my sprinkles make it give them back" Dipher responded in an almost dead on impression of Mabel, "She started it!"

"No, I didn't you're the one that took my sprinkles"

"They were a gift from Gruncle Stan, cause he loves me."

"No! He loves me" Stan screamed and threw a rock through the glass. Dipher stepped through, "I'm a real girl" Stan ran out and the two hid. When Stan returned armed with Brass knuckles the Mabels were gone so he searched and found one that screamed and yelled "she's over there!" but when he arrived at the other she shouts, "Don't hurt me! She's lying I'm the real me!" so he turns around and they both creepily approach repeating, "she's right there, she's right there" over and over until Stan drops his weapons and begins sobbing. The two high five and he stands and says, "and the oscar for pretending to be scared of children goes to… me! High fives!" The mystery twins shared a look and still in sync say, "you're not scared?"

"Dipher, you're not wearing braces that immediately gave you away. You're going to have to wake up really early in the morning to pull one over on me. Good try though"

"But Dipher really did take my sprinkles today"

"Not my problem"

"But you gave them to the wrong person"

"Honest mistake happens all the time."

"but-"

"not. my. Problem." Stan left the room and Hot Wings' head looked through the window upside down. They almost didn't notice him. "You should prank Gideon!" that they noticed. He then tapped the window with his armoured hand and put the tiniest crack in the glass through that crack he entered. Still upside down and walking on the ceiling. "Tell him you got your braces off and that you want to go out again then have Mabel show up in your clothes saying that she had to get braces"

"That would be hilarious!" Dipher exclaimed and the next morning they did just that. Mabel had dressed her up to look and smell exactly like her even forcing her to drink some Mabel juice so that their breath matched too. And so the trap was laid. She approached the door and knocked, "Hey! Guess who got their braces off!?"

"Mabel! What, a pleasant surprise!"

"I came by to tell you about how I misjudged you. You're really a stand-up guy, aren't you? Not evil at all."

"Well I try"

"Wanna try dating again?"

"Really? You mean it!?"

"Sure! Let's go back to that restaurant where I realised how evil you were to start over in the place our relationship came crashing down."

"Ok see you at eight!"

"See you!" a short ways away Mabel is laughing and rolling in the bushes as her twin comes rushing back trying not to laugh within earshot of that reformed try hard. They then began procedurally pranking everyone in town that didn't know before their ultimate prank. First Lazy Susan. One of the twins walked in ordered, went to wash their hands and the other entered as they were in the bathroom, ate everything on the plate drank their drink and left through the front door the food having already been paid for and everyone seeing her leave only for the girl to return from the bathroom and complain about her food being gone. A loud roar from her stomach making it clear she hadn't had any. Susan thought she saw a ghost and gave her a free meal out of it… Stan saw and decided he'd try that with Ford the next day. After a half off lunch, they Pranked Wendy's dad by challenging him to a race through the woods with the other twin waiting in the bushes by the finish ready to win when he was almost there. Next Toby. one walked right up to him and said, "I know what you did that one summer." he ran and screamed into his office and locked the door, peeking through the blinds he confirmed that she was still inside only to hear, "you can't escape the truth" right behind him. He quickly turned around and the twin outside hid behind a mailbox so that when Toby looked back outside it seemed as though she teleported in. thus at the end of the day, Dipher prepared Mabel for their big reveal at the date.

"Wow! I dreamed this day would come but never knew if it would actually happen."

"I never could have predicted it" though she was stifling laughter to Gideon it appeared she was holding back tears. They arrived at the restaurant and ordered what Mabel said they ordered when they went last summer. Dipper queued the well-disguised waiter and he signalled Mabel who came in in Dipher's clothes and general tired appearance, "hey Gideon"

"Hey disco girl, nice teeth"

"Yeah, I just got braces. They're a real drag. I've been practising all day just to talk good." Dipher turned to Gideon who seemed to be picking up on it but was too afraid to admit it so he thought he'd give him the biggest clue he could without giving it away outright. "Could you imagine if we traded places for a day? We're like identical now I bet even you couldn't tell us apart."

"I'd be able to tell."

"I bet we'd try to make the other look bad or do something the other wouldn't want to follow them around if we did trade places." and on cue Mabel attacked their spy of a waiter who took the fall, a clatter of both plates and silver against the ground followed by the disruption of people's meals and an impromptu food fight started by Mabel. Gideon began to worry and Dipher asked Gideon, "how long do you think it would take for a person's gums to stop bleeding after they got their braces taken out?"

"YOU!... You're!..."

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" cut to. "And that's how we pissed off the town today." Wendy walked in with wings on her back shades on her face and a top hat on her head, "And all we had to do was switch bodies"

"Honestly man I didn't know you could do that."

"In my culture, this is a symbol for marriage" the whole room goes silent, "I'm just kidding! It's merewif tag and I seem to be one of the only people who can start a game like this back home" the words came from Wendy's mouth but the one speaking was Hot Wings while Wendy in his body just gave an exasperated sigh and said, "life is just a big game to you isn't it?"

"Yes." the end.

AN: Quantum uncertainty sounds a lot like being a Roman except instead of conquering everyone and their beliefs, you just take whatever parts you like and ditch all the rules and restrictions that come with them otherwise you'd be about as free as a rat in the wall. You can take whatever you want but the second you're seen you're dead. Dare I remind you how the Romans fell?

* * *

New years eve

YrooXrksvi618 #43: Stan and Ford decide to throw a new year's eve party for anyone that wants to come. Mabel has Dipper go with her into the town to get stuff for new year's eve, like decorations, food, fireworks, etc. Mabel then goes to a store to buy dress clothes for everyone. Unfortunately, those mean girls from the party are there and start harassing Dipper. When Mabel tries to intervene, they simply push her down and start harassing her, too. They then decide that they are finished harassing them, and walk away. Dipper and Mabel bump into Pacifica on the way out and explain the situation. Pacifica then decides to help them get even. Gideon, who was nearby, overhears and decides to pitch in to help. He then offers his idea and plan: humiliation prank and blackmail. (Feel free to make up the prank. Just make it humiliating.)

Last thing's last: I apologize for this review being so long. I-I'm just specific about details. I am also tired.

AN: Since I was going to tell you how Rome fell anyway I might as well give you three history lessons for the price of one.

Once again a party was held at the Mystery Shack. Once again everyone within arm's reach of Gruncle Stan was drafted to work at the party. Including their slumbering bouncer who looked as intimidating asleep as he did awake. Wendy selling tickets and Mabel and Dipher making a run to buy more cookies and cake and junk food and stuff. Mabel had pocketed Stan's credit card which to her was basically a blank check to go nuts on the party. A miniature chariot was hooked up to a roman looking Waddle as they continued on shopping making sure not to put too much weight on the pig's back. All the food ready Dipher thought they were done but Mabel attempted one more chance, veiled as it may be, to give Dipher a makeover. Hence she dragged him into a nice clothing store. Not necessarily tailored. But not necessarily cheap either. She kept trying to go towards the suits but Mabel steered her more towards the dresses. They compromised and got Dipher trying on one suit for every dress. For some reason, she kept trying to get a trench coat but it didn't look right on her and she knew it. Eventually, Mabel left her little stool outside the dressing room to get another helping of Mabel juice from the waddles cart. But she also had to make it. So while she was gone for a few minutes longer than expected Dipher emerged from the booth in what had to be the best dress she'd tried so far. A modest dark blue dress that was not too tight but not extravagantly wide at the bottom. Showing slight curves and enough room to walk properly. This she'd of considered wearing if not for the faces who greeted her when she emerged. "Well if it isn't Mis Garrison."

"Who?"

"So stupid she doesn't even know when she's being trash talked"

"No really who is that?"

"Have you never seen South Park before?"

"I don't watch shows that look like they were pieced together at the last second"

"I'll tell you what's pieced together, that outfit!"

"What's wrong with it?" (note: they all start tag teaming her)

"Your hair"

"Your hat"

"Your shoes"

"It all looks like an amateur quilt"

"A pig could wear it better"

"And you should really take off that ugly mask, even at a masquerade people would be frightened."

"I think that's just her face."

They all share a laugh except Dipher, who'd heard enough and was trying to walk away from these chimps in human clothing cackling away as they throw their excrement. They then push her to the floor saying, "get away from me"

"No one wants to touch you"

"That back acne should be quarantined. Seriously!" they shared another laugh as they boxed her in and refused to let her out on the grounds that they wouldn't want her nonexistent acne to spread from her "greasy hands" Mabel came back briskly sipping her Mabel juice and absentmindedly humming a little melody she'd gotten stuck in her head, when she saw she dramatically tossed her drink onto the floor with a loud crash rivaling the "OH MY GOSH!" that came with it. She rushed over to the particular changing both they'd trapped a nettled Dipher in. they all turned to see and Mabel began shouting at them about how they have nothing better to do than pick on a defenceless girl that used to be a guy, and that if they had any semblance of a heart they wouldn't be doing this so two of them grab an arm each and toss her onto Dipher. "Look two fashion disasters together."

"Just when I thought she couldn't be any less of a man she has her sister protect her." the insults continued until the girls got bored and left. Ultimately Mabel bought no clothes that day. They weren't fast enough and Gruncle Stan had the credit card company report his card stolen but Mabel and Dipher booked it before anyone could arrest them. Pacifica was having ice cream just outside they crashed into her and all ended up running together which begged the question "Why are we running?!"

"Mabel Stole Gruncle Stan's credit card when he told us to leave for party supplies with no money,"

"Hey! I didn't steal it! I just borrowed it without telling him."

"Were you going to give the money back?"

"I was going to give him the snacks we bought with the money yes." Dipher and Pacifica both sigh. They stopped running in front of a small Italian restaurant with the umbrellas so you can eat outside set up and at the seat opposite their pit stop a little blue boy with a big bib and even bigger platter of spaghetti. "What're y'all runnin' from?"

"Aw not Gideon again"

"What?"

"You're gonna make fun of me again aren't you?"

"Dipper I'm wearing a bib and sitting in a highchair I know I did some stupid stuff in the past but if there's one thing I learned, it's not to start a fight I'm gonna lose." thus they filled him in and they devised a plan to humiliate them should they have the audacity to come to Gruncle Stan's new year's eve party.

At said party where

Wendy stood list in one hand and tickets in the opposite hand she awaited the obnoxious trio's arrival. Johny maned the register as Wendy passed out tickets and Hot Wings still slept flask empty and still proped up against the door. Finally the three obnoxious girls reered their snide faces into her sight and her grin turned sneer for just a second as she offered them, "for just one hundred dollars more you can get a croun and septer and lord your superiority over everyone who couldn't afford them." all three antied up and walked inside but not before one well-aimed joke. Dipher jumped out at them and shouted, "Hot Wings! Kill!" the gitls all jumped and almost ran but he responed, "Not allowed… kill people… side… universe anymore… terrified small children… talk later..." and he fell back asleep. The girls releif was almost tangable but when they turned back to the door for vengence they found her quite gone. So they entered the Mystery Shack and split up to search. Dipher was already on the balcony with Mable each with a switch in their hands as they watched them sturry about like rats looking for their next meal. First Dipper signalled to Wendy and all three of those bullies got spotlights on them as Soos began a chant, "better than us! Better than us!" a few people joined in ironically then they began paying people to cheer and when it seemed they couldn't get any louder all the switches were pressed and all the girls were die packed. Dark blue ink ran down their dresses and covered them from head to toe the crowns disfigured and useless. The cepters all trash and Gruncle Stan announced, "Give it up for the girls who think they're better than the people they put down." there final cheer genuine the room filled with laughter and at capacity. Wendy barracaded the door with a certain black coffin and the three inky girls had to spend the entire rest of the year covered in the very colour they recognised all too easily. The staff shared a toast upstairs overlooking the party as many a passer by, paid by Gideon, walked up to the three already crying girls and added insult to injury. Even though their only wound was to their oversised pride.

AN: Did you know Abortions started in Rome? You see the Romans were partiers and believed themselves so great that they could do whatever they want without repercussion. Needless to say, they weren't very responsible, so if someone had an unwanted pregnancy they'd birth the child, say they don't want 'em, and leave them outside the city walls to either starve or get eaten by wolves.

* * *

Shape Shifter

YrooXrksvi618 #44. Date: January 2nd. Ford and Dip-her are playing "Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons." Soos then comes in and suggests that they go on a monster hunt, to search for the thing that ripped their garbage cans to shreds and to help brighten Dip-her's spirits. She immediately agrees. So she, Soos, Ford, Stan and Mabel go to search for this creature. Unfortunately, Dip-her encounters some obstacles that make the hunt difficult. (Like having softer skin can make you more susceptible to thorns and frostbite, having a weaker bone structure can make cliff jumping difficult, and the fact that she's just not as strong as she was.) So, after encountering all of these, she just gives up and decides to go home. However, as she walks away, she gets lost, and just sits down and thinks about this whole thing. She then hears Mabel and Soos scream and comes running. As it turns out, the culprit is the Shapeshifter, which is grabbing everyone in its claws, ready to destroy them. Dip-her then comes in, gives it a powerful kick and it drops everyone and causes it to fall in a frozen pond, freezing it once more. They then walk home, and Dip-her is then told by Ford that, if she's up to it, they can go hunting tomorrow morning and cage the Shapeshifter permanently. She smiles and accepts. She thinks, "Maybe this won't be so bad after all."

AN: I'm having a hard time concentrating so here goes everything.

The day after the start of the new year where everyone woke up late because they were up till midnight the day before. Dipher and Ford were playing Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons she was casting the dice in attempts to hide her character in the shadows so as not to be attacked my another monster but the stealth check fails and she used the last of her healing potions, Ford chuckled happily at the challenge he'd made for her as she tried to calculate a way to win grasping at straws a loud crash could be heard and their game was temporarily interrupted. Soos was walking by when he asked if they wanted to go find what had been destroying their garbage. Dipher responded with, "something's been destroying our garbage?"

"Yeah, have you seen those claw marks in the dirt where the dumpster used to be?"

"What do you mean used to be?"

"It's just shredded metal now dude" The nerds left their nerd game to see the totalled trash and the changing prints that lead away, and faded in the snow. Soos was about to ask again when Dipher excitedly jumped in the air and declared how much fun this would be. Thus they assembled their team out of whoever happened to be there at the time: Stan, Ford, Mabel, Soos, and Dipher. They set off to find the monster that destroyed their trash into the woods and through the brush, Dipher noticed that these frozen branches and thistle leaves were a lot more annoying then they used to be. It was colder too but it being winter and she wore a skirt because Mabel… so lots of cuts on Dipher's legs and it's felling colder by the minute. In addition, she can't run as fast as she normally could(smaller lungs) he couldn't make jumps that were easier when she had been he. The frigid winters air was slowly cutting away at her resolve. After one more botched landing, she gave up and decided to go home but got lost in a bit of a white out. Deciding it best not to wander aimlessly in the forest she sits to let it pass and think about how poorly today went. But the sound of her sister and friend screaming called her to action. She rushed towards the sound and climbed a tree to see the source of that terrible noise. At the sight of her impromptu search party being found captured and in the process of being executed she lept into action and kicked the shapeshifter right under its centre of gravity. Toppling it over and sending it crashing through the frozen surface of the pond behind it. As it reemerged the water around it froze and it was stuck in another block of ice. Luckily no one else was hurt but that kick did a number on her ankle and she had to use Mabel as a crutch for most of the way back. Ford trying to salvage this experience asks Dipher if she'd like to return to properly seal the shapeshifter away in a place where it can harm no one anymore.

AN: if anyone has a nomenclature that lists Soos' vocabulary I'd like to borrow it. I'm not exactly sure how to write for him but feel that to continue this story I might have to learn. Does it snow in Oregon?

* * *

mani pedi

YrooXrksvi618 #45. January 3rd: Dip-her gets up and stubs her toe, screaming so loud that, across the house, in the basement, the crack in Ford's glasses grows bigger and splits the lens in two. (He grabs a spare glasses.) Stan, Mabel and Ford, who are the only ones home, come in and find that she cracked her toenail. Mabel then decides to take her to a nail salon to get a manicure. Dip-her then panics and tries to run, because she knows that Mabel will make her get painted toenails, too. However, after begging Ford and Stan to take her side, they agree that a nail place would be the best place to go. So they go. (Time skip) After all is said and done, Dip-her is told that she can't wear shoes or socks because of the paint needs to set, and to give the toe time to heal. She is embarrassed and tries to hide it from the others. (Soos, Wendy, Hot Wings, Dipper's parents.) Unfortunately, they find out. However, they actually think it looks good on her, and give her quite a few compliments. So Mabel, overhearing, decides to paint her fingernails that night. Dip-her then thinks, "At least they let me choose the one that glows in the dark."

AN: I remember once I stubbed my big toe and the entire nail came off, took months to grow back but only hurt for a few minutes after the blood stopped. But I did wear closed toed shoes and socks to keep my toes from sustaining any more damage it was sandals that I stubbed my toes in, in the first place

January 3rd

I was listening to BABBA in my room with my headphones on trying not to sing it as I danced around cleaning and I did a little spin and i think my toe hit the leg of my bed frame. Then I screamed and I saw Mabel and both Gruncle Stan and Ford. I think Gruncle Ford was wearing new glasses. In fact I think his exact words were, "looks like that scream broke more than just my glasses"Mabel saw my toe too and if I didn't know better I'd say she was being concerned when she said to go to the nail salon. But by the tone of her voice I knew she had an agenda. So I did my best to hobble over to Gruncle Ford and put him in between me and Mabel I begged them to find a reason to disagree with her so that I didn't have to get my nails painted. But they said that if anyone knew what to do about this it would be them. So I resigned to going there and there they spoke a language I didn't understand while Mabel constantly bugged me over the different colors my nails could be and practically forced me to try them. She said she wanted to compare them but I ended up with multi colored toes and one big red toe with a crack running straight down the middle of the toenail horizontally. I really don't want to be offensive in writing down exactly what she said because no matter how I write it, it'll seem exaggerated. But what I took away from it was, It'll heal in time and that the part that cracked and was no longer connected to the part of the toe where the nail came out of, would eventually fall off and that it would grow back. They did however wash my feet clean the blood off of the cracked nail and provided a bigger bandage and proceeded to polish the rest of my toes. Mabel insisted that since they were going to have to dry anyway I should get colors and as I said before made my toes more colorful than one of her sweaters. They told me not to wear closed toed shoes or socks until my toe healed that and the paint needed to dry. Mabel also got her nails done, hands and feet she couldn't use her hands for the next half hour. When we left I saw Wendy getting a haircut across the street while Hot Wings tried to buy an ice cream cone with a bar of gold. So I quickly put a mailbox between my feet and his eyes. He noticed but turned back to the vendor and said, "I just want Mint chocolate chip."

"I told you I don't have change for gold."

"Just gimme the cone!"

"No, I have to give you exact change"

"Just take the rest as a tip!"

"You really think I deserve millions of dollars as a tip for a three dollar ice cream cone"

"Screw it where's the Baskin Robbins"

"About a few hundred feet that way" he points in a random direction "thanks, ICE CREAM HERE I COME!" he then took to the skies and I didn't even notice Wendy standing right next to me, "Hey Dipper" I screamed a bit in surprise then made it abundantly clear that I was just surprised before saying, "Do you think he should be flying in that condition?"

"He's not drunk he's just hung over and doesn't have any money here cause he has no job but doesn't feel like opening up a bank account depositing the gold and paying with a card like a normal person. Cause he's going to leave at some point and would rather just give it away all at once."

"... oh..."

"Nice toenail by the way"

"Mabel painted them against my will"

"Can I see it?"

"You mean under the bandaid right?"

"Of course! (Hot Wings landed with a huge cone of ice cream carrying one visible scoop of mint chocolate chip one of coffee or maybe it was chocolate and a third of sherbert on top the widest grin on his face) What else would I mean" so I showed her the damage and she remarked on how gross it looked and that she respects me for going through something that painful. That got me smiling but I was still self-conscious about my toes. Hot Wings walks up to me and says, "how many times have you walked up to someone and judged them on everything you can see?" I was kinda taken aback by his question and he continued, "just like you forget people the second you pass them by they'll forget about you stop feeling so self-conscious. If someone finds the time to pick on you for your appearance that says more about them then it does about you"

"Yeah, and it looks good on you anyway Dipper" I was glad, that night Mabel coloured my fingernails and I woke up to her still on my bed and polish still in her hands. She must have wanted to gloss them just to make sure the paint stays but fell asleep waiting for the paint to dry. Well, at least they let me choose the one that glows in the dark.

AN: I recently realised that I took a break from writing fanfiction the same week Tomska took a break from Last Week on youtube. I got a spider bite on my face I'm a little distracted at the moment trying to decide between scratching it or typing. I think the urge to scratch is winning cause it's midnight and as for when I'm typing I barely got a few sentences on this short done fingers crossed. Why is delete button right under power? What if I get the buttons mixed up.

* * *

Casual Party

YrooXrksvi618 #46. January 4th: Pacifica invites the Pines to go to a party. They can go casual, so everyone can go as they are, like Soos in his T-shirt, Stan in his fez, Ford in his trenchcoat, Hot Wings in his suit, etc. Dip-her decides to go as she is, hat, vest, etc. But Mabel decides that she should look nice, so she grabs dresses, makeup and jewellery for her sis to try on, much to her protest. So, at the end, Dip-her just decides to go as she was, much to Mabel's disappointment. So to make Mabel happy, she wears a little makeup. Ford whispers to Stan, " She looks nice, huh?" Stan simply states, "She better be turned back. I'm running low on acceptable mocking material."

AN: My brother interrupted my writing tonight I lost a whole half hour I could have spent writing sorry if the chapter today is even shorter than they've been this week. But blame Everyone's getting ready to leave for the party Pacifica was throwing for charity thus eliminating the possibility of any bullies. The Pines are all in the cleanest of their clothes they could find. And Mabel forlornly gazed upon Dipher's unimpressive mode of dress, and began subtly hinting at wearing something more flashy but Dipher declined at every proposition sad and dejected Mabel left the room but not without Dipher's notice so just to be kind to her he wore make up and even let her do it provided she did a respectable job. When it came time for them to leave a knock came at their door as they were seconds from opening it. Ford reached for the door knob a bit slower than he'd of done had he no fear of what might be on the other side. But to their relief it was just Hot Wings drunk beyond all recognition, "Guys! You gotta hide me! I drank all the 151 in the whole world! Shh! Don't tell anyone!" then he threw up on the floor slipped and fell asleep. Wendy was behind him, she picked him up and simply said, "'s go." and they went. When they got to the party Pacifica said that all the adult's drinks were gone for an unknown reason before not so subtly looking at Hot Wings, who was in the process of drinking a bottle of whisky and placing it atop a tower that started on the ground floor and reached the ceiling. He clapped like an infant and handed Pacifica a bar of gold. She couldn't carry it so it fell to the ground and caused a huge crack in the foor. He then began a cycle of handing her gold to fix the broken floor until the marble floor was mildly irritating to walk on. Candy and Grenda were there trying to support Dipher in the face of all them cute boys. She however wanted no part in any flirtatious plan they had for him/her. She ended up spending the better part of the evening catching up with Pacifica. Dipper gave a bit about how many dates Mabel'd set him up on how much being a girl has been a massive pain and how he has a whole new respect for women. Pacifica started talking about how she planned on being a humanitarian from now on and the process it took to get her from privileged brat to where she was now. The two became good friends and traded numbers even set up a sleepover. Wendy spent the better part of the night baby sitting a guy who was about 125 times older than him. Not really stopping his drunken antics but also making it seem like she tried so she couldn't be held responsible for anything he did. She basically held up a green stop sign for the whole night. Sometimes him running around screaming as the butlers chase him was funny others it looked painful he was not afraid of dismembering himself to escape their grasp but did manage to nettle everyone at least once that night. At some point Pacifica's father came in asking why the FBI was there to which Hot Wings replied, "They know!" and flew away. Turns out he also drank the world's entire supply of liquor and it would take years to replenish there wasn't even rubbing alcohol left. Wendy guided them in the wrong direction saying that Gideon knows and giving them his address to make them leave. Wendy then takes some time to talk to Dipher and give her some words of encouragement. And a little red stain on a white carpet turned into a fountain of vomit as Hot Wings rose up out of the floor declaring that they'd never find him and going so far as to say, "I wager the softest part of my body is tougher than their hardest!" at the end of the night when all the rich people had fallen asleep and the girls were slow dancing with Wendy who'd borrowed Hot Wings' body and figured out how to split into mini versions of herself/himself and the one that danced with Dipher said, "hey you're a guy with a girl's body and I'm a girl with a guy's body. It's not so bad"

"Yeah being a girl is harder. Plus you survived an apocalypse with a smile on your face. I doubt adjusting would be hard for you."

"I guess that's true but you survived too and you lasted longer than I did remember that." Dipher rested her head on Wendy's borrowed shoulder and Ford whispers to Stan, " She looks nice, huh?" Stan simply states, "She better be turned back. I'm running low on acceptable mocking material."

* * *

Old Friends

YrooXrksvi618 #67. Wendy and her friends invite Dip-her and Mabel to hang out. They agree, but Dip-her is nervous about how they will react. As it turns out, they're cool with it. Robbie attempts to say some positive comment on her situation, but he says it wrong and it gets sort of awkward when they just stare at him like "What?" As they walk around town, some kid laughs at her and says some insult. Robbie, Wendy and the others threaten him, with Wendy punching her palm, Robbie swinging his guitar, and Thompson whimpering while holding up a fist. The kid runs away. Dip-her starts to tear up a bit. Wendy offers to grab some cans of spray paint and vandalise the police station.

AN: I'm no good with awkward sorry if remark provided either goes way too far or not far enough I have trouble with self-censorship as well and could have on multiple occasions been far more offensive than I'd been I could always stand to do more but I'm positive it would drive readers away. Again sorry. I also need to do something about my bad habit of making it so that people can misconstrue what I say/type thus giving way for opinions to arise where I tried to make a solid point but when trying to explain I tend to monologue so being vague or overly explicit is hard to choose. What do you guys prefer?

One morning after a very uncomfortable shower with Dipher trying her best to wash up without looking a knock on the door was heard and Mabel rushed down stairs calling out, "I'll get it!" before Dipher could even decide whether to don her vest or new jacket, whether to wear pants or a skirt Mabel won't stop pestering her into wearing. Eventually, she ends up putting on some light blue jeans and her new flannel under her usual vest and wearing the pink hat she's forced to wear when she wakes up after Mabel and has to spend the whole day looking for her hat. Mabel called up "It's for you!"

"Hold on I'm still getting dressed!" she replied tying her shoes and checking to see if she missed anything in the mirror cursing her luck she walked down the stairs saying, "could you at least give me my hat back so I don't have to meet whoever it is like this?"

"I'll do you one better," Wendy said as he reached the bottom step. He made a move to hide his hat from view of the others but she'd already traded hats with him, "I don't normally wear pink but if it makes you feel any better I'll take one for the team today." Dipher stuttered and looked around to see all of Wendy's friends around save Hot Wings before she could ask Wendy said, "his hat's kind of a portal to his universe's Jupiter and he stepped through to get more drinks said he'd be back in a sec he's been gone all day, but he did say time goes faster here than there… hm…" Robbie walked up to the two on the stairs and said, "Wendy asked us all if we could hang out together again with you guys cause, she says you two were the most fun additions to our team" before Wendy could even ask Dipper had already silently off they went to go hang out where teens usually can be found at the mall cause the cemetery was flooded with vomit due to unforeseen events involving a certain drunk and a certain issue with volume consumed vs volume available. Anyway, while the man responsible was in his own hat the authorities could not apprehend him nor could they find fingerprints or any other such evidence to pin him with and all that was left was clean up… a clean up that made them hang out in the mall… hey, look giant chess.

So Dipher began beating everyone in giant chess and feeling better about her situation and right after beating the overly competitive Robbie instead of getting mad as he seemed prone to do he decided to be nice and pay her a compliment, "That cute little body's not all bad, you're still smart enough to make the best of a bad situation." knowing that didn't come out right everyone stared at him as he tipped his king over and simply said, "What?" they eventually get bored of the mall and walk to see if the cemetery still reeks of bile and booze a few kids catch Dipher smiling and decide to be jerks, "hey look, it's the girl who wasn't man enough to even stay a boy!" deciding their tiny minds to small to top that they all share a laugh and try to start a chant that fails immediately cause they don't understand the concept of harmony end up giving up and going back to laughing. Dipher didn't get a chance to rebuke them however because Wendy and friends stepped up to defend her. Wendy punching her palm, Robbie swinging his guitar, and Thompson whimpering, "I'm pretty sure beating up kids is illegal but verbal assault is also illegal… I think." while holding up a fist. The kids run away. Dip-her starts to tear up a bit. Wendy offers to grab some cans of spray paint and vandalise the police station. She declines and says she's just happy to have such great friends who'd go so far for her sake and her happiness. At which point a top hat rolls down the street and a familiar fancy man pops out wings and all holding a thermos in each hand and a flask sticking out of his mouth. He spat it out and said, "I remembered to wear the suit with the portal pockets this time so I never run out of drink again! And I remembered to bring coffee this time."

"Does that mean you can change me back?"

"It's Irish coffee"

"What does that mean?"

"It probably has something to do with alcohol," Wendy said causing him to nod and say, "the other thermos has stick tea"

"I still don't know what that is, but knowing you it's alcoholic."

"It's not apparently it's a drink that;s been outlawed in most countries where I'm from cause it's stronger than coffee and has the potential to cause heart attacks."

"And you don't have a heart."

"Right!" then he passed out and Wendy carried him to her home again. Everyone bid adieu went their separate ways with plans to meet up again some time.

AN: my sister bought me a flask online yesterday it arrived and it makes my water taste rusty. Anyone know if there are any health problems associated with drinking rust? I may or may not have wasted an hour sorting out my notes on the chapters/shorts to come but at this rate, the end never will come thanks for that. And the water stopped tasting like iron so it should be fine… wait… does stainless steel rust? Either way, the instructions that came with the flask said not to store alcohol in it so I'm very disappointed but still a nice prop for my ever growing repertoire of visual comedy. I miss going to anime club already.

* * *

Saboteur

YrooXrksvi618 #68. McGucket walks in the Shack and asks to talk to Dip-her. He says he may have found a way to turn her back. He drives her and Mabel to the mansion. Mabel doesn't want her to turn back, so she secretly removes a wire from the invention. McGucket tests it on a squirrel first. The squirrel, unfortunately, becomes hulk like and aggressive due to the testosterone. It proceeds to battle a giant caterpillar hit by the size crystals. They sit on the roof of McGucket Manor and watch Hot Wings take them down. They all agree that the invention needs more testing and that this is fun to watch.

AN: Right as I was about to clear my mind to focus on this chapter my sister opened the door and turned on the light even though it's set to the lowest setting it still hurt my unprotected eyes might take awhile to get over that painful experience but she's gone now the lights are off let's begin shall we?

Late afternoon when Dipher was stocking the shelves as Timmy secretly stalked her old man McGucket ran through the door screaming about making Dipher a boy again. Mabel screamed "What!" in clear shock that resonated with the look on Dipher's face as she came to the realisation that she might not have to stay a girl for much longer. Dipher wanted to go and she wanted to go now. No waiting for anyone Nabel was barely fast enough to hop onboard McGucket's rusty pickup before they drove off to McGucket manor where he unveiled a large machine about the size of a room with a compartment big enough for a small person to stand comfortably. And McGucket began telling Dipher the mechanics of the machine explaining how he'd waited for her to come over before he started testing and as he explained a few scientific details Mabel snuck around behind the machine found an open panel and removed one wire hoping that one change would be enough that it didn't work when she turned around she saw Hot Wings standing idly by a glass of deep red wine in one hand the bottle in the other. "I saw that..."

"Please don't tell"

"What would be the fun in that?" she sighed and he followed up "I'd rather they figure it out on their own, and frankly… it wouldn't have worked anyway" he took a sip from the glass and joined up with the group as McGucket was asking Dipher whether she'd like to test the machine or not before going in. she agreed that so long as the machine existed there was hope of returning and that they should test the machine with the first animal they came across. Hot WIngs spotted a female squirrel and in a second it was ensnared in a cage that seemed to be made of blood. At his command, the cage flew to his side as the startled squirrel looked around at its captors fear evident on its little face. He reached down and the dome like cage opened slowly at the top as his hand reached in and grabbed the now angry squirrel that bit and scratched at his armoured hand as his red tendrils receded into the floor and disappeared. He put the squirrel into the glass compartment and McGucket set the machine to squirrel. Dipher asked why he was here to which he replied, "My drunken mind missed one wine cellar in its attempt to drink the world dry."

"Just to be clear when you say dry"

"Yes. like a dry county meaning no liquor." the compartment where the squirrel was now trapped shrunk to accommodate the small creature and it seemed claustrophobic as the walls quite literally came closing in on it. McGucket asked if dipher would do the honors and she responded by walking up to the control panel and pressing the big red button. A big flash of steam erupted from the machine as a bunch of processes appeared on the screen and a needle came out from one panel and took a blood sample several more needles came and went after that but a signal came saying there was no male squirrel DNA logged a problem that was quickly remedied and the processes continued after several more needles and quite a bit of gas flooded the compartment the machine dinged as if to signal the completion of a desert that needed to be removed from the oven. The glass door opened and the little squirrel came out covered in muscles and very aggressive. It charged at Hot Wings but he popped into a cloud or red smoke and reformed himself when the squirrel had left seemingly angered at a big caterpillar it seems to have remembered eating the tree it lived in, and charged at it. Hot Wings came back looked at the wine then the forest then the wine then the tree that crashed into a fountain at the manor and sighed as he begrudgingly said, "I'll get it… even though it wasn't my fault" and walked into the forest bloody tendrils sprouting out to attack the two feuding beasts of the forest. The ground shakes and they all rush to the rooftop. Watching on as Hot Wings bloody bars tried to out wit the quick and clever squirrel that had already been trapped once. The caterpillar lumbered on but was no match for a silver sword and an invulnerable man. The squirrel tried to hit him from behind but again he vanished the squirrel emerged from the smoke in a red net that seemed to burn its fur ar he still struggled to tie down the massive caterpillar with slower larger red arms hugging it to the ground. They all agree that the invention needs more testing, and that this is fun to watch. The squirrel broke free and continued its assault on the caterpillar. A bubble from one of the binds on the caterpillar caught the squirrel and Hot Wings returned and tossed the glass aside and drank straight from the bottle. Making sure to hold them in place until cages were made to keep the two separate and McGucket got right on that. The squirrel was later examined and though the DNA was male the reproductive organs were not...

AN: did I tell you about the name Hot Wings and how it became the favored nickname for my OC for this story? Of course my brother thought of it I said as much, but I was actually frantic when I asked him to come up with a nickname for my all too familiar character cause through the years I've given him a great variety of nicknames and could have very easily just gone and played my game of making up more in my never ending game of being extraordinarily vague when referring to him but my brother said the name and I immediately thought of the food and responded, "that's the stupidest name for a character. Great idea bro!" and just went with it. In case anyone was wondering i am very sadistic and can sustain a lot in terms of psychologically troubling material, don't read the Pokemon story and don't look that up on Bad Fanfiction Theatre. You know what just don't look up bad fanfiction theatre in general. But yeah I'm not opposed to torturing characters and could have been a lot worse in a lot of different instances but have been censoring myself because I know full well how badly those types of stories have been spoken of… I gotta get bad fanfiction theatre to read one of my stories… just not "Underappreciated Character" I actually liked that one, but it would embarrass me to go back and read it.

* * *

Catwalk

YrooXrksvi618 #69. Dip-her has just gotten dressed, and looks in the mirror. She just stares at her reflection, thinking about how it's not that bad looking, and thinks about some things that she might find pretty on a girl. She starts thinking when Mabel comes in and asks what she's doing. Dip-her says, "It's my body...I guess I just haven't really looked at it before." She strikes a couple of poses. Mabel grabs her camera and fires away. Stan comes in an hour later asking if the kids if they have seen his pants. He is cut off mid sentence and sees what is going on. Apparently, Mabel is taking photos of Dip-her making poses like a model in various dresses white runway music plays. They look at Stan. He says, "I'll, uh, come back later." He takes a picture with his phone and slowly backs out of the room.

AN: sorry about giving up on the whole diary entries thing and going back to narrating but I think this style suits me best. But her what say we end this in the most epic way possible

Changing clothes have been very uncomfortable for Dipher since… well… but today she decided it didn't matter anymore cause like it or not this was who she was now and she had to get used to it at some point. When she'd finished she did something she didn't normally do she checked herself out, playing with her longer than before hair pulling down a strand to see how far it can go. Then took a close look at her face noticing the changes in bone structure and a slight change in colour somehow even paler than before but not as pale as a certain vampire who's skin is whiter than most people's teeth. But still noticeably closer to alabaster than when she was a boy. She then began pulling the fabric to hug herself noticing the slight curves she definitely didn't have as a boy. But the bags under her eyes were still there, perhaps even darker. Mabel entered to find her sister staring at herself in the mirror, "when was the last time I looked into my own eyes? Eyes are cool."

"Sis sis? What cha doin'?"

"It's my body...I guess I just haven't really looked at it before."

"Does this mean you're ready to try on new outfits?"

"Maybe? No! Definitely." Mabel smiled as she began thinking of all the different things she could make him try on "CLOTHES BEAM!" a suit and tie were not on the list. "Hot Wings where did you come from?"

"A universe about seventeen dimensions away in terms of average length in the omniverse"

"What's the difference between dimensions and universes?"

"Well first a parallel universe is more or less the same as the other where a parallel dimension is more like a mirror that does the opposite of what the closest dimension hence why heaven and hell are often referred to as the same place in the old testament cause they're so close together. Not to mention how much bigger a dimension is then a universe. Here I'll show you" he holds out his hands and a thousand flickering lights come to life in an orb with what appears to be thousands of flickering stars in a flowing liquid with many different colors stretching and receding but not mixing the stars more or less in the same place with one piercing line directly connecting a dot closest to the outside with a dot far closer to the center. The line crossed about seventeen seas of color and was a constant red. "That line is my bridge back home and when I use it there will be nothing left of me here but the memories of the people I met." Dipper was looking at the back of her hands and her legs counting the scars from before and the new ones however faded they may be feeling how much softer her skin was and how good the silk suit felt even if he didn't see his ideal girl in the suit, "Does it have to be a suit?" catching his meaning he, Hot Wings, motioned his hand and the pant legs opened up into a long black dress. The creases and buttons faded and the sleeves turned transparent, his white gloves turned black and connected to said sleeves. The necktie turned into more of a big red bow like a ribbon'd been tied about her neck instead the chest still white standing out against the black. as the hat turned wider and shorter by which I mean the rim got massive and the top turned round to hug her head atop the hat the ribbon had more flare and a black rose accented the ribbon flourish perfectly. The dress fit like a glove and accentuated every feature that she soon started staring at in the mirror. A smile swept across her face and she began, slowly at first, striking poses to see if she could be a model to show those bullies who they messed with. Mabel immediately grabbed her scrapbooking camera and began snapping pictures left and right and Hot Wings laughed and toggled the settings on the dress, first changing the colors then the style, ie length of the dress, sleeves and length between the neck of the dress and her clavicle. Removing and or relocating the bow tie. Adding patterns, jackets, accessories, the hat changed to match she learned how to wear heels quick somewhere a bag got thrown in. about an hour had past and they were going down the list of Japanese school girl uniforms at about the time Gruncle Stan walks in saying, "kids have you seen my..." he stopped and saw Hot Wings sitting in what appeared to be a throne made out of skulls (another thing he can generate out of thin air) with the floor surrounding him littered with empty bottles Mabel was about to snap another picture and Dipher was currently wearing the school uniform with the shortest skirt and holding the peace sign over her eye as the music played for a second you could have sworn they were doing the mannequin challenge. Then Hot WIngs tosses him a bear that he catches in his off hand as another throne of skulls raised up from the floor boards, "I'll, uh, come back later." he said while taking a picture and backing out of the room slowly.

AN: that explanation I was doing about the omniverse was something I was going to save for a random episode of the anime I'm writing with same illustrator as before but she's looking for me to use more descriptive details on the first draft I wrote four years back. But yeah in my mind every universe is like a star where the closer you are to the outside the faster your time is moving to its end and the closer you are to the outside the more rules have an effect on you, like physics, general reason, etc… and you can be outside of a universe and still be in a dimension, that it's not just blank nothingness more like it's a place ruled by imagination where people's dreams live that a person can create their own universe with enough belief and attention to detail making sure there are rules to be followed and the that by passing through a certain number of dimensions one can time travel and that a universe can have a multiple dimensions lay claim to a different part of it.

* * *

Deal or no deal

Sixer618 # 4? Dip-her is sitting on the porch, and is pondering the two ways to turn back. One one hand, Hot Wings refuses to help her. On the other, she could just get used to it for the rest of his life. She starts considering the last option when she notices the Bill statue holding her leather jacket. She gets up and grabs it when she notices the eye of the statue glowing. She taps it, and there is a flash of light as she enters the mindscape. Bill appears, and asks who she is. He then says, "I'm just kidding! I know who you are, Pine-she!" She then yells out, asking how he is alive. He gives an incredibly vague answer, saying that it's not important. He offers to turn her back, only asking her to shake the statue's hand, thus freeing him. She starts considering it, but then refuses. He then shows her what her entire future will be like if she does not turn back, from her friends' reactions, to the bullies at home, from prom, to adulthood and dating, from marriage to child birth, from raising a kid to having to get a job, to divorce, to a lonely elderly age. (Bill makes a joke here, saying, "Just shake my hand, Pinocchio, and you can become a real boy! So Whaddaya say, Pine-she?" She then almost shakes his hand, but then swiftly pulls her hand back, refusing, saying that she would rather be unhappy forever then let Cipher loose on the world. Bill then turns red and growls, asking her why she's gotta be frustratingly stubborn. She replies, "Have you seen Stan?" He then responds with a "You...actually, you make a good point." He then says that he will leave, and that this was her last chance for help from him. Bill says that she will be forced to be one forever, always regretting this chance. He then leaves. She then wakes up with a yell, and looks around. She is right where she was sitting, as if she didn't even get up. She then gets up, snatches her jacket, and gives the statue a good, hard look. She then goes in, thinking it all to be a dream. But she thinks she hears a laugh. She shrugs it off, and, as she leaves, the statue glows a bit, and Bill can be heard singing, "We'll...meet again...don't know where...don't know when...oh, I know we'll meet again some sunny day!" Soos then comes out and uses Bill's arm to scratch his back. And then he sits on Bill and proceeds to eat a taco, accidentally dripping hot sauce in Bill's eye. Bill starts screaming in his head. Then Soos starts poking his eye trying to clean the hot sauce out. When Soos leaves, Bill thinks, "Expect 30 British dog-men in your nightmare, Question Mark! Ahh! My eye!"

AN: in case you hadn't noticed from my previous authors notes I had a girlfriend and am still sore about it. I haven't seen her in almost a year now and I still carry that heart break. But tonight the saddest thing I ever experienced happened to me… I dropped my sandwich… I worked a full half hour making sure the time honored recipe I only make when I'm in a particularly good mood cause of the fact it's very easy to mess up. I got the right amount of everything I even cooked the mushrooms beforehand which I do even more scarcely I had the plate in my hand. The knife holding it in place betrayed me as I turned to catch a falling fan… both ended up on the floor… in that moment I felt, rage, shock, disappointment, and utter shame at having worked so hard for nothing. After I cleaned up the mess I washed my hands with my head hanging lower than it had ever hung and I took a sad shower hoping to wash away the embarrassment and the deep loss of my perfect sandwich. I just watched one of my favourite music videos from the lonely island feeling a little better but that is one loss I never knew would cut so deep.

Dip-her is sitting on the porch, the air was clear the moon was full and she was pondering the two ways to turn back. On the one hand, Hot Wings refuses to help her cause he didn't want to be held responsible if he made a mistake. On the other, she could just get used to it for the rest of his life. She starts considering the last option when she notices the Bill statue holding her leather jacket. She gets up and grabs it when she notices the eye of the statue glowing. And for whatever reason She taps it, and there is a flash of light as she enters the mindscape. She falls through the air before the unsettling feeling that the ground was never gone sets in as the scene turns into the same location but with three suns and one happy looking Bill appears, and asks who she is, preceded "I'm just kidding! I know who you are, Pineshe!" She then yells out, asking how he is alive. "Well I was inside his mind and then you erased his mind and his mind came back so… You know what it's not important. But if you like I can switch you back to the boy you were as long as you shake my statues hand."

"So you can posses me again?"

"So I can go free" Dipher weighs her options. If he takes the deal Bill goes free and Dipper lives the next few seconds of his life a boy who betrayed the world. If he doesn't take the deal he stays a girl potentially forever and lives with the knowledge that she could have done something about it but at least Bill didn't betray her again like with the laptop. He then shows her what her entire future will be like if she does not turn back: When he arrives back home and goes to school Mabel gets him to work up the courage to tell his friends about her unexpected predicament they tease her to no end and she ends up distancing herself from them until her "friends" become no more than mere acquaintances; the bullies at home were even worse the jocks at PE cornering her in the locker room or bathroom or random security camera blind spot to perversely torment her claiming that she liked it mocking her for changing, and the girl he now had to share the lavatories with were far worse, taking pictures of her changing on the toilet and inviting her to sleepovers just to embarrass her during truth or dare; going to prom alone after the one who promised to take her shows up on the arm of another girl and everyone refuses to dance with her; living alone in a small studio apartment working part time and still on the graveyard shift trying desperately hard to pay her way through college whilst living on her own; dating forced on him by Mabel, and he tries to self sabotage telling every man she sets her up with that she used to be a man from the start; a man misunderstood her and thought she said that she was from Iran he later found out the depths of his blunder but he was too late to pull out of this relationship now; Bill shows not only her adult self screaming on a bed for forty hours he's kind enough to let her feel for a second what she'd have to continue feeling cause her stupid husband thought the painkiller would make his son an idiot later in life; feeling the worst was over the couple reclines in bed as a baby starts to cry every single time they try to get back to sleep the baby awakens them deciding only to sleep during the day; after years of working graveyard cleaning up chipotle bathrooms She gets a job as their accountant where every second of the day is numbers and boring math to decide who gets paid what and how much budget is left to hire people who to fire and so on; later seeing herself in the courthouse glaring daggers at her now Ex husband who'd only just realised how disagreeable he found sleeping with what used to be a man;advanced in years and very upset sat a sad elderly Dipher who'd outlived all her family and friends sat quietly eating homemade tapioca pudding in the hopes that the cyanide would kill her and whatever afterlife came next would be better than that. To her dismay, she survived.

"Just shake my hand, Pinocchio, and you can become a real boy! So Whaddaya say, Pine-she?" Shaky and unstable her hand extended and almost met Bill's he lost patients and tried to grab her hand but she pulled away saying "I'd rather be unhappy forever then let you loose on the world." Bill then turns red and growls, asking her why she's gotta be so frustratingly stubborn. She replies, "Have you seen Stan?" He then responds with a "You...actually, you make a good point." He then says that he will leave and that this was her last chance for help from him. Bill says that she will be forced to be one forever, always regretting this chance. He then leaves. She then wakes up with a yell and looks around. She is right where she was sitting as if she didn't even get up. She then gets up, snatches her jacket, and gives the statue a good, hard look. She then goes in, thinking it all to be a dream. But she thinks she hears a laugh. She shrugs it off, and, as she leaves, the statue glows a bit, and Bill can be heard singing, "We'll...meet again...don't know where...don't know when...oh, I know we'll meet again some sunny day!" Soos then comes out and uses Bill's arm to scratch his back. And then he sits on Bill and proceeds to eat a taco, accidentally dripping hot sauce in Bill's eye. Bill starts screaming in his head. Then Soos starts poking his eye trying to clean the hot sauce out. When Soos leaves, Bill thinks, "Expect 30 British dog-men in your nightmare, Question Mark! Ahh! My eye!"

AN: in case you were wondering I ended up substituting the sandwich for butter and toast… not as good… and my computer crashed I was so worried I lost that long winded story about sandwich and would have to type it again. Also sorry I didn't have much to contribute I'm still kinda bummed about sandwich it's already one thirty in the morning as I write this.

* * *

Getting off on the wrong foot

Sixer618 #5? So Dip-her and Mabel are sent by Stan to the market to buy some junk food. While they are there, some sleazy guys start hitting on them. Dip-her turns red in frustration. They then walk home. Dip-her asks if stuff like that will keep happening. Mabel simply responds to ignore them, saying that he's "one of us" now. She starts chanting "one of us" freaking Dip-her out. They turn the corner and another guy starts hitting on them. Dip-her then simply walks away with Mabel. They then walk home. Dip-her is silent. They walk in and Dip-her kicks the door shut. Stan asks how the trip went. Dip-her responds with a look that says "never send me out again" and walks up the stairs and slams the door shut. Stan asks Mabel and she explains awkwardly that some guys started hitting on them and she started to get embarrassed and uncomfortable. Stan groans and goes up to their room and finds Dip-her in the corner on her bed, crying, the makeup Mabel forced on her face smearing. They then awkwardly talk. Dip-her then says that she knew how all those girls on their RV trip felt and she hated it. She says that she might be stuck like this and the guys might keep doing this and it makes her uncomfortable and she might end up liking someone and shares all her concerns. Stan says that he finds the whole Dip-her thing awkward. He has no clue what she must be going through. So he then tries to figure out what to do. He then gets an idea and lights up. He then asks his niece to follow him. They go to his room. He pulls out a notebook. He tells her that he has kept a record of every single excuse, comeback and insult every girl has ever used against him in his younger days. He then tells her to go wipe off the smeared mascara (commenting she looks like something from a horror movie) and study it mimicking Ford. She runs off with it. The next day she is sent out with Mabel again to pick up some other stuff. She then uses the comebacks to send all the sleazy guys away. She then reminds herself to pay Stan back for this. Mabel squeals that she can see her sister smiling. She then proceeds to think that she might choose to stay like this! Mabel then calms herself down, thinking "One thing at a time."

AN: when a suggestion this long comes I'd like to ask first, why don't you just start your own account and write it(looks just like if I were to make myself an outline)? Second, should I plagiarize this and just add detail or loosely base an adaptation of this structure? If you can't think of any descriptive words read Dracula, The Great Gatsby, Frankenstein, anything old and at the very least you'll have enough adjectives to make eating bacon an ordeal. My sister once wrote an entire essay on doorknobs if that's possible you can do this. Just remember my OC is my creative property and basically a cooler, drunker version of myself but with a worse past.

Dipher and Mabel were walking through the mall Hot Wings was passed out on a bench with his phone out playing "sleepytime junction". A group of men in bear suits were also walking around presumably on break from their jobs as mascots. The twins were buying candy and drinks and stuff at the one shop that doesn't exclusively sell chocolate buying up a large assortment of different candies Wendy was also there arguing with the store clerk about how the jaw breakers in "Ed Edd n Eddy" were bigger eventually she left with a garbage bag full of brown M&Ms on Hot Wings' request and another bag full of jawbreakers each could fit in a man's palm. The twins were just on their way so See's candies (chocolate cigars) and the group of bears spotted them and started hitting on them with the cheesiest pickup lines the world over. To the point that Hot Wings woke up, as Wendy tried to fit a jaw breaker in his mouth as a joke, walked over and said, "anyone else smell that?" no one acknowledged him he scratched his head the silence palpable and walked over to the Wetzel's pretzels where he got makeshift pizza. When he left the men continued to follow them around to their dismay and they took a turn down a narrow alley way so that they couldn't follow in those stupid suits. They brought home so many of those thin little chocolate things with the molasses centre, you know the ones. You bite them and the chocolate is dark but it tastes like pure sugar and ultimately gets stuck in your teeth for the rest of the day. Mabel does her "one of us chant" as she tries her best not to let what they said get to her… she fail. Then she cry in her room. With the door closed but not locked. Stan asks Mabel explains Stan goes to comfort. She then goes into detail for a few hours about pretty much everything Bill covered in her recent nightmare and going on to say she sympathises with the girls he hit on whilst they were trashing the other tourist traps. Stan then pondered how he could possibly help and decided it time she read the reverse playbook (play book from "how I met your mother" love that show) which dictated every way he'd ever been shot down. He asked her to study it… she memorised it and even helped come up with more running them by Stan asking if they'd work. Stan helps by subsequently giving her his version of the playbook and quizzing her on the best counters to his scripted pickup attempts. By the end of the day she was feeling confident. Seeing as he just fixed her mood why not he thought, "now go wipe that smeared Mascara off your face, you look like if Freddy Kruger had a daughter"

The next day they'z in the supermarket shopping for some overly specific tea "Ceylon tea" i think it was called. Hot Wings was there with a hung over Wendy trying to convince her that the best cure for a hangover was to stay drunk. Instead of taking his advice she threw up all over that poor man's free sample stand. He ended up carrying her home. They finally find the tea in the coffee section and the bear guys from yesterday come back. "Hey baby are you an angel-" Dipher cuts him off by saying, "is that your way of saying my hair's messed up you jerks?" the first falls away slightly embarrassed and Dipher and Mabel make their way over to the register. The second says, "I'll foot the bill if you show me a good time."

"That's just like a man to think a woman needs his help!" she replied he also left leaving the third to follow them out the door. Before he could get a word out Dipher turns to fully face him points behind him and says, "Hey look. Is that a reason to leave?" all he finds is a mirror. When he turns back they're gone and the first begins hitting on Hot Wings cause he let his hair down and he only saw him from behind. He responds by turning around and stroking his beard before vomiting in their faces eating all the twinkies in the store and saying, "You disgust me!" before turning slipping on his own vomit and throwing up all over himself. Deciding to make a vomit angel since his suit was already ruined the three bears immediately regretted every single life choice they ever made Wendy was hung over so she just napped on his chest while some poor teen had to mop up the floor in two places and get compensation for the twinkies. Dipher thoroughly satisfied makes a mental note to thank Stan later for this. Mabel noticed his smile and inwardly cheered that she was finally accepting her vile destiny. Mabel then calms herself down, thinking "One thing at a time."

AN: the Dipher ark is so hard to write for. I keep wanting to refer to her as a him but I might offend some people in doing so but still, I just can't get over how Copernicus is a stupid name for a horse. Also, I dropped my earl grey halfway through writing this one so if it looks rushed blame that. Switched to coffee because I'm almost out of earl grey. Also about the groups of three thing I seem to keep doing. I noticed nobody called me on that and I guess that's good cause I don't really have a reason for it.

* * *

yellow polka dot bikini

Sixer618 #6? Stan has stolen a hot tub to put out in the parlor. Mabel is excited at the prospect of bathing in a swimsuit in the nice hot water. Dip-her is mortified. This means that she's going to have to wear a girl's swimsuit. Wendy comments that she's gotta see this. Mabel keeps pressuring her sis to do it. Dip-her is stubborn. So Mabel just steals and buries all of her sister's clothes during the night and hides them. She wakes up and screams. Mabel then says that she left her the swimsuit. Dip-her then starts to panic. Mabel then tells her it won't be that bad. She agrees, finally. (Turns out it's like a bikini.)

They are sitting in the hot tub, and Dip-her is actually finding the warm water soothing. Stan then comes in yelling, asking "Who put a ton of Dipper's clothes in my closet?!" Dip-her then jumps out and grabs them and a towel and runs away while Stan starts laughing at his nephew-turned niece in a girl's swimsuit. Mabel then reveals that she got a picture for her scrapbook. Then the cops come in and confiscate the hot tub.

AN: I'm starting to run low on references anyone know a good abridged series or a great comedy youtube channel or should I go back and rewatch the classics? Pretty sure that was the first time I had to crack open my unabridged dictionary for this entire fanfic but I now know what parlour means.

Stan stood slightly panicked on the roof of the Mystery Shack very impatiently as he spotted a very drunk loudly singing Hot Wings flying around. He suddenly changed the song he was singing from "I~'m hooked on a feeling!" to "Free Falling!" as he dived and swooped up at the last second landing gently in front of Stan. "is it still there?"

"Yeah still in my hat the store doesn't like you though"

"You said I could put it in your hat"

"But I didn't say you should. Do you have what we agreed on?"

"Yup. you remember our agreement?"

"I don't tell them how to get the Hot tub back, you give me concentrated Alcohol." Stan nodded and he said, "Alright where do you want it?" he led him inside and took him to the parlour where he had the bottle marked "not for human consumption" on a little table. Hot Wings took off his hat letting his long hair flow down to and around his feet making walking seem impossible now. He held his hat at arms length and flicked it upwards. A seemingly crushed hot tub came crashing down and water spilled everywhere. Before Stan could get mad he snapped his fingers and it was good as new water and all. At which point he snatched the bottle out of Stan's hand and drank the whole thing. Ford came in asking why Stan had asked him to make a condensed bottle of pure alcohol and saw Hot Wings on the floor singing in slurs forgetting how one song goes and starting up another. Ford looked disapprovingly at his brother as the little winged man sang on the floor, his legs to weak to support him. Mabel rushes in and sees the hot tub. She was going to ask Stan for embarrassing pictures to put in her scrapbook but this was better. Dropping her scrapbook she ran back upstairs and practically dragged Dipher down to see. Mabel's excitement was not lost when Dipher saw it and realised her sisters intent. She almost immediately refused but it would be to hard to hear over Mabel's ever growing screams. Eventually this attracted Wendy's attention from the gift shop where she went into the room and found the hot tub where Mabel was prone to drag Dipher in whilst fully dressed. Stan and Ford managed to hold her back while Dipher tried to hide behind Wendy who was also curious to see what Dipper, the guy that went so far as to ask the manotaurs for lessons in being manly, would look like in a two she noticed Hot Wings slurring and singing songs without rhythm going from one to the next linking songs with no connection other then he heard them and going on to sing in other languages. At some point Ford asked if he was trying to sing "Das Englandlied" Wendy went over and had him tap his hat twice so he wasn't such a tangled mess of hair and alcoholism. Wendy made the tempting offer of wearing a bikini if Dipper did but still he refused. She even offered to do it in Hot Wings' body but that got less of a laugh then she was hoping for. Mabel uses this to pressure her saying that she could get soos in a bikini if that's what he wanted. This went on for the rest of the day. Then next morning Dipher woke up, brushed her teeth, took a shower, and found her closet deprived of all of her clothing. She screamed and Mabel offered to give her bikini so they could just relax all day in the hot tub. She refused at first but Mabel pointed out that she had torn up most of her old sweaters to scrapbook because she could always just make more. She was lying but she bought it and sadly looked down trying to think of a silver lining to which Mabel said, "at least you get to see Wendy in a bikini" she let out an exasperated sigh and conceded. Mabel called Wendy to say Dipper agreed and she came over. Dipher's face turned red as he saw the redhead strip down to her bikini and they all took a dip ignoring the fact that Hot Wings was still in the corner of the room mumbling to himself in his sleep. They are sitting in the hot tub, and Dipher is actually finding the warm water soothing. Stan then comes in yelling, asking "Who put a ton of Dipper's clothes in my closet?!" Dipher then jumps out and grabs them and a towel and runs away while Stan starts laughing at his nephew-turned niece in a girl's swimsuit. Mabel then reveals that she got a picture for her scrapbook. Wendy doesn't seem to have noticed. Hot Wings vomits and falls from his seated position, said fall woke him up and he asked why the police were there. They then came crashing through the door saying the hot tub guy wouldn't press charges as long as they gave it back.

AN: hey stupid question but do any of you guys know someone who's hiring? Starbucks has no jobs available in my area. Is it weird that coffee tastes like chocolate to me?

* * *

Let's consult a which

Sixer618 #7? Dip-her, Ford, Melody and Soos are going to see the Hand Witch to see if she can turn him back. They go into the cave. The Hand Which invites them in, and they start discussing the problem. They shake hands (after that, she starts creepily obsessing over Ford's hands). Dip-her asks if she can turn him back. She says that she can't. And promptly refuses. They then walk out with an on-the-brink-of-tears Dip-her. Ford awkwardly tries to give comfort. Dip-her takes the comfort the wrong way and decides to walk home. Ford, Melody and Soos start talking about it, and get in the truck. They drive off towards home. A few hours after, a bruised, scratched and beat-up Dip-her comes stumbling into the gift shop with twigs, leaves and snow in her hair. She apparently was chased by a wolf through the forest. She then goes to lie down and thaw out. Ford stops her and apologizes for what he said. She forgives him, saying she realizes Ford was only trying to help. Stan then comes in asking where Mabel is. Mabel then stumbles in the front door with scratches and teeth marks on her, saying she just petted the sweetest puppy.

AN: most of this what written whilst angry so expect poor quality. Also, I had to go to church in morning instead of at night so probably going to be irritable all day.

Dipher, Ford, Melody and Soos are going to see the Hand Witch somewhere along the way they see Hot Wings roasting live animals over a massive fire. Manly Dan was also there they were probably hunting and Hot WIngs caught the most. They get to the cave and she invites them in offering tea and cake, being generally hospitible as opposed to the last time. Dipher mentiones that she used to be a guy and that someone magiced her into being a girl. She noticed Ford's extra finger on each hand and beguins making jokes about how she has no hands like those in her collection and that she'd love to take them if he didn't want them, trying to get him to traid for another pair of hands. He vigourously refuses. DIpher askes if she can turn him back she vigourously refuses. Feeling she might be stuck like this they all leave, DIpher beguins to tear up and almost cries. Ford then says, "at least you've got your health"

"Right…" she hits her head on the way out. Feeling like she's lost even that she walks then drive home where about an hour later Hot Wings enters eating a bird that can only be described as charged and barely edible. Manly Dan on his shoulder singing nordic songs like a drunk viking as Hot Wings mumbles, "light weight" under his breath and brings a flask up to his asks Stan where Dipper is Stan shrugs as the door opens to reveal a battered and bruised DIpher keeping pressure on her left arm a thin trail of blood behind her as she begins complaining about Hot Wings and Manly Dan trying to eat as many animals in the forest as they could find and not sparing some time to get one wolf. Hot Wings takes a knee presumably staring right into her eyes, raises his right index finger and with the most serious expression boops her on the nose. His injuries healed and clothes repaired she thanked him and he responded with, "be glad I didn't have to bring you back to life, that process is way worse" Stan then asks Ford where Mabel is and she comes rushing in covered in similar scars and bite marks shouting, "YOU GUYS i JUST PETTED THE SWEETEST PUPPY" Manly Dan and Hot Wings shout "DOGGO!" and take a shot as the wolf passes by outside.

AN: I hope it's everything you ever wanted. I feel like my job at this point is to paraphrase I am having trouble making stories interesting but if I skip the ideas I have nothing for and just do the ideas I like there'll be nothing to look forward to… hm…

* * *

An eye for an eye

Sixer618 #8? (This one takes place after the nail polish one.) Pacifica is walking down the street and sees Dip-her with her face in her hands. She walks up to her and Dip-her abruptly, clearly upset, tells her to go away and walks away. Pacifica follows her and finally Dip-her shows what she was hiding: apparently, while she slept, Candy, Grenda and Mabel had a sleepover and did makeup on her while she slept to go with the nail polish. So she did not know until she was walking in town and saw her reflection. She had everything, for once, perfectly applied. Perfect everything! Lipstick, eye shadow, mascara, blush, long eyelashes, etc. Pacifica asks why she didn't take it off. Apparently, it was the anti-smear kind and could only come off with makeup remover, which they ran out of and Ford was going to get the next day. So she was walking home and going to get Mabel back. Pacifica gives a sly smile and whispers a way to get Mabel back. They walked to the Shack and gathered up a ton of honey, which they put in Mabel's shampoo. Dip-her then puts a bag of flour positioned above the door. Mabel gets home and takes a shower, accidentally covering herself in honey. She puts on a towel and gets out, still sticky, clearly angry, and the flour drops on her, making her all white. She charges after Dip-her, towel stick to her body with white powder trailing from her body, scaring Soos into thinking she's a ghost, making him run out of the Shack screaming.

AN: I made a lot of memes today really happy about it. These memes will go up on Pintrest, Twitter, Tumblr, Deviantart, and Discord respectively and collectively… maybe not Pinterest… my username on all of them except Pinterest is either Classy Cosplayer or ClassyCosplayer depending on who allows spacing that's my default username. I made my fanfiction account so long ago… I'm thinking of starting a myspace just for kicks, should I?

{[(Flashback or whatever)]}

Some random day after Dipher's toe gave her a whole new kind of attention probably directly proceeding but not after his eventual return to manhood, Dipher encounters Pacifica by shear coincidence. Regardless of the fact her face was mostly concealed by two trembling hands. Somewhere off to the side Hot Wings was arguing with another street vender about him calling the police on him drinking in public, the police arrive and try to cuff him, his wrists turn liquid and the cuffs fall off. They try hitting him with clubs but they fall through and dissolve on entry. They tried shooting, he caught all the bullets in his teeth. He began drinking right in front of them. When they attempted to take it from him he began dodging and weaving like he was Mohamed Ali. this weant on for several hours ultimately ending with the law enforcement calling for support only for none of their weapons to be effective all matters of negotiation failed and they were left terrified at their inability to apprehend this individual. He later passed out from excessive alcohol consumption and Wendy carried him home. No one dared go near them. meanwhile back at plot, Pacifica was inquiring on why Dipher had her hands over her face after being shouted at in an attempt at making her leave. She left momentarily as the surrounding commotion began to attract a crowd, following at a distance which she soon revealed her knowledge of, by showing her face when everyone's attention was clearly set on two police officers failing miserably to apprehend one man. Pacifica remarks on how beautiful she looks despite her embarrassment. She responds by telling her it happened without her consent in the night whilst she slept and she only noticed when she was in town and saw herself in the store window, furthermore she saw little Timmy taking a pic from inside. Pacifica asks why she didn't just wipe it off. She replied that she had her face in her hands until she made a call from one of the store bathrooms to ask Ford why the makeup wouldn't come off, he surmised that it must be the anti smear king and would need the makeup remover that mabel ran out of after using it as an eraser all night during their little "art project" or at least that's what they said when they asked Ford to borrow it, they returned a bottle of water. With a makeup remover label on it. Ford informed him that he'd get some more the next day and that he'd be stuck like that until then… but less bluntly, obviously. She continues by saying she was going home to return the embarrassment ten fold on her sister "Hell hath no fury" and all that good stuff. The police start shouting at this point having been thoroughly humiliated yet continue on. Mabel is in the crowd with a shopping bag and some popcorn. Beside her is wendy looking bored and leaving to hang out with her friends. Pacifica grins with all the venom she'd acuired in her years being rich and making leans in close and whispers in her ear. They return together and prepare their plan together, they looked for honey in the kitchen but found so little that they turned to the gnomes who would gather some in exchange for a kiss on the cheek from either. But since they asked for only one and didn't specify who to kiss Pacifica kissed Dipher which the gnomes were perfectly content with… for whatever reason… thus they filled Mabel's shampoo bottle with honey and prepared a bucket full of flour. When Mabel returns she puts her shopping away and takes a shower. They position the bucket to fall upon her leaving which it does. The towel sticks and she runs after Dipher with Pacifica filming and Soos running from what he assumes to be Ghost Mabel. Pacifica leaves and sends Dipher a link thinking in her mind what a great day it was, passing by Hot Wings in Wendy's arms she says, "sup?" and Pacifica responds with "not much you?" Wendy motions to the sleeping man over her shoulder and they go their separate ways.

AN: I feel like my chapters are degenerating despite my repeated desires for them not to do that. Also in case you didn't know it's illegal to drink in public in most places… to my knowledge… By the way, Atbash Bill even if it's not cannon you think it would make sense to leave all the (potentially) dangerous chemicals with Ford? Or that he's the one in immediate possession of them for either an experiment or just general preparedness.

* * *

'Nother dream

Sixer618 #9? Stan is doing the wash, washing all of Dip-her's clothes while she is in the shower when Mabel comes in and gives him her shooting star sweater to be washed. He just dumps them all in. Later, Mabel is looking for her special pen. It has bright-pink glittery ink, and the ink is completely water/fade proof. She then realizes that she put it in the pocket of her sweater which was being washed. She then goes down to the laundry room where Stan has taken a nap on the ironing board. Ford comes in, too, to pick up his coat. The wash finishes and Mabel grabs her sweater, getting her glitter-ink pen. Ford notices it leaked. Mabel then sees that her sweater glitters now. Ford asks Stan if there was anything else in that load. He responds nervously, saying that most of Dip-her's clothes were in there. They take out her Pine-tree hat, soaked and ruined. The heart hat now glitters, as do most of her shirts, now glittery and pink. The shorts were being sewn by Soos, which had gotten torn by recent monster-hunts. Dip-her walks in the room, asking what everyone is doing and asks for some clean clothes. Stan gives her a glittery pink shirt and pink hat and she flips out, panicking yelling various problems. She then asks for some clean shorts, to which Stan tells him are ripped. Mabel offers her to borrow some skirts, to which Dip-her reluctantly gives in, complaining. She then walks into the living room later where everyone is watching a movie, with the make-up still stuck to her face, painted nails, and now with a glittery pink heart hat with a glittery pink shirt with a purple skirt. Stan starts giggling and cracks a sarcastic remark, to which she responds, "OH, BITE ME!" She then sits down Wendy asks what she's going to do. Dip-her then responds that she was going to go run some errands with Mabel, so she would have to walk around town like this. Wendy whispers to Stan and Ford that they will have to follow them around to make sure nothing happens.

The next day, they leave. Stan and Ford watch creepily from a distance. Mabel tells Dip-her to lighten up. Dip-her turns red. They keep walking. Lazy Susan tells her she's very pretty. They walk by McGucket, who gives her a thumbs up. Timmy takes a picture with his phone and makes it his screensaver. Gideon bursts out into laughter. Pacifica gives a compliment. Blubs and Durland laugh a bit. Robbie gives a little insult, but playfully. They walk by the gnomes who tell Dip-her that if they didn't know her already, they would have made her the gnome queen. They walk in the door where the stop and look at the Bill statue, which they swear that after walking past it, try could hear Bill say, "LOOKING GOOD, PINE-SHE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!

Ford emerges from the basement with a new cleaning solution which takes the ink out. Dip-her then refuses, saying that this is her style now. She then struts like a model with that sort of girly hip-shake walk out the door. (My friend is weird.) Stan then wakes up on the ironing board with a yell, gasping. He looks around the laundry room at Dip-her's not-ink stained clothes and realizes it was all a nightmare. He then goes into Dip-her and Mabel's room, and discreetly takes Mabel's pen and tosses it out a window into a garbage can. He then pauses, and grabs Dip-her's BABBA CD and chucks it out the window, too.

AN: I have to make somewhere between 70-80 dreamcatchers for money, probly going to be paid more than what I've been making cause I'll be making the majority of them this time around so tomorrow… or today for those of you reading right now… or Thursday, September 21 for those reading in future, I;m going home early after posting this so I can finish real-world work for real-world money then I can pay back my fines at libary because my card got stolen and the books checked out still haven't been returned. Then I can start saving for college and then I can work my way through college and later become a contributing member of society. How the Hell do I insert Hot Wings into this already airtight story?

Freaking scene opens up on Laundromat, day, the room hot from the dryer that can't help but spew hot air on this warm summer day. Needless to say in a hot tux this can be pretty stressful. Stan loads the machine and the sound of Dipher's loud off-key singing echo down the hall and into every room in the house. Stan grumbled that if she was going to cause such damage to their ears she should be doing the laundry. Mabel rushes in and throws her shooting star sweater to Stan asking him to clean it too. Not bothering to check the pockets he tosses it in with the rest of the clothes.

Later, Mabel is looking for her special pen. It has bright-pink glittery ink, and the ink is completely water/fade that she'd left it in her sweater pocket she returns to the laundry room in search of said pen upon arriving she sees a sleeping stan atop the ironing board as the heat finally got to him and he'd fallen asleep. Enter Ford seeking his coat but cleaner. Once the wash had finished Mabel retrieves her pen. Ford informs her of the leaking crack down the side Mabel comes to find that her sweater now sparkles a glittery pink. Ford nervously asks if there was anything else that might have been affected when the pen broke. Equally troubled Stan admits, "Most of Dipper's clothes". They take out her Pine-tree hat, soaked and ruined. The heart hat now glitters, as do most of her shirts, now glittery and pink. Her shorts, however, were spared considering Soos was sewing them after they'd been torn during their last monster Dipper curious as to why everyone had gathered in an already hot humid room and asks not just why but also for clothes. Stan gives her a glittery pink shirt and pink hat and she flips out, panicking yelling about how this has to be a prank, and to give her her actual clothes back, something about preferring to get shot down by Wendy again rather than wear that. Trying to think of a saving grace She asks for some clean shorts, Stan replies, "they're ripped, you'll have to wait until Soos fixes them..." Mabel offers to let her borrow some skirts, Dipher eventually, reluctantly, gives in, complaining, "I'm not a girl… where;s Hot Wings when you need him"(cause clothes beam).

later She then walks into the living room where everyone is watching a movie, with the make-up still stuck to her face, painted nails, and now with a glittery pink heart hat with a glittery pink shirt with a purple skirt. She's already very annoyed that much is apparent, like her face would be better fitted on a body wearing all black, Stan starts giggling and cracks a sarcastic remark, "You know the Scottish warriors wear kilts, which are basically plaid skirts, so in a way you're the manliest you've ever been." to which she replies, "OH, BITE ME!" She then sits down Wendy asks what she's going to do. Then Dipher says that she was going to go run some errands with Mabel, so she would have to walk around town like this. Wendy whispers to Stan and Ford that they will have to follow them around to make sure nothing happens.

The next day, they leave. Stan and Ford watch from a distance in the bushes with cameras. Mabel tells Dipher to lighten up. Dipher turns red, Mabel says, "Yeah, like that.". They keep walking. Lazy Susan tells her she's very pretty. They walk by McGucket, who gives her a thumbs up. Timmy takes a picture with his phone and makes it his screensaver. Gideon bursts out into laughter. Pacifica gives a compliment, says he looks very… beautiful. Blubs and Durland laugh a bit then go back to playing the most frustrating game of tag while trying to catch a drunk for drinking publicly as he pops in and out of existence touching their faces respectively and yelling "TAG!" before turning back into red mist and leaving them angry at the fact they can't catch air. Robbie gives a little insult, but playfully. They walk by the gnomes who tell Dipher that if they didn't know better, they would have made her the gnome queen. They walk in the door where they stop and look at the Bill statue, which they swear that after walking past it, try could hear Bill say, "LOOKING GOOD, PINE-SHE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Ford bursts out from the depths of his lab announcing for all to hear that he'd concocted a way to remove the stained ink on her clothes. Dipher promptly refuses, saying that this is her style now. She then struts like a model with that sort of girly hip-shake walk out the door. Stan then wakes up on the ironing board with a yell, gasping. Surveying his surroundings he finds the clothes not stained and the world right where it was before such events could take place. He then goes into Dipher and Mabel's room, and discreetly takes Mabel's pen and tosses it out a window into a garbage can. He then pauses, and grabs Dipher's BABBA CD and chucks it out the window, too.

AN: residing within each of my jackets with inside pockets is multiple pens and pencils so I'm always prepared. Alos, is there anyone out there with a law degree their not using? Cause I need contract if I'm going to youtube for my illustrator and now my brother editing. We need a contract for whatever reason. Can anyone currently reading draw chibis? And if you don't know what that it might be best not to try cause I wanna read Hellsing fanfiction on my channel. I already got a few episodes mostly ready I just need the illustrations that go with the story. Just know if you sign up for this neither of us will get paid until youtube sees fit to check my channel to see if it's good enough to be monetized. Or otherwise, help me with the contract so I can just work with the illustrator I already know is good.

* * *

Barbie

YrooXrksvi618 #85. Dip-her is playing around with the size crystals. She accidentally points it at a mirror, shrinking herself. Stan comes into the room and finds the tiny Dip-her, unable to reach the flashlight. He starts laughing, comparing her to a Barbie doll. She is, of course, angry and starts screaming. Stan tells her not to worry and grows her back to normal size. The two then decide to see what fun they could have with this. They use it to shrink and grow several of the tourist's things by firing it out the window (many tourists are pranked.) Ford comes in the room and demands to know what is going on. Dip-her explains that they are just having fun. Ford threatens to take it away, accidentally giving a negative comment on Dip-Her's situation. Dip-her and Stan are very upset at him. Before he can finish retracting his statement, they then shrink the scientist's head. At the end, Ford goes out into the forest to find a new crystal, as Stan and Dip-her collapse on the floor laughing. He makes a mental note to come out of his lab less often. (Dip-her screams between fits of laughter that she thinks a lung collapsed. Stan reaches and grabs to see. Dip-her rolls away, asking him what he's doing.

Stan: Checking to see if your lung collapsed. Happened to me once.

Dip-her: I was kidding! And besides, you can't touch me like that without telling me! Especially now. Remember...(Gestures towards chest and body)

Stan: Oh, right, right. A girl almost took my eyeball out for that once.

Dip-Her: Did that really happen?

Stan: What? The whole "groping" thing? Yeah, see, I got a little buzzed, and-

Dip-her: No, no...your lung collapsing. When did that happen?

Stan: When I was around your age. Ford and I were eatin' spaghetti and he sneezed. A whole ton of noodles were hanging outta his nose! It was hilarious! I laughed so hard one of my lungs almost collapsed. I think I still have the picture!

Dip-Her: Let's see it!

(They run off)

AN: Sorry I didn't finish writing today's chapter so it might be delayed, I'll probably have two ready tomorrow, no promises. Once more under the breach my friends

Dipher had gone into the forest at some point and collected as many of the size altering crystals as she could so than any random person wandering in the woods wouldn't take them and use them for evil *cough* Gideon *cough*. Back in her room the crystals sat on the dresser and she tried arranging them in different ways to try and see it she could shrink or grow a crystal through the refraction and convergence of light. She ended up making a huge spotlight that flashed the mirror and shrunk her instead. All her experiment did was make the crystals synchronize and resonate making what little light they'd been given very bright very quickly. Before she could drop it it was already too big for her to hold and she had to climb up to the crystals toy Story style. Enter Stan who come in saying he heard a scream be instantly silenced and found Dipher tiny and trying to scale the dresser to get back to the flashlight and retcon her decision to play with the crystals but lacked the upper body strength to hold on long enough to climb all the way up. Stan laughs saying she's like a helpless toy, that she brought this on herself. When Dipher tries to reply he respond "speak up Barby I can't hear you from down there." She begins angrily shouting about how it was an accident and to just fix it already. Stan says, "don't worry I'll fix it" and grabs his flash light and brings him back to normal height. She thanked him without the thankful tone and they think about what kinds of fun they can cve with it getting a spotlight and one of the bigger crystals and shart shrinking tourist cars and watching them return to find toys where their cars were demanding explanations only to return to a full size if not too big car, keys were also altered to either not fit the car's lock or to be to small. With some of the more giddy tourists. Like if anyone was spinning their key on their finger it was changed just like anyone who was dumb enough to toss their key in the air. Ford, after receiving many complaints when to look outside and saw a familiar beam coming from upstairs. Thus up he went zeroing in on the sounds of laughter and demanded to know what was going on. Dipher explains that they are just having fun. Ford informs them that the tourists don't like their things changing without their consent accidentally hinting towards Dipher in the process by inadvertently asking if she liked it when she suddenly changed against her will. Dipher and Stan are very upset at him. Before he can finish retracting his statement, they shrink his head. At the end, Ford goes out into the forest to find a new crystal, ends up having to stick his head in the light of the bigger crystal as Stan and Dipher collapse on the floor laughing. He makes a mental note to come out of his lab less often. Dipher screams between fits of laughter that she thinks a lung collapsed. Stan reaches and grabs to see. Dip-her rolls away, asking him what he's doing.

"Checking to see if your lung collapsed. Happened to me once."

"I was kidding! And besides, you can't touch me like that without telling me! Especially now. Remember… *Gestures towards chest and body*"

"Oh, right, right. A girl almost took my eyeball out for that once. "

"Did that really happen?"

"What? The whole "groping" thing? Yeah, see, I got a little buzzed, and-"

"No, no...your lung collapsing. When did that happen?"

"When I was around your age. Ford and I were eatin' spaghetti and he sneezed. A whole ton of noodles were hanging outta his nose! It was hilarious! I laughed so hard one of my lungs almost collapsed. I think I still have the picture!"

"Let's see it!" They run off.

AN: or is it "once more into the breach my friends"? Somebody google it. I usually spend my time after making updating researching what makes other animated series so great. So far I know that if you're going to have a show about a deus ex machina he's ether got to be incompetent and just learning how to use his abilities or barely in it with the show more geared towards his friends and showing their development. I was planning on doing both. Richard has the potential to do everything his father already can but seems to have been born with a disability and tho he has access to the world's knowledge he doesn't seem to know how to apply it. In much the same way everyone who works under Richard's father have to learn to get by on their own because he knows that now that he has someone to succeed him, weak and hopeless as he may seem, he will be able to die if he so chooses. Also though it may not seem evident in this story my OC seeks death and can't find it. He's seen everything the world has to offer, in his mind anyway. He's seen history repeat itself and is just tired of having to prolong such an existence. He feels he's lived a full life and has somebody to take his throne back home when he dies. Context: my OC took Bran(the name of Dracula's castle TLDR) when Dracula died and his kingdom with it.

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Girl's day?

Sixer618 #24? Dip-Her is watching TV late at night when Mabel walks in and asks if she can go on a girl's day the next day. Dip-Her asks what she means. As it turns out, it means makeovers, going to the mall, manicures, etc. Dip-Her finally agrees when Mabel threatens to have Wendy make her do it. She then agrees. Ford is blackmailed into driving them, and he forces Stan to go, too, by threatening to post the Stan Wrong song on the internet. At the end, they are driving home, and Dip-Her is surprised to realize she actually had fun.

AN: I really need to start reading earlier so I have more time to work on this. I'm reading a Monster Musume No Iru Nichijou fanfic and while the occasional error hurts me to read I realise that editing is a pain and I'd much prefer turning my wifi off and writing without a constant red line telling me I'm doing something wrong so I can just write really quickly run a spelling and grammar check later. I just have to be very careful with grammarly because I tend to use poor grammar as a reference to certain characters from certain web series and thus need to make sure it's not ruining what I meant for a joke. Also some of the spell checks on grammarly end up ultimately changing the tone of the words but I doubt I'll find another free grammar check app to help with commas and capitals and stuff...

Late in the dark cold comfort of night in a room with a box filled with escapism Dipher fled her situation by attempting to laugh at people who, arguably, had it comically worse than her. In the other room Hot Wings was drinking with Stan telling him that he could see each individual card in the deck as he shuffles and tells him that he's never lost more money than he's won playing blackjack in casinos. Stan challenged him to a game and he said that he'd have to roll up his sleeves and play fair if he wanted to bet on the game. They were both really drunk and playing for shots, every time you lose a round you take a shot. Imagine how many times he lost on purpose. Disregarding them and their childish behavior with less than childish language, Mabel walked up to and sat beside Dipher. Once there she asked if she would go on a girl's day with her tomorrow. She asked her what that meant and she said that they'd be getting pampered and prettied up, go shopping and the like. She gave her a firm no saying, "I'd like to keep what little dignity I have thank you."

"But if I asked Wendy to make you I bet she wouldn't care about your dignity" she thought trying to come up with a witty retort but knowing her sister if she fought back she'd just be petty and use the thing that always works so she'd rather show her blatant disdain for whatever activities she had planned and make her sadness blatantly obvious to guilt her into never putting her through it again, fighting pettiness with pettiness. She agreed with bitterness evident in her voice making a face that screams, "You know I hate doing girly things even in this body." she simply laughed and went to bed. The next day Dipher made sure she has to be woken up so that her day could be complained about from the start. She's dragged out of bed forced to get ready and Mabel rushes down the steps where Ford is and promptly tells him that their vintage issue of the Ford wrong song was ready to post on the internet unless he wanted to drive them around town for a bit. Stan laughed at him cause he was being forced to go and Ford played him the video on his phone immediately shutting him up as he said, "Hey Stanly, tell me what upload means again." defeated they both sighed and agreed to chauffeur them around wherever they wanted to go for the day. Dipher still wasn't ready and Mabel threatened to pick her outfit for her when she finally got dressed on her own saying, "You want me to have a bad time don't you?" and dressing in her old clothes. They hit up the mall first where Mabel took her shopping and they found Wendy standing by a massage table, chair… thing in the middle of the mall with the usual sign $5 for five minutes $50 for an hour. They approached and asked what she was doing and she replied, "I heard masseuses make good money so I took a weeklong course and the final before I get my licence is to give ten massages and ask for customer reviews. You wanna help me Ace this? The only person who got a massage was Hot Wings and he fell asleep in the chair he didn't remember getting a massage and just wrote a big number ten on the review sheet and handed it back." they opted to help and surprisingly a week of training was enough to satisfy two children who'd never had a massage before, she got another two good scores. The two left and went clothes shopping, Mabel bought a lot of yarn. Dipper just bought different iterations of the same outfit, like how I wear the same Jacket with a different shirt and tie everyday. Mabel wasn't too pleased with that so she took them to get their nails done right after. Mabel told the girl doing her nails to surprise her. Dipher asked to just have her nails glossed and maybe cut, not really sure how this works only knowing that when she broke her nail they somewhat fixed it and prescribed her showing off Bold colours to the world, they asked her why she didn't want colours and she explained that her sister was forcing her and that she wouldn't have come otherwise they understandingly do as she asks Mabel isn't all to pleased but at least her nails shine now. Next they went to a hair salon with loud music and women cutting their hair. Mabel wants to get her hair dyed to look like a rainbow, Dipher just asks for a trim then they went to the one store in the mall with makeup and mirrors Mabel practically dragged her in there and taught her how to makeup they had a bit of a fight and got makeup all over each other but it was all in good fun and the y went home smiling, Dipher was surprised to find that she left with fond memories of disagreeing all day, having had fun being the contrarian.

AN: the next Vampire Mabel short is the last one on my list tell me if I missed anything cause I don't feel like going back and checking though you'll have plenty of opportunities to tell me before I mark this story as complete. Also I'm feeling a little sick probably why I was late on that last chapter. Probably because I sleep with the window open, cause we have no AC and dad said to stop using the fan… I really can't wait for winter… but I am feeling sick… tea makes me feel better though

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Insert Capitan Abar quote here

Sixer618 #25? Stan is telling Ford how he won at the Dungeons Dungeons and More Dungeons adventure when the door slams shut hard. Dip-Her comes in very angry, and Stan, trying to be funny, makes this comment: "Whoa, I thought that time of month already happened." Then they notice smeared mascara and tears on her face. She, in a very angry, shaky voice, says, "You're 60 years old and you ordered a ponytail kit from a magazine." She storms away. (Ford says, kind of concerned, "A ponytail kit?" Stan says, "Don't worry, I burned it.") They go to see what's wrong. They find her curled up in a ball crying beside her door. She says she's sorry for what she said. Stan insists she was right, the ponytail was a bad idea, and asks what's going on. She says that earlier today, a quote "cute" guy had asked her out. Mabel was watching and pushed her into saying yes. Then she met her date, and they went for a walk. As they were walking, he tripped her. As it turned out, the whole thing was a trap; he knew the whole time. He laughed and called her a gay freak for saying yes to going out with a guy, telling her she should have known it was a trap, asking why anyone would ask out someone as ugly as her. She apparently ran crying. She cries harder, and pulls Ford in for a hug. He is startled and awkwardly tries to comfort her. She, between tears, manages to say, choked, that that guy was right, she is a gay freak. Stan and Ford tell her that guy was wrong, she's not a gay freak, and certainly not ugly. She then hugs him, too. Later that night, she is woken up by Stan and Ford. They drive to the guy's house at 3 AM. They then put some lit firecrackers underneath that guy's bedroom window and drive away.

AN: don't know if it shows up the same on the website cause I have the font on mine set significantly smaller but the AM from three AM in the suggestion looked like an AN to me in the document and I thought to myself, "musta gotten a head start on the short yesterday," which is weird cause I usually leave more work for me to do not less… now to read the suggestion, seems I have to go ull sadist to get the proper insults going but then again I've been censoring myself this whole story and could have easily broken that trend yesterday, cause I really wanted to go into more detail on that one.

Stan is telling Ford how he won,cheating though it may be, at the Dungeons Dungeons and More Dungeons adventure when the door slams shut hard. The two old men turn their attention to DipHer who's back is turned to them at the moment yet it's quite plain to see she's very angry. Stan, trying to lighten the mood quips, "Whoa, I thought that time of month already happened." She turns to them a mess of smeared and tear stained makeup to retort, in a very angry, shaky voice, "You're 60 years old and you ordered a ponytail kit from a magazine." She storms away. Ford turns back to Stan with a look of mixed concerned and curiosity before asking, "A ponytail kit?"

"Don't worry, I burned it." They cautiously climb the steps to ask why she returned so mad but since it involved her being outside they had a good idea what happened and were already thinking of ways to get back at whoever it was this time. They find her curled up in a ball crying beside her door. She quickly apologizes for what she said explaining she was more mad at herself for letting herself be fooled like she was Stan insists she was right, the ponytail was a bad idea, and asks what's going on. She says that earlier today, a quote "cute" guy had asked her out. Mabel saw and being the self proclaimed best match maker badgered her into agreeing. She met up with her dte and walked with him, only to find he'd tripped her. While on the ground Hot Wings rushed over, clearly drunk and instead of offer assistance asked to borrow some money. Her, then, date pushed him away and he fell into an open manhole, he kept trying to fly out but his aim was off. All that was heard of his attempted return was the recurring bang of metal hitting concrete as his hat hit the pavement from below. As it turned out, the whole thing was a trap; he knew the whole laughed in her face pointing out the irony in the fact that she having been a guy herself agreeing to go out with a member of the males remaining by, rather uncreatively, calling her a gay freak, telling her she should have known it was a trap, adding insult to injury by asking why anyone would ask out someone as ugly as her. She apparently ran away crying. She cries harder, and pulls Ford in for a hug. Enter Hot Wings who drunkenly adds on, "and I escaped the sewer by climbing the ladder… but seriously i just need a few bucks to buy some cheetos everyone thinks my gold is fake and refuses to sell to me regardless of how heavy it is." Ford is startled and awkwardly tries to comfort her. Stan throws a five at him and he waddles away. She, between tears, manages to say, choked, that that guy was right, she is a gay freak. Stan and Ford tell her that guy was wrong, she's not a gay freak, and certainly not ugly. She then hugs Stan, too. Later that night, she is woken up by Stan and Ford. They drive to the guy's house at 3 AM. They then put some lit firecrackers underneath that guy's bedroom window and drive away. When he looks out the window he sees the dust from the car as they leave and one lone man eating a bag of cheetos really slowly watching him from a park bench. He goes back to sleep when he wakes up the man's gone and after he sleepily goes to use the toilet he finds the paper far spicier than he anticipated come to find the whole roll red as well as the rest in the package. When he gets back to his room he finds a pineapple in his bed and is very confused. Then he looks out the window to see if the guy from last night was there again but instead on the bench was a framed picture of a pineapple. For the entire rest of the week there was a pineapple everywhere he looked and everywhere he went. Finds the guy who he saw sitting outside his window from behind… that unmistakable hat… he turns around and the guy screams because his head was a pineapple. He runs away screaming about pineapples and eventually gets sent to a loony bin. Wendy comes out from around the corner with his head in her hands and hands it back to his body laughing, they later ate the pineapple.

AN: sorry I couldn't think of anything and just added tiny details and changes of wording. The pineapple bit at the end was from a funny story I read off of "comment awards" the 15 second stories one. It was about a guy who stalked his bully and drove him insane with pineapples.

* * *

The finale

As suggested by Wolowizard and eddited by YrooXrksvi618 #58 Mabel decides to reveal to Dip-her that she wished this on him. Dip-her is not happy.

AN: you ever light a small fire inside a box and then the the box catches fire? I just did that today to my previous emptied box of earl grey cause I'm a bit of a pyro but know what I'm doing so I don't burn the the house down. I just realised how asking for suggestions was kind of like lighting a small fire and the the entire box being engulfed is like me being overwhelmed luckily I had the the good sense to transport the box to the sink without burning my fingers bad enough to not type. Props to you if you notice the repeated "the"s apparently that's a thing the the human mind filters out but I'm not so sure.

Waking up one morning instead of lamenting her poor luck Dipher got up opened the window breathed the fresh woodland air being greeted by the birds and greeting them back almost as giddy as Mabel, she'd finally realised that no matter what she did worrying wouldn't help so she might as well enjoy as much of it as she could before she was inevitably put back to normal. A rare sober Hot Wings popped in through the window with a slight headache and a cup of obscenely strong coffee in his hand floated in and asked, "you ever think to yourself, 'God must have a sense of humor' and then focus on all the bad times that others may find funny and consider a career in stand up before thinking that can be yet another punch line in the joke that is your life?" she ignored him and went down stairs gladly accepting her plate of Stan cakes and ate despite so much hair the human body refuses to swallow. Mabel was glad Dipper was finally seeing her side of things to her surprise she was even wearing makeup. Through the window they could faintly hear a loud tear and a shout about giving an inter dimensional wedgie to someone who really deserved it and then silence. Dipper seemed at peace with the universe, highly uncharacteristic of the girl who used to be a paranoid boy who thought almost anything could hurt him if he went about them the wrong way. At some point she was dancing and Mabel in the heat of the moment told her she wished for this. Dipher stopped… unclear of what she meant and asked for clarity, she then reiterated, "my wish turned you into a girl. But since you're happy that makes everything OK right?"

"In all my life I've wanted many things but I'd gladly throw everything else away to get back what you're taken from me." in as calm a voice as she could muster she seethed these words through clenched teeth she then throws caution to the wind and unloads all her repressed rage at her for everything that's happened to her because of this calls her selfish and inconsiderate not expecting Mabel to start yelling that maybe she should stay like that, because Mabel thinks that she "isn't such an unpopular geeky, wimpy loser dork who doesn't have many friends and who's incredibly feminine and weak personality fits better as a sister." Dipher is shocked first as well as most everyone else present at the time even Mabel was a bit shocked at how defensive she'd gotten as if it were a competition to see who was more wrong the person who wronged them or the person who made the first person feel guilt for their actions and this was a fight she could not win because she started it without provocation. Finally realising she was in the wrong she tries to make amends but it's too late, emotional damage is done and Dipher cuts her off shouting, "You know what? Fine! You think I'm such a girly loser? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID? YOU DON'T CARE THAT I COULD BE STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER?! Fine! You don't have to see or hear me! We'll be like Stan and Ford when Ford came out of the portal before Weirdmageddon!" Dipper and Mabel's parents then say," Wait, what? Portal? Weirdma-what? " Soos says, "I'll catch you dudes up later." Dipher yells, "I DON'T CARE! JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE! GOODBYE!" She angrily leaves her sister to sort out her thoughts as far away from the source of her recent problems out the front door and into the world that hates her for being different. Ford questions what to do. They decide on a plan. Stan and Wendy track down Dipher, Ford talks to Mabel, and Soos tells Dipper and Mabel's parents about the portal and Weirdmageddon while Abuelita looks out for Blubs and Durland in case they try to taser Soos.

Dipher walks around town knowing there will be bullies, where a couple kids point, laugh and hurl insults. She chuck a snowball at one of them and misses good thing too, that snow ball had a rock in it.

Stan and Wendy follow close by in case. Stan, seeing the snowball throw says, "Ha! He throws like a girl!" Wendy reminds him that he is one now. Stan replies that his throws were pitiful before. Unfortunately, a kid around 15 years old decides to get a few buddies of his and follow her to corner and harass her she just ignores them the thought, "ALL YOUR FAULT!". The only thing registering in her mind as her would be tormentors get bored of fighting someone who won't fight back.

Meanwhile, after Dipper and Mabel's parents are caught up (they decide to let the kids keep visiting regardless), they try and comfort and talk to Mabel. She says that she feels awful about saying that and wishing this on Dipper. Soos says that maybe she should find Dipher and apologize. Mabel decides to do that. So they pile in the pickup truck and look for them.

Meanwhile, Dipher has started to wander about the woods in the direction of the Manotaur to see if they could turn her into a man like last time. She notices someone out of the corner of her eye, well trained from monster hunts that could have gone deadly without quick thinking and great improv skills. She turns around to find a small group of teens with nothing better to do advancing. She tries to run, but she realizes she is surrounded, they must really have nothing better to do. They then proceed to hurl insults, and harass her. Then the original kid, um, "gropes her chest." She then yells in protest and returning the ever prominent insult to them saying he's the gay one for having done this and swats his hand away, but someone swiftly punches her in the face, giving her a black eye. They then proceed to hold her down, kick, scratch, poke, grope and punch her, laughing and yelling insults. Telling her how much she must enjoy all the guys giving her attention, another chimes in that she must either like pain or be too stupid, "to think people would just be accepting" they said. Stan and Wendy show up wielding their weapons, brass knuckles. They, however, are then hit unconscious by the concentrated force of about nine teens. Dipher then screams, and that gets Mabel and Ford's attention. They are then followed by Soos and Dipper's parents. Mabel and Ford come in and blow up a tree with an RPG they found in a black coffin that was just lying around, scaring them off, into the direct path of Blubs and Durland, who arrest them for startling police officers. Dipher gets up, only slightly injured, and she and Mabel decide to just forgive each other, having seen the alternative. They then decide that the best thing to do is just go home and forget about the whole thing.

That night, the evil bad guy comes back and decides that he has had enough fun and turns Dipper back. He wakes up the next morning and excitedly jumps around screaming in happiness. They all crowd and cheer.

Then Wendy says, "Hey, wait. Wouldn't that mean that you're currently wearing girl pajamas?"

Dipper stops cheering, looks down, and says, "I'll be right back." Hot Wings stumbles in his clothes torn in several places revealing shining armour beneath. He seems more tired than injured and they ask where he was while they went through that whole ordeal, remembering it quickly to save time explaining it to the mind reader, he simply staggers over to a wall pours some rum into his coffee charred mug takes a long sip and says, "I tore a hole in the space time continuum and gave Magic man the ultimate in atomic wedgies." he downs the rest and says, "made him promise to fix it and watched him do it before i fixed the hole."

"And what happened to your clothes?" Wendy asked, "The monsters hiding in the cracks in your dimension sure are stronger than they look aren't they? *starts drinking rum* they put up quite the fight as I closed their only way into this world"

AN: my hand's fallen asleep. Also, if anyone out there knows how to compose a song I heard a rejected song title I'd love to see made into a song. If you think you're up to the challenge then write a song titled and pertaining to, "Things will never be the same (I have applied too much ketchup to this hamburger)" also I seem to have misplaced the amendment you made to this suggestion and went with the original cause you asked for it and I didn't have the other but I did have a great idea for why magicman decided he's had his fun… and my aviators are arriving soon hooray I'm getting my old shades back!

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After Word: I'mma continue writing these when I get writer's block it seems to help get the creative juices flowing. I've been pretty distracted for the last few chapters cause for some reason writing Fanfiction always seems to immediately help then gradually deteriorate my mental health. It probably won't last long, it's probably just the summer making me feel useless cause I generally don't do good in heat. If that I were writing in the winter. But hope you enjoyed this the next chapter should be out within seconds of me updating in this one.


	16. Ch 15: SoosMelody sittin' in a shack

Chapter 15: Soos+Melody sittin' in a shack

YrooXrksvi618 #6. Melody moves into the shack. And they try to figure out which position she would be good at.

AN: I haven't written in Soos' perspective yet so let's limit my word choices, even more, why don't we?Also, I've named both this chapter and up to ch 29 already long before I'd written them based solely on the suggestions alone I'm looking forward to 30 though I haven't named that one yet. If you think the name's not fitting, be sure to suggest a change.

Monday, September 30

Hey Dairy dude, so like I and Melody have been doing this dating thing for a while now and I don't think she's too happy running a fast food stand in the mall all day, so I asked if she'd like to come work with me at the Mystery Shack. I Didn't really know what to ask her to do because we never had an interview I just asked what she wanted to do. She said she'd be a cashier but it doesn't look like she likes selling fake things to people and telling them they're real. Looks like she doesn't see the fun in pretending something weird could be real. Or maybe she doesn't like disappointing people when they find out them about something fake. Doesn't look like she'll want to put something fake together either… hm… maybe she'd like to work in accounting… you know, deciding who gets how much money… but were the only workers here now… maybe she could advertise… maybe draw some pictures and tell people to see the exhibits, the displays, experience the weird. She doesn't have to say they're real, just that they're amazing. And that won't be dishonest cause some people do think it's amazing. I heard that some dude put a crushed can on a pedestal and people called it art. And if people thought that was amazing just wait till they see this shack. I think even the "S" that falls off every time we fix it is fake. Maybe Melody can help budget. Stan never taught me how to do that, and I think she'll be happier knowing that our financial future is in her hands. She seems to agree. I think this will be the best fit.

AN: Sorry this chapter is short I just don't see many hijinks happening in a story about getting accustomed to a new home. Dipper and Mabel already saw everything in the Shack and stopped everything that was dangerous. Soos is forgetful at times but I think he already cleared away all the bads. If you think I could Improve this chapter I'd like to see what you think could happen differently. Maybe Soos is stupid enough to stick Melody on trash duty and she gets attacked by gnomes or I don't know.


	17. Ch16:It'stheGreatHairdo,GideonGleeful!

Chapter 16: It's the Great Hairdo, Gideon Gleeful!

AN: Quick if you've been following along from the beginning you need to go back and read chapter 141/2.

YrooXrksvi618 #7. Gideon writes to Mabel to ask her for suggestions for Halloween costumes.

AN: I was originally going to call this chapter "Creepy in more ways than one" but that's hilarious I'll go with yours cause I'm generally bad at naming things hence the real reason my OC has no name. His full character bio is on my profile page.

(Gideon's Diary)

Thursday, October 31

Dearest Diary

How I long for the day when I can publish you. I wrote to my dear sweet Mabel and her parents, in advance, regarding this year's Halloween. To my darling Mabel, I asked if she could help me decide from my vast collection of costumes which to choose from. And that, if she so desired, we could dress as a couple. To her parents I sent enough money to bring her whole family to Gravity falls for the week. If saving Mabel From Bill wasn't enough then bringing her back to all her friends here would surely have put me in her good graces. I've yet to knock on the Shack's door but I've long since sent an apology to Stanford, Or should I start calling him Stanly?

Thursday, October 31

No matter how many times Mabel rejects him, no matter how many times he fails to get her back he just keeps coming back. I don't know if he's a masochist, or if he just can't get over the fact that she won't forgive him for all the times he's come for our family thinking it would help his case after his first attempt ended so horribly. Some guy whose name I can't remember once said, Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and never learning from them. I hope this time he was just being nice for a change. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've seen. Hold on there's someone at the door.

Thursday, October 31

I can't flippin' believe this. After all this time acting out like a baby who's had his bottle taken from him. The bottle was empty anyway why did he even want it. Why can't he get over me? I know he was just using me to get Grunkle Stan's Shack anyway. Now he wants me to help him choose a Halloween costume with him… at least he said I could invite friends. Candy and Grenda are here too they're wondering if maybe they could help me get rid of Gideon by getting in between us if he tries to get too close… I'LL GET IT!... Whoopsy still writing.

(Dipper's journal)

Mabel opened the door and found Gideon on the other side. His face lit up for a second and he quickly regained composure a single word rang from his lips, "Truce!" she eyed him cynically for a second and asked, "Is this another one of your tricks to try to get me back together with you?"

"What? No. Look, Mabel, It may not look it but I am a changed boy." now he's kneeling, "I just want to be friends again, even if you don't feel the way I do. I'd rather be a friend, then a despised ex. So I've come over to tell you personally that I will no longer try anything that will get me back in jail. I'm out on parole Mabel if at any point you think I deserve to go back my parole officer's just one call away" he handed her a piece of paper she seems sceptical but has more than enough contingencies as Candy and Grenda step up to come with, "Oh goody more friends means more Candy to share!"

"But I'm candy."

"Even better, the more the Merrier"

I didn't go cause I was invited to make fun of people with Wendy as Hot Wings creams everyone at beer pong and drinks all the booze the partiers will have brought… illegally… but he'll be drinking it legally... I only hope no one pressured me into drinking cause I have to do the work we were supposed to be doing at school, here, thanks, Gideon… then I'm going to have to explain everything to Mabel… wait have I been doing things the hard way… Oh Shit! BRB Gotta talk to Gruncle Ford TTYL.

(Gideon's Diary)

I'm honestly just glad to be with her again. Even if the thought of our new found friendship never blossoms into the beautiful romance I long for, at least I'll be spending time with her doing something fun when we got to our house they were practically drooling over the size of my wardrobe. Except of course for Mabel who just quickly looked through and asked why I had so many girl costumes to which I replied, "I didn't know what you wanted or how many friends you were bringing so I bought everything I could carry" her behemoth of a friend Grenda practically pushed me onto my back in her swift dash to see if I had anything in her size.. She quickly picked out the only thing in her size, a Jabba the Hutt costume, which she swiftly tossed aside before announcing, "I'm going as Gideon!" and forcing on my second favourite tux. Good thing I wore my Sunday best to meet Mabel. Who, by the way, tossed me a diaper and a bottle saying, "You did ask me to help you pick" with an almost evil glint in her eyes. But my angel would never seek to do evil on me. She must just see this as one final bit of retribution for me to be redeemed in her eyes. And besides, he's smiling so I called back on my way to the bathroom, "as long as you're happy so am I," when I came back Candy was wearing a little green robot costume with three familiar letters boldly emblazoned on either side. Mabel ended up dressing as a shepherdess… must be an inside joke...

(Mabel's Diary)

Despite my suspicions that was a lot of fun. "Who wants a lamby lamby lamby"

"Mabel! I'm getting all of Wendy's friends dying flashbacks here you better stop!"

"Ok, ok I was just kidding." we went from house to house collecting candy and people have already forgiven Gideon. They give us the best candy and we all had a great time it's almost like he's changed. He got a little close from time to time but other than that it was all good fun. Maybe even Gideon deserves a second chance.

AN: Who knew all I needed was to write one terrible excuse for a chapter to get a good one out. I actually enjoyed writing this and when I first saw it I was worried I wouldn't be able to think of anything good for it but I just told myself to leave tomorrow's problems to tomorrow's me. did I forget to mention that there's a character limit in the chapters? cause there is and we hit it.


	18. Ch 17: to bully a nerd

Chapter 17: to bully a nerd

YrooXrksvi618 #8. On the Stan Of War II, Ford finds out about the Stan Wrong Song. So Stan tries to find dirt to dig up on Ford to tease him about, but since nobody really had time to get to know him that well, it's difficult up until McGucket joins in. At the end, after Stan finds out a different secret, he can be by himself, look at it, and think, "Well, at least no one will know about this."

Then Stan comes in, and asks, "Whatcha got on your neck there, Poindexter?"

* * *

AN: Not in what chapter? He's not in a lot of chapters. Not in chapter one? He was in Chapter 16 if only to give his perspective, he was there. An explanation as to what he'd be doing was given. I started my story on the thought that interesting things might happen in the time the twins aren't in Oregon. I plan on continuing/adding to ch 14½ keep an eye on that one. any suggestions, be sure to ask. Also, I almost

forgot about the Stan Wrong Song. for all that I know, I know there's also that much I've overlooked. I forgot who Blendin Blandin was until JackSeptic eye mentioned him in his Genocide playthrough of Undertale. On that note anyone have Undertale? I wanna do a Genocide playthrough. But enough tangents that lead nowhere back to the, narrated(because I don't think Ford would keep a personal journal and Stan would see it as one step away from keeping a diary) story.

* * *

Aboard their boat on their Voyage Home for the Holidays, Stan Violently persisted against the harsh winds tempting treacherous waves and heavy rain poured down. The ever sounding Radar beeping loudly as lightning flashed and thunder roared. The briefest glimpse at a light at shore their only redemption. The lighthouse was in sight onward he persisted… as Ford checked his messages. "Get your eyes off that damn screen and help me, Poindexter!" Ford cracked a smile and stifled the laughter that threatened to burst from his mouth. "You think this is funny!? Just wait till we're on the bottom of the ocean! Then we'll see who's laughing"

"This boat was meant to withstand a maelstrom, and besides" Ford flashed Stan a glimpse of the Poorly edited video to him. Stan let the wheel fly out of control as the ship rocked violently three sheets to the wind. Stan staggered his way into the now Hysterically laughing Ford, with intent to tear the phone from his grasp. Ford just hopped from the stationary chair he'd been in, to a passing office chair they had for calmer weather. Ford was now carried by gravity to and fro, striking wall after wall with the back of the chair and once or twice barely missing his violently angry brother. Soon the ship immediately stopped and the twins came crashing down into the port bow Stan quickly exclaimed, "Shit!"

"The storm grounded our ship"

"I NOTICED!" Ford's phone was broken and the door was on the starboard side. Ford Quickly asked Stan, "Do you have your phone?"

"I left it in the captain's quarters to charge. why?"

"Mine's broken"

"Serves you right for watching that damn video"

"It was funny what was I supposed to do? Not laugh at your failure?"

"YES! Now we're Marooned and going to die, and I can't think of a way to make fun of you right now!"

"That's cause I've done nothing stupid in my life."

"That's debatable" a low booming voice echoed around the bridge. The door opened and a winged man in mostly black slowly descended into the room. It could have been graceful if he hadn't landed in a puddle, slipped, and fell onto his rear. He then melted into a red puddle that dissolved the wall and left them an exit. Crawling out from beneath the halfway capsized Stan O' war. Old man MCGucket quickly ran up to the boat and exclaimed, "Yipee a wreck I can scavenge for parts! "

"Fiddleford?"

"Oh, Hi Ford, is this your ship? I thought for sure you'd take better care of it."

"I did it's just that I wasn't the one driving"

"Steering Poindexter, when you're on a boat you don't drive, you steer."

"If you insist on learning the nautical terms as opposed to the formal who am I to stop you"

"You're the one that taught me in the first place!"

"You taught yourself, all I did was provide the book." the storm calmed in an instant and the waves receded to the point that the water seemed to be that of an undisturbed lake. The water cleared and the sea floor could be seen at once. Small ripples surrounded feet that should have sunk as their formally dressed liberator stood gaze transfixed on the sand below. Ford was the first to ask. "What are you looking at?" he continued staring as if he hadn't heard but when he opened his mouth to repeat himself he answered, "I dropped my flask" a few seconds passed and Stan spoke up, "You want us to get it for you or-" he stopped immediately as the deadpan man standing on the water raised his arm swiftly and without warning. The horizon broke as the sea parted and he fell on dry land and returned his flask to his pocket. He checked himself to see if anything else was missing. The waters faltered, he smiled and disappeared into the sea. Stan, Ford, and Fiddleford righted their ship sailed to the dock and unloaded their cargo into the shack. Ford humming a familiar tune caused Stan to convulse in realisation. "Hey Fiddleford, you got anything embarrassing about Ford over here?"

"Aside from trusting Bill?"

"Oh, yeah. *turns to Ford* almost forgot about that"

"Ok Stan Wrong Song isn't funny"

"NO no no no no no. you thought someone with the power to do almost anything wanted would want to do good. With all the bad people in the world, you just trusted him and nearly caused the apocalypse. At least I admitted my mistakes. MABEL!"

"Yes, Grunkle Stan?"

"Get your camera and director's hat, were making the Ford wrong song." one eternity later. Ford was released from, "Not good enough" limbo and took a shower to wash the sweat from both dancing about like a dunce and the embarrassment of having to sing such a degrading song. Sitting on the toilet with his towel around his waist he rubbed his aching neck. The phantom pain of a needle struck and in a moment of nostalgia he whispered to himself, "Well at least no one will know about this." Stan stood in the doorway. Originally he'd come to mock him on the creation of his new song and dance but when an opportunity presents itself so readily and so easily he had to ask, "Whatcha got on your neck there, Poindexter?"

AN: I hope it's every bit the story you were hoping for. about the chapter name you suggested, I liked mine better. "All Star" sounded too much like a Shrek reference for my taste. I'm all for references, I just tend to stay more on the obscure side


	19. Ch 18:Rich and a personality?

Chapter 18: Rich and a personality?

YrooXrksvi618 #9. Pacifica tries to be kinder with help from Candy and Grenda.

(Pacifica Northwest Memoir)

Tuesday, October 1

I've been keeping a memoir ever since I learned how to write. My parents said that if ever our family fortune would run dry we would need to have our family's history on hand from the first founding Northwest to me. They've long since sold all of our family's memoirs to the town historian and bought us a mansion that's a third the size of the old one. All my friends left me when they found out our family lost all our money. Mother is now a maid to a richer family and father never leaves his study. As of now, he's published one successful book and we can eat as we normally have… for now… I can't help but remember what Dipper said at the last party we had. I can't help but think that if we were nicer to people they might have helped us when we lost everything. Mabel's back at her home in California so I can't ask her for help, but her friends still live here, perhaps putting up with them will make me a better person. If I can last a day among, now, fellow commoners I'll probably be a better person right? I'll just ask father and be on my way, "Father, I'm going to go amongst the commoners and find out how they could possibly live like this."

"Ok be back soon." when I return a detailed summation of my achievements I shall chronicle my findings.

I've found that being nice is a lot harder than it once seemed. Apparently putting up with another person's painfully annoying voice isn't enough, you have to listen to. Not only do you have to listen but you have to respond in turn. Not only must you respond but what you say should be perceivably helpful. Apparently telling someone they're bad at something is mean but telling people how to improve is helpful criticism. I was almost chased away several times today but they agreed to help me so long as I promised to improve but there are just so many rules.

I went to answer the door and on the opposite side stood a man out in the rain. I didn't invite him in and he didn't ask he just stood and asked if I needed help in any aspect of life. I assumed he paused to let me respond but the second I opened my mouth to speak he finished, "Characteristically" and I nodded for fear of being cut off. He leaned in and handed me a small black book with two gold words printed on the cover along with a bookmark entitled "Read Romans, Corinthians, and Exodus 10" holding the leather bound book in my hands for the first time I noticed just how much something like this must cost to make the pages lined with gold, the book both sewn and glued to the leather cover, which must be costly on its own without the gold letters. Opening the book at the very beginning I find that It was made over the course of hundreds of years by many people who were constantly persecuted and yet continued on in spite of the world. Starting from the last suggestion, hoping correctly that it would be the shortest, I find rules that tell me what not to do. Moving on I find that those rules were just an outline that could not possibly be kept by anyone. And I am given a definitive answer as to how to be nice in a way I can understand. Make yourself their slave to be better than them.

Wednesday, October 2

Today I tested the instruction given to me in my "homework" and became significantly more likeable. I don't know if I'm yet kinder but people like me more. I'm learning how to help people, how to compliment people. Just how many rules a people can have. And how to show respect for others whether or not it's there. I've not yet learned how to compliment but I've been receiving enough that I'm sure I'll learn soon enough. I found a collector of sorts who seemed very interested in my father's new literary works but was concerned over a few Grammatical errors. I invited him over and demanded father meet him. He agreed on the grounds that if our family lost money because of it I'd be the one eating commoner's food. Father now has an editor and published his next book. It's done far better than his first thought now people know his name and one could attribute his success for that. And I won't boast cause the little black book that tells me what to do said that bragging is wrong and I can understand why people don't like it. All the families we used to associate with regularly only speak to us to boast of their unaffected finances. Perhaps if nothing else this book, while completely backwards from everything I've ever been taught, is going to take me places I'd of never gone without it.

AN: You know how some people used to condescendingly tell people that they need Jesus? Well, who better to tell than Pacifica? I know I've not been subtle with the bible references in my chapters, hell in the last one I had a guy walk on water calm the storm save the stranded and part the sea, but you've stuck with me this far and I really didn't want to write a month's worth of slow inching progress from someone who doesn't understand that compliments are not her birthright. So yeah, abrupt ending, deus ex machina and all that jazz. Hope you at least liked the poor house I put them in.

* * *

YrooXrksvi618 I think he meant to type "where's my father's case" as in "why didn't my father give me a name" I'm actually trying to write an anime about my OC where he can bend the rules and break the laws of physics and generally do anything immaginable. not to suprisingly peolpe take notice and he has to leave his universe entirely to get any relaxation done.

also Ned Flanders follos the bible to the letter. Pacifica is just using it as an outline.


	20. Ch 19: President's resume

Chapter 19: President's resume

AN: I updated 14½ again look look.

YrooXrksvi618 #10. Quentin Trembley(8.5 Prez in case you forgot like I did) shows up in town and tries to get a job at the Mystery Shack.

AN: thanks for the impromptu homeworkYrooXrksvi618 I'll make sure to get to your suggestions on chapter 14½ when I finish the first one and have nothing better to do right now getting to chapter thirty is my top priority. Consider 14½ to be my "shorts" in response to the Gravity falls shorts. And if you catch me making bible references It's probably because I was reading the bible before writing again but after chapter 17 I like where that takes me. Also, I recently made the google doc I'm writing this on, public but can't send links through … wait. https:(forward slash)(forward slash) .com(forward slash)document(forward slash)d(forward slash)1FmApjw39zfCG5jraBlFcKQBUsCFA5gPpa5RS3kGqzws(forward slash)edit?usp=sharing

Anyone who's not lazy can go ahead and check that out if you wanna see the fonts I write people talking in.

Monday, December 3

Pants are still being worn in fact women have started wearing pants. It is just as I feared. If we didn't put a stop to pants soon everyone would wear them now look at them not only have they not kept up the war on pancakes but the people here haven't even told others that peanut brittle really can preserve you. I've learned all there is to learn from the local bearded chap who lives in the biggest house I could find. Now I require employment, that I may contribute to society as it is in dire need of my contributions. Through my contributions, I will one day sway thousands to elect a dead gorilla to office. I've searched the forests for decent work but living off the provisions of the gnomes has proven futile. I shall go forth in search of the nearest place of business and inquire about a position as their janitor. For in my day asking for the lowest position showed character. My work shall speak for itself and I'll be elected to my second term, in about twenty years.

When I entered a building that seemed to be as old as I am, I was greeted by a giant chipmunk, "Welcome to the Mystery Shack what would you like today"

"A job application." I quickly retorted, he then proceeded to charge me for it. I have a good feeling about this job. I then sat in a corner until such time as everyone else had left and I could inquire when my interview with the manager would be. The giant chipmunk said that he was the manager and I was greatly relieved. If there were one bigger than him it'd be cause for worry. He asked me for a resume which I quickly handed him. He first noticed that it was written in crayon as his had once been. He then noticed I had President under previous jobs as well as the laundry list of other occupations I'd had like arranging the letters in the alphabet. Can you believe they wanted them to go from z to a? He looked me over and noticed that I wasn't wearing quickly outstretched his hand before shouting a resounding, "you're hired!" before giving me a tour he later charged me for. I paid his fair in nuts, he didn't seem to mind.

Tuesday, directly proceeding December 3

I returned from my perch atop the building upon which I found a chair that seems to be positioned for sleeping. And entered the doors for my first day on the job. Before I could enquire the location of the mop and chamber pot he had shown me to a hastily built booth with a sign that read eighth and a half president of the United States of America. He then told me that when he was giving tours my job was to tell people about our country back when I was in office. I did so gleefully, what old man doesn't enjoy telling complete strangers his every thought and opinion about better times that are no longer here. By the end of the day, I was called a method actor by many a tourist. When I received my wages I gladly thanked him and was about to depart for dinner when he invited me to stay and eat with his family. He'd noticed me sleeping on the roof and wanted to help. I'm just glad people still live where they work. He almost made it seem as if that wasn't an option when he offered to let me stay as if he had a choice in the matter. He'd lost that the second he hired Quentin Trembley. Though it is nice to eat hot meals again. The very least I can do is be grateful.

AN: I'm trying real hard to make everything chronologically fit. I didn't continue on with Dipper as a girl I was just too lazy and depressed to see that chapter to completion. Even this chapter happened before girl Dipper happened but If you guys like it, it could be canon… for this story at least… at least up until chapter thirty. I also can't see how I could possibly add to this… except for in the author's note… sorry, too much I wanna say not enough story. Consider the longer short in 14½ to be to blame. I'm still worried about what to do for chapter thirty. I thought that 14½ was going to be long after that ten suggestion list. But chapter thirty has enough suggestion and possibility to be a story in its own right. But as I said It'll be a chapter albeit a long one that might take up two parts.


	21. Ch 19n'ahalf : Ford's lessons

Chapter 19½: Ford's lessons

AN: I got the idea while eating breakfast

Ford sat across from Hot wings, a table of tea, pastries, butter, and toast sat between them. They were seated on small velveteen cushions and surrounded by all sorts of knick knacks and treasures. Their eyes downcast and the room silent. They were on the third level of Ford's basement. They both looked up at once and Hot Wings began "Telekinesis is a skill that all people are capable of but most have forgotten or more likely never learned. The process requires serious concentration and a complete lack of self-doubt. Knowing that if you abuse this ability you'll put yourself in others in great danger, still, do you wish to proceed?"

"Yes." in an instant everything in the room began to levitate including the two men in the centre. "Then the first step is to acknowledge that this isn't a dream. How will you be able to accomplish something you think is impossible." Ford took a sip of tea and burned his tongue before blowing on it and taking another sip. "Definitely not a dream"

"Good." everything fell. "Pass the butter" Ford gave him a confused look but tried to oblige. Soon he found his body immobile as the man across from him gingerly sipped his tea while reading his book as he repeated, "perhaps you didn't hear me correctly I want you to pass the butter" his body refused to move and he caught the meaning two sentences late he tried thinking the butter to move, tried willing it, tried everything he could think before the butter floated up in the air on its own he quickly begged it cross the table but he wasn't the one holding it in place, "It's such a simple shape, a rectangle about an inch in height and depth possibly two, two and a half at the base. All you need to do is concentrate on the object. Take all its features into account imagine it moving and move it" his arms and legs free the butter fell back onto its plate, "please pass the butter."

AN: you ever noticed that on some days It doesn't say I uploaded regardless of whether I did or didn't. I don't upload on Saturdays cause I leave the house once on Saturday and It's not to a place I can upload new chapters. and I think I deserve a day off working for free and all


	22. Ch 20: Tiny Soos adventures

Chapter 20: Tiny Soos adventures

YrooXrksvi618 #11. Soos decides to finally write what he did after he fell off of Gideon during their shrinking adventure.

AN: Probably going to fall out of character again, but writing is hard. And after watching all of Gravity falls including the shorts and that one video where the creator of the show explains all I still don't fully understand Soos. I get that he's the happy go lucky mechanic who fixes the problems he causes but writing for him is hard and I don't think I could bring down my thought process down to the point where I could continually write in his speech patterns and also bring a story to life. Either way, if I fall out of character imagine him speaking slowly as if trying to sound smart like that one episode I don't quite recall. Wait, shit… does anyone have an accurate timeline of the events that happened on Gravity Falls I don't know when this event actually happened… I guess I'll try to narrate in Soos' perspective until someone gets back to me on that…

Letter to future Soos for when you decide to put your wisdom into a book.

I found myself in a maze of carpet fibres which are really tough when you're too small to stand up to one. When I first fell off I thought I was done for but turns out gravity is kinder to small things no wonder ants don't take fall damage. I found lots of discarded chip crumbs in the fibres that were perfectly clean. No dirt on them at all, O think I ate my body weight in chips. I met some cool rats that had actually built a mansion for themselves in the walls of the shack. The wires hung like decorations and the floor was somehow cleaner than the floor outside. Little drops of soda were like pools and cake was like a house I could eat. Kinda reminded me of the guy I ate. It took the Mystery twins a couple of tries with the glue before giving up on it and going back to the forest. They brought me but I fell and got lost in the woods the gnomes were making short jokes at me and I ran back home. Took me a few days and more than a few berries but I got back home and back to normal size. I'd say the craziest part was getting to ride a butterfly. But it was cool. On occasion, I'd shrink myself and go visit the mice and things. I think I also made the gnomes that made fun of me shorter. Good times.

AN: I'm not as creative as you think I am. I have good days and on others, I write this. But I said I'd upload every day, save Saturday, and again I can't think of anything else to do here with this. I did contemplate the possibility of Soos gathering the group about the fire and telling them after a bit of begging and whatever. But I guess you're not here for excuses so I'm probably going to give a bit of a preview of the next chapter… maybe...


	23. Ch 21: The hunt for nerd stuff

Chapter 21: The hunt for nerd stuff

YrooXrksvi618 #12. Soos hears a strange noise in the vents, and it's revealed to be Ford crawling in them chasing after the Cycloptopus that escaped in Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons. So the two of them need to catch it so Stan, Wendy, Melody, and the tourists don't find out.

A scratch... That brought Soos' attention away from the customers for a second as Wendy's come back for a part time job as the cashier. Soos began to investigate. A bump… Soos feels he's not alone in the wax museum. He opens the vent and discovers a less than rested Ford crawling up and coming out, "Uh, dood what are you doing' in the air vents?"

"I was playing Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons on my own to try to create a challenge for my nephew but I think I'm going to have to buy a new game set."

"Ok but why though?"

"Remember when the game came alive?"

"The game came alive again?"

"Only part of it"

"Which part?"

"Just a Cycloptopus"

"Shouldn't we, like, warn people about it?"

"NO, no no no we gotta keep this between you and me it only attacks people who are scared if we cause a panic there goes the Mystery Shack" Soos made a gesture of sealing his lips and then asked "wait what does it look like again?" the audible groan resonated throughout the vents and hit the freakish monster as it tried to escape into the world. Counting the various places the beast may be hiding Ford and Soos split up to find it. Ford checked more practical places, closets, small rooms, the unfitting chandelier they had for whatever reason. He soon heard a squeal and a thud followed by a quick "found it" and Ford rushed into the kitchen. "Where was it?"

"It was in a cereal box dude" the writhing critter squirmed in agony under the weight of its capture before ford handed Soos a net to carry the thing back to the game board. "So… you're not going to eat it?" Soos' blunt question got him a stare from both Ford and the Cycloptopus. "Just checking."


	24. Ch 22: Little boy blue

Chapter 22: Little boy blue

YrooXrksvi618 #13. Soos' dad finally comes back! Soos invites him to stay at the shack for a few days. He's a real jerk, however, to everyone. When Soos finds out, he stands up to him. The guy then starts telling Soos that the reason he left was because Soos looked like a hamster, and from the looks of it, was still a disappointment. So Stan then gets mad after Soos starts to cry and yells in the guy's face, telling him how great a guy Soos is, how lucky the guy is for having him as a son, and to leave and never come back or else he'll "Get all ten of his guns and come after him." In the end, Abuelita goes ballistic on the guy.

A man in a grey tux, beige collared shirt and purple tie a green pocket square in his chest pocket monarch fold, (for those who know and care). [was Soos' dad's name ever made public?] stepped out of a limousine multi coloured mask leaving only his eyes and mouth exposed. He stood before an old house in a good family neighbourhood. Before he entered he noticed a note tacked to the door. Reading on the outside, "for dad" the note left by the hopeful son who always wanted to meet his father. A sly grin crossed the professional wrestler's face and he returned to his chauffeur with a new address to find.

Later at the shack, Soos was in the midst of wondering why his statue frightened small children when the bell rang and almost instinctively Soos replayed the shack moto back still turned voice monotone, "Welcome to the Mystery Shack where we put the fun in no refunds."

"Mijo?" the unfamiliar title shocked Soos out of his thought long enough to turn around and the site of a wrestler in the shack brought a strange sense of realisation. "Dad?"

"The letter said you are the owner of a tourist attraction. Soos is that you?"

"Dad!" he rushed over and spread his arms wide for a hug that turned into a shout, "Why did you have to leave?" he then sobbed and mumbled out incomprehensible questions without end until the wrestler wrapped him in an almost painful embrace before saying, "the truth is, I'm terrible at getting gifts and I only never came back because I could never figure out what to give you. I didn't think it would be smart to give a child money so I travelled the world fighting fathers that were better than me until they told me what I should get you. You know what they said?"

"What?"

"They said that my boy probably just wants to spend time with his old man. And I got you some great toys I'd won in fights with other dads if that's not enough." they hugged and Soos offered to let him stay a while, which he no doubt happily and readily accepted.

No sooner had he agreed had he already settled in. As if the world were merely his possession he began tormenting anyone who even came close to inconveniencing him. He sat in Gruncle Stan's chair eating his chips and watching extraordinarily cliche telenovelas and laughing. Eyes nearly closed Stan attempts to cross the room when a drink gets tossed at him and Soos' dad shouts, "you're in the way"

"Your eyes were closed so I figured I could cross without getting in your way!"

"Well you're in my way now," he said motioning to the fact that Stan had stopped between him and the TV completely blocking it from view as the people on screen began relentlessly slapping each other with seemingly no cause. "You seriously going to complain about me interrupting these done to death cliches?"

"How dare you!" he shouted before standing "this is a classic and if you can't appreciate that then you don't deserve to be in my presence"

"Fine I was just leaving anyway." he said as he soggily trotted along to find the chips he'd just bought, gone from the cupboards "aw come on!"

"It'll wash out"

"You ate my chips!"

"I don't know what you're talking about *crunch*"

"You're still eating my chips!"

"I don't see your name on them"

"Turn the bag around." the name Stanley Pines was written on the bag. "I meant the chips. You can keep the bag when I'm done with the chips. I made sure not to damage the logo"

"I don't care about the freaking logo! You're eating my chips"

"You looking for a fight grandpa?"

"Whoa, what's going on here" Wendy entered the living room a tired trillionaire on her back. "This wrestler shows up outta nowhere throws a drink at me eats my chips and acts like he didn't do anything wrong."

"For your information, I am the manager's father, if anything you are the one out of line"

"Technically Stan's still the manager he just left Soos in charge" a long yawn was heard from the man on Wendy's back and she shushed him as one would a small child and reprimanded them both, "You woke him up with your petty argument, I just got him to sleep too!" she stormed up the stairs but lost her composure halfway up and laughed at what she'd just said almost fell back down too. Soos had been in the other room trying to do their taxes, he'd heard the whole thing. "Dad! You're a guest! Even if Stan weren't the manager there's no excuse for acting as rude as you have. Now apologize! … Dad?"

"You know. I never told you the real reason why I left."

"Didn't you say it was because you didn't know what to get me for my birthday?"

"That was why I never returned, yes. But I left because you were a disappointment to me Soos. You were born with teeth Soos. a fat hamster is what I wanted to call you but your mother was the one deciding, so on all the painkillers the doctors were allowed to give her she said Soos. and started laughing. I left cause I knew you were never going to amount to anything just looking at you." as he spoke tears welled up in Soos' eyes and he ran out of the room. "AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM ANYWAY?" shocked Soos' father turns to stan "NOTHING! NOT A SINGLE THING! IF YOU'D A STUCK AROUND PAST BIRTH YOU'D KNOW JUST HOW WRONG YOU ARE. SOOS IS A HARDWORKING MAN WHO HAS WANTED TO SEE YOU SINCE FOREVER, AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET HERE? YOU CALL HIM A MISTAKE TO HIS FACE! WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, AT LEAST SOOS HAS PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT HIM YOU UNWANTED, DISRESPECTFUL, PAIN IN THE ASS WHO'S PROBABLY ONLY BEEN MOVING AROUND SO MUCH BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO DEAL WITH YOU! Well guess what. I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH YOU EITHER. Now get outta my site, and don't come back or I grab all ten of my guns and hunt you down like the talking pig you are"

"You know It's really hard to be intimidating when you're standing there in your underwear" he laughed this time eyes fully closed and received a kick he'd not soon forget as a screech like a banshee pierced his eardrums and left him reeling. The old woman was having none of this. Abuelita beat him within an inch of his life and left him to Stan

Later everyone is lounging around the box that slowly devours our souls day by day as Soos thanks Stan and Abuelita for defending him he hears the line he always wanted to hear from Stan, "You're like the son I never had" Soos teared up again but this time out of happiness as he pulled everyone in for a group hug before finally asking, "So where's dad now?"

"Mr And Dr. Pines take care of it."

"Yeah. We won't be seeing him for a while."

In a minigolf course not too far away a masked man struggled against the bounds he'd been placed. Small men with golf ball heads shout, "State your business here!"

"I have no business here some loser named Stan pines threw me into the rockiest part of the golf course"

"He insulted the man who triumphed over Bill Cypher burn his little special place!" their tiny hands raised even tinier torches up to the man's waist as they sang almost loud enough to cover the sounds of his screams. Sergei welcoming the change in amusement applauded their new song.

AN: I recommend listening to Mozart's Requiem in D minor and drinking a combination of earl grey and lemon tea I've gotten into the habit of calling The Earl of Lemongrab. Cause that's what I'm listening to/drinking as I'm writing. This song made making tea epic. Hope you're comfy cause I think I'm going to start taking my time and writing longer chapters.


	25. Ch 23:Old man McSuckit

Chapter 23: Old man McSuckit

YrooXrksvi618 #14. McGucket tries to make up for all the missed time he had with his son by going on a camping trip with him. Things...don't go as planned.

AN: I probably already mentioned my lack of home wifi on multiple occasions, likewise I've demanded work. It's time I told you, my charger is broken and I fear that should I move it, it will never charge again. My chromebook died today, or yesterday for you guys reading it, and I had to come back home to charge it. Part of the reason why my chapters have been getting shorter is the demand for more dip-her shorts, that I won't deny. But I've also been trying to draw a cover picture for this fanfic. As such I've been practicing drawing Gravity falls characters from refference. Needless to say I've only gotten the title done but that's OK I'll just keep on working hard on chapters and hope someone else can do it.

Also, I didn't get a chance to read your suggestion because of the aforementioned reasons.

FiddleFord McGuckit's personal journal

Wednesday, December 12

I decided that since I'd been such a disapointment to my family over the past few years of remembering nothing and just being old. I've finnaly got my memories back but it'll still take a while to get this toung speaking right. I proved to my son that I'm not the crazy old man I once was. I admitted myself to the local loony bin and just got released. My son seemed proud, so proud that he took me back to his house and showed me how to work the internet. I spent half the day learning and the other half upgrading the wifi and changing everyones data from gigabytes to terrabytes. And tommorow me and my boy are going camping like he saays he always wanted. What could go wrong?

Thursday, December 13

We went to a nice forest near Ford's house. I hope he don't mind My son asked to come here soecifically. It's as if he knows something I don't but thats Ok I came to learn more about my son anyway. Thing's 'd be going great if it haddn't started snowing. And out tents weren't already pitched, and our food weren't already caught skinned and cooking. We decided not to let a few snowfakes ruin our fun. Until what we thought was just some gentle snow fall turned into heavy sleet. We abandoned our campsite and dashed fot cover in his car but we dropped the keys outside and diddn't want to leave and risk injury by falling ice. Maybe I should invent a metal umbrella to sell to people crazy enough to go to work in this weather. My son's groaning into his steering wheele and mumbles something about knowing the trip would go wrong somehow. As if he expected me to fail again. It's almost as if he's dissapointed in that I wasn't the one to disapoint him. Then I remembered how back when me and Ford used to invent things together We'd get weather like this too so I invented a way to change the weather and put the machine inside a metal tree and wouldn't you know it the tree right outside my door has a dent in it. I reached for the handle but my son stopped me, "Dad what are you doing?"

"I can fix this son just like I fixed your computer"

"After you broke it"

"Son, it may not look like it now but in my day I was quite the engineer, right outside my door is the tool we need to fix our trip but I need to get out there" my son sighed and I stayed put until I knew he wouldn't drag me back he oppened up the glove box and said, "at least take this" he handed me the car's manual and i nodded to him before using the hevy book to protect my head as I rushed out and oppened up the metal plate on the side of the tree. The buttons and dials were dusty and covered in webbs but I quickly turned all the nobbs up and pushed the big red button. In a second the clouds cleared with a roating blast from the tree, shot into the sky. I quickly set all the nobbs back down so that the temperature didn't change the clouds were already gone and it don't look like they're coming back anytime soon. I waved for my son to join me but he seemed to shocked to move from his seat. I might have to do some maintenence on that tree now It seemed old enough already I don't know if it could take another blast like that. When my son regained his composure he asked, "what was that?"

"You want the simple answer or the science answer?"

"Science?"

"Well, you know how clouds are made up of dust and water and on occasion they produce lighning? Me and my inventing buddy Ford discovered that clouds must have some kinda positive charge we could disrupt like with the magnet guns we made for ecplorin' the UFO over on that-" my son cut me off and said, "I've changed my mind simple, go with a simple answer"

"I made a robo tree that controlls the weather." he seemed almost surprised. "You can controll the weather and you didn't sell this to the govt.?"

"Ford said it's bad for the environment and should only be used in emergencies" I quickly remembered why we never used this, grabbed the metal umbrella I forgot was in the tree, and that I'd already invented it, and oppened it up fast enough to protect my son from the remainder of the storm that fell all at once. "Doesn't really get rid of the storm just the clouds and only over the city, I hope everyone else is Ok." a gnome jumped out of the bushes and stole the car keys. The storm put the fire out created mud and dumped our dinner in it with our makeshift grill. Our tents were distroyed and we have to hotwire my sons car to get back home when we do my son Is talking to everyone about how great I am. Took me being a total gear head to save our trip after an unexpected storm hit but we got back and I told my son all about the inventions I've made.

After Word: I got a new charger totay. Also I might not be able to write as much as I said I would, I underestemated how tiring waiting for responces when the website says that it'll update in thirty minutes and then doesn't cause I keep making slight adjustments and reposting the same chapter with a word or two changed. I was so stressed out today just waiting for a review I think I've got more grey hairs on my chin because of that. So yeah your imput matters and It's easier on me to not have ot moderate revewis but at this point I'm used to it. I also just realsised how bad it is an idea to tell people what time it is where you are


	26. Ch 24: Movie night

Chapter 24: Movie night

YrooXrksvi618 #15: Wendy finds Dipper's old video camera with a video of the Hide Behind and sends it to Ford. Then Robbie comes along and sees there's more than that video on it, so they, along with anyone who wants to, have a binge-watch of the videos, like Dipper's guide to the unexplained, Mabel's guide to life, fixing it with Soos, and a surprising secret: Stan made his own videos on it, called "Mr. Mystery's guide to crime."

AN: I'd love to photoshop myself a cover photo for this fic but I don't have photoshop, the things you can do on a Chromebook are limited to Chrome OS, therefore, preventing me from downloading Photoshop and there exist no good pictures of my OC in his usual clothing just the one good pic of him with Kitty that I've set to my profile. When I asked for the picture I forgot to ask for one with the top hat and shades, the lack of ears and tail on the girl was on her though. And the google "equivalent" google drawings is like trying to play a Minecraft rip off after actually playing Minecraft. I tried drawing my character on Google drawings and got frustrated and quit being only able to use certain shapes and being incapable of creating my own, Shit this Authors note is long moving on.

Monday, December 17

Stan needed some Seasonal Workers and in the spirit of the holidays, I could bring a friend to work with me. Tambery begged me to take Robbie cause she wanted to surprise him with a gift. She saw something and needed time to get it, wrap it, and hide it. Lucky for me the job wasn't something that would have us especially close to one another. We had to clean the storage closet and look for anything that could possibly make money. After searching through a couple dozen boxes I had a few left in one corner and he had like one left in the other. I found a camera with the tape still inside I watched a bit of it and it showed Dipper looking around for something called the hide behind and setting up the camera in the woods and walking away when he couldn't find it. This must have been from then Stan made a display of the wandering camera he found in the woods, needless to say, it bombed and he dumped it in here. But now that I'm seeing this thing actually on camera. I think Ford should see this. But as I was leaving Robie asked me where I was going and I told him that the nerdy twin of our employer probably wants to see what's on this tape. He said it sounded more interesting than looking through boxes he already knew were trash anyway and tagged along. So we walked up to Stan told him we found something for Ford. he was fine with us showing him cause we only had a few boxes left and Soos wanted to open them cause he likes surprises... I guess. I dropped off the tape in the basement with Ford and told him there was something he had to see and left Robbie to watch as I went back upstairs to help Soos finish the job. When we were done Robbie ran up to me and said there was more on the tape. Dipper and Mabel Seemingly tired from a long car ride arrived at Mystery Shack and were delightfully surprised to see me standing there. They quickly jumped on me and hugged me… well, Mabel Hugged me and dragged Dipper along who hugged me after he was awkwardly forced into my side. I told them about the camera and how the Hide Behind is real it was just always behind him in the video. Mabel excitedly asked if we found their old camera which Dipper quickly claimed full ownership of. And I had the idea to have ourselves a home made movie night. So I invited all my friends, the whole Pines family was there, Soos and his Abuelita were there.

Later that night we watched the videos from start to finish. I asked how they got rid of the candy monster, turns out they left a trail of golf clubs leading it to McGuckits old scrapyard. Ford explained that Stan's Tattoo was actually a burn he got in his lab after recognising the shape. We paused the video and went down to see it. Came back up and kept watching. In the middle of the next video, Ford demanded Dipper take him to the mailbox only for Mabel to destroy it a few seconds later. Ford looked sad but it didn't last cause he was soon scribbling in his journal about the little green men in the lefty guy before he kinda died. Dipper nudged Mabel and she shrugged, a second later Dipper said that they might wanna burn the tape. In the next video, I think everyone in the room cringed when the bear showed up and as Mabel tried to rally support for the tattered bear who's appearance rivalled one bear that survived a nuclear apocalypse in a certain show about adventurous brothers. Then came the one where Dipper asked the towns folk about the hide behind everyone laughed when Stan called the people of Gravity Falls the dumbest people in the world because it cut back to lazy Susan spinning (now I get it) later I pointed out the hide behind and said, "knew it!" cut to Mabel's vids. Watching Dipper answer the question about how to treat a girl was cringy for everyone including Dipper. But even worse was Mabel saying if love doesn't work force it.

Mabel's guide to stickers was everything you'd expect Mabel made stuff up Dipper corrected her and got edited out. The only thing we didn't expect was for her to shoot herself with a grappling hook to prove that puffy stickers could save your life, that and Stan asking Mabel for a "Baby on board sticker" the next video was Mabel's assault on the town looking to make everyone over including Soos. but his clothes were so tight they might have actually raided the set of the movie Labyrinth to get Soos those Goblin king clothes. Their solution to Old man McGuckit was pretty funny too. Still kinda shocking that Dipper answered the question, "what's your favourite colour" by saying, "Wendy. Wait, what was the question again?" but still not as shocking as Mabel setting fire to Stan's office. Then Mabel was selling her cat-icatures and Humanicaticature It seemed as though she'd gone crazy trying to draw people on cats that obviously wanted nothing to do with her art but she could have also just been optimistic. We finally found out what Soos was doing when he was awkwardly standing there as the effects became clear, not very good but still mildly adequate. Then we watched him fix a birdhouse with more effects than could ever be necessary Then we saw everyone breaking into the movie theatre to watch the movie they paid for. I think we also cheered on Tompson for drinking the butter. Then we relived the petting zoo with the mutant animals that made everyone's day. The film cut to static and we were all about to leave when. "Ok I leave these films in the event that someone wants to continue my legacy but I become too old to give a proper example to my pupils" as he speaks he sets up the camera and puts on a completely black body suit with a ton of weird tools sticking out every which way

Tuesday, December 18

We're still on the couch It's just that it's midnight and I wanna be accurate. A younger Stan dressed up for a night of theft strapped the bulky camera to his shoulder stood in the mirror and whispered about wishing there was an easier way of recording what he sees. There's static and it cuts to him driving up to a poorly lit bank. He scales the wall, carefully unscrews the air vent and quickly slides in and through until he reaches a room filled with guards and one receptionist behind a desk seen through the slats in the vent shaft. The inside of a mask is quickly pulled in and out of view and a bottle of chloroform is opened and poured into a makeshift smoke machine with a thin metal veil used to make the fog less obvious. Within seconds a round of thuds is heard and again he carefully opens the vent crawls down deletes the security footage and leaves the smoke machine on. A stethoscope is shown and he begins whispering into the camera what to listen for as he cracks the safe. Upon opening the safe and rummaging through everyone's safe deposit boxes he complains about how no one has anything of value and leaves with a bag full of marked bills. The video cuts out and again the young Stan shows up dressed as he normally is in his Mr Mystery suit and red bow tie. "Today we will be discussing the simple art of scamming" he then proceeded to do a complete rundown of all the Mystery Shack had to offer along with a quick pickpocketing lesson. And convincing people to throw their money at him through the use of fake hypnosis I think I was the only one still awake at that point but still, he was a master of crime in his prime. I don't know how or when But Dipper ended up sleeping in my lap when I woke up Maybel was awake she probably had something to do with it cause when I opened my eyes she ran tired to move him I figured he'd jump and run away when he woke up so I pretended to sleep until I wasn't tired anymore. When he woke up he didn't move though he just looked up and went back to sleep. I opened my eyes and he was smiling. Five more minutes.

After Word: there you go. Feel free to check my exact wording in Chapter 14 if you think I messed up the dates writing this in not my house was strange, to say the least but I was up until four today and didn't want to get here to upload with no time to do anything else. what happened was that the tab I have the document on changed into an Amazon tab unexpectedly and refused to go back to the document tab and when I started another tab it didn't have what I'd done online. later I reopened the Amazon tab and it had the content that was missing on it. I was genuinely surprised when the doc said syncing offline but I'm glad it did cause I was not up for rewriting all of that.


	27. Ch 25: The only way!

Chapter 25: The only way!

YrooXrksvi618 #16. Melody realizes she hasn't gotten to know Wendy that well and tries to spend a little time with her.

AN: As I said before I write all these chapters on a google doc and as I've said before all the characters have their own font. If the chapter's unfinished blame it on me deciding a font.

(Melody's diary)

Monday, December 10

I invited Wendy to come hang out at the Mystery Shack today she said she'd love to spend some time getting to know each other better. Apparently, her friend group is mostly guys and a girl who's dating her ex. But I'm pretty sure they're on good terms. We didn't really know what to do and business was slow as tourist rarely visited remote locations in the cold unless there were skiing options. So most tourists didn't come and what few did was a welcome distraction. We began awkwardly discussing topics such as hobbies and past experiences. So far all we have in common is having worked at the Mystery I started talking about a terrible movie I once saw about a couple who has awkward silence after awkward silence until the movie spent the rest of the day watching terrible movies and making fun of them. I asked about Hot Wings and she said he was just a friend but that was what everybody said She'd told them when they'd ask not wanting to pry too deep she playfully asked if she'd seen him naked to which she slowly responded, "yes but it was an accident. Things happen when you spend all your time in someone else's room." I didn't expect that so I decided to ask more pressing questions, "do you like him?"

"Well yeah, the guy's like if I had wings and was way older. Why wouldn't I like myself… except that he _really_ doesn't care about anything."

"So have you told him yet?"

"He can read my mind he shot me down before I tried but he had a good reason"

"What?"

"He believes in fate and that there's someone for everyone where they are and that nobody should have to leave their universe to find someone special. You know?

"I guess. You Ok with that?"

"Yeah even if he did find a way to make it work we don't even know if our genes match up properly"

"Shit didn't think you thought that far ahead."

"I didn't, he let me borrow his eyes for a bit and I saw him thinking about it but he's right." I didn't feel it right to pry any further so I started talking about my relationship with Soos and somehow we got into a fight over who had the worst dating story. All in all a good day

AN: I get that It's very short but it's a very simple concept and I am very tired so that… yeah...


	28. Ch 26: name too long

Chapter 26: The smart, the dumb, and the Exaggerated

YrooXrksvi618 #17. Stan is telling Wendy the whole plan to erase Bill. She asks why they typed in "Stanley Pines" in the memory gun when they could have typed in "Bill Cipher" and not had to spend all that time trying to get his memories back. Stan simply goes up to the top deck and yells "SON OF A *******!"

The scene opens up with Stan and Wendy Sitting down in Wendy's dining room a black hexagonal box sits idly by a Latin inscription left untranslated and the two sat opposite each other coffee and breakfast sitting between them. Stan seemed excited, He'd just heard of his heroism his sacrifice and that he totally came up with it. Wendy didn't seem all that impressed. She actually seemed tired like she had only just woken up and still hadn't had any coffee. Still, he went on, "Ok so there we were caged in like mice and I turned to my brother and said, 'Hey, Poindexter. I know that it's my fault that we won't be able to beat Bill the way you wanted anymore but I think we should try using that memory wiping gun you wrote about in one of your journals' he looks at me like I'm crazy and says, 'what!? No way am I letting Bill back into my head, He knows me too well, He'd find the answer in a heartbeat, not only will the world end but I won't even know It's my fault' So I turned to him and said, 'I didn't say he was going in your head.' then he turns to me and starts shouting about how I'm his brother and how he could never destroy my memories just to kill Bill." all the while Wendy sits tiredly sipping her coffee and the box slowly creaks open, "How did you get in my house?"

"Your dad let me in, so I told him that it was the only way and that nobody would miss a good for nothing screw up who spent most of his life scamming and stealing from people" the sweet smell of chloroform wafted through the air but not strong enough, or close enough, to put her back to sleep as a zombie like man trodden through and filled a mug with espresso. "I quickly forced him to undress and we traded clothes and I practised lip syncing what he said until we got it good enough to trick Bill. he still didn't want to go through with it, but I said, 'It's the only way' and we got into position a second before bill came back in screaming about how he was going to kill either Dipper or Mabel and Ford finally lost all his reservations and played the tape we recorded in advance. When Bill finally entered my brain Ford typed in my name and erased Bill from the face of the earth at the cost of my memories, I could honestly do without remembering the Stan wrong song though." Wendy at this point had run out of coffee and was refilling her cup hastily made breakfast half eaten and her expression still unchanged, she wracked her brain for some way to make him feel as bad as she did having to wake up to someone bragging about how they saved the world. "But that's not all, After I got my memories back I remember talking to Bill in my head before we both went. He asked me if it bothered me that they were my memories being erased and he tried to leave but I wrestled him to the floor and made sure he never reached the door no matter how big he got or how strong he thought he was I refused to let him out"

"Wait..."

"Yeah?" the old man asked excited to answer any questions he might not have answered in his step by step retelling of his actions "why didn't Ford just type Bill's name and save you the trouble of getting your memories back? Did Ford forget how to spell Cypher?" the look of joy present since the beginning of his tale froze and he slowly rose face unchanging until he uttered the words, "One moment please..." and walking out the door onto the deck, looks around at all the little woodland creatures, scurrying about starting their day. A gentle breeze floats through, a well-dressed man relaxes in an improvised hammock just out side and the old man takes a deep breath before frightening all the creatures in the general vicinity, "SON OF A *******!"

AN: there you go, I tried to lengthen it in any way that I could. I hope you enjoyed it cause it's like eleven at night right now but I can't figure out how to change my computer back to the other time settings. I know you probably wanted them to be set in the Mystery Shack, but I couldn't think of a way of them being alone that didn't seem weird in my head so I made it weirder. Like the bloody ship again. I was just looking through the suggestions and I realised that a lot of these are requests for Girl Dipper to be bullied and I remembered NSP's cool patrol dance and I gotta say it would be really funny if we did something with that. And my OC being like Bill is completely coincidental. I only just watched Gravity Falls like a month ago but my OC has been with me in all of my stories since a couple of years ago when I started writing Fanfiction. And just to be clear My OC wears a blood red Neck tie not a bow tie sorry if I wasn't more clear on that


	29. Ch 27: too many ships

Chapter 27: so many ships I can't see the water

YrooXrksvi618 #18. Mabel tries to be a matchmaker for Pacifica and Dipper. She realizes she needs help, so she asks to get help from a surprisingly good matchmaker: Thompson.

AN: Did I mention I'm getting about six hours of sleep at night if that. I'm light sensitive so the sun wakes me up long before I get up and I'm just left lying in bed until about ten in the morning when I begrudgingly stumble out of bed down the stairs and onto the couch until I can work up the strength to pour myself a cup of coffee make my breakfast and go upload these chapters. If 2013 had a leap year then it's Friday I'm sorry I get my dates off a mug.

Thursday, July 25

Pacifica's parents heard that Stan was throwing a party today and came by to offer up some help in exchange for some extra much needed cash to rebuild the wealth Pacifica's father was steadily earning back on the stock market after his latest book bombed. Stan was all for wealthy guests at a party with an admission fee. He seemed excited to make money off this new idea that was brought to his attention by somebody who just wanted to correct the mistake. Stan asked Ford to ask McGucket permission to use the mansion that now belonged to him and was halfway filled with gears and spare parts but all could be easily tucked away into a hidden room McGucket should have known about. McGucket's more than easy acceptance to the idea of strangers in his house, and me and Hot Wings already agreeing to be at the party we'll get the house cleaned up by the time the rich guests show up. Cleaning was boring and I knew exactly what those eyes could do so I asked to borrow them to which he replied, "but then I'll be bored". Took me a while but I convinced him to trade with me at least until the party wrapped up saying that I didn't want a repeat of last time. He quickly said, "that's a neat trick, making it so that your lies are true didn't think I taught anyone how to do that but here you are learning on your own." then he agreed and gave me his eyes. The pain from the transition this time was more pronounced than the pain of having his eyes cause I kept them shut until I felt the familiar squeeze of plastic above my ears. It didn't help that I could see through my eyelids as he pulled his bloody silver nails out of both of our heads and I watched the cuts on my eyes heal through his eyes. Then I looked around and felt Hot Wings Snake his arms around my neck and resign to being carried by me his thought flowing through my mind, _carry me and I'll move everything with my mind._ I silently screamed at him for not doing that sooner but he just laughed and thought _I can't hear your thoughts anymore_ we finished cleaning in about five minutes and we'd been doing things the hard way for an hour and had done a third of the work together that he did alone. Eventually we had a stand outside that Dipper Mabel and Pacifica had made and made fancy for the guests coming tonight. I wasn't to happy about having to wear a fancy dress much less one picked out by Pacifica but these damn eyes can't find a reason not to trust her. I ended up in the simplest white dress they would offer me and I knew there were more. But they refused to offer them. Let me tell you, you cannot take off these glasses for a second. Even if it's to get dressed you will open your eyes and it will feel like you got a front row seat to staring directly into a billion suns. When I got back to booth he was kinda asleep in the chair but these eyes said he was faking. I made no noise still he turned to me and said "back already?" which shouldn't have scared me but it did cause I thought he'd keep pretending. Pacifica's parents soon showed up at the door with Stan and Ford and said to the youngest people there that they should go hang out elsewhere cause this was going to be an "Adult" party. At which point Hoy Wings curled up in my lap and actually started sleeping.. Like an extremely old cat with very young looking whiskers. I was getting bored when I saw Mabel thinking up a plan to get Dipper and Pacifica together. Then I felt him stirring in my lap and looked down he just said, "since we're trading eyes anyway why not trade bodies too?" I knew there was something evil in that smile of his but his mind was clean. Literally I had no proof visible to his eyes which just showed me the intentions of everyone as they said it it seems like he just acts without thinking. So I agreed hoping he wouldn't do anything to make me regret this and as if he were still reading my mind he said,"you won't" and stabbed us both in the skull when I came to I was in my lap but I still had his eyes and he still had his wings, reading his mind told me that having unearned wings was more painful than his eyes and having both knocked me out mentally but I came to quick enough to watch Mabel try to force a romance with a somewhat interested girl and a not too reluctant boy. I soon found the pants a welcome feeling but I was soon hit with an overwhelming urge to pet myself… well… my head with his mind in it. Though again it was mostly empty. He was just wondering What Dipper and Mabel were up to So I told him, her, me, whatever. "Pacifica has a roll of money and is currently paying for all the fun they're having. Mabel is trying to steer them closer together while also trying not to drive a wedge between them." at this point I'd got up and we'd basically flipped positions so he was on my lap again but it looked like it was the other way around. He grabbed his hand and put it on my head. I don't think anything weirder has happened then me petting myself. But I tried to keep telling the story, "Mabel is running off to go do things on her own and quickly running out of excuses, coming back at any mention of splitting up to find her almost on cue, cause she was hiding nearby trying to make sure things went as smoothly as possible and only re-entering the group when things got either too loud or too quiet." I must of bored him because he actually fell asleep in my lap… nevermind watching myself sleep was weirder than petting myself. So I went back to watching Mabel fail miserably at her matchmaking. Until they got to the movie theatre that is. All the guests showed up about now and I was kinda distracted with selling admissions tickets giving the same response to everyone who asked why they're charging admissions this year "to keep the riff raff out." they simply laughed gestured to my sleeping body made any remarks and entered. I didn't let it bother me though. I'm getting paid a hundred dollars for each of these chumps they can say what they want they're the ones dropping five grand each just to enter some dumb three hour party. I'm glad they all showed up at once cause I barely missed anything. From Mabel's memories I could see that the movie wasn't going too well because Dipper and Pacifica decided to sit on opposite sides of her though it was her fault for hogging the popcorn and insisting they only have one big bucket. At this point she's in the lobby frustrated with the excuse that she was going to buy snacks. Thompson had been demoted because he was caught drinking butter on the job so Mabel and Dipper were unbanned and Mabel was venting to him. As she talked on and on about how hard she tried to get them together they just refused to make it work to which Thompson replied, "what you gotta do is get them down to a cafe where they can talk about something they have in common, it's a quiet enough place, few people so they won't be scared of being seen in public, and the people who go there are mostly teens and washed up writers working on screenplays so no one will care anyway." Mabel was amazed at how thought out his answer was and asked to team up to bring this couple together. I just noticed that I don't have a pulse, he doesn't have a pulse. This body doesn't have a pulse so I look at my reflection in his flask turns out his body doesn't have a heart literally so I wake me up and man is that not a good look on me. And I ask why he has no heart he just laughs and says, "you're just figuring that out now?" and goes back to sleep with my arms around his body's neck. I resist the urge to pet my self and go back to watching the matchmaking. But looked to far and saw Soos on a date with Melody and Abuelita watching from outside with military grade night vision binoculars. Then I felt weird watching Mabel and Thompson try to force Dipper and Pacifica out of the friend zone. The cafe actually worked though. Thompson went on break for a few minutes and talked to Mabel about crocheting so that Dipper and Pacifica felt that no one was listening as they bonded over Pacifica's attempts at being a better person. Dipper gave suggestions Pacifica took notes and came back with better ideas they even scheduled to do a few together. Until the cafe grew eerily quiet. Thompson's break was up and Mabel was frantically looking for someone to talk to about literally anything before Pacifica and Dipper noticed what they were doing but they didn't seem to care at this point they were just happy the wall of discomfort was gone and they could speak their mind freely to each other Dipper hadn't felt the same as her and he doesn't seem to want to but Pacifica doesn't care. Mabel somehow got everyone to hold hands as they walked back home something about it being dangerous to walk home in the dark. But they weren't going to Pacifica's house. Mabel was leading them to the Mystery Shack where Soos was currently showing Melody where they had the wax sculptures before Mabel and Dipper killed them all and then proposed on the balcony. Mabel, Dipper, and Pacifica had shown up just in time to catch them in the moonlight. Mabel asked Pacifica to stay the night in the guise of a sleep over with just her and that they could share a bed if Pacifica said yes. Which she did and Stan came outside to check on us thought the rolls were pretty backwards saw the wings on my body just raised his hands in frustration and walked away thinking about possible reasons why/how this could happen. Meanwhile Mabel played truth or dare with Pacifica. At some point Dipper was forced to join and when he landed on dare was asked politely to kiss Pacifica. I won't say who told him to just suffice it to say they were both extremely nervous and Dipper was out of mulligans. But he soon found a way out and kissed her cheek before rushing to bed saying he didn't want to play anymore and giving the excuse "Tired when asked why" never had to carry myself home before but I did and I got paid so few thousand dollars for low grade verbal abuse evened out pretty well, that was fun.

AN: Just to rephrase I'm not mad about you being excited I actually find it kind of amusing that someone actually cares about something I wrote. I'm actually enjoying this and since I'm in a good mood today I'll try to go for two but my process for writing these has become to clear my mind before I start each chapter so as not to bleed one part of the story into the other except as a reference to the past or foreshadowing from a credible source. This was originally one big AN but I thought it looked too big even for me.


	30. Ch 28: Little Goodeon

Chapter 28: Little Goodeon

YrooXrksvi618 #19. Lil Gideon decides to try and get a part-time job at the shack to make up for all he did. While cleaning the basement, he accidentally finds a second amulet. It's power begins to try and corrupt him, but then, after seeing what it's doing, he tosses it into the bottomless pit.

Walking along the dirt road a small blue suited boy walks along nervously. Many things could have contributed to this. It could have been the fact that he was walking along in the dead of night so his parents didn't find out. It could have been the thousands of eyes constantly appearing and disappearing throughout his walk. It could have been the whistle ringing through the air a high pitched song that had notes hung for up to eight seconds at a time and consecutively strung together. He later came to learn this song was called "Pure Death" when whistled and "A certain Victory Lotus" when played on the Oregon. This did not help. But the real reason the boy with ridiculously large hair was nervous, is because he was to attempt to make amends with a long time enemy. Slowly he approached the door and went to knock but his arm froze in place and his every though fighting his next cause of action as his hand felt almost guided to the door. A single knock rang out. Stan, who'd been counting his money in his office seconds before showed up at the door and promptly asked what he wanted before tiredly looking around and seeing no one, "WHO PRANKS SOMEONE AT-" he looked down to see his watch and found a startled Gideon, obviously nervous. Stan stood in disbelief and said, "shouldn't have tried to out drink him"

"What?"

"I'm asleep at my desk right now aren't I?"

"Mr Pines I am real"

"Yeah but you're not really here are you?"

"But I am. And I simply ask for a job"

"What kinda fever dream is this?" The whistling stopped and a five seven man dressed in darkest suit and tie. Landed silently beside Gideon and said, "I haven't let you drink my rum since you tried to kiss me last time"

"I don't remember doing that"

"That's cause I stopped you. And you were blackout drunk."

"So this is actually happening?"

"Yeah and if I were you I'd use this opportunity to get him to do chores that no one else will" He faded away in a cloud of red mist and Gideon was left staring expectantly at Stan. "you come back tomorrow morning at eight and you got the job."

The next morning Stan woke up Got dressed, Walked out the front doors and saw Gideon waiting outside on the porch swing asleep next to a man playing a list of songs that were featured in a very popular horror show that soon after airing got ten movies made based off of it, the show being Hellsing and the series of movies being called Hellsing Ultimate. The song playing was Original sin and it made Stan's skin crawl. The songs were meant to be creepy and thus impossibly hard to listen to. Yet still, he played the songs which almost seemed like a primitive noise band to anyone not trained enough to see that the sounds were intentional. Regardless Gideon was currently having a nightmare as Stan tried to discern whether or not he'd woken up. Gideon awoke promptly at eight when his digital watch went off he stood as quickly as he could and Stan no longer caring if it were fact or fiction had Gideon help Ford clean out the Basement. Gideon did as instructed and found all manner of different gadgets and devices the purpose of them unbeknown to Gideon except for one small Lapis stone embedded in a round gold slab of metal. The second he touched it he knew what it was. He knew what he could do with it, he could even take the Mystery Shak Right out from under them. _But Mabel would hate that_ he thought. The amulet fought back, _what more is happiness to a prisoner than hope for the hopeless_ Gideon didn't want to even touch the wretched thing any longer. He quickly found an empty box and tossed it in before rushing outside his job, mostly finished anyway, and tossed the amulet box and all into the bottomless pit. Gideon slowly returned a bit rattled but Ok and was about to relax when Ford came up the elevator and looked at Gideon. "You haven't seen my invisible cloak, have you? It was in a small brown box really light?"

AN: short chapter I know But I'm a bit stressed right now and I can't imagine why. It can't possibly be the six hours of sleep I get. That's never stopped me before. And I write everything at night when the world is dead and quiet enough to write without interruption.


	31. Ch 29: Old people are fun

Chapter 29: Old people are fun

YrooXrksvi618 #20. Pacifica's parents decide to send her to live with Old Man McGucket for a few weeks while her room is being repainted after Candy and Grenda come over for a sleepover and spill glitter glue everywhere. Pacifica finds out that helping McGucket with his inventing is actually kind of fun.

AN: I wish I lived somewhere with fewer street lights. Then I can sit in pitch black open my laptop and start writing with the only light around in my hands. My night vision is too good starting to distinguish colours in the dark.

Packed and approaching the doors of her home of twelve years she'd never felt less welcome anywhere. Old man McGucket was more than happy to have company in a mostly lonely house lonelier because of the size and number of occupants. Pacifica asked if her room was still the same and McGucket just said, "there are rooms? I just been sleepin' on that there couch. By the way nice couch."

"That's a bearskin rug"

"I was wonderin' why it was so flat and on the floor" Pacifica found her room relatively untouched missing only what she'd taken. She'd unpacked her clean clothes for the week, or so, and walked back downstairs to find McGucket tinkering with a new laptop. "What are you doing?" she asked as politely as her tone of voice allowed. "Tryin' to get the internet to work faster but at the same time download the entire internet so I have access to everythin instantly, but I got Some problems with some Viruses."

"How's that working out?"

"Pretty well actually. I've got so many viruses that the viruses are trying to hack each other without being hacked. I sent the hard drive to my good old buddy Ford and he returned it with this new antivirus. I have about forty percent of the internet downloaded onto this here cube" he holds up a glowing blue box about the size of a small woodland creature. "But this box is full and I don't have the materials to open up another one so I'm trying to make a stronger processor" he "hmm"ed to himself trying to think of a better way to make the computer run faster. "Why not make the computer only download educational or informative sites?"

"We'd rather have all the knowledge on hand in case we missed something in an unexpected location you'd never know what you could find on seemingly innocent sites"

"What?"

"Also if we download the internet we can get all the paid content for free and not have to worry about getting strange subscriptions to unwanted sites."

"No, go back to the innocent sites thing"

"Well, I was reading through 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' when I found a bunch of codes and such decoded and sent the codes and methods of decoding to Ford he uses that to double encrypt this computer so in binary if you read the codes it tells a story about a man string desperately hard to sell his bicycle but the computer knows the code and filters out the programming it needs and while this confuses any hackers it also slows down the wifi. Not sure if I should switch to Cox or rebuild the modem to steal from everyone else's bandwidth so I did both."

"Still slow?"

"No the wifi is fast but now the keyboard and mouse's response times are getting to me"

"I thought you said the wifi was slow"

"That's why I started working on it, I'm still working on it because the keys signals are not sending fast enough and it's making searching the net slow"(knowledge of computers and engineering I have none) Pacifica asked if she could help. Mc Guket decided that perhaps something so complicated as designing building and testing a super computer with no parental controls to be too monolithic a task to teach in one day so he switched over to a side project he'd been working on. "This is an AI Ford made and he wanted me ta test it for 'im but the thing scares me so you think you could talk to it and write a bug report?" she nodded and began asking the AI some simple questions "What's your name?"

I am designated as Second Edition Robotic Interface or Seri for short"

"What happened to the first edition"

"His sound files were corrupted and Ford could not find them online. In addition, Ford disliked the way the shortened name sounded."

"How much do you know"

"I am programmed with basic speech patterns and have access to all online human knowledge at one-fifth the speed and reliability of Google when the voice recognition is malfunctioning."

"How much can you understand?"

"I can understand ten percent of the English language excluding all profanities and disregarding accents and speech impediments" Pacifica's report read, "works fine, answers questions in about the time it would take a foreigner to translate the language in his head. Understands me easily Mr McGucket not so much."

The next day Fiddleford McGucket was working on a mech he'd designed to help protect against physical attacks using the blueprints to the Gideon Mech as reference to go on but on a much smaller scale, more like robotic armour. Pacifica soon asked what he was doing to which he replied, "Ford asked me to build a robo body for his computer brain. The endo skeleton was finished weeks ago and the programming and wiring were almost all done by Ford but he's afraid it's too exposed, so I made this" he gestured to the unfinished set of gears and plate armour. Again Pacifica asked if she could help. They spent the morning hunched over a large piece of paper with the schematics for a gaudy unnecessarily big hunk of Gideon with a smaller sheet on which he'd transferred a lot of information such as how the joints moved slight notes on how to improve mobility and how a smaller structure would need either lighter metals or stronger power to keep it up and running. As it stood fifty percent of the robot was battery and he'd have to connect the bot to the suit just to keep it mobile. By the end of the day she'd learned how to use a soldering iron along with most of the tools in the box. Ford came over and discussed the design and how the overall finish of the design shouldn't defeat the purpose of that they were trying to create. Eventually, they settled on a design that gave the otherwise computer commanded robot some "eyes" of its own as well as facial recognition software and an ability to read some fonts. The cube McGucket had the day before was placed into the robot's chest and an antenna was placed in the head to better steal people's internet. Ford and Fiddleford could now control the half armoured robot from their respective computers and decided to finish their project as soon as possible. Pacifica considered a career that involved creating something like this. It wasn't too hard and if she works hard enough perhaps Dipper will one day ask to build a robot together. The robot was finished by the time Pacifica had to leave but before she left old man McGucket asked her to "test the AI" again. She walked up to it, "Hi Seri"

"Hello Pacifica"

"You know my name?"

"I know you Ford and Fiddleford. I can also solve P vs NP would you care for a demonstration?"

"No thanks. Can you move now Seri?"

"I am functional yes" the robot's arm moved seamlessly and waved at her before walking around in a circle and then walking backwards while testing the range of motion on her ballpoint joints and the lengths to which the bent joints went. Before coming to a complete stop in its previous unmoving position. "I was programmed to answer any question, learn all answers, and venture where humans cannot."

"Good for you."

"There are three box shaped holes in my chest for when they download the rest of the internet. "

"Glad to hear it"

"Once my purpose has been fulfilled my programming will be sent to the government for testing and my body sent to Japan for study and reproduction. Will you still remember me when I've forgotten you?"

"Always" Pacifica hugged the robot and went home.

AN: I recently started drawing a really crude comic about my OC making a deal with Bill Cipher might be up on deviant art in a few days or so depending on time + motivation.


	32. Ch 30: First future pines

Chapter 30: First future pines

Barbacar #1: As a demolitions expert, Wendy would still be chill and laid back, but things tend to blow up around her. She's rarely seen without a huge, tremendously fat cigar in her mouth, which she uses to light dynamite. She carries dynamite in her pockets and around her belt. She usually wears a shirt and a pair of shorts, and her hair is still long enough to reach her waist. She still wears her trapper hat

AN: Bill I know you had more requests you were expecting to come out today but I did say I was excited about this chapter and your next chapter will be postponed to bring this to whoever wants to read.

Wendy walked along the dirt path silver lighter in hand as she relit the fickle embers at the end of the cigar loosely held between her teeth. A white shirt and shorts aren't you're typical safety gear but she doesn't feel the need to protect herself around the craft she'd mastered. Pocketing the lighter she turned around and saw a familiar face as a scrawny bookworm in a vest and t-shirt approached. "Hey Wendy, long time no see"

"It's been two months Dipper"

"That is a long time to be apart from friends"

"I mean I guess" she put a fuse up to her cigar before tossing the stick out at an old abandoned building. The dynamite set off a chain reaction with other previously set explosives and the building went down "what's up?"

"Can't a guy just check in with his friends"

"So you came to hang out?" she asked puffing out a cloud of smoke. "Well Mabel's throwing a party and you were closest to him when he left. Losing a friend is never easy and we're here for-"

"Dude! I said I was fine."

"Yeah but you're always just so busy"

"Is it wrong to like blowing stuff up?"

"No, but-"

"Is it wrong to like what you do for a living?"

"No, but-"

"Then what does it matter"

"You're always busy I called you at three in the morning to see if your schedule was open and you were still up still working"

"That was one time"

"You haven't been outside your house at all except for work."

"So I sleep a lot, what's your point"

"I'm just saying all work and no play makes Wendy a bit testy" she sighed and was about to come back at him for ignoring everyone throughout his studies no matter what she'd done he was worse still and in no position to talk to her about this. But the sky darkened a shade of red that was all too familiar a red meteorite fell and landed right on the building Wendy was on her way to demolish next. Wendy all but raced down their Dipper in toe. They arrived at a building that had simultaneously exploded and caught fire. The door was kicked open and a familiar face came through, "hey Wendy have you seen my "God with us" lighter?" she stood completely confused as to why he was standing there but Dipper was there with her and rushed up to punch him in the face. It wasn't very effective. The winged man Just smiled and said, "Good to see you too, but I really am just here for my lighter"

"But the lighter you left behind says 'Gott mit uns'"

"Yeah it's German I took it from a nazi." she just hugged him and whispered in his ear, "you clingy idiot, you made it so that I think men who aren't in constant contact with me don't care about me"

"I feel like you got the wrong Idea from me and just put a mental image of all dates are bad in your head."

"Why do you even want the lighter you stole anyway?"

"I didn't steal it I just borrowed it and never gave it back"

"Why would you give it back then?"

"It's actually one of the few lighters I can use with these gloved hands of mine"

Pointless conversation ensues

AN: emotions happened I don't know why I had a fight here but I am doing a two parter for this chapter because I am really tired and my brother interrupted me again but writing time by two hours that I knew I'd need for this chapter sorry if the story suffered. I'm thinking my stress is from knowing I'll fall short of expectations like I probably am doing. I'll try to write more in libary right now I think I'll just get some rest upload later.


	33. Ch 31: Second future pines

Chapter 31: Second future pines

AN: literally just a continuation of the last story. I'll try to actually finish this time.

Dipper was none too pleased with Hot Wings and thus kept his lighter until such time as he'd stopped being mad. Dipper led Wendy back into town and into a local coffee shot where Wendy apologises for being difficult when he came to see her. He explained that she's been stressed out, solely blaming sleep deprivation. And saying that she had to take her frustrations out on someone and he just happens to be the only one around. Dipper apologized for bringing up a bad subject. Says he's sorry and again states that it's hard to lose a friend now specifying that one could lose a friend to work. SHe then apologises for being so distant and they begin talking about past experiences. Mainly that one fourth of July when Dipper by no fault of his own got stuck and flew into the sky as the biggest firework sent him flying into the air. Dipper explains that his own paranoia had forced him to start wearing a wears Kevlar vest in the event that some strange monster found their way to him and attacked. Hot Wings sleeps. A Brunette walks up to the two of them and swiftly offers to refill their cups. Hat low eyes almost unseen. But nothing could stop the sickeningly sweet smell of Mabel juice as they quickly realised she'd been spying on them. Mabel then begins recounting all the great times the two have spent together how many times Wendy had saved Dipper, how many times Dipper saved her… mostly the lamby story… she sang the song in front of them until Dipper physically got up and pushed her away. Her attempts at sparking something seemed fruitless as all she'd done is get Wendy to laugh at him and even though they were outside the smoke had somehow started driving customers away. And they were asked to leave politely. And it was awkward for everybody. Dipper and Wendy leave coffee shop, Mabel tries to leave but she's immediately stopped by her new boss who demanded that she stay at work saying that they were understaffed and needed someone to help out and that she couldn't quit because she'd still have to turn in her two week notice, she tried leaving on the basis that she was going on break and would be back shortly but her unhappy employed didn't look convinced. Dipper and Wendy spend her day off together. She called whoever she needed to and told them that she'd be taking a few days off and that she'd be working fewer hours at which time they asked if she was taking up management she laughed and quipped about only accepting such a position if she could still light the fuse. Dipper says, "you know, I've been wearing a bulletproof vest to protect myself while you've been destroying yourself from the inside"

"I'll quit when the lighter runs out"

"It's not out yet?" she snickers he continues "so… why exactly do you smoke?"

"My mom used to smoke the same brand too"

"Oh… so… you do it to remember her"

"I mean I guess, but it's more than when I showed up to work apply at the firm I'm working at they were talking about how cool my mom looked when she blew up stuff and that she basically invented not looking at explosions."

"So, your mom's cool and you wanted to be as cool as she was or..."

"I'm not that shallow. I just wanted people to remember her when they see me and keep her memory alive so that everyone knows how cool we are."

"Ok, so what do you wanna do now? This is your day off after all."

"Wanna go fishing? Tate still works there but people don't go fishing much anymore, why not support a local business while we're at it?"

"Ok I guess that could be fun and relaxing"

Later in the boat, "what the heck was that!"

"Dad never taught us how to fish with poles, or would you rather we wrestle them."

"Fine… I guess it's cooler than what I had in mind anyway." she laid back in the boat listening carefully for any splash of any kind dynamite in hand. She quickly yet gracefully brings the fuse to her cigar and tossed it over board as if the motion were so familiar. Within seconds the stick exploded and the boat rocked. Fish(mostly dead) rained down upon their small row boat. One was almost edible a seagull took it. They decided to head back before the birds began to talk and come back en mass but not before Dipper threw a stick at a fish. He managed to catch a duck.

Next day Dipper and Wendy go to fireworks show Wendy's been setting up for 4th of July. Wendy promises not to let him get shot into the sky again. He remarks, "thought you weren't working today"

"I'm not, I'm showing my friend how cool my job is and how much people appreciate what I do" they left the relatively large raft-like boat covered in an assortment of tubes of varying lengths a pointed cap poking out of most of them the fuses all connected to a key pad behind the larger tubes of the grand finale. And walked around, found out that the circus was in town. As they walk through they see Soos in a dunk tank fall in and walk around to see a small tent that wasn't there the year before. Gideon the ring leader was leading the carnies in practising their acts when Wendy spotted a cannon across the room. She shushed over almost dragging him and tells him that it's fun to be shot out of a cannon. He quickly shouts, "WHAT?" to which she replies, "yeah, it's great you fly for a few seconds and it's like life doesn't even matter then you land and feel life reality and expectations come crashing down in a second, but it's fun right up until the end there. Try it you might like it."

"I don't know"

"Oh come on. When has one of my suggestions ever not been fun" he contemplated it and thought about how no matter how frightening it was to fly up on that rocket him coming back down in free fall was kinda exciting considering he was still alive and ready to face the lake below only to land in her arms. ready to launch, The carnies positioned him towards the setting sun where he'd safely land in the water. Wendy asked, "any second thoughts?"

"Well..."

"Whoops" the fuse was already lit and no amount of struggling could stop him from flying off into the sunset the perfect finale to the show where Gideon got stage fright for the first time ever. A small metallic object had fallen out of one of his pockets and bounced off a tree skidding to a stop at her feet. She leaned down to pick it up and found a familiar shadow as she rose and turned to face the angelic man who'd only recently returned, "found it!" he yelled before taking the lighter and taking a metal box out of his pocket and opening it to find it's empty. He groans and she knew the size and shape of the box procures a similar one and offers him one of her cigars. "Thank's been a long time since I had a smoke." he draws his sword partway to cut off the end and lights it, "Hey that's pretty good where are they from?"

"They're from Canada… just like momma used to buy"

AN: don't know if this matters but I was smoking pretzels before I wrote this. Got rid of my brother very well. But I think I know why I was more stressed out today than usual. Suffice it to say I might be lactose intolerant and I might not have known before eating that bowl of cereal. But I'm not sure and have no money to ask a doctor and no will power to do a quick Google search to find the symptoms. Hope you enjoyed it and that my problems didn't interfere too much with that last short.


	34. Ch 32: Dippers

Chapter 32: Dippers

YrooXrksvi618 #31. Dipper's clones return! (You saw that idea already...)?Dipper's clones come back and try to replace him, but Mabel finds out and chases them away with water balloons. They survive, and...

Well, that's it! I'm gonna let you decide their fates!

Dipper was sitting around outside with Mabel, Wendy, Soos and Hot Wings. Hot Wings was asleep in a hammock he'd made out of an old torn fishing net and a half eaten blanket. Wendy sat beside him and watched Soos, Mabel, and Dipper kick a ball around. She'd been appointed Refferi in their made up game since when Hot Wings was appointed he fell asleep on the job and needed a swift replacement. The game had one rule, the ball had to keep moving and whoever let it stop lost. They were passing the ball around kicking it harder and harder to tire out their opponents the three went around until Soos eventually gave up chasing the ball and kicked it deep into the forest. While no one was looking Dipper landed in the bushes and rendered immobile in seconds. His hat soon switched for one of paper and something of his exact height stepped out from the bushes in his hat smiling brightly. Wendy saw him fall and promptly asked if he was Ok he readily and quickly responded, "Yeah, fine just slipped" Unsure she shook the sleeping man beside her but he refused to wake up. Even offering his cursed Teddy bear to get her to stop. When she realised it was pointless trying to wake him she just shrugged and went back to overseeing the game. Mabel came back running and shouting, "iT DIDN'T STOP!" as she threw the ball from hand to hand as fast as she could so it wouldn't stop and then when all the trees that could have gotten in the way were behind her she tossed the ball into the air and kicked it as hard as she could towards Dipper. He wilted like a flower and ducked out of the way. The ball bounced off the golf cart and hit Soos square in the chest where it bounced back to Dipper who again dodged it. He was not going to let that muddy ball anywhere more near his fragile feet. Or anywhere else on his body for that matter. The ball skidded to a stop and Wendy declared Dipper the loser and made him don a chicken hat Mabel had made exclusively for this game. The paper imposter was in no mood to give up the hat he'd worked hard to get so soon for such a blatant mockery of a hat if you could even call it a hat. They quickly entered the Mystery Shack and Soos downed all the water he could get Mabel rushed to the freezer and began violently chewing on ice cubes. Wendy Drank from Hot Wings' flask and glared at Hot Wings who just sneered and said, "I turned wine to water" she decided to drop him to get back at him but he landed in a chair. She sighed and handed him the flask. He took a drink and she slapped him on the back in an attempt to make him choke and by default spit out some wine. He instead just let it go down the wrong pipe and sighed the wine back into his mouth and down the correct pipe. She decided to just steal some beer from a hidden box in the kitchen Stan kept for when no one else was around. Still, she drank water. Hot Wings laughed as he finished off the flask and watched the frustrated Wendy try to soak him in the water her stolen beer had become. Another thing became blatantly obvious, "Dipper aren't you thirsty?"

"Nah I'll be fine"

"Really? You were running around the most out of all of us are the least athletic. Your body needs water Dipper"

"I don't want any!"

Muffled screams could be heard outside and they all turned to Hot Wings who yawned and pointed to a violently shaking bush outside. Hot Wings whispered something into Wendy's ear and she laughed and did as he asked. She slowly approached the Ddipper clone and gave it a quick peck on the cheek. He was almost so flustered he couldn't feel his face melting… almost. It screamed and ran out the door leaving Dipper's hat another clone rose to take his place. "You saved me!" he froze when he saw Mabel tossing a balloon up and down in her hand and saying, "If you're really Dipper you wouldn't mind one water balloon to make sure, would you?" Hot Wings snapped his fingers and a large mass of them appeared behind Mabel, "don't dodge ok. I only have*turns around* like five hundred… left" in the time it took for her to finish her threat the clone threw down the hat shouting, "Abort! Abort the mission!" and the rest of them fled from trees and bushes and rocks and stuff. Mabel began throwing the balloons wildly and relentlessly until the last clone was out of sight and ear shot. They quickly found Dipper tied up behind a bush and Mabel threw a water balloon at him to make sure. She being the one that found him, had only one witness to be sure that it was him. They all regrouped back at the Shack when Mabel announced her discovery and Dipper drank to his heart's content before everyone else came in. Hot Wings was still laughing. They all began talking and Dipper told them the whole plan the clones had bragged to him about how they were going to replace him and no one would be the wiser. But a little bit of doubt nagged at the back of Wendy's mind still he sat quietly laughing. She took that to mean that he still wasn't real and gave him a kiss on the cheek to check. A loud snort was heard and Hot Wings burst into laughter as Dipper turned bright red and Wendy too as she realised that not only had he planned this but that she didn't see it coming. So she punched his arm until they both calmed down. He fixed his shoulder and said, "so they found the manotaurs..." everyone looked at him meanwhile the clone Dippers walked up to a cave clad in rain ponchos plastic jeans rain caps and rubber boots the clones showed up and demanded to learn how to be strong.

AN: my sister informed me that it's actually three shots of 150 proof rum before the bartender cuts you off. She also agreed to buy me a flask to help me with my visual comedy. Cause I usually keep a glass bottle of coke filled with Pepsi in my inside pocket and flasks don't cost that much… too bad I couldn't get a lighter too. But free stuff can't complain.


	35. Ch 33: Useless return

Chapter 33: Useless return

YrooXrksvi618 #32. Bill Cipher returns! He comes to Stan in his sleep. When Stan starts getting all riled up and angry and starts listing all the reasons Bill is there. But, in the end, Bill just says he can't move as a statue. So he simply asks for them to put him in a different place in front of the shack. Apparently, they did use him as a coat hanger, and he's outside. The place they put him in has the sun getting in his eye. So he asks for an umbrella and for someone to scratch his back.

Stan was having his typical dream, yeah? Football field, trophy won, robot at his side, Nobel prize money in his pockets, girls all around him, cheers, praise that was more anti criticism than anything, "You don't smell"

"You're not good for nothing"

"It's Okay you leave the seat up"

"Your clothes are definitely not out of style" slowly but surely a well-dressed Pyramid pushed his way through and a chorus of boos brought Stan's gaze over to the fans that weren't looking at him as a disembodied Triangle made his way to where Stan stood. A near endless supply of food and drink rained down on Bill but unlike his other dreams where if Bill showed up he'd fall and cry tears of pain and humiliation, this Bill floated on a yellow bubble protecting him like a force field. Stan decided that this must be another dream where he defeats Bill of his clothes change to that of a Roman on a chariot as he raises his hand and closes it in an attempt to crush Bill like a bug. He, however, was unfazed so Stan lifted and threw his javelin at the unimpressed Triangle. Who simply swatted it away with the sound of metal hitting metal. He grew tired of Stan's mockery of him and shouted "enough!"

"Why it's my dream"

"But I'm real"

"No, you're not. We already closed the portal and erased you from existence"

"No, you erased you from existence. I'm still alive and well. I survived as just an ember in your thoughts growing bit by bit night after night and now I'm back."

"Oh I see this is a nightmare and it'll all be over when I wake up"

"You wanna wake up?" Bill snapped his fingers and Stan was up in bed quickly and still in the dead of night, "hmm… told you you'd be gone when I woke up."

"Who said I was gone?" Stan screamed but Bill continued, "Don't bother telling the others. You're the only one who can see me"

"What do you want?"

"I'm glad you asked! You see when you closed that portal my body became permanently useless but I can still feel its pain. I just want you to move me into the shade where the sun won't hit my eye"

"Throw you in a garbage compactor, gotcha"

"As painful as that is a good idea, might just free me from the prison that is your mind so that I can screw around with all of your closest friends and family"

"So you want an umbrella"

"That could work. Oh oh before I forget. My back has been itchy since I realised I wasn't dead could you scratch it or get somebody to scratch it for me?"

AN: short chapter to match a long short. It's like one in the morning as I'm finishing but my nephew woke me up at nine today so yeah, going to sleep early cause I'm tired and a cold cup of coffee can only keep me awake so long.


	36. Ch 34: Genetic bullying

Chapter 34: Genetic bullying

YrooXrksvi618 #33. As it turns out, Crampelter moved to Gravity Falls, and his son starts tormenting Dipper and Mabel when they come back for Spring Break. So Stan and Ford get really angry, and they go to find this kid and the Crampelter and put an end to the Crampelter's bullying once and for all, with help from the gnomes (who invade and vandalize Crampelter's house.) Crampelter challenges them to a fight. In the end, Ford gives him a left hook after Crampelter calls him a weak six-fingered freak. Stan gives him a roundhouse, and Dipper and Mabel give his son each a swift punch in the face, finally standing up to him. At the very end, Crampelter is seen running from Gideon, who is chasing after him with Ghost Eyes, Kill Bone, other various prisoners and McGucket, who reactivated his various giant homicidal robots after hearing that Crampelter and his son made Mabel cry.

AN: I feel it only fair to put in a content warning here. When you said bullied I might have taken what he did too far… that's all I'm gonna say read at your own discretion.

A fat bald bowl cut man in a wife beater and cargo shorts, his self-deprecating wife and son moved into a small rundown home with barely functional plumbing. The door creaking louder than the priciest of scary movies could afford to replicate. Rats and roaches their only greeting. Their son chasing them around stomping on them torturing them and laughing at their pain. The Father walks in and opens the fridge to make sure it's functional and begins unloading a suitcase that seems to only contain beer. A few hours they spent unpacking and somehow they managed to make the house look worse. The man turns to his wife and says, "Told you I could find a home under a hundred dollars!"

"This isn't a home this is a crap shack"

"Then I expect you to work extra hard cleaning this place up or no one will visit now will they?"

"I thought you hated visitors, now you're telling me to fix this place up… so which is it?"

"Yes!" the couple started with very different perspectives at the house cheapness bought and reflected on their respective life decisions. Within a week the son was suspended for bringing and using a slingshot in school. The mailbox simply read "The Crampelters" and when his wife was too sick to be in the kitchen the son would do everything he could to win his father's approval but all he ever said in response was, "be a sport and grab daddy another beer would you?"

Spring break came and Jimmy Crampelter didn't have to spend the majority of his time at home pretending to do homework, instead, he went out and terrorised the village people. Entering every shop and establishment seeing just how fast he could get banned from a store, after the first few he made a game of it. Not too long after he'd begun terrorising people did some clever kids side with him to protect themselves. He had his posse he had the town's scorn and he had collectively pissed off the entire neighbourhood but one person still seemed unfazed by him. One straggler who refused to fear him. As he watched him drive off down a dirt road, stolen groceries in his trunk Jimmy knew there was someone also living on the outskirts of town, someone who he could probably have fun tormenting until their breaking point and so he collected his crew and left for the Mystery Shack.

Dipper and Mabel were just finishing up unpacking when Stan arrived practically singing the words, "I'm back"

"Gruncle Stan if you were going to steal food why not steal the good food?"

"Cause they don't chase you down for a half eaten pickle jar and some old milk, drink it fast." Soos' greeting the first customers of the day could be heard even in the living room. He was so excited to be finally receiving customers after it'd been so long an intermission between the town's people getting their paychecks and being able to live long enough to build up a life savings to dump at their feet. "Welcome to the Mystery Shack where we put the fun in no refunds!" a loud crash echoed through the store and Soos' pleas can be heard gradually getting louder as the sounds of destruction continue, he barely had a chance to scream before Stan was out and ready to face whatever hooligans were trashing his shop. Only to recognise the boy as a small Crampelter, he almost remarked that he hadn't aged a day before he saw the different entourage and realised that this was his tormentor's crotch spawn, not even worth calling a child. His fear turned to fury but it was soon unyielding rage as he took a metal bat to the backs of his knees and fell forward on a bed of shattered snow globes. The kids jumped just out of reach and watch him flail violently before doubling over in pain. The children laughed but Dipper and Mabel soon entered to defend the shop. They were pushed shoved and beaten to tears right there and lucky for them Stan had hidden oysters in the bottom of his bag of groceries. Blubs and Durland were already there. The children ran and the cops decided to be lenient on Stan until such time as they could apprehend the kids. Ford came running up stairs and quickly began treating their wounds with the medicine he'd made from years of studying the strange effects of the plants in the woods, he'd made a cure all that could fix any non-lethal injury or disease. They had to keep bandages on the wounds to make sure their own blood didn't wash away what little medicine he had left but after a few minutes, Stan was all better. "Who did this to you?"

"Remember Crampelter?"

"He didn't."

"You're right, his son did."

"You know what I'm thinking?"

"I'm thinking we better pay the old boy a visit"

"I'll get the nightmare ray"

Soon after the Stan Twins and the Mystery Twins were at the door of the, still, worst looking building in all of Gravity Falls. His posse gone and his father asleep Jimmy stood alone no weapon to defend himself he ripped an old looking plank from the porch and began to swing. A swift kick was all it took to destroy the crude improvised weapon, so he tossed it aside and raised both his fists and a toothy grin but the sound of wood breaking had awoken the Cramoelter's father, "JIMMY WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BREAKING OUR HOUSE!?" the stout elderly man stood intimidating his son, "They started it!" he looked up from his son to see a couple of faces he'd never thought he'd see again, "Freak! Idiot! It's been too long when was the last time I beat you to the ground?"

"Leave and never return, and we might not hurt you"

"Oh? And what is a weak six fingered nerd like you gonna do if I don't?" Ford charged at him from the right, so he dodged left right into the path of his fist. The impact sent him back a few feet but Stans round house to the face send him to the ground with a crash that took the earth out from under them and they almost fell with him. JImmy was about to run away when he found a fist in each of his eyes. He was left crying beside his overturned father an unorthodox eviction notice left by the voice of someone who could not be messed with. "So… what have we learned today?" the black suited man was the first thing Jimmy saw when his eyes started working again. Seeing an opportunity to take his frustrations out on someone else he reached for the sword which quickly snapped its jaw on his hand and left him in even more pain. "Honestly? Didn't you already learn your lesson? Don't mess with people you know nothing about. Let go, Johnny, I doubt he tastes any good." the dragon spat his hand out and proceeded to spit his blood on the floor too. "I suggest you leave, in messing with them you've made some very powerful enemies." the ground began to shake even more violently that when his father fell and he woke his father up they packed everything of value(not much) and ran as fast as they could from the horde of angry prisoners in robotic monstrosities and one giant still dirty Gideon leading the charge. They left...

AN: Did you know psychology says there's a reason for bullies being the way that they are? Most come from bad homes of dysfunctional families and only act out for attention. That being said I wanted to make the kid's life look sad so that his reason is clear. As opposed to me who was a sadistic person from a very young age for literally no reason. Except I didn't act on it because I'm inherently shy and can't really start up a conversation with someone much less torment them but damn was I good with comebacks. I'd practice thousands of scenarios in my mind of all the possible things someone could retort with and have something ready to respond with… am I fondly reflecting on middle school? OH GOD I'M OLD!


	37. Ch 35: the deal reveal

Chapter 35: the deal reveal

YrooXrksvi618 #34. Robbie finally reveals that he got that CD from Gideon, in exchange for inside information about the Shack and more of Wendy's moisturizer.

AN: sorry this chapter's short I fell asleep at my computer screen and woke up with an empty mug and coffee in my mouth then I didn't feel like writing I also didn't know how to expand on this without going deep into subplot and abandoning the original concept.

Stan, Wendy, Dipper and Hot Wings were all present in the Mystery Shack at the time. Mabel was at Gideon's house with Candy Grenda and Pacifica. They were having a reformed anti hero's club… of sorts… Gideon's prison buddies were also there. Mabel was basically conducting her own therapy group with Candy and Grenda as at the Mystery Shack Wendy was behind the counter sitting on the lap of a white winged man in black who'd fallen asleep in the chair and was now too heavy to remove… like he'd been glued to the chair… she didn't mind though, If you put his hat down it just looks like a really weird chair. Stan was making another thing to sell in the gift shop and thus stood in the corner with his back to them with his arms working furiously until his newest monstrosity hit the shelves. Dipper was talking to Wendy about the differences between being a guy and being a girl now that it was summer and he could look back and laugh at it. Robbie entered the Shack's gift shop with Tambrey on his arm urging him to confess so he just brought it out into the open Bluntly and said, "Hey Wendy, remember last year when I tried to mind control you with that CD?"

"Yeah what about it?"

"I've been trying to be a better person because Tambrey makes me want to be the best man I can be so I wanted to apologize to you again for that and even if you can't forgive me I just wanted to apologize"

"Dude it's cool that was like a year ago and I don't hold grudges anyway"

"Where did you even get that CD," Dipper asked curiously, "Oh, Gideon gave it to me in exchange of a bit of spying on you guys to see the inside of the shack *turns to Wendy* he also wanted some of your moisturizer"

"I don't use moisturizer"

"That's what I said."

"Isn't Gideon playing with Mabel right now?"

"Right you are, Dipper." he jumped a bit at the voice of the man who'd been silent this whole time, "Dude you scared me. I didn't know you were awake"

"When people refuse to shut up I tend to wake up."

"Oh well since you're awake can you tell us if Mabel's in any sort of danger right now, she is with Gideon right now right?"

"How should I know I can't see the future"

"But you can see them right now."

"They're playing dress up it's a-freaking-dorable you gonna let me go back to sleep now?"

"Wait I thought you could see everything how can you not see the future?"

"Because there's no person currently alive who can accurately tell the future. I can only see what's here in the present hell if no one else remembers I'm at a loss too, I have a very bad memory"

"Oh… well… good to know..."

"Even Bill couldn't see his own demise coming even in universes where clairvoyance is possible it has limitations and not 100% accurate."

"I get it everyone has their limits"

"debateable."

AN: hey guys so my friend from high school started an account on this site and is writing a Super Girl fanfic about college and I kinda pressured her to start an account. I only ever touched on the prospect of a same sex relationship and never actually started one in the story for the sake of not pissong off anyone I didn't know was reading but she doesn't care what other people think and I'mma leave it at that. If you're interested check out JS-Ruers just remember to search writer not story because I've made that mistake before. Consider this my recommendation/warning.


	38. Ch 36: return of wax Stan

Chapter 36: return of wax Stan

YrooXrksvi618 #35. Soos decides to replace the statue of Stan with the wax figure. Unfortunately, that melted. So Wax Larry offers to help him fix it. It works, but, unfortunately, it comes to life until Wax Larry offers to give him a set of crayons to draw with. So the statue stays quiet and still during all times except when no one is home. Then he is in charge of watching the house. And watching Duchess Approves and eating "Wax Ice Cream" stolen from a display stand.

AN: Sorry the chapters are getting shorter. I wanted to take a break to prevent this but what are we going to do? Disappoint our audience? Cause these chapters are just as much my fault as yours. IF on a good day I could write a chapter on three sentences how much could I write on just your suggested ending to the shorts?

Soos was getting tired of his Stan statue frightening small children and attracting art students who thought it was abstract. So he went back to the partially sealed room in the wall to go to wax Stan's coffin and see if they could put his head back on him but he'd melted and the coffin, which was for some reason also made of wax, melted into wax Stan and Soos was left crying over spilled Stan. until he heard a whisper from the air ducts, "psst. Hey, you over there. What's wrong?"

"Who said that?"

"It's me. Lary King's head"

"I thought Lary King was still alive"

"I'm wax Lary King and I can help you fix Wax Stan just get me outa here and promise not to melt me."

"Ok but this better work ghost dude." about twenty hours of sculpting lessons later Soos had made a statue in Stan's image and a mini monkey body for wax Lary King, as a joke, but he took it and charged the vents in search of his ears he later returned and reattached them. Wax Stan stood proudly in the coldest spot in the gift shop with the same plaque reading "The Founder" Soos had made for his statue which now lies with Goldy. Wax Lary King was working on building himself a proper body wearing latex gloves filled with ice and blocking in some legs on a plank of wood finding it really hard to keep melting the wax and working his frosty fingers over it but made due with the hands he'd been dealt. He'd finished his shoes and feet when he saw a familiar shadow cast across his work station, "Stan?"

"It's wax Stan"

"Oh… you're alive… "

"Just when I find out my spirit's no longer cursed to walk this form as Abe Lincoln I'm forced into the body of the man who abandoned us and neglected me to freedom."

"By the way what was it like being a free spirit?"

"It's boring no one listens to you."

"If you're still bored I've got a colouring book I'm not using"

"Do I look like some kinda child to you I won't be satisfied with a-" the book slapped the floor lightly as Lary King dropped it. It opened up to a page with a tiger on one side and an elephant on the other. He placed the crayons beside it and Wax Stan filled in the blanks. Soos barged in shouting, "monkey ghost head dude! Wax Stan is gone!" then he looked and saw him "Hi Boss dude… I thought you were on a boat with your brother… "

"This is wax Stan I was just giving him a colouring book"

"Oh… Wax Stan, I have to go buy some stuff at the store You're in charge until I get back" he then left and Stan turns to Lary King and says, "It could be worse"

"How so?"

"I could be back and look like you"

"I see you've not lost your honesty but you do realise I'm working with hot wax to rebuild myself here. If I wanted to you could look like me." he just chuckled and began roaming the Mystery Shack before parking himself at the TV and watching Duchess Approves whilst eating Wax ice cream

AN: Wait I'm confused. How come wax Lary King head was still alive but Wax Stan's head remained perfectly Still when wax Sherlock revealed their decapitation of wax Stan? Was he playing along so they wouldn't find out he was still alive and further destroy him, IE make him a puddle again? Ok so I just read through your Suggested endings and as it turns out your original ending seems more like something I would write but I can write the pacifist ending if that's really what you want. Also about your state of quantum uncertainty, Christianity burned any bridge it had with every religion except Judaism the moment Moses got the tablets that said, "You'll have no gods but me" broke them and got new ones. Evolution scientifically disproves itself if you look closely enough at it and it amuses me to think anyone could actually believe that. I could go on and on listing everything wrong with the theory but that could fill a chapter in and of itself.


	39. Ch 37: New Mabel juice

Chapter 37: New Mabel juice

YrooXrksvi618 #36. So, that vampire from the beginning comes back and bites Mabel again, but they aren't able to give the cure in time, and she becomes a full vampire. She doesn't look too different, though. Just pointed teeth and paler skin, and she behaves the same. Ford says that there is a way to restore her, but it will take a few days for the Grunkles to find all of the ingredients.

So, Stan decides to go rob a blood bank to feed Mabel. He steals bags of blood, and just puts them in the fridge, with a straw, like a juice pouch. So Ford and Dipper gather ingredients while Mabel gets used to her new self for the time being. (That's all one chapter.

AN: when you offered a continuation of more shorts to extend the story I thought for sure it'd be here where we can have Vampire Mabel adventures, maybe she asks Hot Wings what it's like to live in a world where she can't eat her favorite foods anymore but adventures at home seems more like my original intent anyway. Let's do this.

Mabel and Dipper were back in Gravity Falls for the summer again cause their parents are very busy people who have to work really hard to provide for their families. They got situated and unpacked relatively quickly. They were going to wait For Stan and Ford to come back before going out on any adventures but Mabel couldn't help herself. She knew where the cutest vampire lived and was going to put all of her time and effort into making him hers. But when she arrived she saw something she wasn't expecting. The cute Vampire boy's father was there scolding him for misusing his telephone. And it was a familiar voice at that she involuntarily gasped and was about to leave when a shadow in the wall materialised itself into the man who'd once bit her, "What's this? Are you the harlot my son's been texting? You think I have the money to pay for him to be watching cat videos!" Mabel tried to explain that there'd been a misunderstanding and that she was innocent but he forced her to pay in blood before she could get out a single word. She staggered her way back to Shack and die on the doorstep. Stan and Ford's welcome home, their own niece on their porch, bleed out, cold and lifeless. No pulse no breath. Just there. After checking for non-existent vitals they looked down grim expressions on their faces as their once bright energetic great niece lie pale and cold inches away from safety. They almost cried, but before they could she yawned and rose, "Hello." she said as though nothing was wrong. "Mabel! Oh, thank goodness you're alive!" Stan rushed into hug her and noticed she was still cold. The two holes on her neck there but not bleeding. "Yeah, I'm fine… maybe a little hungry but I think I'll be fine"

"Mabel, you didn't go looking for vampires again did you?"

"I may have already know about a nice vampire with a not so nice dad and caught the dad in a bad mood."

"Oh no..."

"But it should be fine right? Just a little Vampire cure and I'll be fine right?"

"The cure I gave you before was preventative to kill any bit of the vampire that got in you if we used it now that you're full on vampire you'd die. Now we need a cure for death"

"Fountain of youth?" Hot wings had appeared out of nowhere. "Where I come from the fountain of youth is a human construct created after the Nazis experimented with my blood extracted the immortality without the vampirism and spilt it into a spring by accident. When world war two ended I made them work for me in exchange for me not torturing them for the rest of eternity."

"How did they even get the chance to experiment on you after everything you showed us you can do"

"I was weak because I'd just turned into a vampire three days prior and refused to drink blood and still do to this day." with that he disappeared leaving behind one last piece of advice, "In your world the spring is in France" scrawled in gothic script on a small piece of paper the other side reading, "main ingredient in suppressing Vampirism." Mabel collapsed and the Stan brothers rushed to help her back up simultaneously asking if she was alright. To which she responded, "I'm starting to feel really hungry" So Stan hopped in his car faster than you can say "the hospital's the other way" and sped off. When he returned Mabel was bound to a chair and trying to hypnotise people into letting her drink their blood. Wendy had to push the tourists away with a stick to make sure they didn't accidentally cause a pandemic of Vampires the FBI would want to stick their nose in. stan arrived just in time to shove a blood bag in between the neck of an innocent source of Stan's income and Mabel's extended fangs. She bit into the bag and splattered blood everywhere. But after drinking as much as she could she came to her senses and was extremely embarrassed but the tourists just cheered and applauded the Vampire girl's new found hypnotic abilities. Stan wipes the sweat from his brow and takes solace in the fact that nobody else got hurt but thought that just to be sure he'd move his mini fridge into her room for if she had a craving for a midnight snack but was too lazy to leave the room. He later told them how Robbing a blood bank was somehow harder to rob an actual bank because there's only one entry into a blood bank's freezer and one way out that if it closed would not open until the next donation was made. The boxes not sturdy enough to prop open the steel door he had to use a table and rarely threw his back out fighting the guards of the armoured truck he thought'd be easier to rob. Thus Ford was sent to France in search of the fabled fountain of youth while Stan looked for the blood of the vampire who turned her Wendy sought the unicorn hair and the dust that put them to sleep apparently all ingredients in the cure for Vampirism as well as the tear of a mermaid and sweat of a manotaur. Mabel didn't really seem affected by it though. She just wore more sunscreen and started wearing big hats. Her sweaters sleeves already covered her hands Stan was the first back but needless to say ,a trip to France was not going to be finished in a day and finding the fountain itself was still going to be hard no matter what country he's lowered the search to. But Mabel adjusted well and just shrugged it off until they could fix her. She realised that there was no point worrying if it didn't help and just decided to have fun no matter what the circumstance.

AN: I know there are plenty of super fans who would love it if I knew every little detail about the show but my writing style is to literally copy all of the things I love and to do that I have to make as many references to works no one else has heard of allowing me to seem original only because I;m using references that while they fit the context you've almost no idea where they came from. Unless I tell you. And that's why I'm watching Trinity Seven I highly recommend this show as it's about a young boy that needs to come to his own realise his powers and master them in order to save his cousin. Also harem but that's more sub plot. Highly recommend. Really funny. But I still like Kouta Hirano's works better. I'm really interested in seeing where Drifters goes. I'd also like to recommend Drifters. Great show, teaches you history really quickly. References real life events for plot. I can't even describe how much better Drifters is than anything I've ever seen ever. Must see eagerly awaiting next season, and the one beyond that, and the next, and the next...


	40. Ch 37n'ahalf : Vamp Mabel shorts

Chapter 37½: Vamp Mabel shorts

The tests

* * *

YrooXrksvi618 #70. Dipper wants to add a section to his personal journal about vampires. So he asks Mabel for help. He does a couple of tests, like what has changed physically, what has changed mentally, etc. However, she refuses at first and then Dipper has to do tests without her knowing, like having her lift a heavy box to see if her strength increased, "accidentally" shining his black/UV light on her to see if she burns (she does. And she threatens jokingly to drain him of blood.), having her hypnotize a customer to buy more keychains, etc. Mabel then finds out and decides to get back at him. Before Dipper goes to bed, Mabel slips a Benadryl in his water so he won't wake up. Then, when Dipper is asleep, she takes a single pin and strikes two small holes in his neck. Then she spills red paint everywhere and drinks another bag of blood to get it on her face and mouth. Then she slips a pair of cheap plastic vampire fangs in his mouth and puts a white powder on him so he looks pale. Then she grabs some reverse sunblock Ford had made and sprays it on him. She then goes to bed. Dipper wakes up and opens the blinds. The reverse sunblock burns him. He then surveys the bloody scene and panics, thinking Mabel bit him. Mabel then reveals the joke, and he is mad. So he throws a bag of blood at her like a water balloon. It crashes through the window and splashes an innocent tourist. They then run.

AN: I decided to do both for today but I'm planning on alternating until the Dipher shorts are over. Also, I'd like to ask if it's weird for me to have long curly hair and sharp nails but I can't afford a guitar. I only know a few David Bowie covers and the old music the guitar teacher taught us but I think I learned fast for never having touched a guitar before. If I had one my appearance might make more sense to people.

The Evening after Mabel went full Vampire as they waited for Ford to return with their final ingredient. Dipper was about to go to bed when he noticed his sister waking up "you didn't wake up this morning does this mean you'll be sleeping in a coffin and only active at night?" he asked pen and paper in hand, "Naw, I think I'm just tired cause everyone was fussing over me yesterday I didn't get any sleep. Give me a few days and I'll be back to normal." he disappointedly pocketed his pen and sighed, she yawned and he looked back at her and said, "since you're a vampire now, you think you can help me research for if we get attacked by a vampire in the future?"

"No." taken aback by her quick response he asked why and she simply replied, "I remember Hot Wings talking about how he was experimented on and that he ended up stealing from them and even enslaved them. And he doesn't care about anything. Even if it's just you being curious. The guy who doesn't care about anything got mad at someone over this."

"Not really" came the enigmatic voice from the window. He opened it and hopped right in standing on the ceiling the rim of his hat at their eye level. "I was just bored and able, so I enslaved them. I don't treat them poorly or resent them for what they did. But their knowledge is dangerous and I keep them in line"

"How is their knowledge dangerous?" Dipper asked, "they did fight a war that ended with one side running out of bullets. You fight several enemies with your soldiers spread thinner than gold leaf and lose because of a simple thing like running out of firepower."

"I guess that's true"

"Not to mention they're already immortal and without leadership, consider it me being merciful." with that he disappeared and Dipper continued to beg to no avail. So, he decided to be more crafty about his studies. The next day she woke up at noon and decided to help around the shack. Dipper decided to ask her to move a box filled with gold from when Manly Dan fought the Manotaur. She did and he took note of how long it took her to get it off the ground how long it took to move and her response to the question, "Need any help?"

"Why would I? it's just one box." the box went into the storage room that used to house the wax sculptures. Wax Stan stood guard before a terribly coloured book and a box of half-used crayons. Besides h, m she placed the unopened box of gold. He quickly scribbled down a few more things to test and asked if Mabel would like to go pick flowers with him for some made up experiment to do with homemade perfumes and attracting a friendly beast of the forest. She agreed Dipper told her to go on ahead and set up a motion detecting camera with a timestamp in front of the shack and left with her. On their way back he proposed a race and later checked the difference in times between her arrival and his. As well as marking down exactly when he'd proposed the race and how fast she agreed. He calculated that vampires move at least fifty times faster than the average bookworm. But later concluded that it might be faster and he needed more tests to figure it out. When she asked to see what he was writing he decided to change the subject saying, "bet you can't sell more key chains than me" she takes that bet and wins by hypnotising the customers. The next day she rolled out of bed at around Ten in the morning and sauntered over to get a drink from the mini fridge. Dipper was pretending to read Ford's third journal's final entries' disappearing ink parts when his hand "slipped" and Mabel got burnt by the black light. He apologised but Mabel was still angry and threatened to drink him so he could test himself all he wanted. He chuckled and asked, "how'd you know I was testing you?"

"I didn't, thanks for telling me." she stormed off to the bathroom and was going to brush her teeth when she noticed her reflection was gone. She looked down at her hands then back up and it was back. She began checking to see if she could make herself invisible and when she realised she could she thought of a way to prank him into leaving her alone. So when nobody was looking she turned invisible and slipped a pill into Dipper's glass at the table left the room and reentered visibly not letting anyone know about this new ability just yet. Once night fell she got to work making it look like she'd bitten him. First powdering his face and giving him plastic fangs while spraying him head to toe in reverse sunblock so the tiniest ray of light would hurt him. Then making the tiniest wounds in his neck with one of her sewing needles. Followed by easily opening a can of red paint with her bare hands and dousing him with it. Finishing the look by covering her face in blood from the fridge.

He woke up at around six in half congealed paint in a room filled with the smell of Iron his still sleeping sister in the darker half of the room with her half of the windows covered with black paper to shut out the light. But he woke up to a bright burning light on his pale face and a look of horror at the red footsteps leading over to his sister's bed. He made a mad dash for the mirror and screamed. She wakes up and gently smacks the back of his head so the fangs fall out into the sink as she jokes about how old he is and he gets mad and tosses a blood bag at her but she was faster than him and dodged it. It flew out the window and coated some unsuspecting tourists in the rust smelling liquid. They screamed and ran away Soos saw everything and said, "blood from the sky? This is too intense for six in the morning." before grabbing a mop and attempting to clean the blood off the dirt road.

AN: Sorry about falling short. I might have misread the suggestion and taken a few liberties. The characters might be OOC for a while but things should probably be back to normal soon… maybe. I learned something in my time away. I am not a person who should ever stop working. I'm no fun and will sit and waste away with nothing to do. But I will need some time to fix my sleep schedule in October to take my SAT. I was supposed to take it Saturday the 26th but as it turns out I didn't get a confirmation email as I thought I did and had to reschedule. I seriously recommend more people watch anime. It takes all sorts to make a well-rounded individual. I watched "Another" yesterday(Friday) and really enjoyed the ending. I recommend to anyone who likes horror and or sad stories. Oh yeah and about Rome if you wanna skip the history lesson I'm fine with that I was just rambling but still feel some might benefit from it.

* * *

Wasn't me

YrooXrksvi618 #71. Mabel is worried that she might go crazy and try to bite Waddles. So she has Stan keep and lock Waddles in his room. The pig causes chaos. He chews up Stan's magazine collection, eats 3 pairs of pants, and starts squealing for Mabel in the middle of the night. So Stan ends up yelling. The next morning, Stan walks downstairs, where Mabel is making new "Vampire edition" Mabel Juice. He then explains that he just stole one of Ford's Journals and found out that human vampires only bite humans. She doesn't believe him. This is further evidenced when Gompers comes into the kitchen with a bite mark on his neck. Mabel starts to freak out, but Dipper comes in and explains that a Chupacabra had gotten loose from the lab. Their bites don't turn animals or people into vampires. So she relaxes. Until the Chupacabra comes crashing into the kitchen. Mabel manages to divert it into the gift shop, and out the door. They then relax and watch the Chupacabra attack Toby Determined.

Thursday, June 13

I was scared today cause I'm a Vampire now and Gruncle Ford is still in France looking for the fountain of youth to bring me back to life or whatever. But that's not what I'm scared about. I mean Gruncle Stan has been making sure that my blood fridge is always full up and is now bragging about how he managed to perfect the art of stealing blood from the blood backs, that he stole their equipment for taking blood and says that if they ever run out I have some volunteers who'd be willing to lose little blood for my sake. But I'm still scared that one day I might be too tired and weak from not eating that I accidentally hurt Waddles. Cause it could be easier to walk to the fridge than to walk to Dipper and he's not sleeping in my bed every night like Waddles is and I'm worried about him, now that I've gone, full predator. So I asked Gruncle Stan to keep Waddles in his room at night trying my hardest not to hypnotise him into doing it. By the next morning, Stan was building Waddles his own little dog… pig house outside so that he didn't have to deal with buying old magazines on eBay for way more than he paid for them back in the day feeling kinda bad he didn't make money off of them before the pig destroyed them. Next on his to-do list was to buy more clothes after Waddles destroyed his physical wardrobe before chewing up his clothes one. I know cause I was testing out my Vampire powers and it turns out I can see what other people are thinking if there close to me. I haven't figured out the range yet but I think it's limited to the shack itself. And you don't need to read minds to hear Gruncle Stan's scream last night. Just to clarify I made him take Waddles yesterday and am talking about it today. Anyway, while I was making Mabel juice out of blood in the kitchen Gruncle Stan came in and said, "Mabel, I stole one of my brother's journals and read up on Vampires. You have nothing to worry about human vampires only bite humans"

"Then how do you explain that!?" I shouted while pointing at Gompers who had the bite marks on his neck. But before Gruncle Stan could answer, Dipper came in shouting, "It's not your fault! We might have let a chupacabra escape the lab, but don't worry their bite doesn't work like a vampire's does they just bite to drink blood and transfer nothing but pain!" I sighed… at least it wasn't me I thought then the big goat skull wearing monster came charging into our kitchen and spilt my blood/juice all over the table. I grabbed it by the horns and pushed it out of the shack. I wanna say the best part of Today was watching Toby get chased by it but the real best part was spending some quality time with my best bud Waddles.

AN: as long as there wasn't a leap year the date should be about right. Also, I now know how bad Dipper goes to taco bell is I didn't read it but I heard someone else read it in a youtube video as I downloaded Gravity falls episodes to show my brother so he can finally help me write this without worrying about spoilers.

* * *

I believe I can fly

YrooXrksvi618 #72. Mabel decides to try flying. She succeeds. And she decides to visit some people. (Robbie asks her to bite him. She declines. McGucket is fascinated and asks how she plans to land. She has no idea. She then gets the idea to crash somewhere soft. Specifically into Soos' belly. He doesn't mind being her landing place. He paints a target on his belly)

One day while the twins were out searching for the Dipper clones. Mabel in SPF 10,000 that Ford had made special for Mabel, and it... sort of worked most of the time. But today it was no problem and the two were just walking around when Dipper noticed how careless his sister was being and instinctively asked her to be more careful. She turned to respond and fell off a cliff. Dipper rushed to the edge as quickly as he could and shouted for his sister only for her to reply "I'm Ok..." he sighed and they agreed to meet back at the shack and try again tomorrow.

The next day she decides to jump out the window and as if gravity turned off for her and her alone she floated off in the direction she jumped. She began laughing and gliding about going up, down, and of course around and began to go around town to share with the world what she had discovered. She flew up to Toby and said he was dreaming and that only successful people get to fly. He spent the rest of his day trying, to no avail. She flew over to Wendy's house and announced her new ability, Wendy had wings when she answered the door her hair looked like she just woke up and she smelled like a brewery, "Wendy wanted to go see the new age-restricted horror movie and asked politely to borrow my body so she could take all her friends, you wanna tell her? Go there."

"Can all vampires do that?"

"Since I could do that before I'm gonna go with no." she then flew to the movie theatre as Hot Wings drank himself back to sleep in Wendy's body. Mabel got to the mall at about the time they were all leaving so they all met up at once right at the door. Robbie was begging Wendy, in Hot Wings' body, to bite him so that he could be an actual vampire and Mabel Started flying circles around them and beckoned Wendy to fly with her but she replied, "It's me Wendy and Hot Wings comes from a place where you have to earn everything including your parent's love. I can't fly in his body. He said if I keep it long enough and follow his home's rules I can grow wings and keep them here but that it took him five hundred years to get his… or was it fifteen hundred I can't remember he really knows how to talk someone to sleep." during this monologue Robbie had asked Mabel to bite him and eventually begged until she floated away mid-monologue. Next, she visited old man McGucket who'd asked her how she intended to land. Mabel quickly turned and made a Beeline for Wendy's house where the winged Wendy looked even worse off than before she left, "What do you want?"

"How do I land?"

"I'd say crash landing but you probably don't want that and you can't land in water cause most Vampires in most universes don't do well with water."

"What about you?"

"I come from a universe where a vampire's only weakness is that which they hate"

"Wait why no water?"

"Water resembles purity or something, kinda like why vampires can't see their reflection."

"I can see my reflection."

"That's cause Stan is cheap and doesn't own any mirrors backed with silver as they used to be made."

"Huh… I'm still not crash landing."

"Why not? Do you take fall damage?"

"Well no but-"

"Then do it! Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing." she flies away thinking that she won't get any help from him and finally asks Dipper for help landing. Dipper begins making a note on Vampires being able to fly and says to land on her bed but she didn't want to break it so she decided to ask Soos for help and he volunteered to break her fall and she returned safely to the ground.

AN: sure I'll try to write you two shorts for Friday it's confusing when I write cause I start !0 pm usually and finish at 3 am the next day usually. So I'll try but I might be a little late getting to publish it also the heat wave and my inability to take off my jacket for a day cause then I wouldn't have my drink and I'd be in even worse shape. But yeah I'll try.

* * *

vent in the vents

YrooXrksvi618 #73. Ford video-calls Mabel and tells her that there's a storm and he will be a week late. She sighs and thanks him. She then crawls into the vents and hides until Dipper comes crawling in (he is chasing Larry King, who has a printed copy of his internet history.) They talk.

AN: did I ever mention that anytime there's a non-skype video call I call it space skype as a reference to Team Four Star? It started on Google Hangouts. You know the site people use when Facebook is blocked and everyone has a school-issued laptop with access to a school wifi that blocks you from using Facebook outside of school. Shit, I rambled. On with the show!

Mabel sat at her laptop watching Markiplier scream his head off at the latest horror game and scoff at the mannequins and dolls saying that they're just misunderstood as Mark dies for the umpteenth time today and signs off saying he'll play more later. She was about to click the next video when the familiar chime of Messenger plays and she clicks the notification and immediately takes the call from Ford who's on the boat obviously in unfriendly waters as the skies are black, white flashes rare but blinding as he frantically tries to relay his message over the roaring winds and crashing waves. Hurriedly running about making small repairs frantically tossing out water by the bucket. He exclaims, "Mabel! If getting through the Panama Canal wasn't enough trouble this storm is pulling me towards England and they have no docks there anymore. The queen declared that people can't sail to England anymore. This storm has taken me a week off course at least and still has no signs of letting up. I'll get there as soon as I can hope to see you again soon. Love you bye." and hung up. Presumably to get the water out faster as he'd been doing it one handed to hold the phone. Mabel was going to reply with a typed response but the second she touched the first key, Ford was offline. He must have dropped his phone or gotten it wet. He won't have time to fix this until the storm passes. These thoughts came flooding into Mabel's mind and she realised how dangerous it was for one old man to be alone at sea for one girl. The pressure of knowing this alone drove her to hide and hide she did. Just outside as the sun set on the scene Wax monkey Larry King ran off with Dipper's printed internet browser history. He couldn't figure out how to get his head on the body he made himself and thought this would be a good way to get someone to help… it didn't work… It did not Dipper chased him around the shack threatening to turn him into candles cursed to feel pain and Lary monkey King ran up into the vents and eventually squeezed past Mabel who was curled into a ball but in getting past her he also dropped the papers but Dipper was too close behind to turn back now so he decided to let him keep them and rush back to the computer hoping he hadn't deleted his history yet. Dipper found the papers next to a snivelling Mabel and disregarded his own sordid browser history to help his sister in need. He asked her what was wrong and she explained about how the cure would be delayed and that Gruncle Ford was in danger on the boat in a storm and that she was just burdening the family and how everyone would be way safer if she wasn't there. He replied, "if you were never here things wouldn't be better they'd just be different no one's lives would be better it would just leave me all alone." he began a spiel about self-worth and how life is precious and not to be thrown away like it were a mere thing that change is always hard and everyone always wants to go back but all you can do is push forward and hope for the best. Ending by saying, "everyone helped me when I was a girl didn't they? Knowing there's something we can actually do, do you really think anything is going to stop us helping you? We'll all work hard to make you comfortable until you can laugh and play in the sun again." she cracked a smile wiped tears away and said, "I guess it's not all bad. I could be stuck like this and have bikini redhead all over my browser history." he ripped the papers out of her hands as her tears turned to laughter and wax Larry had a second copy of Dipper's history to blackmail him with but this time he thought to hide it keeping only a page with him to convince Dipper that he had the whole embarrassing thing.

AN: Sorry about the increase in monologues. It's been awhile since I've read something that wasn't the Japanese equivalent of a comic book or a review that my structure and pacing is off my chapters lacking in detail and my motivation way below preferable levels. I was going to read the importance of being Earnest but people have expressly declared their disdain for script format on this site. Regardless of the gem I found while searching for good Adventure Time fanfiction. I personally recommend everyone read "Finn's hero heart" I read it last year and still remember the name, and I once forgot a person's name literally seconds after he told me I had to ask him five more times before I remembered and I still forget. I think his name started with a J? I don't know read it if you like the Finnceline ship or the bubbline ship it's astounding I lack the words to say how amazing it was. They even made a cliche seem interesting just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

* * *

Mabel in black

YrooXrksvi618 #74. Mabel decides to start wearing darker colours to match the situation (namely a black one with a bat) Dipper finds it a little...creepy. Because she starts to look goth (dark makeup circles under eyes, black clothing, etc.) He asks around for advice. (McGucket gives him a garlic necklace. Pacifica had no clue, and when Dipper tells her about Mabel, she starts wearing a cross and locks her window. Ford said just to ride it out. Gideon tries to help with Candy and Grenda. They go over to the Shack and hang out...but are unsuccessful. Dipper is starting to get hopeless. So he decides to call in Robbie and he pays him to hang in the gift shop until Mabel comes in. When she does, he says, "Nice outfit, starshine! Just my style!" Mabel screams and yells that she'll never wear it again and goes back to lighter clothing.

AN: Yeah the flask was made in China but for six dollars you get what you paid for. Also, my list of songs without lyrics on my playlist of things to listen to is getting a bit repetitive any recommendations for piano good music? Keep in mind I tend to listen to more dark, slow and or sad songs.

Ok, so one day as Dipper was walking to the kitchen for breakfast noticing that Mabel was already up, or perhaps she hadn't gone to sleep. He almost didn't recognise her in a black sweater but there she was wearing a black sweater, the image of a big grey bat with black eyes, a single fang sticking out of its smiling mouth, and a pink heart on its chest gave her away though. It also had some ribbon-like design above and below the bat the top text reading, "We are on a mission from God" and the bottom was simply the word Hellsing. He immediately asked her where she got it and her response was a finger pointed to a certain winged vampire carrying a certain child-sized coffin. Over the week she starts wearing more studded/spiked belts trying to pierce her ears but the holes keep closing so she pierces her clothes instead. She traded her skirt for short black jean shorts and fishnets some black boots and a big black sun hat. After a few flying lessons, she can go around anywhere she wants under the shade of her hat for anywhere from about 9 in the morning to about five in the afternoon. Her makeup turns black and she even dies her hair. At this point, Dipper begins to worry about a possible personality shift that leaves Mabel in a position where she doesn't want to turn back. So desperate he begins asking around town for help naturally the person known to spend the most time with Ford was the first person he asked but all McGucket did was hand him a garlic necklace. This being of little use to him he goes and finds Pacifica who was having a little bit of a moral discussion with Hot Wings at the time. Dipper explains to her that Mabel's a vampire and that she's starting to look the part more and more. Pacifica, more than a little surprised, turns back to Hot Wings and says, "On second thought I will take that cross" he gives a bit of a chuckle and reaches into his collar and pulls out a necklace with a cross but on the cross was a box that seemed to add four more crosses. He took it off and handed it to her, it shined like silver and knowing him it probably was. She put it on and decided to regret ever messing with her… again… Dipper was more than a little confused but left with Hot Wings behind him explaining why certain rules don't apply to him and that some things don't work as one might think. When Dipper asked why he gave her the shirt he simply said, "Ironically that shirt is sort of the logo of a family that hunts vampires in another world but only the ones causing problems and primarily in England."

"But why did you give it to her?"

"She thought looking like a vampire would speed up her ability to master her vampirism cause she sees me in dark colours and has never once seen me drink blood"

"Cause Time's different here, you don't get hungry as often."

"No I've never drunk blood before, I take drugs to suppress that but I know they won't work on her cause they're designed specifically for me and my body."

"You can do that?"

"I can you probably can't but there's no harm in trying. She is already dead." when they got back Mabel dragged him away and started asking for teleporting lessons she'd learned how by sunrise. During that time Dipper called Ford who was currently reading an English: French dictionary to try to relearn the language, he'd almost never used to make absolutely sure he found the fountain of youth with no problems. He continued reading through the call and even answered in French. Dipper explained Mabel's Situation to him and he said, "It's probably just a phase she'll eventually grow out of it or get bored of it and move on. Just ride it out it'll be fine eventually." Mabel fell through the floor and Hot Wings told her she got it half right and re-explained how to do what she was intending and what she needed to know before attempting to do this in the day. And several different methods that made no sense when Dipper listened but Mabel seemed to get it and began practising. The next morning, Mabel was popping in and out of as many shadows as she could find in the Mystery Shack. Dipper invited Candy and Grenda to help bring her back to normal but they were way too supportive and asked if she thought they'd look good like that. Two makeovers happened that day neither was on Mabel.

He visits Wendy who was lying unconscious in Hot Wings' lap as he pet her but the eyes were green and the wings were on her so he deduced that they'd switched bodies again and Wendy said that despite his body's mostly sedentary nature it's very resilient and has way more endurance than hers. Even without flight being able to outrun light was pretty cool. And it was easier to carry him in her body. That aside Dipper told Wendy about Goth Mabel and she gave a sly smile and said, "Why not pay Robbie to show her the club she joined?" he promptly thanked her and rushed back to the shack calling him on the way and offering to pay him back for the phone he broke last year if he did him this one favor. So Dipper and Mabel into the gift shop saying there was some more black makeup there and when she entered she saw Robbie smile and say, "Nice outfit, Starshine! Just my style!" she screamed and ran swearing never to dress like that again Dipper and Robbie fist bumped and he got paid. She kept the coffin though said it was too comfy to give up.

AN: you said to make her look goth so… there... I just thought about how nobody suggested a story about Dipper growing his inch back in the time Mabel's age is stagnant unless that was going to be your next request. Also, we're coming very close to the hundred thousand word mark and by now you basically see that these author's notes are more like diary entries made public.

* * *

Gidagain

YrooXrksvi618 #83. So, Gideon comes to the Shack because he hasn't seen the Pines twins yet. He is surprised when Mabel answers the door wearing a spare trench coat from Ford's closet, a ski mask, gloves, scarf, sunglasses and very large hat. She tells him what happened and he offers to help out because he read Ford's work. (Dipper asks how. He explains he had Journal 2 awkwardly and how he found it. (Little flashback here with even Littler Gideon) (Ford buried it near the Elementary school, thinking there was no child clever or conniving enough to find it.) He also explains it's how he was able to find the Amulet.) So basically he helps them out. Dipper is upset, however, because Gideon is there from morning to Midnight, and he occasionally makes a snooty remark on the Dip-Her incident. (At the end, the two work it out. The ending goes like this:

Dipper: I'm glad we were able to work this out.

Gideon: The pleasure's all mine, lil' lady.

Dipper: SERIOUSLY?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!

Gideon: That was the last one, I promise!)

AN: I was watching last week and I realised that I should end this fanfic before it begins to degenerate in quality so that I can freely go back and fix the chapters where it clearly degenerated in quality so I'm thinking of bringing this story to a grand finale how shall I send my OC back home and with him the prospect of any chapters there after being remotely close to good. It's been fun writing with you but I'd like to finish this up and get a real job so I'll be able to stop taking sleeping pills.

A little blue boy came walking through a forest at around eleven in the morning looking to see some people he'd like to think of as friends, though they were still a bit wary of him they didn't hold it against him now that he'd "changed" but he really hadn't shown any reason for them to distrust him. He walked right up to the door without a doubt in his mind as he rang the doorbell. He was more than a little surprised when he saw a figure covered in head to toe in so many clothes it was impossible for him to tell at the time who it was but he soon learned when the masked figure with sunglasses glued crudely to the mask spoke his name in a muffled voice putting him at ease… relatively speaking. "Mabel? What in tarnation are you wearing?"

"Uh… the first things I saw"

"I can see that but why"

"I guess I can tell you but it's a long story so you should probably come inside" One eternity later "and now I'm a Vampire" a sandwich hit the back of her head as she took off the trench coat and the two turned to look and found a sleeping Hot Wings tossing and turning on the couch with half a sandwich in his hand as he fell to the floor and continued sleeping. Mabel then tossed him his hat and it landed right on his face where it stayed until he woke up about four hours later. "That's terrible" Gideon finally remarked picking up the perfectly good half of a Reuben sandwich, "no girl as sweet and kind as you should have to deal with such a burden"

"I;m fine really we got most of the ingredients to make the cure. We're just waiting on Gruncle Ford to bring back the last one and I'll be Ok."

"You know I may be able to help"

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" Dipper asked as he entered the room Mabel tossed off her scarf and curiously asked, "yeah, how?"

"I guess it's only natural to not trust me after everything we've been through but I really have changed. I even started writing my own journals to publish so the world knows what to do in case anything we know is easily preventable doesn't go bad."

"Wait? Why were you even looking for my journal in the first place?"

"Well, I did have the second one and I wasn't going to tell anyone but since Mabel already told me about how she became a vampire I guess I'll trade you story for story" cut to old-timey yellow film footage type clip of littler Gideon in even girlier clothes and stupider hair eating an oversized lollipop as the rest of the children played Gideon watched a significantly younger Ford bury a book by the largest tree behind the preschool the flash of an angry Dorito hits the screen for a split second then back to Gideon rubbing his eyes as the man is gone and his curiosity sparked he goes over to the tree looks around and finds an abnormally hard piece of dirt and stomps until it yields under his weight to reveal a red book. Upon opening it he hears a laugh in the distance and finds a page telling him what not to do. His sinister grin the last thing the film captures as the scene cuts back to Gideon talking. "And that's how I found the book that ruined your lives for a few days. It contained something about Vampires I'm sure I can help."

"You can turn me back?"

"No… but I can help you feel comfortable until Stanford gets back. Did you know some vampires like to count things so much that if you drop grains of rice and one is following you they'll count them until the sun comes up?"

"Sounds made up."

"No it's true some people get so bored in their old age wanting to know everything becomes an obsession to the point where they'll count something someone dropped just so they can tell them how much it is they dropped"

"You just wake up?"

"Why the hell did Gideon take three hours explaining the thread count in each individual piece of clothes he was wearing at the time is a better question."

"So you've been awake?"

"No Dipper was thinking it" to which Dipper replied, "Wait so that's how you got that amulet?"

"Yeah… unfortunately, it turned my already unstable mind to bad whispering things or ultimate power and tyranny, telling me that I had to rule the world for the sake of it but I've long since put that behind me and wouldn't be affected if I found another"

"You mean like this one?" Hot Wings asked holding up a box the contents of which were a flickering garment going in and out of visibility and a familiar blue gem in a gold slab of metal. He immediately lost his composure and asked, "W-w-where did you get that?!"

"I found it in my pocket after Dipper handed me my unconscious body it must have been from my elegant dive into the bottomless pit"

"You crashed and you know it"

"Funny that's not how I remember it." he handed Dipper the amulet and made a point of referencing a French mercenary from a popular abridged series "Keep this away from him, I'm going to go have a smoke" he then stepped out and began smoking a pretzel laughing at the sheer stupidity of his current actions.

The next morning Dipper woke up to find Gideon was still talking to Mabel but now Wendy was there Drinking Irish coffee with Hot Wings and whispering about them maybe getting back together. Gideon made a remark about Dipper's waist size and he couldn't help but feel offended it didn't help when he realised why he was mad. And thus began a little battle of teasing where Dipper teased him on his weight and past of almost ending the world, and he shot back with all the things Dipper'd done and been as a girl. Eventually, Dipper turned to Hot Wings and Wendy and asked and I quote "does it feel better to be in a boy's body or a girl's?"

"That came out wrong and I am definitely not answering that, nor am I drunk enough to take you seriously right now."

"I am"

"Great then you can take care of this" then he switched bodies with her and flew away with his coffee. She then looked around in confusion and said, "I guess it doesn't really matter to me cause I wear pants either way"

"Dipper didn't"

"Shut up the toughest person in Gravity Falls in the strongest body in Gravity Falls just said it didn't matter. Your words no longer affect me."

"Alright, truce? At least until we can finally laugh about that together?"

"Alright but I don't see that happening anytime soon" they shake hands, "I'm glad we were able to work this out."

"The pleasure's all mine, lil' lady."

"SERIOUSLY?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!"

"Too soon?"

AN: So I'm watching a series of unfortunate events… the tv series now the movie… not that I didn't like the movie but the tv series is more accurate to the book and even incorporates details from "The Unauthorised Autobiography" really takes me back to when I was in elementary school plotting world domination realising it would take effort and a working understanding of the world's economy and I gave up.

* * *

The Irony

YrooXrksvi618 #84. Soos turns on a fog machine to make the Shack more mysterious. But he accidentally cuts his hand and blood gets into the machine, releasing a red fog, which drives Mabel into predator mode, where she basically goes feral. So Stan and Dipper, with Ford on a video camera, (Soos ran away from the monstrous-looking Mabel, and Wendy and Hot Wings are out) have to subdue and calm down Mabel. (At the end, Stan drops the laptop with Ford on it, breaking it. They decide to have Soos clean it up.)

AN: my brother remarked that I've become addicted to smoking expired pretzels since I carry a box of them with matches on hand to which I replied "screw you man I can quit anytime I want" he then said that my joke wasn't funny and an addiction commercial played on the tv as I struck yet another match. Fun times. Also, Yaro Shien if you're reading this you're either way more fluent than I am, really committed to my shite story, or about as fluent as I am and reading this a week after I've published it. I admire your work and for the longest time have wanted to do an abridge. I can mimic most of Little Kuriboh's representations of the characters… except maybe for teá… on with the show!

An average day came and went the sun was setting and Soos was setting up to make the shack look more mysterious in any way he could even bringing out an old fog machine that required gas to function on its own motor. He filled the gas and funnelled in water leaving the funnel in, in case it ran out of steam and he needed to remedy it quickly. Thus he began the process of pulling a chain until the motor roared to life. Still holding the chain he pumped his fist in joy but the taught rusty chain caught the side of his hand and cut him just enough to draw blood. He dropped the handle which slowly reeled back to the machine as he turned his hand to examine his wound more closely, unfortunately, his hand was above the funnel and the little trickle stained both water and steam red. He wasn't badly injured nothing a torn off sleeve and a couple of stitches can't fix. As he tied his sleeve sloppily around his hand a red-eyed Mabel crept through the fog down the hall and after Soos. he heard her footsteps and turned, her eyes were almost glowing her teeth bared Soos asked, "Hey hambone, you're uh… not trying to drink me are you?" she hissed in response and he ran outside. Wendy and Hot Wings were enjoying an ice cream sundae with butterscotch syrup on top of the mint chocolate chip. Soos rushed out followed by a cloud of steam and a feral Mabel. Meanwhile inside Ford was telling Stan and Dipper that he found an extremely old man who claims to know the way to the fountain of youth and that though he seems like a child he was actually one of the soldiers that fought that triceratops a few centuries ago. He said it would take a few days to get to the spring and it very well may be fake as he found the guy within a day of his arrival. Dipper and Stan were telling him that even if it is fake at least it will eliminate one possibility he promises to call back later. Back outside Hot Wings complains about having to save someone dumb enough to bleed around a fledgeling vampire Wendy tells him that he's just cranky because she took his endless booze jacket to which he replies bite me and she does. Shortly after he sinks into the floor saying "you called my bluff. Johny go help her I'm going to get a contingency plan" before Wendy could object he was gone and Johnny was perched atop her shoulder awaiting her command. "Go distract Mabel," she said and without a second thought the little dragon took flight and bound Mabel's arms and legs with its long snake-like body. When she tried to bite him she got a mouth full of silver spines which hurt her way more than it hurt him. Hot Wings later appeared in front of Soos with a white coffin with a red velvet interior, "Quick hide in here!" and without another word, he jumped in. Hot Wings closed the lid and held the cross on his necklace up to the side a metallic click was heard and the lid was basically sealed in place. He then carried the coffin back over his shoulder and carried Mabel back in his off hand. She'd calmed down by now and was more apologetic than anything. Hot Wings agrees to let Soos out and when he does Mabel goes mad again but Hot Wings gives up on them and decides to continue enjoying the best ice cream ever with the best candy ever and the toughest girl for miles around. Soos and Mabel run about the shack causing all kinds of commotion Ford tells everyone it'll be about a day's journey to get to the fountain and that they'd head out now Soos and Mabel come raging past and Stan lifts Mabel off her feet causing the computer to only be supported by Dipper's left hand as Soos dives behind him. Stan puts a spare blood bag in her open mouth and she calms down realising how badly she scared Soos. lucky for them only the computer got hurt and a quick visit to McGucket manor would remedy that problem so they got Mabel successfully out of the house where they, Stan and Dipper, presumed the two enjoying ice cream and wine had done nothing to help and drove to get a new laptop while the smell of rust left the shack and Soos cleaned up the mess

AN: I might have read the suggestion wrong. I was unsure whether I was supposed to let them figure it out on their own or if you were telling me they're right outside and have to subdue her so I did both. Get Grammarly I use the UK settings cause I like it like that

* * *

Missing food

Sixer618 #10? Dipper and Mabel are at breakfast, and Dipper gets a bowl of cereal. Mabel frowns, remembering she can only drink blood. She then gets an idea! She runs upstairs and grabs a few blood bags. Then she steals Dipper's cereal box and pours a bowl of cereal and puts blood in instead of milk. She then sighs, thinking it's not the same. Later, they are on the roof, all in the sun, except for Mabel, who has to stay under the umbrella. They pop open sodas. She sticks a straw in a bag of blood and drinks that. She sighs again, and goes inside. Later, they go to a restaurant, where Stan tells everyone to, when no one's looking, fill their pockets with ketchup packets. They grab sodas, except for Mabel, who grabs a cup and fills it half with soda, half with blood. The next day, she Skypes Ford asking if vampires can have anything other than blood. Ford responds, with a smile, "Well, from our observations, I would say alcohol, but I don't think your parents would like that." She laughs, but keeps asking. He recommends red meat, rare. So she has Stan steal a steak. Which Dipper finds disgusting when she tears into it.

AN: I was actually excited about this one but was getting kinda tired of opening the chapters the same way ie (this is the weather and the time of day. Vague description of location quick transition to characters interacting) so I'm gonna try something different. Feedback is encouraged

Wendy woke up in the morning the sunlight streaming through the partially opened curtains. Her, now, roommate was sitting on her bed with his hat off and his hair a tangled mess on the bed looking closer she saw that at the very ends his hair was as red as hers but just barely. Getting up and walking around she noticed he must be thinking of something so she got out of his coffin stretched her stiff body and asked why he was up on a Saturday morning. He responded by turning an open flask upside down to reveal it was empty. She asked if he slept the night before he said, "I don't sleep that's why I drink. It's the only way my body will let me rest, involuntarily." she asked why he seemed troubled so he presses a button on his glasses and a hologram of the Mystery Shack appears in front of her and he says, "How much time you got?" she kicks open a secret door in her room filled with soda and beef jerky. "Try me." the hologram zooms in and begins following Mabel through the halls. She enters the kitchen and forlornly watches Dipper enjoy his cereal. She snaps her fingers and rushed up the stairs coming back with a few bags of blood under her sweater. Dumping them on the table she grabbed his cereal box and pours herself a bowl and substitutes the milk for blood. And quickly puts a spoonful in her mouth before looking down in disappointment and whispering, "It's not the same..."

"You're worried about Mabel?"

"It's nostalgic to me"

"In what way is this nostalgic?"

"Well, when I was bitten I walked from Romania to Germany where I was stuck in a cage until the US won World War two but at least by then they made me an incomplete cure that served to stop me wanting to drink blood."

"They wouldn't give you blood?"

"No they offered and I refused. In my world, a vampire is just a person who was too weak to bear the burden of their own mortality. But it's fine my protege killed the vampire that did this to me and her husband."

"Wait, something's happening"

"This is a live feed." the hologram zoomed back out and showed Dipper Soos and Guncle Stan sunbathing out of sheer boredom and losing a bet to Ford so they had to spend the day doing what Stan wanted to do. I.E. playing it safe and being lazy around the shack all day where nobody'll get hurt. Except for Mabel whose feelings hurt because she couldn't enjoy feeling the warm sun on her skin without her skin burning off. Stan turns to Mabel and says, "Isn't it great to relax and crack open a cold one with the boys every now and then?"

"Yeah real great," she said sticking a straw in a blood bag as everyone else drank off brand coke (Shasta, cola, dr thunder, RC doesn't matter) she looks downtrodden and decides to walk inside before her sad could bring down everyone else. Wendy shifts uncomfortably Hot Wings takes notice, "you need to pee?"

"Yeah."

"You want me to project the hologram in the bathroom so you can see if anything happens?"

"I guess"

"You don't mind if I go out for drinks while you're..."

"No, go right ahead" he hands her a little black ball that was attached to the right side of the frames of his glasses and melts into the floor. Nothing happens and they regroup about an hour later which frustrates Wendy Cause everyone's in the car ready to go out to a nice restaurant while she's stuck waiting for some rich, know it all, oh wait he's back. "You wanna meet them at the restaurant?"

"Beats eating my emergency supplies all day." she stashed her stash back in the wall and got dressed he simply put his hat in his head and tapped the rim twice. Seeing him sit idly by made her think he'd start drinking and they'd lose the hologram so she had him help her get dressed. Two shots of tequila and a stupid bet later they arrived at the restaurant and sat with the pines family Stan immediately tried to get Hot Wings to foot the bill he simply shrugged and tossed a bar of gold on the table. Dipper was stunned to see Wendy in his favourite dress from when he was trying on clothes as a girl with makeup to match. They both laughed and Dipper asked why to which he replied, "we made a bet that whoever bites the lime first has to let the other decide what to wear. She had no idea."

"Context I need context"

"Tequila will do serious damage to your system if you don't follow it up with something equally strong. Limes seem to work best"

"Yeah that really hurt"

"You suggested it."

"Isn't underaged drinking illegal?"

"Yeah, but so is stealing a cop's car while they're making a PSA. cept this doesn't directly affect them." (HDHWHDH in case I wasn't clear) when all the waiters and customers turned their backs Stan gave everyone a signal to copy him and started stuffing ketchup into his pockets until everyone's pockets were full. They all grabbed Sodas but Mabel's had blood in it. The next day Mabel Skypes Ford, and Hot Wings is in France trying to buy the last of their wine they're arguing in French in the background of the call. It's early morning on Mabel's end but just getting dark for Ford. she asks him if Vampires can eat or drink anything other than blood and the fight behind him comes to a close as Hot Wings leaves a bar of gold on the man's foot and runs away with a bunch of wine then he flies away whilst drinking, he hits a plane and keeps flying. Ford responds, with a smile, "Well, from our observations, I would say alcohol, but I don't think your parents would like that." she gives him a laugh and asks again, "well I guess if you have the stomach for it you could try raw meat." Hot Wings crashes into the floor just outside her room before quickly popping up and saying, "sushi sounds great who's buying?" before popping the cork off a bottle of champagne before drinking straight from the bottle. Too bad Mabel was already out the door and asking Grunkle Stan to get her a raw steak. Ford facepalmed and openly showed how much he'd wished he specified. Mabel reached back in and shut the laptop before Ford could continue Hot Wings was already in his crater again drinking in the fetal position. Stan stepped on him on the way out and decided to give him a ride back to Wendy's place before stopping by the petting zoo and asking if there were any animals they were planning on eating that day and asking for a steak. When they told him the price he punched him in the nose and ran off with the steak. He gave it to Mabel and she got chunks of meat everywhere as she ate causing Dipper to lose his appetite and Wendy saw it all from the little hologram he let her borrow. She put it back in exchange for a bottle of merlot, which she then hid in her stash.

AN: by the way I'd like to point out, just for the sake of trivia, Hot Wings' glasses are made of solid obsidian and work by separating the burden of seeing everything by giving his sight to other people wearing sunglasses that work like google glasses but with all human knowledge in them as well as alien and a feature to translate your thoughts to speak with other people in their language. I have so many ideas for this world I'm building it gets very complicated very quickly. Just to be clear his glasses are meant to impede a vision that can see everything at once no one else can see through them. Also when typing I tend to get the words saw and was mixed up so if you see that or any other grammatical errors in future be sure to tell me so I can preferably fix it before I go home for the day.

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The runaway

Sixer618 #11? Stan cuts his hand in front of the kids while attempting to fix the car. Mabel starts to ask if he's alright, but then, getting one whiff of the blood, starts to go psycho. Stan runs as fast as he possibly can away. Thoughtlessly, he screams, "GET BACK, YOU FREAKY DANGEROUS BLOOD-DRINKING MONSTROUS FREAK!" She comes to her senses and is terrified about what she did. So she runs into the forest to cry. Later, Stan has bandaged his hand and Dipper has gone into town to find Wendy. Stan looks for Mabel to apologize for what he said. He can't find her. Then Stan finds a note on Mabel's bed by her, apologizing and saying that it won't happen again, as she has run away, with some blood, and that she loves them. He panics and goes into the forest to find Mabel. He finds her sleeping in a nest she built in a tree, in sweater town (look it up if you don't know what that is). She stays away and refuses to come down. He climbs up and apologizes for yelling that. She forgives him. He tells her that she will be fine, and Ford will come back and cure her. They hug. Stan then asks how they are going to get down.

AN: I broke my middle finger nail a few days ago and I didn't say anything but it's really bothering me. I can't play the guitar like I used to and it just generally feels weird when you've been growing a nail for a long time and it's suddenly gone. It should probably grow back in a couple of months but in the meantime I'm upset.

Stans car broke down because the bear he was teaching to drive got mad and attacked the engine. It was pioneer day so the mechanic was out of the question and Ford was off in France which leaves Soos who was participating in Pioneer day and Stan who needed to use the car to file his falsified tax documents at some point. So he got down to trying to bend metal tubes back into their right positions so as not to have to pay for a new engine. Loosening one particularly tight bolt his hand slipped and he cut himself on a jagged piece of the torn engine. Mabel approached with the best intentions going so far as to ask "are you ok?" but the second her nose picked up the smell of his blood her expression turned sinister and her sharp teeth bared she goes from a concerned jog to a hungry sprint. Looking back at his flesh wound he begins to run absentmindedly shouting, "GET BACK, YOU FREAKY DANGEROUS BLOOD-DRINKING MONSTROUS FREAK!" this immediately brought her back to her senses. She stops dead in her tracks and walks back to the Mystery Shack, alone. By the time Stan Macgyvered himself an entire engine based on the manual's description of what the engine should look like, and whatever garbage he had in the trunk at the time, he drove back to check to see if Mabel's feelings were Ok, leaving Dipper to look for Wendy in town. Parking the car quickly right at the door to the Shack he rushed out the door, up the stairs, and into Mabel's room where he found a note that said she loves them, was sorry, running away, and that it'll never happen again. The door of her blood fridge was opened and it was nearly emptied. Panicked he runs into the forest shouting her name. He eventually finds an old eagle's nest but instead of a giant bird, he found a sweater with a hat and shoes. At the base of the tree was an empty blood bag marked AB negative. He slowly began the process of an old man climbing a tree and reached the nest after a few minutes of struggling. He sat on a branch and looked at the girl in her sweater sadly as she sniffled and dropped another empty bag over the edge. He takes a moment to compose his thoughts trying to make sure there'd be no double meaning to his words that could be misinterpreted before apologizing to her saying that he shouldn't have shouted like that and that he definitely shouldn't have said what he did. She forgives him. He tells her that she will be fine, and Ford will come back and cure her. They hug. Stan then asks how they are going to get down. Hot Wings happens to fly by when he stops and hovers in place to turn to look at the two. He then turns away saying, "I neither know nor care" before finishing the bottle in his hand and dropping it on the rocks below. Stan quickly asks to hitch a ride and he allows them warning them in advance that while he can fly Ok he's often terrible at the landing. They end up crashing into a giant teddy bear Gideon was holding for whatever reason. They later call Ford and ask him to hurry back. Ford found a solid gold statue that looks more or less like a man urinating on a man who's torn his clothes to receive the impact directly. He wondered if this was the fountain of youth considering it was in a forest and covered in vines and plants and stuff and still running water far away from any civilization. It certainly wasn't what he was expecting.

AN: this afternoon while I wondered why I stayed in bed so long I remembered that when bears hibernate they eat more than they would before they sleep. My tea is both unendingly bitter and overly sweet I should have stirred before I drank. It's not so bad. Also the font I use for Gruncle Stan makes it look like he's always shouting regardless. I also, just noticed how weird it is to read this so just know each sentence was written at a different time and with little to no connection to the next. Anyone else just realised Hot Wings could easily fix Mabel's problem? He knows where the fountain of youth is he can travel to France almost instantaneously and can come back just as fast.

* * *

The reckoning

Sixer618 #12? Stan and Ford are video-chatting over the computer, talking about Mabel. Ford asks Stan if he told the twins' parents yet. He hasn't and says that he should. So Stan calls their parents to explain what happened. (Both mother and father pick up.)

AN: did I mention I dislike messing with characters I know nothing about. Yeah, this is more of a dialogue chapter but I guess it's what you asked for Stan discussing with the Mystery twins' parents.

Stan and Ford are talking over the space skype with Hot Wings in the background in France Ford's first fountain was a bust but he was already on his way to the second based on an ancient text he translated telling him he was halfway there. Stan congratulated him on his progress Hot Wings was tapping a wall in the cave Ford was sleeping in and the wall came to life with drawings and descriptions like a whole map with instructions was drawn showing him the way. Stan pointed it out to him and he turned to draw it in his journal but only got the map done before the cave wall caught fire and the intricate drawing was no more than ash on a wall. Ford asked him what he used for ink, he responded by spitting into the fire and causing it to flare up violently. He then asked why the ink was red and he melted into his little puddle and appeared behind Stan holding as many bottles of wine as he could fit betwixt his fingers, opening one with his teeth and walking out the front door with a bottle locked tightly in his jaw. Having given up on what the instructions were Ford tried to make himself feel better by avoiding the topic completely, "Have you told their parents yet?"

"..."

"Stanly?"

"I'll call you back." he hung up on Ford giving him more time to decipher the book he recently acquired and maybe make sense of the map he'd quickly sketched. Stanly, on the other hand, got right to calling Dipper and Mabel's parents on the Facebook video call. They both picked up so Stan made it a group call and titled the group chat family meeting. (for the sake of understanding I'm going to dip into script format here)

S: Hey… remember when Dipper was a girl?

M: Why what's wrong does did it happen again?

D: Did that little Timmy make him go out with him as a guy?

S: What? No, I'm calling about Mabel.

M: Has she become a boy?

D: At least if she has Dipper can help her transition having been in that position.

S: Nobody's trading genders

D: Then why use that as an example?

S: Cause she's a vampire!

(he takes a few breaths as the parents recollect what happened last time)

M: Can't you just use the cure you used last time?

S: Apparently it's not that simple.

D: but you are going to fix this right?

S: Yeah, we got most of what we need and are just waiting for my brother to get back with the last ingredient and he's almost there already.

M: So you called because?

S: I called because I thought you should know, they are your kids and stuff keeps happening to them I figured I'd rather I tell you, than you find out another way.

D: Wait how long has she been a vampire?

S: since the day after she got here.

(he braced himself for an onslaught of "why didn't you tell me" followed by "you're a terrible caretaker" and perhaps a bit of "we're never leaving them with you again" nut to his surprise)

M: Is she ok with this?

S: she'll manage. She's a tough kid that one. Always smiling no matter what.

D: Ever the optimist?

M: Well as long as she's happy and safe

(enter Mabel teleporting in from the shadows where she sneaks up behind Stan and clamps plastic fangs on his neck from behind, frightening him to no end and making Mabel laugh uncontrollably as Stan angrily tells her it wasn't funny.)

M: This is fine...

AN: Hey, atbash Bill you seem to know a thing or two about this show more than I do, any idea what the parents' names are?

* * *

insomnia

Sixer618 #19? Mabel gets up around midnight and can't sleep. She then tries to get back to sleep but can't get comfortable. So she wakes up Stan and asks him. He sleepily says, "Don't vampires sleep upside down?" She goes off and hangs from the ceiling, which scares Dipper in the morning. He asks why she's doing this. She then goes and asks Ford. He tells them that every once in awhile vampires need to sleep upside down. But only one night per week. She then decides to scare Stan with this ability.

tossing and turning from side to side Mabel lay looking up around the room. Never noticing just how much light enters in through the window, nor how much can be seen by so little light. Shifting in as many different positions as she could think to try she found no position comfortable enough to beckon her to sleep. She tried counting sheep, doing math(gave up trying to think of equation), tried reading one of Dipper's boring summer reading books, nothing worked. Wandering about the shack at night she find's Stans room and makes her problem his shaking him out of yet another football dream. Slightly annoyed at being torn away from such a promising game Stan turns half awake to face Mabel demanding answers. She asks for help falling asleep again, angered at having just been awakened from one of his more pleasant dreams he sarcastically suggested she sleep upside down, but with how sleepy he was tone made no difference and she took his advice at face value. The next morning Dipper woke up to quite the fright. After he screamed she woke up and fell from the beam her feet had hooked around and landed less than gracefully on her bed. He asks and she responds that she couldn't sleep and it was the only comfortable position she could find at the time. Dipper asked if this meant she could walk on the ceiling like Hot Wings could. They heard a knock at the window and when DIpper opened it Wendy was standing outside asking to come in. he helped her in the window and in stepped Hot Wings landing on the far wall and walking around getting to the corner and changing the wall he was walking on before getting to him and saying, "what about me walking on the ceiling?"

"Mabel was sleeping on the ceiling do you normally do that?"

"You're asking the wrong vampire, I'd of asked one of the ones I killed in the day if I found them at all interesting"

"How long has it been since you cared about anyone other than yourself?"

"Not long enough." he retorts before popping open a fresh bottle of Russian vodka and drinking it as fast as he could to the sound of Mabel and Wendy chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug!" until he finished. Dipper asked Mabel where she got the idea to hand from the ceiling not believing for a second that she was in bed trying to get comfortable and randomly thought to get up climb the cracks in the wall and hang upside down, thinking the effort wouldn't be worth it if she was wrong. She explained that she asked Gruncle Stan for help getting back to sleep and he gave her the idea. She has a quick video chat with Ford asking why she had to sleep upside down. He likened it to the similarities between a vampire and a bat saying that it would only make sense given her circumstance but if she could sleep this long without a problem it must be a once a week thing. The next morning Stan wakes up to an inverted Mabel in his room. When he calmed down and asked why she said Dipper didn't want to wake up to it anymore going on to say it was his idea.

AN: It's a bit disorienting listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata when I usually listen to darker songs or songs with dark undertones while this features extended periods of more jovial sounding notes that confuse my tired mind. Writing would be so much simpler if my body permitted I sleep during the day. I should probably bring my show idea before a production crew soon so I can afford wifi at home, and bring my delightful OC back home where he'll be able to offend people to his heart's content… oh, wait…

* * *

Reminiscent

Sixer618 #20? Mabel and Dipper are watching Dracula when Wendy comes in. She says it's kind of ironic that the twins keep changing forms on their visits. Dipper groans and says, "Not this again". Wendy asks Mabel if she remembers (some hilarious Dip-Her incident that you can make up.) Mabel starts laughing, and they poke fun. Dipper starts to grow red. He walks out of the room. Mabel wonders if she should apologize. They keep watching TV. Dipper walks outside to find Soos trying to fit his shirt in his cheek. They start talking. (Soos makes a pun on how Mabel is driving him "batty",) Soos gives him advice, to pretend like he enjoyed the Dip-Her incident, so the teasers start to think that he receives it as compliments. Dipper takes his advice. This backfires badly.

AN: just a reminder I didn't forget the Dipper and Mabel in California shorts, I just happen to pay attention to the instructions and not start before the never-ending Dipher saga came to a close as per your request

Mabel and Dipper sat Idle by a glowing television set in a poorly lit room. The air slightly stale from the ever-present smell of old man, the tang of rust present with Mabel's bloody breath, and the light aroma of lost snacks, primarily popcorn, slowly rotting away. The twins watching paid no mind to the smell however as their attention was stolen completely by an overly romanticised movie about someone who in reality brutally murdered his enemies and left them dangling on a wooden pole for all to see. Regardless they watched as Dracula seduces Lucy as Dr van Helsing tried ever so hard to help Dr Seward save the girl with bite marks on her neck before she goes full vampire. Enter Wendy surprising the twins. Disregarding the Smell she sits between them as a way of introducing herself, neither minds but Dipper gets instinctively nervous and Wendy decides to break the ice by commenting on their ever unfortunate way of changing into something else upon their visits. Dipper in an expression of clear exasperation moans, "Not this again" and Wendy asks Mabel if she remembers the time Wendy borrowed Hot Wings' body and let Mabel borrow an eye so they could watch Dipher at his sleepover with Pacifica. She laughs in agreement remembering that the butler urged them to bath together to save water and then took both of their clothes to wash so Dipper frantically looked for her clothes and ended up having to borrow some of Pacifica's PJs cause she displeased the butler and he told them that he'd return their clothes in the morning slightly exaggerating how long it would take to wash and dry their clothes. Dipper was more embarrassed that they saw but soon became even more embarrassed when they relayed his thoughts back to him at the time Pacifica asked him to share her bed if he didn't want to sleep on the floor and he accepted out of curiosity and the fact that the bed could fit ten people evenly spread apart with room left over so no one would touch anyone. Then they told her that it wasn't an accident when she woke up and Pacifica was cuddling up to her. Lucky for Him Hot Wings woke up at this point and took back his eyes and fixed the shades they broke in half to be able to share vision over the party, thereafter they have no knowledge of what happened nut have a pretty good idea considering… as the red on Dipper's face grows to match the red on Mabel's teeth he leaves as the two begin talking about what Pacifica was thinking, he leaves and Mabel asks Wendy if she should apologize. Wendy pulls up a special monocle she got From Hot Wings looks through the wall and says, "naw you're probably good"

The program continues in the background as Dracula tries to take another man's fiancee (I'm assuming people really liked NTR back in the day) as Dipper leaves the living room he finds Soos with his shirt mostly in his mouth as he quite literally stuffs his face. Dipper trusts the "Handyman of the apocalypse" with this problem. He makes a quick vampire quip, "looks like Mab-dude is driving you batty"(I have no idea if he's ever said this name but I'm pretty sure he probably would… maybe) thus he suggests, "Dude if you act like you like it when they tell you embarrassing stuff from the past, then it'll be less fun to make fun of you" he takes this advice and returns to the couple of giggling girls. He announced, "Joke all you want I enjoyed being a girl" Wendy responded by grinning and pulling a tiny Hot Wings out of her shirt pocket. She put him on the floor and they turned the tv off. After splashing water on him he grew to his regular size and Wendy borrowed his body and used his shades hologram projector feature to play a compilation of all the funny things she remembered from Dipper being a girl, whilst Wendy's unconscious body lies peacefully on he borrowed lap. Dipper immediately regretted trying to trick them.

AN: I forgot some of the names from the book but from what my dad said about the movie they're more or less the same… except I'm told there's a ballroom scene in the movie Dracula and I saw no mention of this in the book… granted I did gloss over most of it trying my hardest to take interest in what was probably very new science at the time. All I know is they took an entire page describing in brutal detail a man, Arthur, killing his own wife, Lucy, after she'd been turned Vampire describing every breath she took and every sob he uttered as he was told that he was saving her soul. But damn was that fun to read. I got the details wrong and don't feel like going back and fixing it. Mina was the one that was married Lucy was engaged, my bad flip the two when you see them... and by the two I mean the words "married" and "engaged".

* * *

A prank too far

Sixer618 #21? Dipper plays a prank on Mabel, involving her vampire status and an onion disguised as garlic. She is very very upset. So she hypnotizes him to do things against his will for a day, to humiliate him (like kiss Pacifica and then tell her she's the worst, scare Soos, do the Lamby dance in public, eat Smile Dip, kiss Wendy and feed Stan's magazine collection to the goat.) When Dipper regains control, he explains to everyone what happened. Stan tells him it sounds like she got even. Dipper realizes this and apologizes to Mabel, who forgives him. Then Stan asks where his magazines went. Mabel then explains that Abuelita requested that.

AN: sorry about the mostly plagiarized last chapter I was distracted… this is exactly why I stay up late. Also if I'm including a kiss scene you might want to prepare for a plethora of details I've never experienced myself, yet have a detailed working knowledge from a reliable source… you ever actually think about what life would be like as someone's pet? Don't have to worry about work or food just lay

Around and hang out from time to time.(I'd probably be a cat… a very fluffy cat)

For whatever reason Dipper was pealing an onion and somehow forgot he was doing that and ended up peeling far too much off and had a tiny greenish onion in his hand. Thinking it would be funny he goes into her personal blood cooler and sees the unopened Stack of Mabel's preferred blood type and leaves the onion in a way that prevents her from accessing said blood without first touching the tiny onion. She finds it later on stinking up her fridge and is very scared at first. But then remembers that this is not what garlic smells like. He started laughing from the hall where he was standing in view of her all to real fear and upon seeing this she feels genuinely upset and uses her mind control to make hims stop laughing when she sees that it works she looks him right in the face and tells him she will pay him back "Hell hath no fury like I have fury" she begins thinking about how now to make a fool out of her new puppet before cutting the strings and leaving him to have to defend himself. So she dragged him to the mall and basically followed Hot Wings all day making Dipper do sober what he was doing drunk. Thus Dipper shadowed him for the day until a better opportunity arose but for now, he was stumbling onto the children's train and shouting "Choo! Choo!" Thus Dipper followed doing as he did gaging every now and again as he stumbled along behind him. For about five minutes Hot Wings walked around demanding someone show him to the chili cheese fries were, Dipper followed. They ended up having lunch together. They couldn't find the chili cheese fries but they did find some mildly adequate carne asada fries. Mabel made Dipper shout, "This food is terrible!" before violently stuffing his face and licking the plate clean. Hot Wings responded, "Disregard the constabulary!" and ate with the same vigor. Mabel then started playing Monkey see monkey do with him. Dipper'd copy one of his drunk antics and then Dipper'd do something he'd do an even more exaggerated version of eventually she got them to argue by putting Dipper in a crab suit and having him walk up to Hot Wings and say "You think you're better than me!" which resulted in a very long dispute about how he wasn't even a crab. Eventually Mabel caught sight of Pacifica and had Dipper bolt over to her and kiss her full on the lips. She was shocked of course but she certainly didn't fight it. The wind from his run had just enough momentum to blow her hair. She considered fighting it but instead opted to return the kiss as time froze and all they could see was each other. Dipper pulled away and whispered into her ear, "Pacifica"

"Yeah?"

"You're the worst." Mabel saw Hot WIngs looking through the store window at someone and saying, "Man am I hideous!" the man noticed him looking right at him and walked away. Mabel then Had Dipper do the same walked over to Pacifica and asked how she felt about that. She was trying to get back at Dipper Pacifica was just an innocent bystander. The blond just clutched the clothes over her heart and whispered, "I deserve that..." Mabel leaves her to her self loathing and just be more of a general nuisance than a direct hit to someone's self esteem. So before Mall security could kick them out for essentially doubling the problem of having a drunk who couldn't be captured, she had Dipper hijack a stage and do the lamby dance infront of everyone. Later they were asked to leave politely and it was awkward for everyone. But they left going back to the shack where he had Dipper walk up to Soos with a fork and knife and with the best McGucket voice he could pull off say, "I'm comin fer you!" he ended up running away so she had him instead start gnawing on a tree. Wendy was coming and if not for Mabel's Vampire hearing she'd of been caught instead she left him there trying to chew down the tree as Wendy came to ask what he was doing. He stopped and looked to her with splintered wood in his face, she makes a remark about beavers and he asks her if he could tell her a secret she nods and he motions for her to come closer. He continues motioning until she takes a knee and has her ear up to his face so he kissed her on the cheek cause Mabel learned from last time not to mess with everyone else so bad when it was dipper who wronged her… now she feels bad for having him feed Stan's magazines to the goat… anyway he kissed her on the cheek and she says, "dude that wasn't a secret. Literally everyone knew"

"I ship it!" Hot Wings shouted from behind a tree the sound of liquid hitting dirt was present but not obvious except to Wendy who asked if he seriously had to do that right now. He just laughed and said "Mabel's in a tree" Dipper finally built up the will to break Mabel's hold on him and explained to Wendy what was going on and then rushed over to the mall to apologize personally to Pacifica, to which she responded "which part?"

"All of it. Mabel was controlling me. I'm sorry" she wrapped her arms around him and forgave him saying that only the thing he said bothered her leaving him much to think about as he went home to demand retribution from Stan but he sided with Mabel and he finally saw it from her side, and apologise before she decided to put him around town again. She forgives him, cue awkward sibling hug, enter Stan inquiring as to the whereabouts of his Magazines, Mabel quickly shouted, "Abuelita's idea!"

AN: how does one get an onion small enough to make one think it's a clove of garlic? Also Garlic did not stop Dracula at all in the book. Though Lucy's room was filled with it she still died from massive blood loss, especially after that damn bat broke her window and the room aired out for him to enter. All it was good for was making Lucy feel safe. All they did was say it'd work but it didn't it delayed him not stop him. also sorry about today's chapter I'm running late probably gonna fix that before next week's chapter.

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Bullying bullies

Sixer618 #22? Mabel is walking through the house and is looking for Dipper. Stan tells her he went to see McGucket and visit a bit. So she walks there (it's a pretty cloudy day) when Pacifica's old friends jump her. They ask where her sister is. She yells that he turned back. They grin and tell her they heard she's a vampire now. She responds in affirmative. They then grin, saying they have been waiting to get back at her for the new-year's incident. They hang her by her sweater collar from a tree. They then open a bag showing garlic and holy water, along with a UV flashlight. She starts to struggle, but then they shine the light on her. They pour holy water in a circle around her, trapping her, and plant garlic in a ring around her. Dipper comes along and sees her trapped, and looking very sick. He grabs her and takes her home. She explains what happened. Everyone expects Stan to go berserk. But he doesn't. He calmly gets up and has an idea. That night, the girls plan to sleep over, and are walking home in the dark. They are then hit with several bags, covering them in a sticky red liquid. Stan and Dipper come out, and they demand to know what it is. Stan grins and tells them it's blood, and then a wild and feral-looking Mabel jumps out roaring, and chases them away. She then turns to Stan and Dipper grinning. As it turns out, it's fake blood, just to terrify them. They then walk home.

AN: As of now I don't know but you might be looking at a double feature again for today but I have to write it first. I did start out on one chapter per day and with the way i'm feeling I might go back to that. Finish up the rest of the shorts, buy new aviators, finish the chapters get a job and then get paid. Probably going for a job in writing preferably the show I've been writing for years now.

Wandering about the Shack Mabel looked in vain before bumping, rather comically into her Gruncle Stan. where one would think she'd fall or stumble it was him who fell. After the aforementioned events he asked why she was running about so vigorously. She responds that she's looking for Dipper, shortly after apologizing. He responded that old man McGucket had found out what was wrong with their machine to turn Dipper man again. She paled further knowing either Hot Wings told on her or he found out someone was messing with the wires and Hot Wings would have nothing to gain from it. Still Mabel was determined to admit her fault and tell her brother it was her wish that changed him and now that it was due to her greed that the machine didn't work… at least in her mind that was why. It's a pretty cloudy day and since Hot Wings demonstrated his mastery over whether he either got bored of maintaining the weather, wasn't in town(off drinking), or didn't care enough to change the weather. Regardless she walked in the dim filtered light through the grey sky down the dirt road on her way to see her brother and maby hazard a visit to one of Gravity falls' favorite mad scientists. As she contemplated this on her walk alone to the big house on high ground, when three girls trying to impede her as was evident when they stepped in front of her and refused to let her pass. Each carrying a full purse, but for rich girls with no sense of shame she didn't seem to notice. They grin at the thought of catching her unprotected and go so far as to ask where her sister was. She yells, "My Brother is a boy again! He didn't even choose to be a girl in the first place either!" their grins turn far more sinister and they say, "heard you turned into a vampire"

"Yeah… why?"

"*grin so wide you can hear the cheeks lose contact with the teeth*you remember new years? You should be so lucky..." they hoist her up and show her a bag in which they kept their instruments of pain. When she tries to struggle they flash their blacklights at her keeping her stationary whilst they trap her in a circle of two poisons starting with a ring of holy water and ending with a ring of garlic. There they left her hoping to let the sun she once enjoyed end her Dipper walked down the dirt road alone he saw his sister Dangling by her throat on a tree. While asphyxiation was no problem for someone who only needs air to talk it is a problem that she'd out in the day and not making an attempt to get down. Thus he rushed over and freed her from the trap he saw after getting close enough and takes a sickly Mabel back home where she explains that the girls from the new year's party sought vengeance and left her hanging there… literally. Everyone turns to Stan thinking he'd go the overbearing overprotective "I'LL MURDER THEIR WHOLE FAMILIES" approach to this but instead, ha calmly pulled out a little black book titled, "Pranks deemed "in poor taste" by Ford" he flipped through to a page Marked if I was a Vampire searching specifically for the term, "I wish on all my worst enemies" before telling everyone his plan. That night as they catch the girls foolishly wandering the streets, sleeping bags on hand Dipper and Stan toss bags at them, which once contained blood, now the prop kind Soos had for whatever reason. The assailants reveal themselves and the girls demand to know what it is angered that their hair was ruined again this time in red, they calmly reply, "You are in no position to make demands, as you are covered in blood and there's a fresh vampire in town who doesn't know how to control her urges yet" he gently hinted as a furious looking Mabel caught their eye neath the halo of a streetlamp. Huffing and puffing before making a mad dash at the girls causing them to run in panic. She stops short and grins at the guys as they all turn to leave they see Hot Wings clapping, applauding their performance and ultimately offering to take them for sushi, Mabel asks if vampires can eat sushi, he replies, "you can eat whatever you want keeping it down is another matter."

AN: The term "unlife" brought to you by the English version of "Hellsing Ultimate" or for those of you who watched the show before the parody the "Hellsing OVA". I tried going on Club Penguin yesterday… can somebody tell me why it's not working?

All for fun

Sixer618 #23? Candy and Grenda and Pacifica are coming for a sleepover. Mabel opens the door and lets them in. They prank just about everyone in the Shack using Mabel's new vampire abilities.

AN: the last short on the Dipher list will take its own day so that I don't have to give it two parts. I started watching "Miraculous Ladybug", more fanfiction for me to read… I just find it Ironic that they can tell who it is when somebody else transforms but not each other…

As night begins to fall on one log cabin turned tourist trap, three young girls approached the door the "S" from the sign above not too far from them. They rang the doorbell as the sun fully set and were greeted by an energetic young Vampire. The four eagerly rushed upstairs and got set up everybody had their place and they decided to start the night off playing truth or dare. Within the first round, Pacifica was dared to confess to Dipper. She repeatedly denied affection and Mabel ended up using her mental mind powers to make her tell the truth. Then she made her tell Dipper who was having a bit of a sleepover with Soos because Mabel was no doubt going to be loud and Ford was hard at work on a particularly loud project that absolutely cannot wait until morning and Stan wasn't the best company at night(snoring maybe I don't know if it's cannon) regardless Pacifica rushes down the steps with the others in toe and she confesses to Dipper. He asks if she's under Mabel's mind control. The others giggle silently and Pacifica says, "Yeah that must be it… night..." he bids her good night and they go back up the stairs. Pacifica sits embarrassed and clutching her pillow tighter than… I can't think of a metaphor… oh! Tighter than writer's block's grip on me today. Candy chose truth and told everybody that all her feelings for Dipper were gone, she even passed the Mabel test. Grenada gave up a lot of details about how well her relationship was going how far they'd gone (a peck on the cheek) and Mabel was dared to help them prank everyone in the shack. Mabel teleported into Gruncle Stan's room with a GoPro on her head and a feather in one hand with a bottle of whip cream in the other. She used her Hypnotism to make sure he was asleep before filling one hand with the whipped cream and brushing his face with the feather. He tried swatting it away with the wrong hand and she kept trying until he slapped his own face with whip cream on his hand, effectively waking him up. He was about to reprimand the perpetrator, but Mabel turned invisible and teleported out before he saw her. Later in the night, Soos was getting a midnight snack and Mabel got the foods to look like they were preparing themselves shortly after he put his ingredients on the counter come to find the sandwich making itself. At first, he thought it was cool but then it spoke, "eat me, Soos, eat me! Every second is agony for food! End our suffering." he ran away and Mabel saved the "haunted" sandwich for later. Melody was doing a bit of late knight accounting and the door seemed to open on its own. She looked over when she felt a breeze and got up to close the door. When she got back to her seat the door was still open so she walked back over closed and audibly locked the door. Come to find it's still open. So the next time she closes it and locks it she refuses to take her eyes off it and walk backwards to her chair where she watches the sleeve of a nearby shirt slowly rise turn the lock and open the door. She rubbed her eyes for a second and the door is closed and locked. She gets up and walks out of the gift shop proclaiming herself, "officially to tired to think" Dipper was much easier to prank. Mabel teleported Pacifica into the room he was trying to sleep in and had Pacifica wake him up with a kiss he asked if he was dreaming and she said yes. He blinked and she was gone the girls were all laughing in Mabel's room trying to figure out if they could prank someone again or if they should leave to find someone else to prank. The end nothing else happened that night.

AN: glad this was a short suggestion so I can actually write a short short as opposed to the chapter sized shorts I've been doing… Wait, Sixer, did you not like second Christmas?

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The end of an era part one of three

Sixer618 #58? Mabel has been acting more...evil lately, like playing mean jokes on others, hypnotizing Stan into giving her lots of money to just burn in front of him, "accidentally" mass-emailing Dipper's entire internet history to the entire town (The use the Memory Gun to fix this, which McGucket had repaired to forget about the email containing the history he opened, which he said was, "Very disturbing. What I saw in the portal is a match to how disturbing this was.), leaking Gideon's (creepy) diary to "Wiki-leaks", setting Ford up on a blind date with the Hand Witch, telling everyone Hot Wings' name is "Mr. Feather-brained Empty-head" (Hot Wings is easily able to fix this by telling everyone that he has no name), telling everyone Pacifica's butler picks her nose for her, getting Gideon falsely imprisoned for 2 days by paying the cops, telling Soos that she can read minds, (and telling him that "Old Goldie is watching you."), spreading rumors to the Unicorns that Candy and Grenda called them a "bunch of arrogant hoof-bags full of narcissism and make-up", telling Pacifica that the gnomes spy on her through a peep-hole, spreading a rumor that Ford is gay (and telling everyone Dipper has become bisexual after the Dip-Her thing), telling Manly Dan that Wendy's pregnant and too afraid to tell him, tricking McGucket into accidentally overloading the town's water pressure and telling everyone that Robbie's favorite color is pink. When Dipper questions her about it, she simply gives an evil smile and a chuckle, saying, "That was a good day." (Basically, it shows what happens to everyone as a result of each of those pranks.)

AN: 86 hours.

The day started out like any other with Mabel smiling only this one had a more sinister gaze behind the cheeky grin. As she bounded out of the room grabbing a sun hat and long clothes to properly cover herself she rushed up to Stan and looked him dead in the eye before not so subtly demanding money he gave her with a very shaky hand as he was forced not just to hand her the money but sit and watch as it burned before his eyes. He couldn't move to save it nor could he scream. He could only sit and watch in horror as his eyes refused to look away and despite his best efforts they wouldn't close and she held him there until every last cent was warped beyond repair. When she left he was crying in the fetal position remembering distinctly that a while ago the gold he'd "cleaned up" from the hastily made fighting ring was all sucked back into the hat it came from. There he wept bitterly while Mabel walked away reveling in his suffering openly expressing a sediment most people only ever hear their insecurities saying, "I wonder what we can make go wrong today" while Dipper was singing disco girl in the shower Mabel hacked his phone and saved his entire internet history onto a hyperlinked word dock with accompanying pictures… so many redheads… and sent it to everyone on the internet with his email and the subject: I Dipper Pines have sent this on purpose.

When Dipper exited the shower he saw that the browser on his phone was open but the dock already had ownership transferred to Mabel and been deleted on his phone so the only evidence of her crime was the immediate response of everyone in town shouting their displeasure towards him… except for Hot Wings… he said he'd seen worse and considering he can see everything… before he could even ask why she started snickering and claiming it was an accident over and over whilst making a loud getaway to wreak havoc on the town. Dipper checked his phone again and saw McGucket's message, "Very disturbing. What I saw in the portal is a match to how disturbing this was." followed by a pic of him shooting himself with the memory eraser gun and going into town to heal everyone else's mental scars, Hot Wings refused, saying he'd already forgotten and riding everyone else will take the memory from him almost completely but so long as Dipper remembers he'll know. Regardless the town forgot and refused to open any doc they ever received again unless they explicitly asked for it and knew what it was in advance. Shortly after she broke into Gideon's house and took high def pictures of every page before uploading it to WikiLeaks in front of him. Sending the link to everyone from Gideon's desktop with the subject: the truth come out!

Later Ford was told very kindly that a special surprise awaited him if he went to the diner and sat at table four when he returned but he had no idea what that could be and just reported that he'd be back with the final ingredient soon, Mabel expected that on his arrival when he couldn't find her he'd come to a startling surprise when the hand which greeted him shaking his hand with both her own hands and as many as she thought to bring almost holding him hostage as she tried ever so hard to strike a deal that would make her two hands richer failing every time. Mabel then began flying around telling everyone Hot Wings' real name was "Mr Feather-brained Empty-head" but he was following close behind telepathically telling people she was lying and making up some random name like with Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle, telling everyone that he is nameless and nameless he shall remain. One individual, Robbie, pointed out that he said they could call him whatever they wanted, he responded with, "you deserve to know the truth. And while you can call me whatever you like I will not respond to every name. For you see my glasses are mirrors and so often I find people hurling insults my way when really they hate themselves." that shut him up especially when Mabel started telling everyone that his favourite colour is pink. Then began floating invisibly into teen gossip circles telling them Ford was gay and Dipper Bi from his recent change in perspective throwing in that Pacifica gets her butler to pick her nose for her. Later when Gideon waved to her on the street sad and broken at having witnessed the girl he held a torch for rain a hurricane on his happiness which he'd soon find himself to be in the eye of the storm as the worst was to come as she shouted, "there he is!" prompting the bribed officers to chase tackle tase and arrest Gideon until the money on Stan's card ran out and it was declined the next day.

While he was waiting she told Soos that she can read minds, and "Old Goldie is watching you." that night the broken old thing was placed in such a way that when he awoke he was staring right at it prompting him to punch it until there was nothing but a broken mess of yellow bronze, oil and copper wire all over the floor, his hands slightly injured from having punched metal but as it was very old it broke easily. Before this could come to pass she spread rumors to the Unicorns that Candy and Grenda called them a "bunch of arrogant hoof-bags full of narcissism and make-up", telling Pacifica that the gnomes spy on her through a peep-hole when she pointed it out she left out the fact she was the one who drilled it yet still after having plugged the hole with plaster more holes became apparent and she began changing in such a way that no matter where the peep-hole was no one could see her IE in bed under the covers. And thoroughly inspecting the bathrooms every which way before showering. Mabel still found a way to film her and make her ten times as paranoid by texting the video to her saying, "look what the gnomes sent me". She also took it upon herself to tell Manly Dan that Wendy's pregnant and too afraid to tell him, causing him to go into a rage challenge Hot Wings to a fight because no one else was anywhere near as close to her as she was. He defused the situation by offering to let him borrow his eyes so he could check to see for himself that she definitely was not pregnant and that they haven't crossed that line nor was he planning on letting that happen he took the offer and apologise for believing such a cruel joke before demanding he take those painful orbs back. Next on her list was to trick McGucket into accidentally overloading the town's water pressure causing everyone in the streets at the time to become mildly irritated as the floodwaters drained into the lake.

When Dipper questions her about it, she simply gives an evil smile and a chuckle, saying, "That was a good day."

AN: in case you hadn't read the character bio for my nameless lead he knows everything there is to know about everything the second he enters the room he doesn't lie but he does withhold information when it suits him. He is primarily nocturnal and in his home through his subordinates see him as a lazy jerk who employs their free labour to do something he could easily do in a second not knowing all the work he'd done that night nor all the people who'd be coming to kill him that day. Regardless he just tosses his sword at their feet shouting "Have at it" or something similar surprising them only for them to realise they can't kill him in the worst kind of way… might have accidentally given up information that would be in the show I'm trying to produce so… Spoilers?

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The end part two

Sixer618 #59? Dipper and Soos try to ask Ford about Mabel's recent "personality change" but the WiFi's out. So Dipper asks Hot Wings, and he says he's never been in this dimension, so he has no clue. Stan is busy fending off a horde of bats that have somehow invaded his room (he decides to let Soos handle it later after failing hilariously 5 times and goes to help Dipper and Soos), Gideon turns pale and runs away when asked. Hot Wings is busy having a hangover, Lazy Susan is too high on coffee, a guy with a laptop and is dressed like a rock star (you) don't notice him, and Old Man McGucket is cleaning up after an explosion in his lab. So as Soos and Dipper walk back to the Shack, a giant green hand reaches out of the forest and grabs the three and drags them into the forest. It's a Gremloblin being piloted by gnomes. The Gnomes reveal to them what is happening; in their universe, after someone is turned into a vampire, they act like themselves. But after a period of time, they become evil and corrupted. So basically, she's turning into an antagonist. The nicer the person turned is, the more evil they become. And since it's Mabel, well...you get the point. The Pines start panicking. The gnomes try to reassure them that it will be fine, as long as there isn't anything too powerful in reach of her. Unfortunately, they all realize that Bill Cipher is sitting right outside the front door.

AN: looks like I'll be putting a character with my morals and aesthetic into the story for a third time but I will leave my name out of it. And since there's no other way around it I'll be expressing some pent-up sadism through these last couple of shorts I've been wanting to use ever since the first bullying chapter because I genuinely derive pleasure from the suffering of others also if anyone can read kanji I found Angel Dust but it's untranslated and I'm unable to read it at moment but I'd like to. I know there's more to the story I read the Wikipedia but Kouta Hirano is such a skilled storyteller I just can't be happy just seeing the page I want to know what they're saying does anyone know a free way of learning Japanese? Or at least how to read in Japanese.

Dipper and Soos were… less than pleased to find Mabel's cruel comedy had no remorse or apology and tried asking Ford but the second they get the call to go through it starts buffering and the computer blue screens everyone runs out of the room horrified. Passing about the living room Dipper saw a very inebriated Hot Wings stumbling about outside and about to fall into the bottomless pit when he rushed out and asked if he knew what was wrong with Mabel, he responded with, "I don't know I just got here it's been about a few months in my time I wonder how the idiots I left in charge are handling my kingdom without me to strip the citizens of their most basic human rights.. Whoops" then he fell in the pit. He decided to go back inside because the longer he stood by the pit the louder he began to shout about the people who'd died in World War II in front of him describing in full detail, their names where they lived their families and all of their preferences at about the time he started talking about exactly how many hairs were on their head followed by their exact individual length in inches centimeters and electrons long Dipper decided to go back inside. On his way back to his room to check on Mabel who'd begun scrapbooking more quietly and with way less glitter and colours sticking to just the black and red pens on notebook paper seemingly more evil schemes then scrapbooks. Before he could check on her, however, he heard strange grunting and shouting noises from his Gruncle Stan's room and like any ignorant curious child he stuck his head in to look and see what was all the commotion. Inside he found Stan wearing a mix of Football pads helmet and bee keeper's mesh veil and leather gloves a broom in one hand and a bright spotlight flashlight in the other trying to forcefully evict these uninvited pests. When he tried the bats took the broom and shooed him out of the room with it. He tried again with a butterfly net but they chewed through the flimsy net and bit his hand causing it to fly through the window and hit his car when he went to look the bats flew into the backs of his knees and forced him to kneel as they tried to bite and scratch at any unprotected parts of his body. He left and built himself armour out of garbage cans and entered again trying to attack the bats first this time. They flew around his face and partially blinded him until he fell out the window onto Hot Wings who'd just come back from the pit and was trying to steal some bourbon from Stan they were both fine but Hot Wings was starting to feel the painful effects that come with not drinking anymore after a bender that lasted since three AM yesterday so he decided the best course of action would be to sleep on their couch until it passes and sober him could think of something. Stan tried luring the bats out with food and while they did leave the room for a second they did come back and defecate on everything they could see. He even tried tear-gassing his own room and the bats just flapped the gas right back at him Eventually he gave up and passed the torch to Soos saying, "get rid of them or I'm taking your room tonight" Stan having given up on getting his room back sees Dipper standing outside and asks why he was there, when told that the wifi was out he starts the long arduous journey from modem to manual to dictionary to tech support hold for forty hours. Dipper and Soos decide to ask around if anyone knows why Mabel's been acting the way she's been acting or to at least borrow a computer with functioning wifi they were going to ask Hot Wings if he could pop over to Ford really quick and ask but he was fast asleep and snoring with his razor sharp mouth wide open as if to warn against waking him. Thus they went to town and asked the first person they saw, Gideon, whose already pale complexion seemed to whiten as he turned tail and ran faster than the words of a Japanese rapper. In the diner they found Lazy Suzan hopping around the place taking orders as fast as possible rushing over to a table way in the back away from everyone else where a man had subtly raised his mug and politely asked in a low voice for more coffee hardly loud enough for anyone to hear but she did and she delivered. The man was somewhat short in a black top hat with two bandanas and nine feathers four black ones on each side and one small golden metal feather hanging from the thread on the needle discreetly inserted into the right side of the white bandana, which was pierced by six pins on the left side, three of which pierced the black bandana beneath it. A small tattered origami swan was placed on the right side in the front with one particularly long pin with a plastic yellow ball at the end in front but not obvious. Silver aviators on his face covered his eyes. Around his neck was a checkered tie, two visible chain necklaces, one bearing a cross on a cross on a bigger cross, the other half a heart on a smaller chain that seemed to once connect with another, as well as white headphones that stood out against his black jacket, dress shirt, pants, and boots. . He didn't look too happy but considering he was only ordering coffee he could just be tired. On his screen was a page from netoge no yome wa onnanoko ja nai to omotta and a great cacophony of other unrelated material as he flipped through tabs seemingly invested in everything at once and managing to get some reading done all the same. The ring on his right hand clicked against the mug as he reached for it but he paid it no mind and simply continued on as the world seemed to pass him by, his hair was in a neat braid the nails on his right hand were pointed but not sharp and occasionally he'd run them through his tangled beard when he wasn't pushing up his fickle lenses of fervently tapping away at the keyboard. His skin a light tan and his body slouched on the couch despite having drunk as much coffee as Lazy Susan. He didn't seem too sociable so they ultimately overlooked him as he started a silent argument with auto correct. They had already gotten to McGucket manner in the time it took him to try to think about what other people thought of him. Unfortunately Fiddleford had his own fish to fry, or rather he tried to fry fish with the exhaust from his new machine but accidentally dropped the fish and caused an explosion he was now cleaning up and can't help. They leave and go back on their way but a big green hand peacefully abducts them and takes them to a place where the gnomes are having an uber-secret meeting about Mabel and invited Dipper and Soos because they deserved to know. Thus they told them "after someone is turned into a vampire, they act like themselves. But after a period of time, they become evil and corrupted… The nicer the person turned is, the more evil they become. And since it's Mabel, well...you get the point." They start panicking. The gnomes try to reassure them that it will be fine, as long as there isn't anything too powerful in reach of her. Unfortunately, they all realize that Bill Cipher is sitting right outside the front door.

AN: I plan on buying a hundred dollar Monokuma onesie when I start earning money… because life goals… does anyone think I censor myself too much or that I'm not censuring enough cause… nevermind I was about to go on another rant about self-censorship cause I always exhibit some sort of limit and said limit is why I deleted Missed Opportunities It's now nothing more than a memory… and a file on my Chromebook. Oh, I was trying to say I don't like the idea of offending someone if I can't offend everyone because then I wouldn't be discriminating that's why I censor myself why was it so hard to put into words.

* * *

The end of this end

Sixer618 #60? The new insane, evil Mabel is wearing a new sweater, which is like her shooting star sweater, except grey-black with a faded and cracked Shooting Star symbol on it, calling herself "Fallen Star." She flies into the bottomless pit and grabs the amulet Gideon threw down there, gaining massive power. She uses it to cause massive chaos and destruction over town, calling it a "Mabel-Geddon" She then marches up to the Bill statue and punches it in the eye. Bill uses his statue to talk to her, first of all screaming "OW!" Mabel offers a deal with him: he helps her destroy the Pines and take over Gravity Falls and she will set him free. Bill starts pondering what he should do. (his final decision is unclear at this point.) Stan, Soos and Dipper come racing forward just in time to see Mabel shake hands with Bill. They scream as Mabel goes into full maniacal laugh, but then she screams in agony, and falls over in a blaze of Bill's fire. The fire leaves and Bill goes back into statue form, and Mabel turns back into a human, not evil anymore, fully back to normal. She asks. Bill takes over Stan to say, "Listen kid, while it was entertaining to see you cause chaos all over town, you just don't seem like a "bad guy" type. Besides, I like being a statue. It gives me time to think. Also, I've been selling Fez's new magazine collection to my friends in the nightmare realm through three guys; some idiot in a blue police box, your pal Chicken Tenders, and that weird mad drunk scientist with that kid with the stammer. Although, I think those last two have just been stealing the magazines instead of delivering them. Still, it's a decent pay. Ciao!" Bill gives Stan control back. Suddenly, there is a loud crash, and an exhausted, dirty and sweaty Ford comes racing in, out of breath, with the cure, which he said he worked day and night to grab and get here. Then he sees Mabel is back to normal. Soos explains what happened. Ford groans, asks Stan to hold his things and passes out from exhaustion. Then the Hand Witch come by and says that she "heard some things, and the date is off." Ford mutters, "I don't know what the #%*# is going on."

AN: I might have made a slight continuity error in my sleep deprived State. When back and fixed it grammar might be a little off but I fixed it… kind of… I wanted peanut butter this sandwich is tasting really sad right now. Welcome to me working at minimum capacity. One short a day until the final chapter. U almost took the day off cause I felt sleep coming like a trait train after reading every single generation from Jesus to Adam and God before him, that took half a chapter and I realised the pastor was right just read Numbers you'll be so bored of reading census data you'll fall asleep.

Crazy evil Mabel dressed in her latest knit sweater grey with the colours of the rainbow now variations of light and dark grey with the star blackened and broken saying to herself that the Shooting Star has fallen. She flew down into the bottomless pit using her night vision to navigate through the trash and emptied liquor bottles… and one filled with vomit… to the one light in the darkness an eternally falling gem she took for her own. With it her already strong grasp on her abilities strengthened and she acquired new skill, "Telekinesis" she then uses this new skill to rip apart atoms and disintegrate whatever suited her burning some things swapping around others she tried to do what Bill did and start randomizing the holes on people's faces but she didn't quite have the knowledge of anatomy to properly hook up the nerves correctly so while the outward appearance was the same the function and feeling were completely wrong she became upset with her lack of ability and decided that it'd be better to stop trying to imitate the man who brought Gravity Falls to its knees when she could just get him to repeat what he did. But not before declaring it Mabel-Geddon. Thus she marched dutifully up to Bill's Statue and gives it a firm punch in the eye resulting in a long drawn out "OW!" that seemed to widen her grin. "So you listening now? Cause I got a proposition for you?"

"What the Hell I was sleeping"

"Are you listening or do I gotta punch that defenceless eye of yours again?"

"I was having the best Dream all the puppies and kitties were partying having fun and dancing… right into my mouth", she punched him again "OW! Fine! What?"

"I want you to help me destroy the pines and take over gravity falls"

"In that order?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"You're a Pines"

"I meant the other pines"

"That's not the way I heard it"

"You gonna help me or not?"

"Hm… what's in it for me?"

"How about setting you free?"

"Hm..." Stan Soos and Dipper arrive three hours later to find Mabel shaking hands with the Bill statue. hey scream as Mabel goes into full maniacal laugh, Stone cracked and bill regained his original colour his hand the last thing to turn back to normal but the second the stone fell off blue flames erupted in Mabel's direction and she flew backwards screaming in agony as her entire thought process changed in that fire dissipates and Bill goes back to being a Statue… coat hanger… thing… Mabel's fangs receded, colour returns to her face and the bite marks on her neck finally heal. She asks where she is, claiming she blacked out there for a bit. Stan closes his eyes and when they open again it's Bill talking, "Kid you went full villain and while that was really fun to watch you punched me in the eye… twice so yeah no deal" again she asks "where am I what's going on?" Hot Wings was standing at the door clearly irritated at having been woken up. Still, Bill continues "Listen kid, while it was entertaining to see you cause chaos all over town, you just don't seem like a 'bad guy' type. Besides, I like being a statue. It gives me time to think. Also, I've been selling Fez's new magazine collection to my friends in the nightmare realm through three guys; some idiot in a blue police box, your pal Chicken Tenders, and that weird mad drunk scientist with that kid with the stammer. Although, I think those last two have just been stealing the magazines instead of delivering them. Still, it's a decent pay. Ciao!"

"Why would I steal that trash? And for that matter why do your friends pay everyone in human souls? I mean as one of the few people who can actually put that to use it's Ok, but why though?"Dipper asks how one uses a human soul and he gives a brief explanation as to how a clone with a soul differs from one without… the difference being disobedience he has to teach them to use wisely otherwise they're basically human robots who'll do whatever they're taught to do whenever asked. In the Time it took Hot Wings to shout at the Statue and give that explanation Stan shook his head and turned to see a battered and sleep deprived Ford rushing up to them babbling on about all the hard work he'd done to finish the cure, a new entry for the fountain of youth in his journal right next to the brief bits he'd remembered about Sirens. Upon arrival, he saw that Mabel had been restored without his aid and dropped to the floor in an uneasy sleep easily broken when the Hand Which arrived and said that she "heard some things, and the date is off." Ford mutters, "I don't know what the #%*# is going on."

AN: I forgot how annoying aviators are. Sure they look cool but the flimsy frame is fragile and if you're even the slightest bit careless you'll need replacements, they're constantly sliding down unless you tilt your head up and these weak frames bend really easily. I have a reflex to fix my glasses when I'm nervous now because at any given time I can nudge them further up. Even directly after I fix them they never stay up long. But then again what's life without constant minor ever get hungry make food and when everything's laid out on the plate you're not hungry anymore?


	41. Ch 38: Gurgleskletch

Chapter 38: Gurgleskletch

YrooXrksvi618 #47. Ford comes across an alien who claims to be from the UFO. The alien stays with the Pines for a few days. Soos, however, doesn't trust him. And, as he finds out, neither does Stan so the two work together to figure out what the alien is up to. As it turns out, the alien is looking to capture Ford as a bounty hunting prize for Bill Cipher. Fortunately, Soos is able to help prove that Bill is dead.

AN: This next one I'll give you time to figure out before you read the last Author's Note of the day and learn the why. Did you know why Hitler wanted to kill all the Jews? He wanted to rebuild the Roman empire and rule the world under a doctrine of superiority. This being said can you figure out why he wanted to kill the jews?

A green man dressed in Silver stepped out of a cryogenically frozen tube in an old abandoned space ship, he opened his weary jet black eyes. He looked around and heard the laughter of two adventurers scavenging the wreckage for parts. He wondered if they'd been the ones to unfreeze him and walked up to them after receiving a strange transition from home on a screen on his arm. The text appeared to be just a bunch of birds and squiggles but he understood their meaning and the picture with them matched one of the two who ventured deep within. He swiped right on the screen and another picture came up a circled triangle in the center. He pressed it and recieved a message only he could hear from the talking triangle. He accepted his mission and stepped out into the view of the two adventurers, "Hello! My name is Gurgleskletch. Thank you for freeing me from my time nap. Where do you keep sustenance." Ford and Dipper turned quickly towards the source of the voice and almost fired at it but ford quickly responded, "My name is Ford. and I suppose if you've nowhere else to go my family will take you in before our government finds you and tries to dissect you" Dipper then whispered to him " Gruncle Ford, I know if I were an alien I wouldn't want to be killed by a foreign government but you only just met him and you don't know if he's dangerous or not"

"But he hasn't done anything wrong yet give him a chance, these aliens usually have something interesting to teach us. We built so much with just their wreckage imagine what we could do with their direct instruction." they went back to the Mystery Shack and introduced him to everyone. There he ate old tires and drank motor oil he seemed almost offended by people's normal food, and decided to live off of literal scraps. For the time being. Soos didn't trust him in the slightest and neither did Stan. lucky for them the alien had no semblance of human emotion and lacked any way to tell what they were thinking when they blatantly showed their disdain for Gurgleskletch. And they plotted to expose it for any misdeeds at the slightest provocation. This came easily when one day he had shot Ford with a sticky substance from his wrist and whispered into the other, "Suspect Apprehended, awaiting further commands." when nothing happened he repeated, "Awaiting Further commands." Soos walked up to him and asked, "Dude what are you doing?"

"Home sent message, says a 'Bill Cipher' will greatly reward us for the capture of one 'Stanford (Ford) Pines'"

"But dude, Bill Cipher's been dead since forever ago"

"But… message received recently."

"If you don't believe me that's Bill over there" he pointed to the statue outside. "He was a real jerk when he was alive so we turned him into a coat hanger in death"

"But… video…"

"Dude how long does it take for a signal to travel from here to space and back? And how much longer would it take when Bill's couldn't leave the town, while he froze time."

"Bill's dead?"

"I already said that dude."

"No reward?"

"Ford saved the world and the whole town knows. If you don't let him go you'll be like punished or something"

"Don't punish. I'll release him." the alien sprayed the mass of pink jelly with a shot from the other wrist and the trap dissolved. Ford scolded him. He apologised and left in an escape pod Ford hadn't known was there. In the end Ford had made himself a spaceship out of garbage.

AN: The answer is simple. Remember the Roman abortions? Well, not all of those children died. You see the tribes that lived outside the roman walls were jews and when the Romans dumped their unwanted offspring outside city limits the jews raised them, taught them and used their own children to destroy Rome. Hitler knew history was bound to repeat itself he just didn't realise it would be the christians to take him down and build the berlin wall. Dare I give a lesson on Communism? Or perhaps the Holy Roman empire?


	42. Ch 39: Edge Fairy

Chapter 39: Edge Fairy

YrooXrksvi618 #48. A fairy sneaks into the Pines household and steals Mabel's happy attitude, making her aggressive, goth/emo, dark, depressing and just generally heartless. So Dipper decides to go catch a fairy to get Mabel's happiness back. The fairy tries to attack, but Dipper just holds up a bug zapper. He gets Mabel's happiness back.

Late at night while all else slumbered. A small blue fairy entered and plundered. Hence it stole her joy and made her I'm fresh out of rhymes so Mabel starts acting more depressed drinking coffee acting too lazy to do anything and being asked to more provokes her. Wendy and Hot Wings happened across this angry Mabel and jokingly made comparisons to Robbie which she completely ignored. All the while Dipper searched the vents for any signs of tiny forced entry later realising that they'd left the window open. He found a section on fairies in one of the journals and decided to go out and find these tiny creatures and become a mild inconvenience to them until they decided to tell him where the guilty party was. Adding little side notes in the journal as he went. Back at the Shack angry teen angst, Mabel was picking on little Timmy and Hot Wings laughed as Wendy returned fire and made sure Mabel knew how out of character she was behaving. Dipper had gone through about seventeen fairies who didn't have Mabel's happiness and was knocking on what had to be the twentieth tiny door today. Back at the Mystery Shack Mabel was asking where to buy a coffin to sleep in like Hot Wings did. He told her it'd be best to commission it from a good carpenter or well-known wood worker and just stuff the inside with as much velvet as she could find. Which caused her to turn to Wendy and stare. She denied ever being a woodworker and said there was a difference between cutting things into shapes and plain cutting them down. Dipper got tired of playing DMV with the fairies that just kept pointing fingers in a never ending loop and stuffed all of them in the smallest jar he had brought and taken them all back. At this point, Robie had been summoned to the Mystery Shack and talking about how if he was a small girl Mabel would be the mirror to his not so distant youth. Mabel was absentmindedly sipping at her coffee and reading a trashy magazine when Dipper came back in painting from loss of breath and holding up the jar mock triumphantly. "She's not there," Hot Wings remarked causing Dipper to angrily groan and toss the jar at the floor freeing all the wrongly imprisoned fairies before shouting "Where is she!?"

"She's right here" he calmly replied before pulling a small wide eyed girl with translucent wings out from behind his pocket square. She seemed to be high and enjoying her trip to the fullest. "I think she's high on stolen joy"

"Obviously!"

"Ok since you're so smart you take it back from her," he said tossing the unresponsive fairy into Dipper's hands. He was surprised at first but caught it and took it over to Mabel. He checked a random entry into the journal and flicked the back of the fairy's head. A bright light floated from the fairy to Mabel as Mabel sipped her coffee. The light over shadowed her disrespectful disposition and she spat the coffee out and shouted about how bitter it was before rushing off to get some Mabel juice to wash the taste out. She then proceeded to change her clothes back to normal and apologise to little Timmy who was still there for some reason.

AN: I hope you liked it cause I am really tired and need to get back into the habit of keeping my odd hours so no one can bother me as I work cause no one else is awake to interrupt.


	43. Ch 40: Gideon's day out

Chapter 40: Gideon's day out

YrooXrksvi618 # decides that he is going to go on his own monster hunt. So, he grabs some tools, makes his own blank journal with his Zodiac sign (the Tent of Telepathy star) on it, and he convinces Soos and Wendy to come along and help him search for Floating Eyeballs, a Leprecorn, and a Plaidypus. All are failures, because Gideon refuses to take their advice, and orders them around. Wendy snaps at him, calling him a disgraced toddler with no chance with anybody and an ego bigger than his hair, and Gideon walks away, sniffling, hurt, then Soos and Wendy get snatched up by a Gremloblin. So Gideon takes their advice to save them using a mirror. At the end, Wendy apologizes, as does Gideon, who mentions that he can't wait for next time. Wendy responds, "Yeah...remind me to bring more bandages next time. Also an ice pack and a pair of clean underwear for Soos.

AN: just remembered what the Gremloblin was.

Tuesday, April 2nd

Dearest Diary

I've decided to embark on an epic quest to make my own journals to impart my knowledge on the world. Since The real Stanford Pines had been the author of the journals I coveted in my world domination stage. Of course, I thought the best way to gain the knowledge I need is to go on an adventure. So I went to the Mystery Shack where I've finally been taken off the blacklist and allowed to enter again. I had a blank blue journal with my zodiac on it and a number 1 front and centre.

Inside I found one redhead neglecting her duties behind the counter, one sleeping Vampire with his teeth showing and his bandana on Wendy's head. Enter Soos in Stanley's old suit greeting me with an advertisement. I asked if any of the Pines family was there and Wendy just said, "The Stans are on a boat looking to bottle the fountain of youth water to cure ageing and the Mystery twins won't be back 'till school's out for summer"

"Oh… well, would you guys like to go on an adventure with me?" I asked trying not to seem too desperate. They agreed and left Melody in charge with Wax Stan trying to seem as normal as possible while also scamming the customers using the real Stan's `diary as a hand book. We left and Hot Wings woke up halfway down the path where I thought a Leprecorn might like to be. At the edge of the waterfall with the rainbow. Almost everyone said that idea was stupid and that we could just find weird if we wandered in the forest long enough. I didn't listen though so we went to the Waterfall but all we found was a broken robot. Then I thought that we could find some floating eyeballs somewhere with a beautiful view. At this point, our drunk friend was awake and floating around. He said, "wouldn't an eye that can't blink stay somewhere dark and or wet?"

"No. They'll be somewhere beautiful." and we went looking for the best-looking place in the forest but all we found was an old metal tree Soos and Wendy'd already found and searched. Then we searched for a Plaidypus Which admittedly no one knew what it was or where to start looking Except the drunk who'd gotten himself stuck in a bush and started shouting "I AM THE ROSE OF JUSTICE! FEEL MY PRICK!" so he wouldn't tell us… but that's fine I'm the leader here and I know best. So we went to a river on my leadership before Wendy called me out on my behaviour. "You have no idea what you're doing do you?"

"Of course I do! We're going to the river to find the thing we're after."

"You don't even remember what we're looking for, do you? You've wasted an entire day of my time I could have wasted doing literally anything else. You just took us on the least rewarding hike ever!"

"You didn't have to come you chose to come knowing that we'd be looking for things. I never said we'd find anything."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Nobody's we're just walking around a cursed forest looking for weird stuff to write about."

"If you had listened to anything we said we might have found something! It might not have been what we were looking for but at least the day wouldn't have been wasted but you were just too busy being a disgraced toddler with no chance with anybody and an ego bigger than his hair."

"Well..." after that I walked away trying my best not to let them see me cry. "At least now I know how you really feel" and I left they didn't follow I learned why a few minutes later when I heard a couple of screens and a familiar shout "I AM THE ROSE OF JUSTICE! FEEL MY PRICK!" I came rushing back as soon as I heard. And when I got there I saw a partially dismembered man with his sword in his own chest. And my other adventure buddies in the hands of a Gremloblin "Gideon you need to save us! Hot Wings is too drunk to fight!" the armless one legged man charged the Gremloblin and his sword was forced the rest of the way through and bifurcated him. He lay on the ground coughing up blood and shouting, "There's more where that came from!" so I panicked and started asking myself "What do I do? What do I do?" before Soos calls down to him and said, "Use a mirror dude that worked last time."

"Gideon throws my head at him It'll be fun." I looked down at the bleeding man whose limbs seemed to be reattaching themselves to him on their own free will. I finally noticed that his glasses were silver and reflective "could that work?" I asked myself. But he didn't give me time to think he picked up his sword off the floor cut his own head off and threw it at me. "Toss me it'll be fun." but instead I asked, "I have the mirrors now what?"

"Make him stare at them and hurry!" she shouted at me as the creature began to squeeze them tighter so I held the head up to his head and the creature screamed turned and ran leaving Soos and Wendy behind. "Boo! Where's the throwing?" his body was currently emptying his flask into his open throat so I tossed the head at the body and said, "there;s you're throwing right there" and Wendy walked up to me and said, "I'm sorry about what I said it wasn't cool dude. I know you've been trying to better yourself or whatever and I guess I wasn't helping."

"No, I should be the one apologizing. You were right I didn't know what I was doing I just wanted to play the leader cause I was the one writing this new journal"

"Why do you wanna write a journal anyway?"

"Stanford's hand writing is hard to read and I thought to look into it myself would be easier than trying to find out what he was writing and later finding out I was doing it wrong."

"You couldn't just ask?"

"That honestly never crossed my mind and I also wanted to contribute. I never did anything in this world cept lie cheat and steal I wanted this to be my way of giving back."

"Hey, there's always next time."

"I can't wait."

"Just remind me to bring more bandages next time. Also an ice pack and a pair of clean underwear for Soos."

"Mine pants hath been soiled!" Soos said in as theatrical a way as he could muster. On our way back Hot Wings spotted a cave and ran in shouting "Leeroy Jenkins!"

AN: School usually ends in June right?or was it May? Either way, this is probably periodically correct. Is anyone subscribed to "Purple eyes wtf"? I referenced the video he recently uploaded to the youtube for anybody wondering about the rose of justice.


	44. Ch 41: the Gobblewonker

Chapter 41: the Gobblewonker

YrooXrksvi618 #50. Stan and Ford decide to get onboard the Stanowar II and hunt the real Gobblewonker. It is quite a tale.

AN: Shit I forgot to look up the canon story for this so Imma go make something up that always works well for me. Ok so I took a closer look at one of your suggestions and I don't think I mentioned Hot Wing's hair color and if I said it was blond it was a mistake. His hair is actually really dark at the scalp and gradually gets lighter the longer it gets. I just realised using high contrast mode is way easier on my eyes.

Somewhere in the middle of… the Pacific, I guess Stan stood on deck with a long spear in one hand and a stolen gold pocket watch in the other. His brother steered the ship the waters eerily calm that night as Stan listened for any waves they didn't make. Scanning the waters he stopped and signalled for his brother. The ship stopped and he joined him on deck with a harpoon gun that had the barb on the harpoon covered in sedatives. The motion in the water was barely any but Stan was on such high alert a drop could touch the surface a mile away and he'd hear it. Luckily his paranoia proved right as a large head peered curiously at it's visitors and less than curiously at their weapons. Its head rocketed out of the water and roared high above them. Stan stabbed it in the neck and confirmed that this one was indeed flesh and blood though its scales were much harder to pierce than he'd thought and the spear was stuck. Ford fired his harpoon at the fin and the Gobblewonker swam away. This time it was Ford's paranoia that payed off as they tracked their "lost weapons" to where the sea creature had been hiding. In a cave, the contents was a bunch of wrecked ships so Ford made sure to cast the anchor and set sail on their row boat to get to the Gobble wonker. Ford approached the dazed creature with more drugged projectile weapons and dodged it's sluggish attacks while returning fire and making it's attacks far slower until it finally fell asleep. But just for good measure he ripped out one of his harpoons and poured the drugs directly into its open wound. Stan was preoccupied looting all the treasure from the wreckage and boy was there treasure. He had to make a few trips back to the ship to get it all. There ship was about a foot deeper than it was before he started. But when all was said and done Ford had tied the beast to the back of their ship and brought it back for research. But it woke up halfway back and he had to hit it over the head with something big and heavy. And that's the story of why Ford threw Stan overboard that one time.

AN: Originally I only shared the shades and hair with my OC as physical similarities but I've been wearing more collared shirts, and black jackets, and ties, and hat... that I'm basically constantly cosplaying him but in a more casual way. Cause I'm poor and my dad said not to wear my suit everywhere and he does have a point in that I have a crippling fear of panhandlers. I wish I still had my huge hit every door frame on my way in hat but it got too tight and I gave it away to someone with a smaller head. I have another if anyone's interested. I'll ask my sister if we can sell it on eBay so I can make one that actually fits this time. Sorry it's short I don't know how to write for at sea apparently Moby Dick is mostly about all the things you can do with whales and actually really boring according to my oldest sister.


	45. Ch 42: Shmebulock

Chapter 42: Shmebulock

YrooXrksvi618 #51. Shmebulock the gnome goes missing, so the gnomes, most notably, Jeff, ask for and get help from the Mystery Shack crew. It is finally revealed that Shmebulock got accidentally locked in Greasy's diner. So they thank the Pines and say that if they ever need a favour from the gnomes, they would be happy to oblige. So Stan asks for a few gnomes to act as free labour around the Shack, a couple to act on display in the Shack museum, three for Ford to interview and study, and one dozen to act as Stan's personal servants for a week.

AN: I got a chip in my thumb nail. I fear I'll lose the sharp part and the ability to strum slow melodies. Also, I got a new spider bite and am currently constantly itchy, someone help me quell this mild inconvenience.

Ok so at about 8 or 9 pm depending on whether or not you respect daylight savings the gnomes visited the pines regarding a lost gnome that pretty much thought it was a Pokemon. They didn't know where it was so they decided to help look for him. They first asked if the gnomes checked the forest but soon realised that that would probably be the first place they looked. Thereafter the pines each got a group of at least ten gnomes and searched the town at night. They began by searching every place that was still open at the time, IE the mall and the bar. Stan found Hot Wings at the bar downing full bottles of 151 proof rum and complaining about how he could keep going and that he'd already paid enough to buy the whole bar and everyone in it. Stan proceeded to check the bathroom and the gnomes searched behind the bar itself to which the bartender remarked, "I gotta quit drinking with the customers." Stan found the back and bathrooms devoid of Shmebulock and they moved on to the next bar as did Hot Wings which is when Stan had the best idea, "Hey… uh, drumstick"

"Drunk… what?"

"You can see everything right?"

"I already know what you're going to say and the answer is to buy me more of the strongest drinks the next bar has."

"And then you'll tell me?"

"Sure fine whatever. RADISH!"

"Radish?"

"I meant to say turn up."

"Turnip?"

"Nevermind just buy drink!" Mabel Ford and Dipper were having an even harder time if you could believe it. Dipper was at the kid's stores and attractions including the train that goes around the mall thinking that Shmebulock would be interested cause it's made for people only just taller than him. Mabel was just hitting on counter boys at the cheaper chain restaurants within the malls and Ford was checking the bathrooms and vents, pretty much anywhere a small man could hide from the big people. Back at the next bar, Stan was trying his best to sober him up occasionally whispering to the bartender, "I want you to get the biggest glass you got and fill it with the cheapest liquid you got" so the barkeep kept sliding him mugs of water and Hot Wings kept turning them into mugs of wine. This went on until Stan finally broke and bought him the bottles o 151. After this, he thanked him, refilled his flask and downed the rest of the bottles before breathing out the words, "He's at the diner" and passing out. Their options reduced significantly Stan called the others and told them where the missing gnome was. They all regrouped outside the diner where Jeff on Stan's shoulder called out for Shmebulock and he responded in kind. Stan then used his breaking and entering skills to get Shmebulock out. They were promptly thanked and given a free pass to free gnome labour a pass the Stan brothers intended to make use gave a few of them a full interview including asking them why they bathe in/with squirrels to which they replied, "Markiplier is their king, they consider us royalty because of our height age ratio." Stan had a few gnomes to fix all the stuff he never got around to and throw out the garbage while they were at it. A few more stood still on display in the museum with video of them walking being played behind them and they followed the tour around whenever no one was looking to make them seem as real as can be for the people who'd thought Stan was phoning it in at his old age only for them to notice that the gnomes didn't stay on their shelf if no one looked. And one particularly unlucky dozen of gnomes got to don a trench coat and be Stan's butler for a week. Insert hasty wrap up here.

AN: I mean I guess Moby Dick's build up leads to something other than killing it while it's defenceless like in Dracula but if the entire book leading up to that is random facts no one ever needs to know then I'd rather read Dracula, at least there they teach you how to rob a guy. Not even joking, there's like a page or two where Van Helsing goes on and on about how you're supposed to call a locksmith as if you owned the house walk in through the front door and sell all the guy's stuff before he comes back from vacation. In fact, a lot of the paragraphs in Dracula could probably be summarised in about three words… more on that later.


	46. Ch 43: anomaly ?

Chapter 43: anomaly #?

YrooXrksvi618 #52. Dipper and Mabel decide to catch the Invisible Wizard. But how do you catch a creature you can't see? Answer: have Soos accidentally spill paint on it.

AN: does anyone know what an abridged series is? Cause I can't stop thinking about "How to be an adventurer" and the jokes they made. I'm trying desperately hard not to think about the theme song, as it brings up painful memories of someone who chose to leave my life and inadvertently made my life indefinitely harder… but enough about that I've still got one last thing to write before I can read my bible say my prayers and go to bed. I still have insomnia but still, rest is rest.

Dipper and Mabel were very bored because their golf course was broken beyond repair and all their board games were always one sided victories. They tried inviting other people to play their board games with them but Dipper got frustrated that an inebriated man beat him at chess every time but lost to Mabel cause his every move is less strategy and more reaction and since Mabel also lacks strategy his passive way of playing lost him the match against Mabel leaving a very frustrated Dipper to ponder their new game of Rock Paper Scissors where each member could beat one but not the other. Thus they decided to catch the wizard that lives inside Dipper's closet. By staging a remodel and having Soos paint all the walls a bright white. Saying that they missed the inside of the closet Soos opens the door and "spills" a can of black paint into the closet that had all the clothes removed beforehand. The Wizard was so furious that he floated out into the room and tried to curse the twins but they hid behind Hot Wings who'd fallen asleep after their last game of chess where he beat Ford while absolutely smashed on wine water. Either way, the wizard tried to curse them and by extension him but a bunch of strange symbols on his hands glowed and the wizard finally spoke. "You… your armour tells of many dead sorcerers felled by your hand even if I tried, I'd never find a curse someone else hasn't already put on you right?"

"It's not my fault people think turning a shapeshifter into something doesn't amount to nothing… or that by definition you can't kill an immortal. Or that once you kill a certain number of sorcerers you gain an immunity to magic and a permanent block to the ability to learn/use magic"

"Understandable have a nice day." the wizard turned to leave through the window but the second he pulled the blinds he retreated into his closet and there he stayed… until Ford relentlessly pestered him about an interview for science.

AN: Too tired to think good see ya. Hopefully, I can sleep until noon happy birthday and Sorry I won't be able to update on Monday cause labour day. Maybe I'll upload double chapters on Tuesday too to make up for lost day if I can find no way… maybe Starbucks will be open.


	47. Ch 44: on a boat

Chapter 44: On a boat

YrooXrksvi618 #53. A siren tries to lure Stanley on the StanOWar II destroy him. Fortunately, Stanford is able to distract her with fish food.

AN: Stick tea is a thing. But I don't know if stick tea is what it's actually formally called or if that's the unofficial title my sister gave it. Either way coffee doesn't work to wake me up when I've only had six hours of sleep but putting stick tea in my coffee I now have a coffee stronger than coffee. But stick tea can cause heart attacks

A calm day of sailing, no storms to weather, no monsters to fight. Just the salty sea breeze on the wind pushing them ever onward and the gentle melody of an unforeseen maiden atop some jagged rocks. Ford was sitting in the ship's command centre listening to classical music and looking over his notes in his fourth journal detailing mostly sea creatures and island monsters. When, without warning, the pages turn themselves to about the middle very rapidly and stop abruptly at a black page and a drop of ink from above hits the page. Rather than staining a single spot, it begins to flow of its own accord detailing an image of a beautiful mermaid on one side and a horrifying monster on the other, as if a fish monster had died and become a zombie with its fins all torn and jagged. Titled "Mermaids/Sirens" he'd obviously never encountered one and was surprised to see the entry entering itself but regardless he deemed it important to see what was written and take heed, for the situation may already be too late. Skimming through the slowly creeping text he found that the sirens chant a song only people who've never married can hear and that bee's wax can be used to filter out their song's intoxicating effects that force the listeners into an almost drunken state in which their desire for company takes over all reason thus causing many ships to crash into sharp rocks where the sirens devour their prey. When he looked up from the book an unlabeled yellow jar sat in front of him and he quickly made himself some makeshift earplugs and applied a thin layer of wax onto his lenses so that he could see them for what they were. Through the wax, their songs became horrible screeches to match their mangled appearance with organs on the outside as Stan was already in a long boat trying to lower himself down. Ford had the good sense to knock him out and tie him to the mast like Odysseus. But Stan soon awoke and demanded Ford release him so that he could go be with the topless mermaid girls to which Ford replied, "You're drunk Stanly."

"I hadn't had a drop since you started singing the song about drunken sailors and you know it"

"No! Drunk on the siren's song. It was just added to my journal"

"You just tied me up so you can hog all the ladies to yourself it's not fair." Ford spared a glance at the monsters that only resembled each other because no other creature could be as ugly or as uselessly twisted out of shape. Ford looked through to find a way to sober his brother but it only said, "in time an afflicted person will come back to their senses when the song leaves their ears" so Ford steered them away and contemplated the new addition to his journal but that page and that page alone was burned. He looked around the room for any signs of forced entry and tried pinching himself to see if he was dreaming. His search turned up one abnormally long white feather and the next morning his brother was hungover and tied to the mast so a dream it was not.

AN: Also you can thank Jubalii for the Siren's description. I kinda borrowed it from my favourite fanfic of all time. I'm not worried, about stick tea, though of all the things that could kill me that's the least of my worries. Unemployment is still at the top of my list and I don't know of any jobs that'll let me show up at around noon and then let me write from ten to three uninterrupted. If any of you have any connections with either cartoon network, Disney, or Nickelodeon plz help me get a job. Also if I get a job I might have to cut back writing to a chapter every other day or at worst a chapter a week, but that's still my top thing to worry about second is my inability to sleep in any less than total darkness + the street lamp pointed directly into my window. I might go back and add some details to the last few chapters that were not chapters.


	48. Ch 45: Makeunder

Chapter 45: makeunder

YrooXrksvi618 #54. Old Man McGucket is invited to a scientist special on the news. However, he needs to look nice. So he calls Pacifica and his son to help him out. McGucket, at the end, decides to wear the lab coat and tie that he wore before he went into the portal and lost his mind.

AN: what cruel twist of fate had me writing two chapters about changing appearance in one night? Also totally unrelated but most of these are would anyone be willing to help me with my youtube channel? I read fanfiction and was planning on having illustrations to go with my narrations because I barely move in the videos and am really more of a narrator than an illustrator, and my current illustrator refuses to help without me signing a non-existent contract. At least my brother said he'd edit so I won't fall asleep listening to the sound of my own voice, which while it was the intended result, doesn't help when I'm trying to edit out my mistakes and long sips of tea after a three-hour recording session that leaves me tired with about one episode's worth of usable footage. My youtube handle is "Classy Cosplayer" by the way. I'll tell you when I have noteworthy content up.

Ford and McGucket's independent robot was leaked to the press by Toby Determined who found out there was a robot at McGucket Manor investigated and reported on it. Old man McGucket was given full credit for it and was asked politely if he could come to the news station and answer a few question in a few days. Ford was fine with McGucket getting all the credit seeing as he did build it and it did perambulate and articulate its actions very close to normal human movements. But he was concerned about what he could possibly wear and asks Pacifica and his son for help. Pacifica takes him to a nice shop that makes tailored suits and had him measured and dressed in a nice three-piece suit with an almost flowery folded Pocket square. He thought the ascot and pocket square were too flashy and his son took him to buy a new hat and he did, it was a bit lighter than his last one but considering it was clean he kept it. They'd of gone to get his haircut if there were anything left to cut but instead, they brought him to Mabel who'd actually gotten really good at makeup and made his face look presentable before an HD camera. In the end, he thanked everyone for trying and went to the interview in his lab coat, nice new clean shirt, hat, and pants. His shoes were shined and his teeth were clean the first question they asked was how he programmed the robot. So he replied that Ford had programmed it he just made sure the robot could move. They asked about how they went about making the robot and he explained all the details that go into wiring, welding, soldering, and casting to make the metals into the right shapes and all the intricate little joints and maneuverability he gave each hinge and all the signal receptors so the robot can repair itself if it breaks and so on.

AN: I like how flexible my OC is to work with. While he has certain rules that he follows to at I can choose to have him be a source of unending knowledge or a fountain of drunken antics and random references. I like how either someone knows's where the reference came from and laughs or doesn't notice and thinks I'm being original unless otherwise specified.


	49. Ch 46: Prank war

Chapter 46: Prank war

YrooXrksvi618 #55. Mabel falls into the Bottomless Pit and finds the Truth Teeth. She grabs them as she comes back up and decides to put them in Stan's mouth while he sleeps. So Ford has a laugh when he finds out, and starts asking embarrassing questions. Stan finds out, gets mad and gets revenge by slipping them into Ford's while he sleeps, and does the same thing back. In the end, Dipper decides to rebury them under the Shack's porch.

AN: I couldn't think of a reason why she would randomly fall in so you get this.

Mabel was walking around outside one day with Waddles by her side as she noticed Wendy sitting down at the edge of the bottomless pit watching the sky. Mabel walked up to her and asked, "what cha doin'?"

"Watching Hot Wings swan dive into the bottomless pit' sure enough looking up she was a winged figure drinking and swaying awkwardly in the wind before nose-diving and slamming face first into the ground beside Mabel. The impact made her jump, and if it weren't for him vomiting on impact she might have stayed topside. But instead she fell in and his limp useless body followed his hat still on by the way. And after falling for what seemed like a little less than twenty-two minutes she and he returned to the surface with a chest covered in customer review sheets Wendy was relieved but Hot Wings was still unconscious. She grabbed his arm and positioned it so that both of them were touching the inside of the elbow of the other the nails extended and the two arms seemed to be sucked in and replaced starting at the entry point moving outward. She then used his arm to trade bodies with him making sure he kept his wings as they were unendingly painful, for whatever reason, and traded back the arm and told Mabel that he'd taught her that for if she ever wanted to trade and he wasn't awake to agree. Mabel then told her that this would help her because she needed to pry open the box cause she couldn't find the key in the pit. So Wendy broke the lock and they opened the box grabbed the teeth and put them in Wendy's body before waking up Hot Wings and asking his real name. The answer was a long story about the ancient Aztecs literally pulling names out of hats to choose the next person to die for their religion and his father deliberately not naming him to try to outsmart them only for them to try to sacrifice him as a baby but his complete lack of a heart threw a monkey wrench into their plans. Then he talked about how all the Aztec priests hated him cause he didn't believe what they were telling him about creation religion and their reasons for sacrifice how he told them that if they continued on in this vain armored men carrying the truth would end their parties of death and desire all at once and none too soon. Then he talked about the centuries leading up to the crusade and how little he helped them as the Spanish turned their homeland into a fiery hellscape as he sat by and read. They took the teeth out of his mouth and he took his flask from his pocket and drank himself back to sleep not even questioning the teeth or why they'd switched. He quickly emptied the flask which is actually not hard to do it only takes about three seconds if you persevere and about seven if you take a breath or two. He handed back the flask and whispered about how easy it was to get drunk in her body when she tried to protest he whispered "lightweight" and fell carried herself back home and grumbled about how she got his drinks tested with Ford and they're all way more dense than any drinks there so it's more alcohol than he said it was. Wendy drank from a bottle that was randomly generated by his portal pockets and took a swig before wondering if alcohol even affects his body at this point. Wendy rushed inside and told Dipper about getting the teeth again. He gently reminded her that giving them to gruncle stan was a bad idea but she didn't listen. The next morning Ford saw Stan's golden teeth and smiled, "Hey Stan, how many women have you disappointed in Vegas?"

"Hard to tell I was almost always drunk and they almost always told me they weren't disappointed"

"But how many were?"

"I think about five" Ford giggled like a child at the obvious double meaning… not so obvious for Dipper and Mabel… Stan then continued, "I was playing blackjack the deck was hot then I accidentally hit when I meant to stay and busted on twenty-one" the children didn't take his meaning but Ford laughed, "You could have won and you took one card too many!" he spent the rest of the day asking things like how many girls did you date that turned out to be guys in drag, answer three. And how many girls he regretted meeting, answer every reporter who knew his about noon he'd figured it out and ripped the gold teeth out of his own mouth and got mad but thought that it was Ford's fault this time cause he indirectly led them to it and the kids already learned their lesson. High time Ford learned his. The next day Ford woke up with a golden smile still happy from the day before as Stan sat at the table waiting for him to enter the tension was almost visible. A wingless man in black flew through the window drunk and happy. It was very clear to most that this was Wendy in Hot Wings' borrowed body Dipper asked why she was there to which she replied, "I wasn't sure if his body could get drunk anymore cause he's been drinking so long I thought he had an immunity *vomits into sink* plus he heals real fast so I thought he couldn't get drunk but his drinks are so strong!"

"Ok, but why are you here?"

"I'z just popping in cause I think now I'm too drunk and can't figure out how to switch back and he hasn't woke up yet" she looked like she was about to vomit and her borrowed hand quickly rose to cover a mouth that burped instead. She sighed and Ford entered. "Hey, Sixer you still a virgin?"

"Yup!" he quickly covered his mouth smile gone. "By choice or by the choice of women"

"Definitely not my choice" he tightened his grip on his mouth as his brother laughed Ford ripped the teeth out of his mouth and shouted about that being uncalled for as Wendy slept in the broken window frame. Dipper decided to carry her back home and when they got their Wendy's body had just gotten out of the shower and all of her clothes were in the wash the room was immaculate and the house seemed like it was made of glass from how much it sparkled. He answered the door still in Wendy's body and still in a towel. He thanked Dipper for returning his body to him and walked back to the room they now shared as he let her sleep this one off. Dipper thought this was a massive invasion of privacy to which he replied, "my eyes in and of themselves are an invasion of privacy *puts in truth teeth* I've done nothing wrong." he spits them out and walks away deliberately leaving the door open as he goes to make himself breakfast. "How I've missed being able to taste food."

"Put some clothes on first." he turns to meet his gaze "I forgot"

AN: I figured out why my chapters have been getting shorter. It's cause I tried to write them without my OC but I can't just throw him in randomly and sporadically so I'll rewrite the non-chapters when I get the chance… but not today… today I read one of the "Jojo's Bizarre Adventures" books and that took six hours so… kinda wasted the day… my bad. I'll do better next time. I also had a thought. Every open-ended story is a chance to branch off and make more shorts but then I've added more work to an already overcrowded schedule. And if you're wondering why my OC acts the way he does it's cause he, like me, makes every decision on a whim and follows through as often as possible.


	50. Ch 47: shrink ray

Chapter 47: shrink ray

YrooXrksvi618 #56. Pacifica, Tate and Old Man McGucket are outside, experimenting with the size-altering crystals and attempting to improve the original shrink-ray to have adjustable settings (growing only length, only width, etc) when McGucket's racoon wife gets caught in the blast and grows to Godzilla-like proportions. She then goes into and starts attacking the town. McGucket convinces the gnomes to help take her down to shrink her back to normal. They succeed, and Tate says, "Maybe we should put that thing away." Pacifica says, "I agree. At least nothing else was affected." McGucket smiles and agrees. Then, his racoon wife starts to hiss and wriggle around, which causes McGucket to be startled and drop the shrink ray, which hits the ground, fires, and shatters. The blast that shot off hits Pacifica's head, causing it to become huge. She then yells and falls over from the weight of her own head. Tate looks at McGucket and pinches the bridge of his nose frustratedly. McGucket then says, "Imma gonna ask that Soos feller how much duct tape it'd take to get this thingy-majigy up an' runnin' again."

AN: Don't worry I'm not going to end it immediately just as soon as I finish up these suggestions and reach my personal goal of having at least one of the stories I've written break one hundred thousand words. Thus breaching my own personal search filter on this site for what I think is a fool proof way of finding a good story… I found one good gravity falls story using that method so… doesn't work anyway… but man does it whittle it down... but I really would like to move out of my parents' house. Plz, don't spam suggestions to make goal impossible. I need only an ending. Also, he traverses worlds by creating/imploding a small black hole out of his own blood and usually takes everything he has with him when he leaves.

The inventor his son and his Protege stood outside overlooking a giant crystal with the ability to change something's size curious to see if these could be modified to change only length or with the inventor gave them a crash course in making lenses by hand and grabbed a few of the roundest looking crystals he could find before they'd each ground polished and had themselves each a lens of sorts but this worked more like a magnifying glass with a concentrated beam he tried lining them up in different orders turning them sideways and so on by the time he'd finished a small spotlight had been made with buttons to change the lenses position proximity and placement… unfortunately, this was made from a small spotlight and the more intense the light the faster the change as they'd soon come to learn as McGucket's racoon wife got caught in one of their size altering tests to see what to mark on each button. And the beam was on high. In a flash, the racoon was massive looking for a dirty house that looked more or less like a trash can to eat out of before just gnawing on a tree. The lake was nearby and some of the people who despised bureaucracy were swimming in the lake instead of the pool but still, one man sat in his boat singing Stix, "I'm sailing away!"

"Actually you're rowing" called Wendy from the shore where her friends were either Wading floating or chanting for Thompson to eat a dead frog. Hot Wings took one look up from the fun things happening ashore then up at the giant racoon and whispered, "not my problem" before continuing his singing, "Set an open course, for the virgin sea"

"It's actually more of a lake"

"If only Nostradamus were here to tell me you'd continue to criticize my singing!

Cause I've got to be free~"

"You've already got wings how much freer could you get"

"Thompson I dare you to eat that dead lizard!" he said reclining back in the boat with his hat over his face as the entire group began to chant his name as Hot Wings grumbled quietly about not being able to express his lovely singing voice. While they were distracted by that scene of teasing about a song he hadn't written the racoon had entered the town and was currently eating Toby Determined's house/place of business/personal trash can. But even a creature that eats trash such as her could not handle the taste of Toby's dirty laundry and began to spit violently liking the ground and trying to wash the taste out with the mud it had made. Then it spotted the Mystery Shack and began to trudge its way over there but was intercepted by an equally tall amalgamation of gnomes with McGucket and friends on its shoulders for whatever reason. McGucket tried to reason with her calm her down by talking to her but it didn't work and the battle began. The gnome army had been training extensively since they were bested by two children and a leaf blower and now fought with the speed and coordination of a regular sized person moving normally which is rare in giants but still he commanded them to knock her down but not out so they could shrink her back to normal and after a few minutes of grappling the little men had tied the giant racoon to the ground. Eventually, she was back to normal, a familiar voice started singing again getting gradually louder as if to drown out the sound of ridicule. Tate says, "Maybe we should put that thing away." Pacifica says, "I agree. At least nothing else was affected." McGucket smiles and agrees. Then, his racoon wife starts to hiss and wriggle around, which causes McGucket to be startled and drop the shrink ray, which hits the ground, fires, and shatters. The blast that shot off hits Pacifica's head, causing it to become huge. She then yells and falls over from the weight of her own head. Tate looks at McGucket and pinches the bridge of his nose frustratedly. McGucket then says, "Imma gonna ask that Soos feller how much duct tape it'd take to get this thingy-majigy up an' runnin' again."

AN: YrooXrksvi you mind if I call you Yroo or maybe atbash bill? On a completely unrelated note does anyone know of a good proxy site? I'd like to read some manga written by my favourite all time anime writer Kouta Hirano as it provides the backstory for one of my favourite characters in Hellsing but the only site I've found where I can read said manga on is blocked on the libary's wifi for some reason. I just wanted to read Angel Dust.


	51. Ch 48: Carbon Copy

Chapter 48: Carbon Copy

The story starts after the second line

* * *

YrooXrksvi618 #57. Okay, so Dipper and Mabel come for Spring Break, and, as it turns out, Dippy-Fresh survived Weirdmageddon! He is taken in by Soos and the rest and starts to replace Dipper, making everyone favour him. Well...almost everyone. Dipper finds him to be an annoying nuisance, and suspects he intends to replace him. He starts talking to Gideon, who comes along. Dipper says about how annoying Dippy-fresh is. Gideon agrees that Dippy-Fresh is irritating and highly suspicious. So the two set out to expose Dippy-Fresh's plot to replace Dipper. (Gideon casually makes fun of Dipper for past events, such as the Dip-her arc, and the Lamby Dance. Dipper then says, "Wait...how do YOU know about the Lamby Dance? Were you spying on us?" Gideon says nervously, "Um, Uh...OH, LOOK! THERE HE IS! There's Dippy-Do!" Dipper confronts Dippy Fresh, who then says, menacingly, "Take a chill-pill bro, and quite worrying. Your life may spend on it."

The two agree that what Dippy-Fresh is planning must be stopped. So after some spying with spy gear (which Gideon had his prison friends steal), they then figure out Dippy-Fresh's plan: to replace Pine Tree and imprison the rest of the Zodiac members. Dipper and Gideon then confront him, and a fight ensues between Dippy-Fresh and Dipper Pines. Gideon gets Mabel, Stan, Ford and the others who arrive. Mabel is really upset. Dippy-Fresh states, "Come on, Mabes. You know you'd rather have me for a twin than this loser." Mabel then defends Dipper, and sides with him, followed by Stan, who calls Dipper "much brighter than me, and a whole lot better than you, Dopey-Fresh! "Ford sides with Dipper saying, "I would never replace my Great Nephew for someone as incredibly, arrogantly hubris as you!" Soos says, "Dipper's a cool dude. What you're doing right now isn't cool dude." And he sides with him. Wendy sides with Dipper and says, "Honestly, I prefer you over any other version." Gideon says, "You messed up my hair! And Dipper was still kind to me even after I took over the shack, imprisoned Mabel, and sent all those incredibly girly magazine subscriptions to his house under his name!" Dipper: "Wait, that was YOU?"

Gideon: "Not the right time, Dipper." Hot Wings says, "Dipper is a good guy. You're just the generic off-brand cheap stuff no one's ever heard of." He sides with Dipper. Abuelita says something incredibly insulting about Dippy-Fresh in Spanish, and sides with Dipper, saying, "Dipper is a good boy." Melody says, "I don't know Dipper very well. We've only interacted a few times. But when we have, he has shown himself to be very kind, courteous, courageous, and smart beyond his years. You're just a jerk." She stands by him. Waddles oinks and walks toward Dipper. Very faintly, they hear a creepy whisper that sounds like Bill, which says, "As much as I hate to admit it, the real Pine Tree is better than this annoying knock-off." Everyone brushes it off as their imagination. Dippy Fresh, angry, shocked, and frustrated, says, "Fine! I never liked you losers anyway! Go suck eggs!" Stan gets up and walks over calmly, picks up Dippy Fresh and says, "I'm sorry. What did you say?" Dippy Fresh says, "You got hearing problems too, skintags? I just called you old! So, Flip-a dip-dip you off, and goodbye!" Stan and Ford each grabbed an arm, and Stan says, "You thinking what I'm thinking Sixer?" Ford responds, "Quite possibly, Stanley."

At the end, they are all in the living room, and Dipper thanks them. Gideon, who had been invited to stay for dinner, said, "So what'd ya'll do with Dippy-Fresh?"

1000 miles away, a random old man in Abu Dhabi finds a package on his doorstep, marked "To anyone in Abu Dhabi: Do not return!" He opens it, and out pops Dippy-Fresh. "Flip-a-dip-dip,dudebro! I'm Dippy Fresh!" The old man says in the language of Abu Dhabi, "I think preferred it when teens just egged my house."

* * *

AN: Hey atbash Bill since it's been primarily your suggestions I've been taking and I did say I'd be ending the story to find a job I was thinking of starting another a few months from now when I forget the stress of constantly thinking you're letting everybody down. I'll even let you chose the series I start writing for next provided I'm given enough time to watch it and like it enough to want to write about it but not so much I fear anything I do will be too far from adequate to do it any justice like why I've not written a Hellsing or Drifters fanfic yet cause I feel I have nothing to contribute to them that wouldn't be viewed as crude and unimaginably bad by me. I also don't feel I'll be writing a Trinity Seven fanfic either cause I tend to wait for the series to end before writing and the manga is ongoing.

Dipper and Mabel come for Spring Break, expecting a warm welcome from all their family and friends here but only see an empty bench and a very drunk Hot Wings screaming about how his drinking has blinded him only for his vision to return and his drinking continue the cycle continued until he fell asleep but this time Wendy wasn't around to carry him away. So Dipper and Mabel put their luggage on his back underneath his wings and dragged him to the shack. Where a mini skate park had been built and a very familiar face was seen standing atop the tallest steepest ledge Dippy-Fresh survived Weirdmageddon! Stan looked over to the sound of metal being scraped on rocks and saw that Dipper and Mabel had arrived "Kids? You're not supposed to get here until *checks watch* Oh… our bad"

"Why does this candy taste like ass?"

"First that's dirt and second I didn't know you cursed. How drunk are you?"

"Wrong definition"

"What does a donkey taste like?" Hot Wings tosses him a piece of candy with A donkey's rear on the wrapper open to find it looks like dirt, he ate and was not disappointed it did taste exactly as he said. "Why is DIppy-Fresh here?"

"I found him all alone in the woods and asked if he wanted to stay with us for a while" Soos chirped, "yeah he's really cool and even built this skate park to attract more customers" Wendy walked up and said, "there he is I've been looking all over for you"

"The best hangover cure is to not stop drinking!"

"You and I both know your tolerance is crazy high and your drinks are even stronger. Now make me the skateboard you promised so I can show up Dippy-Fresh" thus he threw up and used specifically that vomit to make for her a skateboard with no limits. He pushed it over to her and she stepped on and began riding up and down the park passing through rings and flags before making it up to Dippy-Fresh's self-proclaimed perch and gloating about breaking his record, you could faintly hear Hot Wings saying, "Oh sure it's not like I just did all the work or anything." Still, everyone seemed to like him Well...almost everyone. Dipper finds him to be an annoying nuisance, and suspects he intends to replace him.

The next day he starts talking to Gideon, who comes along. Dipper talks about how annoying Dippy-fresh is. Gideon agrees that Dippy-Fresh is irritating and highly suspicious. So the two set out to expose Dippy-Fresh over brunch Dipper is having an omelette and some french toast sticks. Gideon is having a sentient sandwich… which is pretty much an omelette in a sandwich with ketchup. Hot Wings is there too but presumably too drunk to understand the conversation and is left with the check.

"Hey, just outa curiosity which do you prefer sitting down or standing up?"

"What?"

"Or maybe you're like me and would have sat down anyway" Dipper audibly groans and Gideon takes the time to say, "I was just Playin' if it makes you feel any better I got a couple a lamb suits in my closet at home and we could go singin'?"

"Wait...how do YOU know about the Lamby Dance? Were you spying on us?"

"Um, Uh...OH, LOOK! THERE HE IS! There's Dippy-Do!" Dipper confronts Dippy Fresh, who then says, menacingly, "Take a chill-pill bro, and quite worrying. Your life may depend on it."

The two agree that what Dippy-Fresh is planning must be stopped. So after some spying with spy gear (which Gideon had his prison friends steal), they then figure out Dippy-Fresh's plan which in est was to replace Pine Tree and imprison the rest of the Zodiac members. Dipper and Gideon then confront him, and a fight ensues between Dippy-Fresh and Dipper Pines. Dipper tried to beat his counterpart over the head with one of Ford's journals and Dippy Fresh tries the same with his skateboard they begin parrying blows like a mock sword fight until they both manage to hit the fingers of the other and drop their improvised weapons. The two start grappling and end up shoving one another outside into open view of the gift shop where Gideon gets Mabel, Stan, Ford and the others to arrive. Dipper shouts "He's evil he wants to replace me and kidnap all of you" Mabel is really upset. Dippy-Fresh states, "Come on, Mabes. You know you'd rather have me for a twin than this loser." he landed a cheap blow to the back as DIpper goes back to striking him with all the force a small adolescent boy can muster. Mabel then defends Dipper, and sides with him, followed by Stan, who calls Dipper "much brighter than me, and a whole lot better than you, Dopey-Fresh! "Ford sides with Dipper saying, "I would never replace my Great Nephew for someone as incredibly, arrogantly hubris as you!" Soos says, "Dipper's a cool dude. What you're doing right now isn't cool dude." And he sides with him. Wendy sides with Dipper and says, "Honestly, I prefer you over any other version." Gideon says, "You messed up my hair! And Dipper was still kind to me even after I took over the shack, imprisoned Mabel, and sent all those incredibly girly magazine subscriptions to his house under his name!"

"Wait, that was YOU?"

"Not the right time, Dipper." Hot Wings says, "Dipper is a good guy. You're just the generic off-brand cheap stuff no one's ever heard of." before downing a bottle of wine labelled "Uncle Arthur's unique Grape juice wine co." He sides with Dipper. Abuelita says "si tuviera el tiempo para regresar te a la tonta burbuja de donde naciste todavía no lo haria porque me caes tan gordo maricón tonto!", and sides with Dipper, saying, "Dipper is a good boy." Melody says, "I don't know Dipper very well. We've only interacted a few times. But when we have, he has shown himself to be very kind, courteous, courageous, and smart beyond his years. You're just a jerk." She stands by him. Waddles oinks and walks toward Dipper. Very faintly, they hear a creepy whisper that sounds like Bill, which says, "As much as I hate to admit it, the real Pine Tree is better than this annoying knock-off." Everyone brushes it off as their imagination. Dippy Fresh, angry, shocked, and frustrated, says, "Fine! I never liked you losers anyway! Go suck eggs!" Stan gets up and walks over calmly, picks up Dippy Fresh and says, "I'm sorry. What did you say?" Dippy Fresh says, "You got hearing problems too, skin-tags? I just called you old! So, Flip-a dip-dip you off, and goodbye!" Stan and Ford each grabbed an arm, and Stan says, "You thinking what I'm thinking Sixer?" Ford responds, "Quite possibly, Stanley."

At the end, they are all in the living room, and Dipper thanks them. Gideon, who had been invited to stay for dinner, said, "So what'd ya'll do with Dippy-Fresh?"

"I suggested they mail him to Australia but they said I was too drunk to make decisions" then he throws up and says "this wine is terrible" before drinking the rest

1000 miles away, a random old man in Abu Dhabi finds a package on his doorstep, marked "To anyone in Abu Dhabi: Do not return!" He opens it, and out pops Dippy-Fresh. "Flip-a-dip-dip, dudebro! I'm Dippy Fresh!" The old man says in the language of Abu Dhabi, "I think preferred it when teens just egged my house."

AN: I like my OC to be either a beacon of indifference that will offer you his sword if you threaten his life and couldn't care less about anything but since you requested he side with Dipper I'll have him be the other thing I like about him, a fountain of dramatic Irony. He's Christian yet he drinks, he knows almost everything yet he acts the fool, he could easily prevent all of their problems and would rather watch the world burn, he has all the power in the world and does absolutely nothing with it if he can help it. These aren't always written when one would think they are relative to the position of everything else so I'mma tell you right now all I did was polish your suggestion, Add a bit of comedy and maybe a reference or two. You ever go to a school dance and realise you can't dance? On top of that, it cost you money to go


	52. Ch 49: Bill for a day

Chapter 49: Bill for a day

YrooXrksvi618 # decides to try taking over Stan's body while he's asleep. He succeeds. Ford finds out and panics! He traps BillStan in the lab and wakes up Dipper, Mabel, Soos and everyone else. With everyone supporting him Ford decides to ask what Bill wants and where Stan is. Bill simply says that he was just curious if he could control Fez and wanted to see if he could control Stan's body. He then states that he would stop for a simple thing: a single day in this form, not trapped, to see how a human would live. Ford reluctantly agrees. BillStan annoys others, gets Stan a date with Lazy Susan, and scares the living hell out of a poor customer. So Dipper decides to simply park him in front of the TV. BillStan makes a couple of sarcastic and insulting comment about the whole Dip-Her mess, calling Dipper "Pine-She", which makes Mabel crack up. BillStan then makes a couple of comments on the whole 'Love Potion' mess where the twins fell in love and starts describing some of the dreams they had to make fun of them, causing Mabel to hurl, Soos to say, " Wait, what? You dudes were...dating?" Ford says, "I'm telling Stanley later. In the meantime, please flip on the television before I get disturbing mental images of my niece and nephew" Dipper yells and flips through channels trying to find something that BillStan would like. Nothing works. Then Dipper flips to static, which Bill starts laughing at. Apparently, static is the Nightmare Realm equivalent of the cartoon channel. The Pines and Bill simply sit around as Bill translates the 'static language' into jokes that are actually funny!

The next day, Stan wakes up, Bill is apparently resting. People refuse to tell him what happened the previous day. Stan is suspicious but ignores it. He then looks at his answering machine and says, "KIDS! WHY DO I HAVE A DATE WITH LAZY SUSAN?!" (Another joke here is BillStan calls Toby a troll. Toby then sulks off under a bridge.)

AN: I'm kinda sad this chapter didn't line up with the corresponding Dipher short but I guess it won't matter to the people who aren't here yet.

Tossing and turning in his sleep one night Stan opened his eyes one yellow the other normal blinking a few times the eyes change back and forth until they turn yellow and stay yellow. He smiled and focused his eyes to see a face this mind knew little about, "you like watching people sleep do ya?"

"With my eyes, I'm bound to see someone sleeping at any given time"

"But why me specifically?"

"I sensed a disturbance in the force"

"Really?"

"Why ask a question you already know the answer to I watched your mind hand over control though Stan is just dreaming thinking it'll last longer and he can finally see it through to the end."

"So what now? You gonna blab and tell all your little friends here what I've done?"

"Now where's the fun in that?" his body turned into a red mist and disappeared through the open window his laugh still echoing on the wind as storm clouds come to paint the morning sky white. The second Stan goes down stairs for breakfast Ford immediately notice the yellow eyes and locks him up in a special glass prison he'd made for quarantine a couple of years back. Locks the door and rushes upstairs to wake the still sleeping children since the cloudy day lowered the brightness and unlike Ford, they didn't set an alarm for the summer. Neither did Soos and he began assembling the Zodiac members whose phone numbers he'd collected for just such an occasion. And for some reason, Hot Wings was there. Ford then proceeds to threaten Bill demanding to know where Stan is to which he replies, "Stan's fine, he's living in his little football fantasy right now. I just wanted to live a little I've been stuck between a rock and a sweaty old man for so long. Won't you let me stretch my legs for just one day?" Hot Wings chuckles "what?"

"Nothing"

"Just give me one day out of this cage and I'll go back to being a little voice in the back of Fez's mind"

"Hey… uh… Hot Wings, you know everything right? Can you tell us what the future has in store?"

"The second I tell you the future will change so no."

"But you know what he'll do right?"

"I have a pretty good idea of what he may or may not do"

"So? Should I let him out?"

"He's not at full strength, I don't see why not" Ford sighs and Hot Wings whispers into his ear, "let him waste his energy today so he doesn't come back tomorrow" with a final sigh of exasperation Ford hits a button on his control panel and BillStan is released to wreak havoc on the general area. Most of the Zodiacs leave including Wendy who takes Hot Wings with her as he's her ride. The literal second they turn their backs on him Stan's gone. Walking around the mall he makes all the teens feel worthless saying that if their grades slip any further they'd work dead end jobs there forever. Eventually catching up with Wendy and friends at the cemetery and says, "See kids these days do have respect for their elders" he shares a laugh with Hot Wings who seems completely unfazed by anything he could say. He sees Toby Sitting in an open grave mumbling about how the newspaper business finally went under and he didn't have the time or skills to learn how to put his newspaper online. At the sight, Bill calls him a troll and he goes to sulk under a bridge where he finds an actual troll and makes friends with her. He barged into the diner and in the suavest way possible asked Lazy Suzan to go to the most expensive restaurant in town with him tomorrow and went down to make a reservation terrifying the mater dee into helping with his prank. Later at the shack while a tourist falls behind Soos' tour to stare at a painting Bill sees him and gives him a vision of the man in the painting turning to face him as his face melts off he shouts the words, "SAVE MY SOUL!" and the man screams and runs away much to Bill's amusement. Dipper having received many complaints from the town only being able to say "tomorrow will be better" decided that enough was enough and led Bill to the TV. but every step of the way he was reminded of the inconvenience of becoming a girl, being bombarded by, "Hey! Pineshe!" every time he thought Dipper tuned him out. They got to the seat and Mabel's laughter prompted him to poke fun at both of them at the same time. "Hey, Shooting Star? Remember that time you dreamt about Dipper shirtless on a white horse and then he took you to a log cabin where he played the saxophone on a bearskin rug? About the time you two had taken a bit of love potion." Mabel began to hurl and Soos said, "Wait, what? You dudes were...dating?" Ford says, "I'm telling Stanley later. In the meantime, please flip on the television before I get disturbing mental images of my niece and nephew" Dipper yells and flips through channels trying to find something that BillStan would like. unfortunately, Bill is quite the critic and explains in excruciating detail every flaw the terribly bad shows have and how it's so stupid he can't even laugh, beyond ludicrous. Desperate Dipper flips to Static which Bill stops him on and begins to enjoy himself. Laughing the group asks for him to explain what happened so he says, "Ok so there are two chickens talking and one says to the other, 'why was the chicken unable to cross the road? ...because he was disabled' and then it zooms out and they're both in wheelchairs" he begins laughing hysterically while telling them what happens on screen. They agree that at least that part of the day was enjoyable.

The next day, Stan wakes up, Bill is apparently resting. People refuse to tell him what happened the previous day. Stan is suspicious but ignores it. He then looks at his answering machine and says, "KIDS! WHY DO I HAVE A DATE WITH LAZY SUSAN?!"


	53. Ch 50: Secret Room

Chapter 50: Secret Room

YrooXrksvi618 #60. McGucket and Pacifica are cleaning the guest room when they find a secret door. McGucket and Pacifica decide to find out where it goes. So they attach special harnesses with cameras to each member of a small team of gnomes, lead by Jeff. They each are equipped with flashlights, night vision goggles, helmets, grappling hooks and walkie-talkies. They send the gnomes in, (Jeff, Carson, Steve, Jason and Shmebulock.) who find out that it leads into the mayor's office, where Tyler is currently drinking 'Hippie-tea" when the gnomes with spy-gear come out of a trap-door in the bookcase. They then walk back. Tyler who just saw that looks at the hippie tea and says, "I'm gonna throw this stuff out now."

Old man McGucket just got through picking up scraps of paper gears nuts and bolts off the floor and Pacifica, carrying a pile of scrap metal to McGucket's forge accidentally scrapes a wall. Beyond the scratch was a dark oak frame as if someone tried painting with a pre framed canvas was unsatisfied and installed it in the wall to be covered in secret forever. Curious she peels back the wallpaper to find that particular part is removable without destroying the appearance of the rest of the room. A heavy black oak door sat in a red oak frame with a silver doorknob which opened up to an equally small hallway. It wasn't so small that an adult couldn't get through crouching but it seemed long and had a definite drop down they employed the gnomes to see where it leads strapping them in with shrunken gear the gnomes begin their hard trek to find out what was on the other side. The road was long and boring save a few interesting engravings, "remember to bribe handsomely" was one that kept appearing others include "no way will my money be used to pay for a road I'll never travel" and "taxation is tyranny" one particular carving held all the lyrics of "Letter to Hermione" someone had been down here recently, that much was clear. Whether Between now and thirty or forty years ago was not immediately relevant so they paid it no mind. Climbing up a ladder the gnomes spotted light and decided to radio in that they might have something. Fiddleford and Pacifica stare at the screens which show what appeared to be backlit books and on the other side, Tyler takes his first sip of the tea he'd been planning on trying. The second after his first sip the biggest book on the shelf falls the word "Oxford" all he could read from this distance as a small man climbs up to look radios back that it's the mayor's office and the group goes back the way they came. "I'm gonna throw this stuff out now," Tayler said pouring the hot cup out his window and onto the flowers just outside. They wilt and Hot Wings appears in the office absentmindedly picking through the books on the shelves until he acknowledges him "uh… you're real?"

"What an astute observation" he replied chuckling at the contents of the book he'd just picked up "what's so funny?"

"The old mayor used to keep his naughty pictures in this encyclopedia for law terms… wanna see" he didn't have time to answer as the book was slammed on his desk and out spilt a bunch of girls showing off their ankles. He laughed far louder than he'd been laughing and the mayor presses a button for his receptionist to enter. When she did he asked if he was really there and to play a prank on him he disappeared into the floorboards and the receptionist wiped her thick lenses and scans the room "no one else is here" Tyler whipped around and looking everywhere couldn't find him. Hot Wings messes with him like that until he was convinced he was his imaginary friend then did the same to his receptionist.

AN: sorry the chapter's so short this time around but I really couldn't think of anything to do here with this. And seeing as Sixer just recommended me five things and by my calculations, I already had enough to breach one hundred thousand let's close the recommendations until you suggest your ending.


	54. Ch 51: Dating Advice?

Chapter 51: Dating Advice?

YrooXrksvi618 #61. As it turns out, GIFfany is alive. Her code jumped into Fight Fighters and she is dating Rumble. (This is true and canon, by the way.) But she starts having relationship problems, so she uses a formula to find the most perfect couple in Gravity Falls to ask them for help. As it turns out, it is Melody and Soos. GIFfany zaps them into the video game world (which is very pixelated) to get their help. Melody is not pleased. Soos, however, tries to help and do his best. They succeed, after many failed attempts, and go back to reality. Soos reaches into his tool belt and finds that his screwdriver got an upgrade: he can screw in screws just by pointing it at the screws and thinking "come out" or "go in". He points it at a tourist's wallet, as a joke suggested by Wendy, and thinks "come out." The tourist is then compelled to take out his wallet and spend as much money as possible. Melody admits that it is pretty cool. Soos decides to keep it in his belt for now with the infinity pizza.

AN: I started watching Demi chan wa Kataritai recently so if that starts spilling into my writing I'm sorry but it is a nice comedy with undertones of real world problems and real world solutions. Mostly about not treating people differently just because they are different.

Soos and Melody are at work Melody is politely helping indecisive customers pick practical items which are then raised in price by Wendy on Stan's orders as Soos gives another tour as the new Mr Mystery having finally mastered the art of flailing his arms wildly to distract people from how fake everything is without knocking anything over. Right at the end of the tour as Soos was saying he'd magically disappear along with their last chance at a refund he exploded into a bunch of ones and zeros everyone applauded and continued into the gift shop where Melody was also gone. Not too far away in a dark corner in the arcade Soos and Melody found themselves one dimensional short in the wake of Soos' crazy ex-girlfriend GIFfany and a muscle headed Rumble. Were they explain their unfortunate circumstance. Melody was having an episode of PTSD after seeing the girl that almost killed her for Soos. while she had a panic attack off screen Soos asked if they tried talking to each other rumble responds with, "I respect the way you destroy your enemies so easily"

"Just because I'm a playable character doesn't mean I enjoy beating up these losers"

"I like the way you killed the man who killed my father"

"And I'd like you better if you knew more than just fight words" Soos clapped his hands and said, "That's it! All we need to do is teach him how to talk good and you two can communicate" Hot Wings walks into the back room with Wendy, presumably to play Fight Fighters Soos called out to them and asked if they could get Old man McGucket to make a grammar game so that GIFfany can talk to Rumble more easily Hot Wings said, "I can do you one better" and snapped his fingers. All the dust in the room was lifted in a gust of wind that revealed a brand new pink arcade game titled "Proper edicate and you" GIFfany helped him cross the wires and enter the game where a prompt read, "now entering hard mode do you wish to continue? Y/N" Wendy and Hot Wings took turns playing for a couple of hours. In that time he learned how to sit still, drink tea, set the table, and so on but he still spoke more or less the same GIFfany demanded they hurry it along. He responded by snapping his fingers again and making a fully functional robot endo skeleton out of his armour and some of the copper wire in the walls. He then clothes beamed it and included a face, hair and skin to go with it all looking exactly like GIFfany. Then he said, "If you'd like to try, be my guest *turns to the new game* start the grammar portion" to which the game replied, "now entering nightmare mode do you wish to continue? Y/N" she huffed in annoyance and transferred herself over to her temporary shell where she tried and failed over and over to play the game. Yes, every achievement earned him a new word but they were few and far between. Eventually, she got to a point where it said,"Very Hard mode unlocked would you like to enter? Y/N" she entered and getting achievements became slightly quicker and a bit easier. By the end of the day, he had the vocabulary of an English major but still the cadence of a poorly dubbed 80's game. She shrugged and started talking to him though it sounded as though he were constantly shouting he was expressing himself better. Getting over this communication gap helped immensely and since Soos had been such a big help they set them free and invited them to come back anytime. Upon exiting they thought nothing had changed but as Soos was fixing the vending machine he noticed the last screw take itself out and called everyone in to demonstrate his new powers. Wendy was working the register at the time and she asked if it would work on a tourist's wallet when he tried the man bought all of the keychains. Ford was playing real life operation on Hot Wings with Dipper in the next room. They were watching his liver heal after all the alcohol he put it through and Ford was trying to figure out how his muscles connected to the wings on his back Soos came in with his magic screwdriver and wanted to try it on his heart but Ford told him that they still couldn't find it. They got to see his lungs contract and expand as he laughed. Soos tried using his screw driver but got the wrong thing and freaked out. He figured it best to pocket his new tool on his belt right next to the infinity Pizza. Hot Wings is fine considering he cut the tube that connects his liver to the rest of him and poured in 151 directly. Ford got a first-hand look at a new anatomy and made an entry about extra dimensional beings particularly him, and Wendy got a nice cut out of the money made from the key chains Soos got that tourist to buy.


	55. Ch 52: Family Time

Chapter 52: One Big Happy Dysfunctional Family

YrooXrksvi618 #76. Dipper and Mabel (this is after Mabel gets cured, so it's still summer) are in the living room with everyone when Mabel has a funny thought. She starts comparing their friends in Gravity Falls to a real life-family. Stan starts to disbelieve her, but Mabel shares her thoughts, along with Dipper: Stan is like the father who rocks the title, Soos is like the cool older brother, Melody is the sweet, bubbly aunt, Abuelita is the grandmother in law who hates Stan, (she remarks, "Si, So, it's true!") Waddles is the loyal pet, Hot Wings is the lazy teenager, and Wendy is-" Stan cuts her off, saying, "Lemme guess. Wendy is the mom?" Mabel shakes her head and says, "No, Wendy is the cool older sister. Grunkle Ford is the mom." Ford pauses and says, "Wait, what?" Mabel states for them to think about it, he's the calm, logical, level headed one, he knows how to get paperwork stuff done, he always chides Stan for his mistakes like a wife lecturing the husband, when the twins get in trouble, he handles it by doing the "motherly punishments", like lectures, etc, he does some of the "wife" chores, he typically stays home, he is the one who know how to take care of injuries and stuff correctly, and he and Stan are pretty close. They all look at Ford, who has grown red, and says, "I think I'll, uh, go to bed early." Stan starts laughing calling him, "Mama Ford." Ford yells back, "IF I'M THE MOTHER, YOU REALIZE THEY CALLED YOU THE FATHER, RIGHT?! YOU REALIZE WHAT THAT MEANS?!" Stan freezes and gets up, goes after him and the two engage in a husband-and-wife-like debate. Melody says that the resemblance is uncanny. Mabel then says, "Yeah...let's go." They all leave the Stan twins to their argument.

AN: my backpack and sketchbook were harmed in the making of today's short. I feel like "Sleepytime Junction" pretty much sums up my life right now.

Waddles, Dipper, Mabel, Melody, Soos, Wendy, Hot Wings, Ford and Stan are in the living room as active as a potato can be. They just happened to be watching the Brady Bunch When Mabel began thinking out loud. "You know we as friends are so close we might as well be a family."

"You're just saying that cause their house is so much nicer and cleaner and each of the kids has their own room."

"No really! Gruncle Stan, you're like the father who rocks the title,"

"Oh… Well thank you"

"Soos is like the cool older brother,"

"Thanks, Hambone."

"Melody is the sweet, bubbly aunt,"

"Abuelita is the grandmother in law who hates Stan,"

"Si, So, it's true!"

"Waddles is the loyal pet," he oinks and eats a news paper "Hot Wings is the lazy teenager,"

"I'm Ok to drive," he says dropping a glass bottle onto an already broken pyramid of empty bottles. "and Wendy is-" Stan cuts her off, saying, "Lemme guess. Wendy is the mom?" Mabel shakes her head and says, "No, Wendy is the cool older sister. Grunkle Ford is the mom." Hot Wings Simultaneously tosses them both a beer as they settle in for her explanation, "think about it, he's the calm, logical, level headed one, he knows how to get paperwork stuff done, he always chides Gruncle Stan for his mistakes like a wife lecturing her husband, when we *gestures to Dipper* get in trouble, he handles it by doing the "motherly punishments", like lectures, and stuff, he does some of the "wife" chores, he typically stays home, he is the one who knows how to take care of injuries and stuff correctly, and he and Gruncle Stan are pretty close." they all turn to a now blushing Ford who decides to go to bed early today, and Stan begins teasing him. Ford defensively retorts, "IF I'M THE MOTHER, YOU REALIZE THEY CALLED YOU THE FATHER, RIGHT?! YOU REALIZE WHAT THAT MEANS?!" the two then start to bicker much To the amusement of the others. Melody says that the resemblance is uncanny. Mabel then says, "Yeah...let's go." They all leave the Stan twins to their argument… Hot Wings later says, "aren't I too old to be underaged drinking?" to which Mabel replies "And yet you do it anyway."

AN: for the longest time I've been operating on my lowest survival functions. Only eating once in the morning and once at night. Which is pretty good considering I literally just sit around all day watching anime and sit around all night writing Fanfiction. Today concerned for my health I ate a third meal and can now wear my "I Pooped Today" T-shirt I've earned it. Also sorry it's short I seem to have run out of steam halfway through writing this I'm going to bed see you later I guess.


	56. Ch 53: Evil Exposition

Chapter 53: Evil Exposition

YrooXrksvi618 #79. Dipper finally asks Gideon why his hair is white. Gideon tells him all about the Amulet and what it can do. Dipper, at the end, asks what colour his hair was originally. Gideon himself doesn't remember. So the two, with Stan and Ford, go to ask Bud Gleeful and Gideon's mom. (The answer is blonde.)

AN: I couldn't think of anything to add to it so I did this.

Dipper finds Gideon at a restaurant eating spaghetti with Hot Wings and Wendy asking politely this time to get more of Wendy's moisturiser. Wendy and Hot Wings are both drunk and decide to ask how far he was willing to go to get it trying to get him to go on a scavenger hunt that would run on the least amount of knowledge from clue to clue in their drunk minds, getting him to embarrass himself at certain places and ultimately leading to the part of the store where he could just buy it himself. But before he could do any of that Dipper came and made conversation with him. When he asks why his hair is white he tells him influencing people's' actions, and influencing objects around the user using telekinesis and, it can be used to force people to do things against their will. and that it also turned his hair white. Hot Wings then talks about how he looked way older before he became a vampire but that little switch triggered his already fast healing to make him young again, proceeded by a look of longing to be old again. Dipper asked Gideon what his original hair colour was but he couldn't remember so the present Pines went with Gideon to ask his Parents, who procure an old photo album and show them a blond baby Gideon. Thereafter Gideon is given his first hint in the scavenger hunt which leads him to put on a bikini and dive into the lake for the next hint in a plastic baggy. He opens it and goes into the art museum where he stands wearing multiple layers of stupid clothes torn every which way to reveal stupider and stupider clothes the deeper the cuts ran. He announced himself a piece of modern art and officer Blubs handed him the next hint. He arrived at a bar dressed up as a trailer trash girl and walked into the male bathroom looking in every stall for his next clue, he received lots of ridicule for that one. When he left the bar Hot Wings was holding back Wendy's hair as she threw up in a trash can outside. He then proceeded to go to the Mystery shack where he was dressed up as a tiny Abe Lincoln announcing himself as Time Lincoln and asking everyone how much they enjoyed their freedom very patronisingly. Stan handed him his next clue the second it stopped being funny. He then ended up in his own room where he found a note on a T-rex onesie with a tutu sewn on. He then went to the market where he announced that if dinosaurs wore clothes the men would wear tutus but they wouldn't be called tutus, they would be called masculinity frills and any dinosaur that didn't wear one would be seen by the other dinosaurs as either a woman or a disgrace. He was then pushed by one of the teens working there to the section with the lotion he rushed to the final note which read, "you did good kid. Before you got here we bought all the lotion you wanted, were making a lotion pool you can have one bottle if you come over and ask politely." so he trudged his tired little feet over to Wendy's house where he found her with wings and sunglasses mostly concealed in lotion with a green eyed flightless Hot Wings sitting beside the kiddie pool both asleep a pile of empty bottles beside them. Gideon politely asked for a bottle of lotion and the only bottle without the top taken off fell over. He took it and left a note saying he asked but they were asleep and that their note never specified that they had to be awake. When they woke up they asked themselves when they switched, switched back and went to bed with bad hangovers.

AN: I'm starting to get really tired of writing so late but have way too many distractions otherwise. Consider recommendations now closed thanks to Sixers very big order of new chapters/shorts. I'm kinda nettled that some of the shorts are longer than the chapters. What day even is it, I'm so tired.


	57. Ch 54: Name cat Dog

Chapter 54: Name cat Dog

YrooXrksvi618 #80. Mabel catches Stan pug trafficking. She is shocked that her Grunkle would do this to some innocent animals. So after a few days of the silent treatment, He and Ford go to find Santiago and free the pugs in Mexico. (Most of the plot revolves around Stan and Ford driving to Mexico and breaking into Santiago's house to free the pugs.) They then get them back and release them into the wild, much to Mabel's joy. They then invade the Unicorn's' forest.

AN: you do know that people in Mexico used to, and might still, drive around catching stray dogs to eat and feed to people? Man, i remember when my brother wasn't a vegetarian saying he could tell it was goat meat cause dog tastes better. Long story… but it is true though…

Stan's seeing eye bear drove away with a car full of pugs and a note saying, "the bear's trained to only let the dogs out once you put the money in the glove box" Mabel saw the car drive off, she also saw it return with the bear and no puppies. Stan opened up the passenger seat door and took the money out laughing. Mabel approached him and asked where the dogs went. He stammered and lied about being hired to take care of them for a friend and that he was being paid after a job well done. She didn't buy it cause she never saw him walk feed or clean up after any of those dogs. So after a few days of the silent treatment, He and Ford go to find Santiago and free the pugs in Mexico. When they got to Mexico they found Hot Wings eating and drinking with the locals having conversations and laughing as if they'd been friends a long time. They approached him and asked if he spoke Spanish. He replied, "if a person exists with a working knowledge of the language I know it." they shrugged and asked if he knew where Santiago lived. By his body language alone they could tell they offended him in just asking. He flew away and came back about a minute later with a plastic ice cream bag, container, thing, with the word "Rompope" on the side and in smaller print "bolis" he opened it with his tooth and began eating the ice cream, popsicle looking thing that's kinda hard to describe so I'll just say if you go down to the border and see a guy selling what I described get one they're good. And he offered them one but they refused not knowing the contents and he led them over to a house made out of concrete and metal. Most of the windows in this neighbourhood had bars so you know someone either tried stealing from one of these houses or someone succeeded and told their friends that it was worth stealing from. Either way breaking in would not be easy so they had Hot Wings melt the lock with his blood like he did with the boat. Lucky for them no one was home. They got the dogs and went back to the States to make sure Mabel knew they were safe before they released them into the wild. Once back Hot Wings was handing out the ice cream to Wendy, Soos, Dipper and Mabel. Ford and Stan demanded to know what it was to which he replied, "It's just eggnog" they seemed sort of confused at the revelation and he continued, "without rum… naturally, it is ice cream" they soon lost interest and opened the floodgates to a bunch of puppies into the wild where the gnomes will probably raise them as horses. Speaking of… one trip to Grenda's house later the team set out to invade the unicorn forest... again...

AN: I was kinda confused as to how one catches someone pug trafficking so you get this. Also, I made some memes and have no idea how to put them on the internet. How do I get a discord?


	58. Ch 55: Jurassic Mine

Chapter 55: Jurassic Mine

YrooXrksvi618 #81. Soos, Melody, McGucket, Dipper, Stan and Ford go down into the mines to investigate the dinosaurs in the sap. They have all gotten loose and are living underground in that big jungle area. They go to try and catch one. They manage to steal over 3 dozen eggs. On the way back, Stan and McGucket debate over whether or not Pterodactyl does taste good. So they make omelettes with a few eggs, which mortifies Ford.

AN: interesting fact about dinos, there exists ancient pottery from either the Aztecs or the Mayas, I can't remember, that depicts people with dinosaurs(riding them, walking with them, getting eaten by them). The dinosaurs they drew had swirly patterns on their skin. Archeologists come to find frozen dinosaur skin with swirl markings. It's true people did see living dinosaurs.

Stan recently bought the rights to the mines where they found the dinosaurs so that he could make all the money from giving tours of The amber Dino museum. To his dismay, they were all free so he asked Ford to make some more concentrated Alcohol and contracted Hot Wings to build them a way to go about the mines safely. He even rebuilt the building they came crashing out of the top of the first time they went in. When all was said and done Hot Wings received a case of drinks not fit for human consumption almost enough to poison an entire lake, And Stan had an escalator that leads to an enclosure. Feeling he grossly overpaid, Stan entered the enclosure with Soos, Dipper, Ford, Melody, and McGucket while Hot Wings drank something capable of annihilating a normal person's brain. When they entered they found jeeps, roads, feeders, and emergency escape exits, the glass more than bulletproof and the enclosures massive. Like he'd dug them an entire world underground with special lights and sprinklers to keep the plants growing. Even a control panel at every enclosure to chloroform the dinos should anyone want to enter and leave in one piece. Ford was a little disappointed that the capturing had already been done for them but this immensely cut down the risk of death by stomach acid. Stan started gassing the dinos left and right just because the button was there Ford wanted to study their behaviours and was more than a little peeved that his brother just wanted to knock them all unconscious. Halfway through the mine, they discover a note that says "ran out of materials my bad;(" and the entire rest of the mine was dark dank and unprotected. The path even opened up at the end the walls left without a door and the enclosures only held the herbivores from this point on it was all carnivores and they were unguarded. Sure most of the bigger meat eaters couldn't follow through the gap that was barely able to accommodate a three-point turn. At the end of the line they found a bunch of motorcycles with another note, "if you chose to keep going I won't stop you cause if you stop you'll probably die." still they went on into the deep thick brush each paranoid to a degree thinking that at any moment something could sneak up behind them and attack especially on their noisy things. It wasn't too long before small raptors came and attacked but they weren't as fast as the bikes and got either zapped by Ford's gloves or punched with Stan's brass knuckles. Eventually, they learned to leave them alone and they ventured deeper making enemies out of bigger and bigger dinos. With all the ground they covered, of course they picked up some eggs. They even found the nest of one of the smaller breeds of the pterodactyl and snatch a few eggs out of their nest. They leave to find Hot Wings thoroughly inebriated right outside the mine's entrance and Stan set up a sign for his new zoo calling it "the museum of living history" as they walk back to the Shack to discuss what they saw McGucket and Stan start discussing the possibility of cooking a dinosaur, Stan suggested pterodactyl since it flies and so do birds which people consume frequently. They discuss the idea at length before arriving at the shack and taking some of the eggs Ford was going to study and crack them into a bowl to put theory into practice. Ford tells them they'll just be eating sky lizard but they don't care and cook it up anyway. Ford had to watch as potential scientific discoveries were literally turned to shit before his eyes. He announced the rest of the eggs off limits and put them all in an incubator where he would raise/study these ancient creatures.

AN: I was going to start reading this adventure time fanfic(recommended to me by my friend) but then I read the character listings and got scared but I'll try anyway. And atbash Bill when I asked for suggested videos I meant something I can quote like any given abridged series. Also, I might upload tomorrow because my dad said we're going to my uncle's house to watch the fight, but I'm not too interested in watching grown men run away from each other hug and continue running. I don't normally do anything on Saturdays, just sit around maybe read but the chapter will be ready and since I'm going somewhere with Wifi I thought might as well… but if I do update tomorrow there'll be no Sunday chapter. Cool? Cool.


	59. Ch 56: Phantom Fork

Chapter 56: Phantom Fork

YrooXrksvi618 #82. Stan sees a large scar on Dipper's arm. He asks. Dipper tells him about what happened during Mabel's Sock Opera. Stan is shocked and starts to realize certain things about Dipper that day that didn't seem right. Stan hugs his nephew to try and offer comfort. He then offers to help him vandalize Bill's statue by spray-painting "Billuminacho" on it and covering it with silly string and Toilet paper. Stan and Dipper then egg the statue and put pepper spray and itching powder in his eye. Stan then decides to mock Bill in his sleep that night as the two share a soda.

AN: extreme sadism don't fail me now!

Stan's just walking around whistling the Stan wrong song when he stops around the bathroom and hears quiet hissing. Mabel was right next to him so it couldn't have been her… wait, "MABEL! How long have you been standing there"

"I'm Stan and I was wrong! I'm singing-"

"Who's out there?" DIpper yells from the bathroom, enter Stan. "I heard noises so as your caretaker it is my solemn duty to investigate every embarrassing detail of your life"

"That's really not necessary"

"I insist," he said intruding further to find Dipper nursing a four pronged scar. "What happened there?" one entire episode of Gravity Falls later, "I guess you did seem different that day… the eyes should have been obvious" he gives him a hug and asks if he wants to vandalise the Bill statue. He takes Dipper to the basement where Ford is asleep at his desk while the perpetual motion machine he just made to power the shack so they wouldn't have to pay for electricity hums quietly in the room where his portal used to be. Stan takes dipper over to one of the book shelves that were staked with anything but and pulls the only book there revealing a wall safe. He opens it up to reveal confiscated candy eggs and spray paint from teen pranks attempted on the Mystery Shack over the years. Then they vandalized Bill's statue by spray-painting "Billuminacho" on it in eleven different colours using a rotten egg for the "O", and covering it with silly string and Toilet paper. Stan and Dipper then egg the statue and put pepper spray and itching powder in his eye, Hot Wings happens to pass by humming one of filthy frank's song to himself, Stan calls out to him saying, "Hey everything seems to be stronger where you come from, you got anything that could hurt someone's eye?"

"You mean like concentrated Hot sauce?"

"Sounds great!"

"I didn't bring any but I did bring a bottle of the chemical that makes Hot sauce spicy"

"Even better!" Hot Wings roots around in his jacket for a minute and tosses a glass bottle with a clear liquid inside and a needle like opening at the top, probably to drip into things. A warning label reading, "Not for human consumption" was on the side. He dropped one single drop in and they could of sworn they heard Bill scream. Stan then decides to mock Bill in his sleep that night as the two share a soda. Bill will remember that.

AN: I want to start a band for money. I can play basic guitar, I can sing, I can barely write poetry, and I'd like to learn how to play piano send help. If at all possible a David Bowie tribute band. I might watch Dr Who because my brother said it's like a cleaner not animated version of Rick and Morty but he maybe wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong but this is my shortest chapter. Maybe I'll do better when I stop being angry, I'm going to bed have a good one.


	60. Ch 57: Basically Nothing

Chapter 57: Basically Nothing

YrooXrksvi618 #83. Ford considers getting surgery to remove his sixth fingers. Mabel convinces him that he should keep them.

AN: you ever walk into a room and forget why exactly you entered? Nevermind remembered it was to cut my nails.

Ford looked down at his hands then to The silver armoured glove Wendy'd agreed to let him borrow for study as the silver came from within Hot Wing's fingernails and was constantly growing. From what he'd been told the glove works by constantly grinding them down and repurposing the metal. He even tried sticking a pen into the glove and it became part of the armour with all its colours intact. Then he began thinking about how the glove has five fingers while he has six. Wondering more out loud than he thought to Mabel's notice, "Gruncle Ford?"

"Oh… hi Mabel"

"Are you thinking about getting rid of your extra fingers?"

"Well I thought that since I'm so different the irony is not lost on me that one day I may be the one hunted for what makes me unique"

"But who else can say they have six fingers?"

"Exactly. One of these days a younger scientist is going to want to study me."

"Come on! More weird stuff has happened to me and Dipper in the time you've been back then to you."

"You mean since I got turned to gold? Right"

"Yeah DIpper was a girl, I was a vampire and nobody cares now because we're normal now"

"That makes me want to get the surgery even more"

"But Gruncle Ford, to us you are normal" after a deep sigh she left him with his thoughts and he decided against removing his extra fingers.

AN: fell asleep at my keyboard, dreamt someone cut my hair and I cut my throat. What a great way to wake up at five in the morning. Story cut short cause I woke up with my hands on my neck and I really don't know what I could have done with this.


	61. Ch 58: Parent Busters

Chapter 58: Parent Busters

YrooXrksvi618 #84. Stan and Ford's parents' ghosts start haunting the Mystery Shack. Filbrick (Pa) starts berating Stan after Stan starts to explain he stole Ford's identity for years. Ford then finally, after all these years, stands up to him, yelling about how Stan was more of a family member then Pa ever was, and Ford didn't deserve to have him. Filbrick then sneers and spits on Ford, disowning him. He starts to float off when Dipper and Mabel jump out, having heard the whole thing, and punch Filbrick in the face. He disowns them and Shermie, too. Stan and Ford then trap him in a silver mirror. The Stan twin's mom tells the Grunkles that she is proud of them and loves them. She then takes Filbrick and leaves to haunt the new owners of the family pawn shop. Dipper and Mabel tell the Stans that they are so much better than what their father thought. Stan, smiling, offers to take everyone to New Jersey to dance, spit and vandalize on Pa's grave. Ford says, "Well...for the most part."

AN: Is it weird that being worried about not being able to get to sleep at night keeps me up at night but recently trying to write puts me to sleep? I should pitch my story idea to CN to get a job writing at night so my parents don't need to help me on job search… but how to pitch it... Alright, reading glasses off let's get this terrible party started!

Hot Wings and Wendy were sleeping on the roof after Hot Wings asked Wendy to drink with him after work and neither of them was sober enough to carry the other back so they threw caution to the wind, kept drinking and fell asleep in roof lawn chair. No one bothered them cause after how incomprehensible their speech was the hangover'd be punishment enough. Everyone else was having dinner together some at the table some around the TV but all within earshot of each other. They receive a slow knock at the door. Ford goes to answer and the blue couple enters with the ghost equivalent of luggage and declares that they'll be staying a while since Ford was a great scientist in the end despite his brother ruining his chance at his dream school. They were more than a little surprised to see Stanly also there after what he'd done to Ford and still didn't believe it after they explained what Stan did to earn back his brother's trust. When Filbrick asks why Stan had taken his brother's house and turned it into a tourist trap, he let it slip that he stole his more successful brother's name for a few years. Having been catching their parents up, on an entire summer plus a brief explanation as to where Ford was while Stan had squatted in his house for years, night had fallen and at least one of the party sleeping above had awakened to find themselves outside and cold. She switched with him and carried her unconscious body off the roof with intent to go home but was still a little drunk and ended up staying to watch Pa berate Stan through the window with Mabel and Dipper on the stairs still not asleep and listening in from afar. She realised how warm she was compared to her borrowed body and hugged herself waking the man in her shell to watch also gradually he began to stand on his own later supporting her as she fell back asleep standing up. Ford then finally, after all these years, stands up to him, yelling about how Stan was more of a family member then Pa ever was, and Ford didn't deserve to have him. Hot Wings and Wendy are noticed watching from outside and begin awkwardly shuffling away with drinks still in hand drinking and stumbling their way back to bed. Filbrick then sneers and spits on Ford, disowning him. He starts to float off when Dipper and Mabel jump out, having heard the whole thing, and punch Filbrick in the face. He disowns them and Shermie, too. He begins floating up through the ceiling slowly with both middle fingers raised, but he parred through the bathroom and ended up getting trapped in one of the handheld silver mirrors in the drawers. Mabel, Dipper, Stan, and Ford rush upstairs to the sounds of screaming and find him trapped taking credit for it immediately and telling him it's his own fault for cutting himself off from his own bloodline. The ghost mom tells the Grunkles that she is proud of them and loves them. She then takes Filbrick and leaves to haunt the new owners of the family pawn shop, smiling, offers to take everyone to New Jersey to vandalize, dance and spit on Pa's grave. Ford says, "Well...for the most part." when they then drive to New Jersey they find their father' grave has fresh urine already on it.

AN: Tell me if it was too much that I added the whereabouts of my OC in and around the story despite it having little impact and works more as a distraction for both you and the characters. Then again he is the bulk of my longer chapters… hm… in other news my middle fingernail is somewhere between ten - twenty percent of the way to its preferred length and I'm still restless. Need more enriched foods.


	62. Ch 59: Overdrive

Chapter 59: Overdrive

YrooXrkvi618 #86. So Mabel needs somewhere to store her Mabel Juice. So she pours it into a thermos on the counter. Then she leaves to get some empty water bottles. Unfortunately, that was Ford's thermos of coffee that he had filled up half-way, so now that drink is half Mabel-juice and half Ford's industrial strength coffee, which would now give any man enough energy to stay up for an entire week from one sip. Ford walks into the room sleepily and grabs the thermos and takes it down to to the lab. Once there, he chugs it all in one gulp. His eyes widen and start to dilate as he thinks, "Uh-oh..." Then Mabel comes home to a destroyed gift shop, and Stan and Dipper hiding under the sofa like a fort. Then Ford comes tearing through incredibly fast, blasting his ray gun, knocking everything in his path down, screaming, "RSZEVHLNFXSVMVITBLSSRNZYVOSLDZIVBLFMLGRNVGLGZOPRSZEVMGNLEVWGSRHUZHGRMBVZIHZZSNBHKOVVMHGZMOVBWRKKVISVOKNVRXZMGHGLKZMWRZNIVZOOBGRIVWMLRNMLGBVHRZNRWLMGPMLDZMBNLIVSVOKNVDSZGDZHRMGSZGGSVINLHRXLFTSVWFKTORGGVISVOKNV!"

Mabel realizes what happened and chugs down a ton of Mabel Juice to get the energy to tackle him to the ground. Ford then passes out. He then wakes up later to a horrible hangover, and Stan taking an empty cauldron and labelling it "Mabel Juice. Caution: Do not drink except for Mabel". Ford asks what happened. They explain. Ford then says that he will never drink Mabel Juice again. Then Soos comes in and sees the thermos full of the coffee/Mabel juice energy drink, and says, "Oh, sweet. Coffee." He then chugs it down before anyone can stop him. His eyes dilate and he bolts into the gift shop screaming, "ZTSHLNVGSRMTGVOOHNVGSZGDZHMGXLUUVVSVOKNVRXZMGHGLKTFBHSVVVVVVOOOKKKK!" Mabel hands Dipper a pitcher of Mabel juice, simply saying, "Your turn." Dipper sighs and starts to chug it as Ford takes the thermos to study.

AN: instructions unclear leaving it coded

Mabel has filled two pitchers already with Mabel juice and labelled them thusly. Seeking a new place to store them she finds a thermos she presumes is empty and ready to be filled. Thus she begins dumping inedible objects in with an array of different drinks disregarding anything one would call a ratio and just dumps in liquid with a bunch of sprinkles which she then closes and shakes violently in an attempt to dissolve the sprinkles faster. She leaves in search of the recycling to repurpose old water bottles. Enter Ford tired and unaware, he walks up to the counter takes the thermos and descends into his lab for the sciences. He then chugs a massive gulp, completely oblivious to the fact that his coffee is now stronger than coffee. His tired heavy eyelids shot wide open and his pupils dilated the immediate shock of energy was just a precursor and realising this all too late he says, "Uh-oh..." Mabel returns humming to herself with many an empty bottle before dropping them upon entering to find the place torn to bits by a Tasmanian devil known as Ford wielding a ray gun as he frantically moved without direction in an attempt at getting rid of the excess energy. Upon seeing her he shouted, "RSZEVHLNFXSVMVITBLSSRNZYVOSLDZIVBLFMLGRNVGLGZOPRSZEVMGNLEVWGSRHUZHGRMBVZIHZZSNBHKOVVMHGZMOVBWRKKVISVOKNVRXZMGHGLKZMWRZNIVZOOBGRIVWMLRNMLGBVHRZNRWLMGPMLDZMBNLIVSVOKNVDSZGDZHRMGSZGGSVINLHRXLFTSVWFKTORGGVISVOKNV!" a word which here means, "I have so much energy oh hi Mabel how are you no time to talk I haven't moved this fast in years aah my spleen Stanly Dipper help me I can't stop and I am really tired no I'm not yes I am I don't know anymore help me what was in that thermos I coughed up glitter help me! " Mabel knew what this meant and quickly grabbed her pitcher of Mabel juice drinking in excess to catch up to him and tackle him to the floor. Once he was securely fastened to the ground he passed out only to awake later on the couch cursing the son for sending its light to his eyes and being immobilized by a throbbing headache. Stan then provides Mabel with a cauldron with a caution notice informing people that Mabel is the only one allowed to drink Mabel juice. Ford rises inquiring about the events that transpired proceeding his consumption of the drink that sent him into a spiral of madness from which madness saved him. Mabel explains slightly embarrassed. Ford declares his realisation in an unforeseen error and proclaims his desire to abstain from ever drinking such a frightening drink ever again. Enter Soos who sees the thermos assuming it to be pure coffee untainted by Mabel's energy drink. Declaring his fondness for the concept of partaking in the aforementioned drink he says, "Oh, sweet Coffee." and consumes as much as he can before anyone tries to stop him. His eyes dilate and he bolts into the gift shop screaming, "ZTSHLNVGSRMTGVOOHNVGSZGDZHMGXLUUVVSVOKNVRXZMGHGLKTFBHSVVVVVVOOOKKKK!" a word which here means, "agh something tells me that wasn't coffee help me I can't stop guys heeeeeelllppp! " Mabel hands Dipper a pitcher of Mabel juice, simply saying, "Your turn." Dipper sighs and starts to chug it as Ford takes the thermos to study. Later at night Hot Wings sneaks in curious to see if it would have any effect on him. He downs a pitcher and his wings start to glow brighter as he's lifted off the ground simply saying, "Ascended!" and disappearing into the night sky singing "there's a star~ man~ waiting in the sky, he'd like to come and meet us! But he thinks he'd blow our minds!" his joints cracking mid-air he exhales and says, "all limits broken nothing is impossible!"

AN: in regards to the last line, he's been trying to acclimate himself to this world's timeline since he got there and used that final boost to move around freely. Atbash Bill if you're still there I'd like to ask for the numbers Bill presumably favours, I think they may be a clue as to Dipper and Mabel's parent's names. Just a hunch though. I'm very tempted to walk to Starbucks and ask for a plain black coffee with approximately three tablespoons of sugar in the biggest cup they can give me to see their response… then again I also want to run up to a child and tell them I'm them from the future… then again young Mexicans with afros are hard to come by… Hm…


	63. Ch 60: Deception Disco

Chapter 60: Deception Disco

Sixer618 #13? So, Love God is performing in Gravity Falls again. He gets word that the Mystery Twins are back. So he tries to think of a way to get back at them. Then he gets a particularly evil idea.

(He flies to the Mystery Shack, crashing several times and sneaks silently into their window. He then drips love potion into their open mouths (they are snoring) and leaves. (He hits a parked car, which sets off the alarm. Abuelita and Stan come charging out of the house brandishing a shotgun and a rolling pin.) The next day, the kids wake up and go to breakfast. Dipper has an...odd thought about Mabel. He asks Mabel if she was screwing around with that love potion again. She denies it. They discuss it and agree that they cannot tell anyone about this until after they fix it. They find Love God who denies it. They reluctantly believe him and walk home, and Mabel absentmindedly starts holding Dipper's hand. Gideon walks past and comments that they look like a couple. Mabel internally screams. Dipper starts hyperventilating under the porch. He then falls through the hole in the foundation again, narrowly missing Ford, who drops a vial of acid, which melts his lunch. (Dipper starts apologizing, but Ford just says he'll find a way to steal Stanley's.) Ford asks why he was there, and Dipper awkwardly explains the situation. Ford almost passes out. Dipper asks him for advice, but Ford says that he's never had a girlfriend before, neither a girl who likes him. Dipper groans in frustration. Meanwhile, Stan hears heavy breathing in a closet. It's Mabel, hiding in a laundry basket. Stan asks. She starts to explain, which Stan says that he won't tell anyone. He can't give her any advice. They tell Wendy and Soos, who are cool with it. Wendy gives the advice to just give dating a try. They do, and it goes well, to their surprise. Then after about a week of this, Bill, still in Stan, takes control as they are watching TV, the twins acting all lovey-dovey, and Bill screams, "ENOUGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! UGH! THE HAND HOLDING, THE NICKNAMES, UGH! IT'S JUST HORRIFYING! AND IM FROM THE NIGHTMARE REALM, SO I THINK I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!" Dipper explains he doesn't know what is going on with himself, and Mabel agrees to it. Bill shakes his/Stan's head and brings them into Stan's office and gets the security tapes out, showing Love God breaking in and giving them love potion. Dipper and Mabel gasp, and jerk away from each other trembling. Bill grins and laughs. Ford asks Bill how to undo this. Bill proposes a deal; he helps undo the potion's effects, helps them get back at Love God, and in return, Mabel gives Bill the sweater she wore when she was pretending to be Ma-Bill (Which he compliments her on her impression, saying it was incredibly accurate.) Ford nervously accepts. Bill laughs and uses his statue to attain a physical form, which is that of a blonde child Dipper and Mabel's age, with slit pupils. He goes with them on a quick road trip, only a couple hours (he irritates the twins), break into Love God's van and they steal the reversal spell and switch the labels on all of his potions. (After Ford takes samples) They then leave, and Bill leaves his physical form and returns to Stan's mind. They then watch on YouTube Love god's latest (failed) concert.)

AN: We got two long suggestions today I really should have gotten to work sooner. Has anyone ever seen an overly complicated meme? It starts out with one or two lines of text beside a picture and the picture starts drastically decreasing in quality as it becomes more and more evident that they are trying desperately to reach the word count. This feels like I'm making one of those time to add in far too few details and end up half paraphrasing this.

Love God is performing in Gravity Falls again. Posters everywhere He finds out that the Mystery Twins are back. So he tries to think of a way to get back at them. Then he gets a particularly evil idea.

He flies to the Mystery Shack at night, crashing several times, once into Hot Wings who drunkenly complains that out of the entire sky he couldn't have simply dodged, though it was his fault, and sneaks silently into their biggest window. He then drips love potion into their open mouths and leaves. He hits a parked car, which sets off the alarm. Abuelita and Stan come charging out of the house brandishing a shotgun and a rolling pin. The next day, the kids wake up and go to breakfast. Dipper has an...odd thought about Mabel. He asks Mabel if she was screwing around with that love potion again. She says she thinks she got rid of that. They discuss it and agree that they cannot tell anyone about this until after they fix it. They find Love God who denies it they ask for the anti-love and he lies saying he's all out. They reluctantly believe him and walk home, and Mabel absentmindedly starts holding Dipper's clammy sweaty hand. Gideon walks past and comments that they look like a couple chuckling to himself. Mabel internally screams. Dipper starts hyperventilating under the porch. He then falls through the hole in the foundation again, just missing Ford, who drops a vial of hydrochloric acid, which melts his lunch. Dipper starts apologizing, but Ford just says he'll find a way to steal Stanley's. Thereafter Ford pried for information on why he'd come and why like that, and Dipper awkwardly tells him that he's in love with Mabel again. Ford almost passes out. Dipper asks him for advice, but Ford says that he's never had a girlfriend before, neither a girl who likes him. Dipper groans in frustration. Meanwhile, Stan hears heavy breathing in a closet. It's Mabel, hiding in a laundry basket. Stan asks. She starts to explain, which Stan says that he won't tell anyone. Dipper asks him what he thinks he should do, Ford informs him that he's never had a girlfriend nor has he had a woman take interest in him. Dipper expressed his exasperation outwardly in the form of a groan. Meanwhile, Stan finds Mabel hiding in the closet and asks why she hides. She explains and he tells her that he'll keep her embarrassing secret. He can't give her any advice. They tell Wendy and Soos, who are cool with it. Wendy gives the advice to just give dating a try. They do, and it goes well, to their surprise. Then after about a week of this, Bill, still in Stan, takes control as they are watching TV, the twins acting all lovey-dovey, and Bill screams, "ENOUGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! UGH! THE HAND HOLDING, THE NICKNAMES, UGH! IT'S JUST HORRIFYING! AND IM FROM THE NIGHTMARE REALM, SO I THINK I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!" Dipper explains he doesn't know what is going on with himself, and Mabel agrees to it. Bill shakes his/Stan's head and brings them into Stan's office and gets the security tapes out, showing Love God breaking in and giving them love potion. Dipper and Mabel gasp, and jerk away from each other trembling. Bill grins and laughs, enter Hot Wings so drunk you could barely understand him, "it's Bill, watch out..." before he falls to the floor and vomit begins to leak from his mouth as Bill gets up and whispers the words, "I thought you weren't going to tell them" into his ear to which he replies, "sober me can suck a lemon! Drunk science!" then he pulled a tortoise with a bomb in its back and a button on its shell out of his coat pocket and leaves it on the floor where it begins to walk around introducing itself to people. Ford asks Bill how to undo this. Bill proposes a deal; he helps undo the potion's effects, helps them get back at Love God, and in return, Mabel gives Bill the sweater she wore when she was pretending to be MaBill "Brilliant portrayal of me, by the way, coulda did it better myself, really very accurate!" Ford nervously accepts. Bill laughs and uses his statue to attain a physical form, which is that of a blonde child Dipper and Mabel's age, with slit pupils. Child Bill wore a tux with the lapel yellow and brick-like, his pants also black with an eye patch over his left eye coat tails black pants and bow tie golden buckles on his boots but not his top hat which looked more or less like a shrunken version of Hot Wings' comically large hat that could hit every doorway if the wearer weren't careful Bills hat didn't seem to fit him at all and looked as if the tiniest gust of wind could steal it away. His cane had a jem on it that reminded them of Gideon's amulet. He goes with them on a quick road trip, only a couple hours. He irritates the twins, tells them about stan's dream(see 'Nother dream), break into Love God's van and they steal the reversal spell and switch the labels on all of his potions. (After Ford takes samples) They then leave, and Bill leaves his physical form and returns to Stan's mind. They then watch on YouTube Love god's latest (failed) concert. At some point Hot Wings jumps on stage steals a guitar and the mic and starts a drunken cover of "through the fires and flames", playing shockingly accurate but singing far deeper than the original.

AN: don't know if you knew but writing the way I do puts a tremendous strain on my lower back anyone know a masseuse that works after hours cause I'm afraid to climb the steps when I go upstairs to sleep in the morning. Remember when I said Tomska took a week off at the same time I did? Well he let his friends film his daily vlog for him and fill in one day per person, the last day of the vlog was done by the editor of the series so he was able to make an entire music video to put in the place of his day and it was actually really funny considering everything leading up to it. The video is titled "More than just memes" if you want to watch it without the precursor but if you want to see the full video it's called "Last Week My Friends Took Over". If you don't know who Tomska is You're missing out on some great animated content and great sketch comedy too. He did "Crash Zoom" and more famous "asdf movie". If you saw the emoji movie you saw one of his videos in the background. Twas the I like trains video. I only got four hours of sleep this morning. Why does it hurt to exist?


	64. Ch 61: Bad Luck

Chapter 61: Bad Luck

Sixer618 #14? Stan is looking for Ford and he accidentally drops the Infinity Sided die. This makes it rain gold. Stan laughs and rolls it again. It accidentally revives Bill's statue, bringing Bill back. Fortunately, they trap him and restore everything back to the way it was.

AN: decided to listen to my favourite rapper while writing today… her name is Daoko… didn't take listening to Hellsing OST

Wandering about the lower floors one Stan seeks another. Calling out all his nicknames for him. Taking a sharp turn to leave, figuring he's either in the Libary Dipper told him about or at the store picking up something he'd either run out of or needed to buy for a new experiment he was undoubtedly working on, Stan knocked over a little glass container, whose contents spilt on the floor. The image of a drop shows up on the die and he runs upstairs because the sounds of destruction can drag anyone out of the basement. Getting outside he realises that solid gold raindrops decided to fall on his shack probably costing more than it's worth… if he didn't just pay Soos to do it. Regardless he rolled the die again turn of his head and he saw that the bill statue now had a massive crack in it as Stan hears his voice vividly in the real world. Ford was just getting back and takes away the die thinking about where better to hide it to keep out of hands of Stan. regardless they gathered the zodiacs and finished the ritual they would have done if Stanly would just hold hands like everyone else. Shortly after freeing him he came out from the same crack so they send someone to fix the crack and then did the zodiac thing. Eventually, Bill goes back to the back of Stan's mind not because there were no good minds around but because he liked the space it gave him.

AN: started writing this past three by sleep… I'll miss you… or I could leave this the shortest of my chapters ever. I'm going to bed probly write more later. I didn't.


	65. Ch 62: Ghost Mabel

Chapter 62: Ghost Mabel

Sixer618 #15? Mabel walks into Ford's lab. She accidentally hits her head on a desk, causing a glowing green substance to spill on her. She quickly dries it off, and keeps looking for Ford. Her head starts to glow, however. Ford comes in asking if she knocked over his sample of Ectoplasm, which is basically ghost DNA. She explains what she did, before her eyes roll back into her head and she falls over, turning blue-green and translucent. Apparently, it has turned her into a ghost, with white glowing eyes. Ford tells her to stay put so he can find the fountain of youth water. But before he can, Mabel decides to have a little fun. (Like possessing Dipper, scaring Stan, stealing Hot Wings' hat, making Wendy think the Shack is haunted, and making Soos think that the clothes from the gift shop have come to life and want to attack him.) Ford is able to put a stop to this by trapping her in a silver mirror and splashing the water on it, restoring her.

AN: you guys think I should tweet my fanfic to Alex Hirsch? I'm procrastinating too much you guys mind if after the chapters I'd been given end I just write one short a day? I'm just so distracted and can't seem to focus. Also this chapter being delayed already.

Mabel walks into Ford's lab, looking to ask about how funny her new knock knock joke was. The wasn't exactly looking where she was going and stepped on a rubber ducky. The sound startled her and she stumbled backwards and landed with her back against his desk. The vibration, however, was enough to topple a small glowing green jar and causing the contents to spill on her head and shoulders. She drys it off and keeps looking trying to ask her knock knock joke. He entered the room to find her with a glowing green head. He asks if she knocked over his Ectoplasm. She hastily tells him she did before almost yelling, "Knock knock!"

"Who's there?" he asked as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she falls over "Boo!" she replies, turning turquoise and translucent as he continues "Boo who?"

"No need to cry, it was just a joke" with that he promptly asked her what happened and she replied that she'd slipped on a rubber ducky and it fell. He informs her that she's a ghost and that he can turn her back with the water from the fountain of youth, he turned his back for a second and she goes out to play with her new abilities so he loads up a spray bottle with immortality water and goes on hunting for a prankster ghost. Dipper was having a bit of a conversation with Pacifica talking about how his sister and Wendy had seen them on their sleep over and knew they took a bath together so Mabel took over and offered to have another sleepover with her and perhaps another bath now that he was completely himself. She blushed heavily explaining why they couldn't and Mabel in his body said that thay'd already seen each other naked now was just a slight difference, within his head looked like a two children fighting for a turn at playing the game and controlling the guy, and Mabel was the bigger kid. Eventually when Pacifica decided to take the initiative and go for a kiss Mabel left Dipper very nettled at the fact his sister had done that to him and now he has to explain to her that his sister had done the same thing that she did when she was a vampire again. Somewhere back at the Shack Stan was still contemplating getting rid of goldie. The little statue he now kept in the back for… obvious reasons… he was talking to it again asking it why it didn't work the way it used to and other such questions, Mabel possessed it too moving its otherwise stationary limbs to rise from its position and look him in the eye to say, "Maybe if you read the manual and tried to fix me, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION!"Stan screams and runs away. She then finds Wendy and Hot Wings discussing philosophy, "nonononono, there is an answer, you just have to think it through, it's actually very simple"

"What was the question again?"

"From one to ten, what is your favorite colour of the alphabet?"

"I'm never gonna get it just tell me."

"PI"

"Pie?"

"Yeah, Pi is a number from one to ten and a letter in the Greek alphabet"

"Plus pie the food has a colour depending on whether or not it has the crust on top too."

"Right!" Mabel floated up behind him invisible and lifted his hat off and carried it away. He was immediately covered in thick knotted hair and snapped his fingers. His hat burst into flames in Mabel's hands and reappeared in his where he placed the hat back on his head and tapped the rim twice. Of course the guy who sees everything would see it coming she thought, before moving on and making other things fly around the Shack tossing things every which way, figuring he wouldn't ruin her fun as the type to let people figure things out on their own, instead of handing them the answers. They leave deciding to take their conversation somewhere less haunted and she got to work making the clothes in the gift shop wave at and beacon Soos over. He came, cautiously hoping this wasn't another kid playing a prank on him. Everytime he got to a rack the clothes that were moving changed until he felt a sleeve on his shoulder followed by an asureal voice telling him he'd stretched one too many of them and he ran away screaming. Replaying the events of the day Mabel couldn't help but laugh. She laughed so hard and for so long she didn't see Ford coming to trap her in a silver mirror. She stops laughing and he douses her, bringing her back to normal and leaving one great day behind her. Hot Wings later visits her room in her sleep and Possesses her to bury all of her favorite sweaters in the front yard right outside their door. When she wakes up she's not the one to find them.

AN: I just realised they could be using the size altering crystals to feed starving kids in Africa or bring the world's freshwater supply up to six percent or something. If the crystals don't work on water because it's reflective, freeze the water, score the outside, or cover in snow, and grow the ice, or just grow the snow. Now I'm curious as to why they don't use these flashlights to get back at their bullies… hm… how many thoughts have I ended that way? Is anybody counting?


	66. Ch 63: To cage a mailman

Chapter 63: to cage a mailman

Sixer618 #16? Soos is in the park and sees the mailman walk by. He glares and slides away, accidentally falling into a bush, crushing Ford, who was watching the Mailman with binoculars. Apparently, Ford is suspicious of the Mailman, too. (Remember, Soos thinks he's a werewolf.) So the two set out to prove it.

AN: don't know if I was clear enough but Hot Wings can leave his body, not just in the sense of switching to leave somebody else in charge but can willingly separate spirit from body if he so chooses, I was originally going to have his spirit arm reach though his forehead and grab the hat but I didn't feel that would be good enough so I chose fire instead.

Soos is eating his lunch in the park with Hot Wings asking him how his eye work to see everything resulting in him telling him that he has to see everything and while the knowledge he receives is immeasurable everyone has something they honestly don't need to know and would be far better off not knowing still he asked, thinking the pros would outweigh the cons and he explained figuring someone like him couldn't figure out what to do with that knowledge anyway. When he tried to explain however Soos turned his attention towards the Mailman Who walked past and had he been sitting in his usual spot, where Hot Wings was currently sitting, his movement would have just been passed off as, "Oh, maybe he and the mailman had a falling out." but instead it looked more like, "hey, that giant hairless hamster just fell in the bushes." but from Ford's point of view it was more like, "OW! My internal Organs are being forcefully compacted between a literal Rock and a heavy place" Soos got up at the sound of Ford's blatant disapproval of said seating arrangements and clued them in on his distrust of the mailman, claiming him to be a werewolf but that he was lacking in evidence. Soos agreed with him and Hot Wings just attempted to smoke a cinnamon stick. Ford asks Hot Wings if he agrees and he simply replies, "yeah sure whatever floats your boat." they then proceed to stalk him for the next month. Ford notes that he can swim really well, jump really high, and cover large distances without tiring easily… then again he is a mailman and by extension on his feet all day. They also found that his teeth are sharp but By what Hot Wings told them about the mailman's childhood, the teeth were actually broken hopelessly broken and the dentist left them like that so that bit of evidence was out. All they had was him howling at the moon with his buddies once as a joke… then every single full moon after that

AN: I was really tired when I wrote this


	67. Ch 64: Not So Ex-girlfriend

Chapter 64: Not So Ex-girlfriend

Sixer618 #17? Stan is running the gift shop and an old lady walks up looking to purchase something. Then she stops mid-sentence, squints at him and says, "...Stanley? Stanley Pines?" As it turns out, that old lady is Stan's old girlfriend, Carla McCorkle. (Remember, the one that ran off with the hippie?) The two catch up, and she asks him out on a date. That actually goes...well, despite interference from Soos, the twins, Mabel and Ford. (She remembers Ford. She and Stan actually start dating again.)

AN: I sincerely hope I never run across a fanfic that uses texting slang regularly. I only just got my first computer two years ago and am currently using it to type this, so texting slang is still new to me and I usually read fanfiction at night before or after I write mine cause when I'd read fanfiction before I went to school this was when I did it and it's a bit of a force of habit to wait until late if I had time after doing the homework I started on at ten pm. I am nocturnal… either that or I'll be moving to England with no trouble sleeping or changing sleep schedule just a bit of a shift in the light outside when I sleep. And that's why I call myself the king of tangents. I think I once wrote a whole chapter layering tangents on top of each other, realising I got distracted going back and getting distracted again. But enough about that here's today's chapter.

An elderly looking lady, thin ten and a little tall in bell bottom jeans with a feather in one earing hole and a dreamcatcher hanging from the other with a turtle penny pouch around her neck and lots of dangly jewelry adorning her wrists walks into the store looking to buy something else to either adorn herself or her car with. She comes up to the cash register and begins to ask if he has and multicoloured crystals for something she'd of probably ended up making herself when she stopped mid-sentence squinted and said, "Stanley? Stanley Pines?"

"Carla?"

"Yeah! How've you been? It's been so long, how's your brother?"

"Oh you know still the nerdy sciency type, I've been running this shop since he sent for me a while back and my great niece and nephew come to visit every now and then which is great cause I don't have kids of my own to keep me company. You?"

"Well I was travelling around a bit with John, you remember John?"

"You mean that hippy that took you from me?"

"No that was Thistle, I found out he was the polyamorous type and left him first chance I got, John was the same way and we became best friends, I found out he wanted benefits on one of our road trips a few years later and I left him and started wandering the country myself, playing a little music for some gas money here and there. Now I live on royalty checks cause some sucker bought my song 'Disco girl' and agreed to pay me a ten percent royalty for writing it. I never expected that song to make me money. I sang it once thought it was terrible and never played it again. Some producer heard me sing it and contacted me a few months later after he found me playing outside a gas station in Texas. He bought my song and now I don't remember how to play."

"I've done quite a bit of travelling too"

"Yeah… every now and again one of your commercials would play and you'd have a different name and gimmick, looks like you found the one that works"

"Yeah, took a while but I finally found a place the IRS can't find me." the two start laughing and she tells him it was nice catching up gave him her number and told him she'd like to see him again at the nearest diner at eight. He smiles genuinely at the thought and agrees. He puts the number into his phone and Mabel, who saw the whole transaction from afar not so stealthily alerts the rest to Stan's dinner plans and everyone agrees to beat him to the diner coming in as a family and sitting at the bar far enough away that as long as half of them were wearing mirror aviators they could all watch from afar and seem like they were just really invested in their conversations while still within earshot of the table. They ordered relatively light deciding they wanted to stay and help out Stan whenever they thought he needed help and waited for them both to arrive. Their date went relatively well relative to the fact at every opportunity either Soos, Dipper, Mabel or Ford made some excuse to see her better. She was very nice about how nosey his family was, saying it was nice to know he has family that cares so much about him. They began dating regularly at some point she asked Ford if he's made any scientific breakthroughs and he explains Weird Magedon before showing off a few of his sci-fi inventions and Stan starts bragging about punching a pterodactyl in the face. Things go well and not because Hot Wings wanted to see if she could out drink him and she kept challenging him to see if she'd win the next time he came by

AN: the role of old hippy ex-girlfriend will be played by a loosely adapted version of my employer(just the appearance) whose name won't be mentioned… because she's the only person I know who still wears bell-bottom jeans. anybody else hate fruit tea? My brother says it tastes like kool-aid and I said, "then why not pour hot water into kool-aid instead?" not to mention how the smell fills a room and drives me out like when I lit a pretzel and drove him out the difference being mom condones him drinking terrible tea I can't even bear to bring to my lips but doesn't condone me keeping a smoldering stick of smoke in my mouth in the dead of night when no one else should even be up. Either way with my nose as stuffed as it is I don't think I can regardless. Also, I just realised the disco girl reference may not be cannon. Thanks for pointing out the name atbash Bill I've fixed it cause it's just one name and I'd like this story to stick as close to cannon as possible.


	68. Ch 65: Nother Hunt

Chapter 65: Nother Hunt

Sixer618 #18? Pacifica is invited by Dipper and Mabel to go on a mystery hunt to catch the Hide Behind. She goes, but she is kidnapped by elves, cousins of the gnomes. The need help from Jeff and Shmebulock. They end up capturing a Hide-Behind in the end.

AN: what if Santa's elves were actually the "Lord of the Rings" type of elves and that's why everyone's immortal

Pacifica wakes up early, still not accustomed to having to make her own breakfast and shortly after hears a knock at her door. She goes to answer still in pyjamas and sees Dipper and Mabel standing outside with backpacks on. They asked if she was busy before inviting her on another epic quest in search of an unseen monster. She agreed and asks for a bit of time to get ready, she uses that time to finish up her breakfast and gets dressed while her father complains about having only earned back half of their family's wealth and still not having enough to move to or even build another mansion like the last one. So they went over the river and through the woods in search of a being that primarily hides behind things as its name suggests but their fully equipt for the job of defeating it. They have tasers, $12 Amazon chloroform, and nets to catch it in and subdue it if necessary. Through and through they went, Pacifica wasn't as experienced a hiker as them and though they called back to check on her every now and again she just powered through hoping her mind was stronger than her matter but eventually all that lactic acid caught up with her and she had to stop by an old tree with strange markings on it. A bit out of earshot Dipper called back to ask if she wanted to take a look around or keep walking and they turned to find her waving by a tree. They headed back to take a rest with her but as she huffed and puffed to regain her breath, tiny men with pointed ears came out of the bushes and carried her away without a fight as she was still trying to recover from their "morning jog". They gave chase but they were tired too and ended up walking back to where they knew the gnomes lived, taking advantage of their offer from when they helped look for Shmebulock. They ask if the gnomes took a blond girl in mostly purple clothes to be their queen and they denied it but agreed to help them find the little men that did. Later they arrived at the elven territory where Pacifica had effectively manipulated them into wanting her to leave. But, then they caught sight of Mabel and tried to take her, the gnomes got together to form the giant gnome again and the elves likewise, one of the most epic fight scenes of your entire life later, they decide to put up a net in the gap between some narrow trees and turn away and turn back knocking the net down every now and again before a hide behind actually fell for the trap, hid behind the net, was caught, and chloroformed.


	69. Ch 66: Feeling Young Again

Chapter 66: Feeling Young Again

Wolowizard #3. During the summer, Dipper and Mabel go out to play in the forest. While they do that, Ford is experimenting with water from the fountain of youth. He accidentally drops the vial and it basically leaks into the Shack's A/C, accidentally deaging Ford, Stan, Wendy and Soos to around Dipper and Mabel's age. (Not Hot Wings, he was taking two weeks holiday in Ireland to visit every pub there.) When Dipper and Mabel come back to the Shack, they are surprised to find a 12-year-old Soos playing video games. Then a 13-year-old Ford walks in and explains the situation. A 13-year-old Wendy walks in and says it's not that bad, except she can't drink. Mabel asks where Stan is. Then a 13-year old Stanley comes tearing through the house, having stolen a tourist's wallet. Dipper asks how long this is gonna be. Ford grabs an abacus (He's too short to reach the calculator) and says he modified this version and it should wear off in 2 weeks. So, in the meantime, they are stuck. Mabel and young Stanley get along well, playing pranks on their smart twins and tourists while Dipper and Ford are having fun playing "Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons. Soos and Dipper are having fun, and Mabel asks Wendy during truth or dare (She had a sleepover with Candy, Grenda and Pacifica and Wendy tagged along) if she and Dipper could date now they are the same age. She gives a vague answer that doesn't really answer anything. Then Stanley and Ford decide to try sailing the Stanowar II. (They fall off.) Stan teaches Dipper boxing, Mabel makes a sweater for Ford with his six-fingered hand on it, etc. However, Stan wakes up because of a nightmare one night, and suddenly he hears Dipper and Mabel scream. He races up and he and Ford arrive just in time to see a tree giant carrying them off. (The thing that reached out and ate Ford's car in "A tale of two Stans") They go on a monster hunt to find them. At the end, everyone goes back to normal. Hot Wings comes back and asks, "What did I miss?"

AN: though you probably didn't see it that way, the hot spring short in the very beginning of the dipher shorts is on your suggestion. You asked for a pool scene and I incorporated it as best I could in a Winter setting. Also at the very end, I took your suggestion, atbash Bill just added a metric ton of details onto your paragraph of suggestion. I was unclear on Sixers number of suggestions cause there's been mention of him since before his suggestions started coming in and I don't feel like going back and checking.

Dipper and Mabel go out to play in the forest, Mabel wanted to make friends with a Cerberus and Dipper wanted to make sure she didn't die trying, off they searched for a three-headed doggo. While Ford is experimenting with water from the fountain of youth. The alarm he's set to periodically wake him up in case he falls asleep during an experiment goes off in his ear, startled he drops the vial and it basically leaks into the Shack's A/C, accidentally deaging Ford, Stan, Wendy and Soos to around Dipper and Mabel's age. Hot Wings was off in Ireland for two weeks to drink the nation dry and thus was absent. When Dipper and Mabel come back to the Shack, they are surprised to find a 12-year-old Soos playing video games. Then a 13-year-old Ford walks in and explains the situation. A 13-year-old Wendy walks in and says it's not that bad, except she can't drink, cause both her braces and distinct lack of a drunk too lazy to stop her taking his drink. Upon Mabel's inquiry as to the whereabouts of young Stan, a 13-year old Stanley comes tearing through the house, having stolen a tourist's wallet. Dipper asks how long this is going to last. Ford in response grabs an abacus, the calculator being too high, and after a bit of calculation says he modified this version and it should wear off in 2 weeks. So, in the meantime, they are stuck and won't have to wait to reage normally like the actual water. Mabel and young Stanley get along well, playing pranks on their smart twins and tourists while Dipper and Ford are having fun playing "Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons". Soos and Dipper are having fun playing laser tag, video games at the arcade, and verbal vomiting some philosophy by trying to integrate long words into everyday speech, At some point, Mabel had a sleepover with Candy, Grenda and Pacifica and Wendy tagged along. and Mabel asks Wendy during truth or dare if she and Dipper could date now they are the same age. She replies, "I guess the only excuse I gave him was age, but this will wear off and then things would be weird again". Then Stanley and Ford decide to try sailing the Stanowar II. to their dismay, two adolescent boys aren't strong enough to raise and lower sails on their own, much less in harsh weather, needless to say, They fall off. Stan finally teaches Dipper boxing, Mabel makes a sweater for Ford with his six-fingered hand on it, etc. However, Stan wakes up because of a nightmare one night, and suddenly he hears Dipper and Mabel scream. He and Ford race up and they arrive just in time to see a tree giant carrying them off. Over the river and through the woods they search every undocumented corner of Ford's journal maps and find Dipper and Mabel unharmed in a wooden cage as the tree giant prepared a massive stew, they devise a plan where Stan distracts the tree while Ford saves the other twins, they fail at first but Bill, not wanting to lose his host in fear of actually being erased from existence helps them be making the tree giant think weirdmageddon is happening again and it hides in the underside of a cliff closing its eyes and pretending to be just another part of nature completely hidden from the rest. Bill demands thanks and Ford decides to treat him to some gourmet food when they get back hoping that the concept of a pleasure he's not felt being incorporeal for so long might be enough that he stop asking and he did At the end, everyone goes back to normal. Hot Wings comes back and asks, "What did I miss?" a knowing grin as he read their minds seeing for himself before they could exaggerate the story in their minds. Was too late for Mabel though.

AN: I'm not sure if Hot Wings was present it would work on him anyway, according to the backstory I've well thought out and written for him he's around two thousand years old, lost track a few centuries ago and now looks the way he did when he was ninety(used to look his age but aged very slowly) if he were to revert to twelve he'd probably look more like a toddler than anything. I'm writing this on Thursday so when I put it on the story it'll feel like Friday cause my sense of time is messed up just like my sleep schedule. Speaking of, I'm going to take some time off to fix that and take my SAT on the seventh so I can go to college and become a contributing member of society, unlike everyone who still plays Pokemon Go… sorry, Tom…


	70. Ch 67: Remember to forget

Chapter 67: Remember to forget

YrooXrksvi618 #75. Okay, so Blind Ivan accidentally hits his head and gets his memory back. He then decides to get revenge on the Pines family. He then reforms the Society of the Blind Eye. They build the Memory Gun and hunt down the Pines family. Soos sees them coming and immediately calls Old Man McGucket. He then goes, with his son and Pacifica, to confront Blind Ivan. The Society turns on Ivan, thanks to Soos convincing the Society all the good the Pines did. They then use the Memory Gun to wipe his mind, reverting him back to Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle, who goes back to his banjo playing, except he will wear a helmet no matter what, an amendment made by McGucket's son. The Blind Eye members apologize to the Mystery Shack crew and McGucket. They forgive. Then the Society disbands, as do everyone else. Except for Bud Gleeful. He quickly grabs McGucket and asks if he can borrow the Memory Gun. McGucket asks why. Bud says he still wants to forget some of Gideon's tantrums. He then says he will have to ask Gideon what happened with that amulet of his when he got home.

AN: Been awake for about sixty hours now don't expect much especially because I forgot to save Sixer's Vampire Mabel shorts end and decided that that would be better than the end I wrote expect changes but don't expect two shorts tomorrow if I die writing this I want my every possession to be either burned and or melted down into a giant toilet that is to be donated to the nearest gas station. I still want my remains to be scattered at Disneyland though… and I still don't want to be cremated.

Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle was a simple folk playing his banjo to and fro getting paid to leave places because though he'd been playing for a while he still wasn't very good. He began to become discouraged and began asking around how he could improve sought lessons but still wasn't happy no matter how much he learned the structure displeased him more than being paid to leave he wanted to play from the heart but most hated his free expression and one day sleeping not so silently under the bridge he'd shared with a troll that appreciated his art she asked what bothered him and he responded by angrily shouting that people don't appreciate him and slamming his head into the bridge's stone supporting walls. In a moment he understood everything and told the troll that he had a secret organization to restart. For the next week, he began strategically striking the former members over the head with wooden planks and dragging them back to the museum where they learned what they once were and all rejoined. They decide to rebuild the memory eraser gun and take revenge on those who'd wronged them Starting with the Pines. Unfortunately, they decided to go with torches and pitchforks instead of walking stealthily through the night. Soos had previously asked Hot Wings how strong he was. He responded by lifting him off the ground with one arm and asking if he'd like to know how it feels to fly Soss responded by chanting "Freeride! Freeride!" a chant Wendy, Dipper and Mabel were more than happy to join him in. Soos saw the red-robed individuals from the museum preparing themselves to make the pines forget their entire existence and then destroy any proof that they ever had one along with a few choice costumes for them to wear in their displeasure. A mankini for Dipper (they were going to tell him he was a beach creep), a french maid outfit for Wendy (they were going to tell her that she was Dipper's wife and he liked her in these clothes best), an old-timey dress for Mabel (tell her she was a historical reenactor), and a big sandwich outfit for Stan (they were going to tell him that him and Soos were mascots for a sandwich restaurant where Soos is constantly trying to eat him and he always find some crafty sneaky way out in their never-ending game of cat and mouse). They didn't plan for Ford because he hadn't really done anything to wrong them. And they didn't want to hurt any innocent bystanders unless they learned their secrets. Hot Wings knew all this at a glance but it took Soos a bit of time expressed thusly "hey cool fire… wait… uh oh, put me down I gotta warn everyone". Lucky for Soos Hot Wings was sober for this trip and nosedived to an elegant stop an inch from the ground where gravity brought him up to his ankles in loose dirt. Soos walked over to the rest and told them what he saw before calling old man McGucket. Mabel rushed up and said me next as if to say, "put as much distance between us as possible" mingled with a twinge of curiosity that wanted to see for herself. So he sighed and pulled his feet out from the ground they'd been unexpectedly forced into and took her up into the air. McGucket upon hearing the news rushes over to Pacifica's new house where he asks her to come with him because the pines are in danger then rushes over to the lake where he gets his son to come along while everyone else decides to hide with Ford in the libary subbasement… well everyone except Soos and Hot Wings. Hot Wings cause he hadn't finished his tea that had been sitting idle cooling on the table whilst they were flying and Soos was walking over to the society of the blind eye with ambitions to quell their evil plot while Hot Wings sat on a throne of skulls sipping tea and watching from afar. By the time Soos arrives McGucket had also arrived with the memory gun set to "evil scheme" and shot almost everyone, just missing blind Ivan Soos uses this opportunity to remind them that the Pines saved them all from Bill Cipher and They use the Memory Gun to wipe his mind, reverting him back to Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle, who goes back to his banjo playing Hot Wings makes a point of making people support his free expression and makes an impromptu drinking buddy out of him, but now he'll wear a helmet no matter what, an amendment made by McGucket's son. The Blind Eye members apologize to the Mystery Shack crew and McGucket. They forgive. Then the Society disbands, as does everyone else. Except for Bud Gleeful. He quickly grabs McGucket and asks if he can borrow the Memory Gun. McGucket asks why. Bud says he still wants to forget some of Gideon's tantrums. He then says he will have to ask Gideon what happened with that amulet of his when he got home.

AN: for all the times I said I was really tired know that if there was ever any doubt it's true now expect the last shorts I'll write to come after these few chapters. I'll do the Bill invading dreams shorts but I really gotta get a job. I just hope I didn't do too poorly on my SATs… if any of you knows/is an animator I need to animate the pilot for my show Idea, cast a voice acting crew, get an intro (preferably a Daoko song over images of the main cast slaughtering people with little resistance ending with the lead's father standing atop a pile of his fallen enemies gazing into a sunset and sighing), and upload it to YouTube if I want to be on TV but I'm almost certain that will result in me being immediately demonetized and I wanted to do fanfiction narrations with chibi artwork over my selection of dark favorites. I kinda lost steam towards the end there and have been running on fumes anyway update been awake for Seventy-three hours out of sleeping pills.


	71. Ch 68: Fun?

Chapter 68: Fun?

YrooXrksvi618 #76. Mabel asks Ford to have a special family bonding day, as they didn't have time to get to know one another. So they go on a camping trip in the woods. They get lost for one week. Ford ends up having to save Mabel from the Hide Behind. They then walk home...to find a beat up Stan of War II, with various bites taken out of the hull. Stan, who is wet and scratched up and bruised decides to have Dipper, who is soaked and covered in sand, has a bite mark on his arm with teeth in it, has a ripped shirt and a scrape is back starts to awkwardly start to explain.

AN: I really love these 400 UV shades. I'm really happy right now I don't remember how long it's been since I've worn aviators but I'm pretty sure it's at least a year now. These are just a bit darker than my prescription shades but those were reading glasses now I have glasses that will let in even less light and the look of myself in the mirror is just so nostalgic I'm almost as happy as when I was a little seven-year-old who still thought it was possible to take over the world… ah, while everyone else was dreaming of becoming firefighting, doctor, astronauts in the old west on a horse with their native American buddy and also have super powers I was dreaming of subjugating and creating a new system of government in which everyone has all they need and everyone is taxed fairly no one is forced to do anything they don't want to do because of some law and the prisoners are treated fairly in a world where any rebellion is not killed, intentionally, but rather tortured over the course of several years for treason until they inevitably die from shock… or blood loss... fond memories. I just realised how formulaic my chapters are Regular chapter exposition, characters wake up, greet one another introduce prompt yadda yadda yadda… welp…

Mabel awakens to find that she'd been scrapbooking all night and fell asleep trying to figure out what was missing from her book. Trying to reach for a picture of her Gruncle Ford she realised what she was missing. As she gasped a bit of glitter fell from her cheek as she'd fallen asleep on the book and gotten some suck on her face. Down the stairs and into the basement she ran trying to express her problem in one breath with a thousand words. He asked her to slow down and she took a deep long breath before asking to have a special family bonding day. She tried filtering through the gibberish she'd blasted through the door blathering on about, piecing together, scrapbook, blah blah blah, no pictures of you, blah blah blah, memories. Considering the idea while she caught her breath he found no reason not to and agreed. Thus they went camping because that's how people used to have fun. They packed all the supplies they could ever need, food, water, tent, sleeping bags, strike anywhere matches (whatever happened to those bring those back) and a mode of transportation. Yup, everything they needed… except a map. They ended up running out of gas and foraging for food as they tried to bring their tent closer every day sharing exhausted stories about bread becoming toast after about an hour of trying before going to bed and trying to navigate the way back as best they could but they took Mabel's Idea and decided to make a beeline for the Mystery Shack instead of going back the way they came. Eventually, Mabel got bored and decided to joke around in the woods and got kidnapped by the hide behind which inadvertently led them back to the mystery shack and they all took a nice long nap before even trying to find Stanly and Dipper. The next morning they decided to check the pier where they found the Stan of war II looking like it just got back from World War II. The crew almost matched except last I checked the soldiers in WWII didn't vote and surely didn't leave their teeth when they did seeing their worried expressions Dipper rubbed the back of his neck and let out a quiet, "Long story"

AN: I also got the ring my dad gave me back from out of the sink where I dropped it. I had it for about a week I remember joking about proposal with it before I lost it… that and one really good bowl of noodle soup… not as many fond memories but the longer I have it the more time I have to make memories… is it weird that I reminisce about slowly dismembering small creatures and feeding them to themselves and count that among my fond memories? 89 hours. 3AM


	72. Ch 69: Skate With Caution

Chapter 69: Skate With Caution

YrooXrksvi618 #77. The next one is for Gideon to invite the Pines to the skate park with him. They start to refuse, saying they don't know how to skate. Gideon is disappointed at first but then offers to teach them. They then agree. They then go into the skate park, accompanied by Killbone and Ghost Eyes. Mabel asks why they are there. Then some kid says, "Hey, kid! How you gonna get your hair into your helmet?! Dork!" Gideon then gets a dark look and snaps his fingers. Killbone and Ghost Eyes proceed to beat the kid up. The lesson then starts. The twins end up really good at it and have fun. The ending is funny. Gideon walks them home and Gideon offers to let Ghost Eyes beat up some of their bullies for them. They at first decline, then a kid across the street yells, "Hey, it's Dip-Her and Metal Mouth! What did you do today, dorks? Lemme guess. Dip-her is trying to look like a guy again by cutting her hair!" Dipper yells back that he's not a girl anymore. The guy responds with a sarcastic, "Right. And you expect me to believe that? I'm sure the boys will love a wanna-be tomboy!" Dipper then growls and says to Gideon, "I changed my mind. Go crazy." Gideon smiles, nods and gives Ghost Eyes and Killbone a thumbs up. They then keep walking as the two ex-criminals proceed to punch the kid.

AN: Just set blue screen to my wallpaper

The little blue boy in the little blue suit went up to the big old house filled with people who still didn't fully trust him. He rang the bell and was greeted by Dipper and Mabel with Killbone and Ghost Eyes behind him. "Hello! Just the twins I was looking' to meet today!"

"Hey, Gideon what's up? You're not going to turn evil on us again are you?"

"What? No! heavens no. I've come to invite you to go skating with me. They're just here because kids can be cruel" just then Hot Wings was walking around in the forest with his sword drawn constantly repeating the words, "don't mind me just taking my sword for a walk, pretend I was never here." and they ignored him. "That's really sweet of you but we don't really know how to skate."

"Oh that's quite alright I can teach you, and if you fall down I'll show you a video my daddy took of me learning how to skate to cheer you up" to which Dipper replies "that sounds fun" and they went. Upon arrival, the twins immediately witnessed a child mock Gideon's hairdo resulting in the immediate termination of his determination. Shortly after Dipper and Mabel were wearing skates and sitting on a bench while Gideon tried to explain that you can't stand still and wear skates unless your feet were either right next to each other or intersecting in a way that prevented the other from advancing. It took them a while but they got used to it and soon were zooming around the park in skates because skateboards are fickle and I still don't know how to ride one thus can't explain. Towards the end of the day, they get some ice cream and thank Gideon for the lesson the day and the hilarious video of Gideon shouting at the top of his lungs after being laughed at by his filming parents. When it came time to leave he offered to let them ask Killbone and Ghost eyes to beat up their bullies because they're sympathetic and want to help by making personal sure the bullies are disciplined but they graciously declined… all too soon… just as he'd finished saying "No thanks" some kid shouted over to them, "Hey, it's Dip-Her and Metal Mouth! What did you do today, dorks? Lemme guess. Dip-her is trying to look like a guy again by cutting her hair!" through a loud protest from Dipper undermined by the louder crack of his voice the kid gained fuel for his verbal abuse and tacked on "Right. And you expect me to believe that? I'm sure the boys will love a wanna-be tomboy!" Dipper growls, in clear agitation as the kid laughs, and says to Gideon, "I changed my mind. Go crazy." The two men who'd been standing beside Gideon where at a moment's notice already on top of him and punching him for displeasing Gideon's "friends"

AN: Sorry couldn't think of anything more I could add to this I am very tired and I think I've been counting the time wrong… I haven't slept since around ten in the morning on Friday it's Wednesday… so no I've been counting right, 113 hours 3 AM I think I got some sleep last night but I'm not sure, I'll stop counting though.


	73. Last shorts

Last shorts

AN: important to note that these shorts will be both the dream invasion shorts and the Dipper and Mabel in California shorts in one pile cause I don't feel like making more fractions in my shorts. After this is done I'll write one final chapter and the story will be marked as completed thus ending this fanfic and leaving it for the internet to decide its worth. I hope it was everything you ever asked for.

Manly Dan

Manly Dan's dream

Sixer618 #26? Manly Dan is wrestling a racoon for a bag of beef jerky. It claws him in the Oompa-Loompas and walks away victorious.

AN: these sure look short you don't mind if I turn these really short suggestions into subplots in a much more complex storyline do you? Because I don't know if I have the mental capacity to limit myself to something like this and do well. I also have doubts about being able to take the aforementioned action.

Bill get's bored and decides to invade the town's Worst memories and reveling in their anguish Starting with Dan. he had just one bad memory and it started out on a day like any other the sun was shining the birds were chirping and he arose from his bed screaming as loud as his lungs could possibly allow for crack of dawn likewise the rest of the family arose and rushed into the kitchen for their breakfast eating fast for fear that all the food'd be gone if they didn't eat it first. Eventually Hot Wings stumbled in asking if their wake up call could be a little less "the house is on fire" more "what a beautiful day why spend it indoors?" the table was clean with no food in sight he simply shrugged and stumbled over to lie on the couch his clothes still a mess because he didn't like pajamas. A bottle of whisky loosely hung from his hand his tie loose and his hair … well… as knotted as it always was, but more visible too. Dan told him that if he didn't get off his a** and do something productive with his life he'd grow soft and even a child could beat him up. He lowered his shades the slightest bit to give him a glimpse of his eyes, crimson Irises and slitted pupils that were themselves eyes with slitted pupils endlessly the slits were eyes within eyes indefinitely (was easier to draw than to explain) basically eyes infinitely cascading into nothing this all happened in a second as his stony gaze pierced him and he said simply, "try me." later Dan was battered and bruised and a bit tired he saw Wendy had sat down on Hot Wings and was watching TV while he slept, the bottle still dangling loosely in his grasp just half full now. Dan thought this was the perfect opportunity to have "the talk" and tried to, as not-awkwardly as possible, explain that people's actions have consequences. She seeing where this was going explained to him that there was nothing between them they just enjoyed each other's company and were happy to share booze until he had to go back home and take responsibility for the kingdom he should be running. Having been found out and torn down was more than a little embarrassing and he felt like he really needed a win today and instead of wrestling bears in the woods like he would have done if he wasn't still sore from the morning he decided to sit on the dumpster and eat to attract a random creature to fight. The first to see him was a bear, lucky for him it was a bear he'd beaten before so it just roared and walked away, a gull swooped down and stole a morsel before he could react, he acknowledged it's speed and respected its decision not to fight him. Eventually, he fell asleep waiting with an open bag of beef jerky on hand. He wasn't gripping it too tightly but when something's taken from him he notices. And it just so happened that a little bandit had sneaked up on him and silently taken his jerky comically replacing it with an empty bag. He awoke and pretended to sleep until it decided to try and escape when it jumped off the dumpster he jumped after it. Upon landing in a wide stance, crouching to better face off against the short opponent he began swiftly punching and missing the agile target trying his hardest to hit it but he was still tired from having been asleep, still sore from being beaten and still had slightly blurry vision from having just opened his eyes. The raccoon saw his misguided confusion and took the opportunity to escape between his legs getting in a few swipes of his own before walking away leaving Dan on the floor angry, not just at the raccoon but at himself for having been defeated by such a small creature, later the raccoon was worshiped by the bears and other woodland creatures for having taken down Dan cheap a move as it may be… then again it was Hot Wings who told him so he wasn't so sure.

AN: Atbash Bill I recently discovered that though it is possible to burn the little paper/foil thing that the teabags are in and it looks kinda cool but it makes the tea taste bad… then again I didn't like earl grey at first then I added lemon tea and this oily black tea got a new name, "Earl of Lemongrab" also I'm out of lemon tea and we didn't get more after making salsa like we usually do also my family's concentrated hot sauce as I insist on calling it is no longer as spicy to me as it once was I can't fathom the reason but it still tastes good anybody know where I can buy ghost peppers? For reference, my friend said the chilis I use are called "Heartbreakers" but my mom says they're "chiles de Arbol" because they come from trees. Anyway my cut tastes like burning and I added too little sugar so many regrets will finish tea though

* * *

Wendy

Wendy on the air

Sixer618 #27? Wendy as a 12-year-old is in class when her braces start to pick up a radio station, an interview with Michael Jordan. (She was freakishly tall when she was 12, remember?)

AN: My wifi might be slower now because I downloaded a bunch of themes I won't even start on fairy tale because I know I'll never finish but I will continue until I get to the Christmas episode I wanted to see. I keep forgetting to watch FlashGitz's live streams in the middle of every week.

Wendy woke up with a frown on her face knowing that in addition to being abnormally tall for a girl of her age, she would also be teased for having braces and the inherent inability to speak that comes with them, however temporarily, she ate her breakfast to a lecture from her dad about how in the wild if she ate slowly she wouldn't survive and her sadness would be her undoing, then he told her no one in the entire school could win in a fight with her anyway, solely because she's a Corduroy. She shrugged it off and rolled her eyes choosing instead to eat the terrible breakfast the school provides. When she arrived young Robbie asked her, "how's the weather up there?" because little boys have no idea how to tell girls they like them. She offered to fight him and he backed off, except on his way to retreat like he would have on any other occasion he made the mistake of looking back to ask, "did you just say, 'you ashing fow a fight'?" her face turned red and she told him to shut up and he ran away laughing thinking that she'd remember him now, cause again kids can't distinguish good publicity from bad. During the boring social studies class where even the teacher was bored stiff, the teacher yawned causing the entire class to yawn. And while all their mouths were opened they heard the strangest thing, "so Mr Jordan, what was it like being the tall kid in class?"

"Well you know, kids can be cruel and they have no idea how great you're going to be you just gotta show em later when everyone sees who's laughing now" the teacher gave up on teaching using the excuse, "why teach history when we can watch it unfold" thus the class got a half day and everyone got five extra points on the test because the teacher neglected to teach them. The entire time before the test everyone called her Radiohead and asked how the reception was "up there" and while she always had a rebuttal thought up the day before every time she opened her mouth "Ziggy played guitar..."(Ziggy Stardust) and a different song from the same seventies radio station every time. When she got home Dan asked if he had to go back to the school and remind all the kids how strong her dad was but she asked him not to and instead asked for a screwdriver so that she could at least change the station every now and again. "...now she walks through her sunken dreams…"(Life on Mars)

AN: I didn't know what to put in for a dialogue so… on another note, my nephew started wearing similar clothes to mine… so I've heard. He asked for an origami dragon, took the white hat that didn't fit me and put his black bandana on it. Even asked how many feathers I have and a bow tie. Probably didn't want to put in the effort and wear a necktie backwards. If I were to wear a bow tie I'd like it to be Alucard's bowtie… from Hellsing in case, you don't watch as much dark gory comedy as I do. Anyone else like parodies? I want the death parade theme song played at my funeral everybody's sad and then an obnoxiously cheerful song reminds everyone of exactly the kind of person I am, the kind with no knowledge of how to cheer up a grieving person and though I know it'd be better if I stay silent I can't help trying in the only way I know how in a way that will make you feel even worse because I suck at comforting people. Rarely do I succeed but when I do everyone's happy cause I shut up.

* * *

Mutual embarrassment

Sixer618 #28? Dipper tells her about his second time-travelling adventure (Blendin's game), where he meets a young version of her and she remembers what she said about him.

AN: I've never done well with cringe… in the past when I was determined to fit something I wouldn't be able to proofread I had my brother to correct my grammar for me but he doesn't like spoilers and I've neglected to download the series and show him… well, I did but my sd card stopped working and I need the money I would have spent on a two terabyte flash drive to pay for library fines on my stolen card, so… if it doesn't make too much sense I'm doing the best with what I got.

O Dipper and Wendy were on not a date to catch up on what had happened while they were away and other stuff Wendy was talking about how taking care of an alcoholic was actually very much like taking care of a baby, they don't want to sleep they always want their bottle they spit up and you have to carry them, depending on how much they've drunk/how clingy the baby. Dipper decided to casually mention the second time travel adventure with Mabel when they passed laser tag and he told her it used to be a mattress store, not so subtly reminding her that ten years ago, Soos' last birthday, she called him cute and Tambery told him to which he replied a difference in age. She responded by bending down to the point where she was looking up at him and gasped saying how she remembered that day and that he "un-repressed" her repressed memory. ('ts been a while since I've seen the show and only watched once through so correct me if I'm wrong)Which posed the question who rejected who first? Then they tried to decide who made the mistake of liking someone older than them first. Then Dipper pointed out that her drunk baby was gone and she lifted the fabric on her shoulder and noticed a full suit on her back plus the hat on her shoulder. When she turned around he was "streaking" in a full suit of armour, his hair fluttering in the breeze with a trail of vomit everywhere he went as he tried to barter for things with barf covered gold, immediately Wendy said, "hey is that a reason to leave?" and ran after him, Dipper awkwardly followed behind her a few steps back carrying the tux as to have a reason for following her regardless of the fact that he could just manifest more clothes if he so chose. He bumped into her while she was trying to figure out which way he was going and quickly explained his reasoning before the two awkwardly ran next to each other looking for the alcoholic in whatever passes for a Chucky cheeses there in the ball pit lying face down and making all the little children cry, cause he wasn't breathing, didn't have a pulse and looked like he drowned in the ball pit. When they caught up they had to apologize to management for his behavior get his tux back over the surprisingly intricate armour and give him the strongest coffee they could give him, paste made from crushing caffeine pills and adding very little water to try and make as much caffeine as possible for the water and forced him to drink in an attempt to sober him. When he came to he said, "you know, when dumb teens get alcohol poisoning the doctors force them to drink carbon… did that not occur to you?" he then proceeded to regurgitate a full-sized live sheep which Wendy then had to apologize to the petting zoo for at the end of the day Wendy realised she never did get to finish her not date with Dipper. And Hot Wings told her something interesting, "there was a time when age was really just a number and a fifty-year-old man could marry a fourteen-year-old, then they started calling it pedophilia because of one Catholic priest and now age is the biggest deal to the point an eighteen-year-old can't date a seventeen-year-old even if their birthdays are one day apart if they so much as cross one simple legal boundary the older could be called a predator because of it but it's OK for an eighty-year-old to go after a twenty-year-old. I get that there are some boundaries you just don't cross on your own morals but there comes a time where age really is just a number and for me, it represents the number of bodies piling up outside my door every time someone seeks revenge for something I definitely did."

AN: I don't know why I did that one last monologue but it is kinda messed up if you think about it, Japan is right that people should be allowed when they're younger just so long as they're protected from the older people but at the same time one day deters people and I'm rambling again. I plan on running for political office one day so don't expect me to ever reveal my name here even if you want to vote for me, hell if Trump could be president so can everybody, he proves you don't have to be skilled or qualified to get the job. Either way, it kinda makes sense that this is something a two-thousand-year-old man would ask the teenage girl he's been drinking with. Good morning internet I'll see you when I upload in what is the afternoon for me… probably I can't seem to wake up as early as I used to.

* * *

Hot Wings

Not what you think

Sixer618 #29? There's only one memory. It just starts somewhere epic, with Hot Wings starting to say, "If only people knew the truth, that I once did have a name, but not anymore. That name was-" (Bill cuts him off) Bill: BOO! Boring! (leaves Hot Wings' mind)

AN:I'm going to add a slight modification to this short which should become obvious at the end also I just realised I could have had Bill do commentary this whole time but I'm not sure if any of this is getting to you guys I am very tired and don't really like going back to double check cause I'm about to finish season one of nanatsu no taizai both reading and watching, my brother just finished season 3 of Rick and Morty so now I gotta either get another really big storage thing or just show him the rest of no game no life he seems to like that show.

Hot Wings Stood atop a pile of corpses as the sun began to set over the vast forest and the nearby castle. Behind him was a mansion suspended in the air on a giant hovering magnetic plate, connecting this to the ground was a snakelike staircase biting down on the plate with its tale in the ground. The pile nearly reached the lip of the metal in height and was certainly taller than all their trees. Strategically placed bodies so that none would fall into the clear blue pond below the Floating Fortress. The men and women that made up the pile were from all walks of life and all sorts of races in a great variety of clothing from modern to Victorian to even beyond that. His tux unbuttoned revealing the red stains on his white shirt beneath the suit where they weren't visible before. A glass of red wine in one hand. His other hand gently held the handle of the sword keeping it from falling, but not really stabbing into anything… or anyone… "How did it come to this… why must every generation seek validation through bloodshed… why do people think that after trying to kill me I'd let them live… why do they always produce an heir to succeed them only in accumulated vengeance that will never come to pass… *takes a sip* if only people knew the truth, that I once did have a name, but not anymore. That name was-"

"BOO! Boring!" and he left his mind disappointed. Then out of the pile multiple people looking identical to the man standing on top emerged, the blue one, Joy, first "Is he gone? Can we plot world domination now?" one dressed in white was standing right beside the one drinking, Righteous, and said, "which world? Conquering for the sake of conquering amounts to nothing *whispers* you think he bought it?"

"Of course he bought it otherwise why would he leave?" asked the one drinking, for the sake of consistency let's call him Indifference. "Not that it wasn't fun to see all the dead people we slashed down for a play to convince him that we had nothing to hide you almost lied didn't you?"(Joy)

"Not really as separate entities we all take on a handle based on the emotion we show the most of but collectively we're nameless and have always been"(Indifference)

"You honestly don't care what he thinks of us, do you? What if he tells everyone that we as a whole carry your worthless title?"(Righteous)

"Then we'll correct the mistake simple as that"(Indifference)

"I'm getting bored stuck in your head all the time can I come out to play?"(Joy)

"The last time we did what you wanted everyone hated us"(Indifference)

"And here I thought you didn't care about public opinion"(Righteous)

"I don't but it makes it harder to live with random strangers when they hate you, wait where's Malice?"(Indifference)

"Tied up in the mental vault you don't have to worry about another accidental massacre"(Righteous)

"You guys feel that?"(Indifference) immediately everyone else hid and the sun became a giant slit eyeball as he finished with "...and thus I never did brush my teeth with a shark ever again"

"Oh No I left too soon and the memories here are all either behind locked doors or deleted within seconds of happening… how broken is this mind"

"Bill I know you're there"

"Were you manipulating a memory to get me to leave?"

"Honestly, most of these bodies rotted away decades ago"

"So I didn't miss anything?"

"Believe me if I wanted you to know, you'd know"

"So you're no fool was all this just an act to garner sympathy?"

"If I wanted to garner sympathy I'd go to the universe where teddy bears are living beings, as to why I drink let's just say it helps ease the pain"

"Whatever. I'm out"

AN: Just so you Know I set his dream in his homeworld. there is a literal file on my computer labelled "procrastination station" but it's fine cause I said I'd only do one short a day and now I'm OK. totally unrelated but does anyone else call their own brain Brian as a reference to Tomska?

* * *

Soos

Accidental sasquatch

Before I even start this let me just Say China IL did this already

Sixer618 #30? Soos secretly tries Ford's experimental hair growth formula to grow a goatee because he met some "flannel-wearing dude who could do a perfect impersonation of Me, Mr Pines, Bill and McGucket" who had one (He thinks "his name was...Alan Hirx? Meh, something like that." Get it? Alex Hirsch?) (Soos is unable to grow facial hair. The hairs he has he glues on himself. True story!) It works at first, but then he grows hair all over his body so he looks like a giant, clothes-wearing, talking gopher. Ford scolds him and has to wax the hair off.

AN: Okay, so I was going through my songs when I saw Bon Jovi and immediately thought, the world's best bar singer Bon Jovi and clicked it, completely forgetting the volume was all the way up on both computer settings and the song's settings immediate, "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!" and I hit mute. RIP eardrums. That was completely on a whim, I wasn't even looking for Bon Jovi. I went looking for Flogging Molly "seven deadly sins", way quieter song… I actually fell asleep to "drunken lullabies" yesterday. What's that sleep medicine made by Nyquil, that's basically sleeping pills for people who can't take pills, called again? Cause I don't have the storage space to download the Daoko playlist I've saved on youtube. Should I start a go fund me to buy a two terabyte drive?

Wandering the basement Soos looked around more confused than anything trying his best to find anything that remotely looked like it could help him grow facial hair. Upon the first container bearing the words "hair" and "growth" on the label. He swiped it and rushed over to the nearest mirror glossing over the instructions and getting a tiny paintbrush to add hair where he wanted it. He got his goatee but immediately after he smiled at the results Ford entered and warned him against using the bottle he was holding but it was too late. When he turned back to the mirror he saw himself completely covered in hair from head to toe. Hot Wings teleported in grabbed the bottle picked up a quill and scribbled in barely legible handwriting, "just shave where you don't want hair" at the bottom of the instructions before tossing the sealed jar back to him. And fading out in a cloud of red mist. Ford quickly jarred some of the mist in an empty jar and waited for it to settle before running some tests and confirming that it's blood. Hot Wings latter returned placing his fingerless hand in the jar and removing it fully fingered. Then he melted out of the room. When Ford asked Soos why he would risk messing around with untested experimental materials. So he told him, "I met a flannel-wearing dude who could do a perfect impersonation of Me, Mr Pines, Bill and McGucket. He was at the mall doing caricatures in the mall next to Mabel I thinks his name was...Alan Hirx? Meh, something like that" Ford is unable to read the new instructions and decides to wax Soos adding insult to injury by scolding him all the while leaving the more delicate areas to… professionals…

AN: by now you've realised without prompts I go off on tangents that don't tie in with the beginning and end up as boring as everyday life like my author's notes. Does anyone reading this story still read the author's notes? Cause I stopped caring about what I say in these and usually make them into whatever I'm thinking about while/before writing. You ever want to not want something? When I look up at the night sky I see white and when there aren't clouds it's still blue to me, is that normal? Or can everyone see that the sky is never black? whether filled with stars or light pollution the sky's never been black for me. Seriously it affects my ability to sleep.

* * *

How did this happen?

Sixer618 #31? Soos gets stuck in a tree due to sap.

AN: had to go back and check to see that this was its own suggestion and as happens frequently with simple suggestions with nothing to build on I'm left with last resort option in writing, blow prompt so far out of proportion it's like it never existed. I haven't done this since elementary school when I wrote my first fanfic about me in X-men Legends II one of the few games I could play at the time. The prompt was to describe a scenario where I was on a desert island, rather than write simply "I'd starve to death trying to start a fire" I ended up writing an impromptu fanfic about the Savage land where it all turned fantasy, lucky no one fact checked me to see that I was entirely wrong on how Marvel described the savage land but it ended with everyone falling asleep after a gladiatorial game let's just hope I can do that again here with this.

Waiting… anxiously waiting, until the final second when the final bell tolls and all are free to leave. Hoping yearning for the last second to come faster as the teacher drones on as if tearing everyone's hair out simultaneously as his voice becomes noise a noise that only serves to make every second last an eternity. A heart beats, the clock shifts the bells toll. Never before has there been a greater disregard for human life then these students tearing clawing reaching to taste freedom however temporary it may be as an explosion of young adults came out of the school all at once. Every teacher was mortified at their speed looking down empty hallways as the minds of tomorrow just blew off the knowledge they devoted their lives to finding and passing on to the next generation, this ungrateful generation that would rather waste their time then contribute but in their hearts, they know that they lack the privilege to follow. A week of grading tests awaits the teachers while the teens party. Wendy met up with her friends shortly after in an edge load coffee shop where a poetry reading was happening to avant-garde music in the back corner where they got some coffee, tea, cupcakes, muffins and biscuits while discussing how they were going to sneak in food to the concerts they were going to go to and how best to crash the parties to come. They noticed Wendy hadn't brought Hot Wings and she responded that they didn't need a fountain of exposition and alcoholism to have fun. They then started pulling pranks on as many people as they could. Starting with tricking the police into thinking tomorrow was a school day then hanging out at the bell tower where they watched a lot of kids getting arrested for truancy while they ate popcorn when the police learned that they were tricked the teens bought as many ten dollar phones as they could they started calling the police with false vandalism reports all over town keeping the cops away while Wendy and most of the gang spray-painted rainbow unicorns on every wall of the police station Robbie acting as the decoy leaving a trail of "I was here" everywhere the cops went and reporting back when the cops had found the place they last reported. By the end of the day the officers were actually glad to see the police station's makeover saying, "I know the new mayor promised us a remodel after what happened to the town but this is more than we could have possibly hoped for." in a random cell were the words "we were here" and they decided to let the people who'd vandalised the town off the hook. On the way back down Pretentious ave. to get to the edge lord cafe they found Hot Wings goating a man in a tree into finishing his bottle he kept refusing, even after he offered him some paperclips and a Subway coupon. Upon closer inspection they found Soos in the tree stuck in sap and buzzed. They asked what he had in the bottle to which he responded with a smile, "it's half a bottle of one-fifty-one proof rum (75.5% alcohol). I told him I'd get him unstuck if he could finish the bottle for me, he gave up after one shot"

"That burns really bad though dudes"

"Stop being such a baby and drink the bottle" Wendy stopped them from continuing their argument and asked politely, "can he have help?"

"Are you going to be a lightweight about it?"

"Not all of us can drink a brewery out of house and home in a day like you can."

"Fair enough." and he gave them the bottle and some shot glasses. My math might be off but that's at least three, four shots per person, at least. Regardless Wendy drank the most out of all of them so she could hold her liquor better than any of her normal friends and they did free Soos but they did all collapse Soos included and begin to vomit. He knew they'd all gotten alcohol poisoning and for that, he called them all lightweights before walking up to each of them individually and touching where there respective livers were but above their clothes and one by one they all got up completely fine but still very inebriated. Robbie had the bright idea that everyone should go skinny dipping in the lake cause when are they ever going to have the courage/stupidity to ever do that again and they made a beeline for the lake where they did exactly that With Hot Wings hovering protectively over the lake, keeping a firm eye out for police whilst simultaneously taking some nice landscape pictures at night with more than just the water and dim light in the pictures. He later sent these to Dipper with the caption, "Pay up" to which he replied, "alright you win I guess I owe you one dollar" he cheered so loud Dipper could swear he heard him in California that very second.

AN: I wrote my own prompt for this. For the sake of reaching the word limit I'll include it, also I thought you'd like to see how I write prompts. Set spring break: day. Concept: Wendy and friends are painting the town come to find Hot WIngs trying to get Soos to down a bottle of one-fifty-one in exchange for him getting him off the tree, Soos gives up after one shot, Wendy asks if he has to do it alone or if he could get help, Wendy and friends get alcohol poisoning, Hot Wings reveals ability to heal extends to this as well, drunk teens plus Soos shamelessly go drunk skinny dipping in the lake at night while Hot Wings stands watch to keep the authorities away, and supply cheap liquor, for the drunk teens having not so clean fun. Dipper ends up seeing because Hot Wings decided to send him pics on phone Dipper concedes to losing the bet, expand on bet later.

* * *

Through the walls

Sixer618 #32? Soos' journey home from the corn maze where he is chased by a very angry crow.

AN: at my sister's house writing this short, babysitting nephews but the one that wants to look like me is still up apparently still wants to play four king square with me but I'm tired of thinking so I sent him to bed didn't get any sleep this morning. Yesterday morning for those of you of you reading as I update which has stopped showing on the site because I'm only re-uploading a chapter it seems to think I'm doing nothing but I am and it won't show until the end comes out and I mark this story complete. Gonna be harder working with an active spell check but I'll try my best as soon as I finish my ramen and about half of this black tea. Started watching Dr Who, I find that though it's heavily reliant on deus ex machinas, but more geared towards world building and character development so I suppose I'll continue, I started on season one if you were wondering. Black tea is way better than earl grey I wonder why I was drinking it.

Soos finds himself lost in the maze for the third day having nothing but corn to eat can get pretty boring so he started writing in the dirt trying to figure the way out by marking off all the dead ends but the corn weevils saved him before he got the chance to solve the maze on his own. On his way back an angry crow saw him eating corn and chased him all the way back to the barn. The barn worker just thought Soos had come to eat his cows like he assumed he ate half his corn field. After a brief explanation as to what happened, he asked to use a phone to call his employer to come pick him up. Stan, however, decides against it as doing so would draw suspicion to him for destroying the cornfield. Soos rode a cow all the way back stopping to smell the flowers the cow hadn't eaten and eventually got home smelling worse than the hippies Stan used to not even attempt to swindle because he thought hippies have no money to swindle.

AN: couldn't think of any more to add without my deus ex machina you know how when you read the symptoms for a disease you immediately think you have the disease? Cause unlike Sheldon I don't know the symptoms so I'll ask, what are the symptoms of dysentery? I feel real bad but at the same time, I could just be dehydrated… or is it the other way around?... if this is up on Saturday it's because I had wifi today and wrote until three in the morning as usual but uploaded anyway… also, there won't be a chapter on Sunday cause as I've said before I don't do anything on Saturdays… also, I might be going to a wedding…. I won't know anyone and I won't be interacting with anyone but any reason to put on a tux is a good reason. couldn't think of any more to add without my Deus ex machina

* * *

Robbie

Worst kind of incarceration

Sixer618 #33? Robbie accidentally spills peanut butter on his pants, which causes him to be chased by a large mob of squirrels which rips his pants off.

AN: just finished showing "no game no life" season one to my brother, would recommend for anyone who likes cold calculated games of life and death... and if you don't mind fan service… also, shut-ins who'd prefer to live in a game world. Asked my sister if I could have no game no life poker cards for my birthday on the first Sunday of next month. She gave me a solid maybe. You know what's a good game for making sure you have all the cards in a deck? … 52 pick up

Robbie was super bored one day and thought it would be a good idea to put a full jar of peanut butter in the microwave. He also thought it bright to pour the liquid peanut butter onto his toast instead of using either a spoon or butter knife to do it. In his foolishness, the brown sticky liquid splattered onto his pants and left a mess he thought would be easier to hose off then to clean by traditional methods. Whilst outside a hungry little critter from outdoors came to meet him but he dealt poorly with the woodland creature who sought to help him clean himself of the blatant stain. It soon returned with a small group of its friends and presumed to assault him for his transgressions against their brethren when one merely desired to help him. In response to their increase in number, he fled towards the police hoping animal control would aid him in his current predicament but as he ran the squirrels in the trees found him being chased and aided their brethren in the hunt for the stain in his otherwise black pants. Right at the door of the authorities, the squirrels succeeded in removing not only the stain but his trousers with them. He wasn't given time to explain his lack of clothes and incarcerated for indecent exposure until his pants were found in the trees by a certain winged friend who had a little chat with the squirrels and played it off as if Robbie had a mental handicap so as to persuade them to relinquish the trousers and desist in future endeavours for any stain that he might make later.

AN: if you've ever seen the BBT abridged movie you've probably heard the line, "indecent exposure is a class two felony" and if not this is as verbose a segment as I was willing to give Robbie and since I always have to persuade peanut butter to come out with a knife I figured the only possible way for it to spill is for him to either actually have a mental handicap or for the peanut butter to be uncharacteristically runny… does anyone have runny peanut butter? Am I the only one who has to deal with hard stubborn peanut butter? Speaking of pants my mom made me trousers out of a blanket but the tear in my flannel is now about three inches away from my armpit, basically whether buttoned or unbuttoned one gust of wind and it doesn't matter. Anyone know how to get the site to recognize that I've updated? Also just watched "Good Game" on youtube red the free episode that came at the beginning and almost want to get youtube red now but I need a card to use the free trial so I have a feeling it's not really free cause if it were free it would just let you watch for free and cut you off at the end of the trial period instead of just charging you without notice one random day in the future. To think I was thinking about paying for that when I got a job. BTW anyone know someone who's hiring? Also, might take a sabbatical in future from Thursday to Saturday probably won't affect Thursday's chapter but would delay Sunday's. It's for a scholarship so don't try to talk me out of it. Also they said I could Start school as early as January so update time might dramatically decrease if this story makes it that far.

* * *

Animal Animosity

Sixer618 #34? Waddles chases him up a tree.

AN: just watched the emoji movie spent the whole movie looking for the "I like trains" music video

Robbie was walking about listening to illegally downloaded music and singing along to himself, "this is your time to pay, this is your judgement day! We made a sacrifice and now we came to take your life!" off key and not noticing that people were staring nor really seeming to care, "we shoot without a gun, we'll take on anyone. It's really nothing new, It's just a thing we like to do!" Bill thought the song sounded familiar and left for a bit to look at the memories of the guy who can literally see the entire internet at once and found him watching ATHF, the cheerful tune started then it turned metal and the same lyrics appeared. When Bill popped back into Robbie's dream he was provoking Waddles and jumping up to higher ground before he could do anything laughing at him all the while, Hot Wings passed him by carrying a ghetto blaster and started playing the song in the cassette which happened to be Christmass demolition. He seemed to like that the second he closed his eyes Hot Wings tore the rock out from under him and Robbie was tackled by Waddles, Stumbling backwards he asked, "What did I do to deserve this?" Waddles and Hot Wings turned to each other and when they turned back Hot Wings was smiling and Waddles was charging. Robbie ended up climbing the nearest tree in the hopes of escaping the furious pig. "It's just so much fun watching someone get what they have coming to them." at that moment Christmas demolition finished and it continued with "Party Party Party" Robbie started trying to throw things to make Waddles go away as Hot Wings sat back and watched with popcorn in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. Robbie took this opportunity to ask him where he got the boom box and he responded by pulling a Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird out of his hat. Inside the blackbird was a bunch of booze and cassette tapes… which in retrospect probably shouldn't be kept in a plane capable of Mach 5. When Robbie asked to pilot it he agreed on the condition he wouldn't have to bring him back to life if he crashed and burned. He landed it in the ocean but still managed to wet himself and pass Hawaii at the same time so… life goals. Bill had a great time laughing at him screaming in the cockpit as Did How Wings as he laughed on the Wing of the plane messing with his steering and scarring him beyond all comprehension. When he landed Hot Wings asked him if he remembered to put on the flight diaper when he asked where that was he immediately responded with, "I'm not cleaning that up… also, Waddles Still hasn't forgiven you." he then procured the frightened pig and Robbie swam to Japan which wasn't really that far all things considered. Hot Wings ended up sticking Waddles in the cockpit and telling the guy he hired to clean it that it was the pig. Robbie flew all the way back in a diaper and when he got to shore everyone heard him crinkle. He wasn't even allowed time to change himself before Waddles chased him up another tree.

* * *

Not that kind of metal fan

Sixer618 #35? Ford is experimenting with the magnet gun, and Robbie walks nearby. His earrings are accidentally magnetized, so he ends up attracting all kinds of metal.

Ford and Hot Wings were standing just outside the town in a few trees and Ford was trying to adjust his magnet gun to gravitate towards the organic metal sprouting from his fingertips and constantly growing into armour. Apparently, the ions in metal were different and up until now the magnet gun has had no effect on him regardless of the fact he walks about in a full suit of armour beneath his tux. Also probably why metal detectors don't work on him here. By the time they actually got it to work Hot Wings had wandered off because a butterfly crossed his path. Ford ran after him trying to explain that he still hadn't worked out all the bugs in the gun and needed further testing. When Hot Wings Stopped he took the opportunity to fire, but he ducked causing the beam to hit Robbie dead in the face. He didn't feel any different and nothing seemed out of place so he just went about his business. Within minutes coins caught on keys held fast and necklaces were torn off. Eventually, he got stuck to a stop sign and stayed there until Ford came by and helped him take off his earrings. Just in time for Hot Wings to be added to the things stuck to the stop sign. Then a car passing by got stuck to and uprooted the stop sign taking Hot Wings with it. Eventually, he melted himself off the car and the collision with the stop sign broke the glass

AN: writing this I remembered the time my ex was telling me how cool she thought I'd look with piercings regardless of my blatant disapproval of needles and the process of pushing one through oneself in order to adorn themselves with cheap metal and/or plastic jewels. It finally stopped hurting to think about her… now my only source of depression is the fact that world domination is still pretty impossible.

* * *

Pacifica

Dead hair

Sixer618 #36? She accidentally uses brown hair dye instead of shampoo. So people start thinking she was not a natural blonde.

AN: Ok so I google translated something to see if I could say something to one-up my brother who learned how to say "kill yourself" in Japanese so I google translated a phrase, does anyone know what あなたの家族を殺す means? If you guess what I typed I'll tell my brother what it means and see how we can possibly make a game out of being linguists. Also as my hair gets lighter and lighter I saw some blond mixed in with the reds and browns in my hair. Btw does anyone reading this have a DeviantArt? I wanna do cosplays but don't have access to a camera anymore and am willing to do team cosplays maybe even role play as long as it's family friendly.

Pacifica was trying to convince Mabel & friends once and for all that she was a natural blond going so far as to let them search the house for hair dye and to prove to them it wasn't blond hair dye they applied it to her hair. When her hair turned brown they all agreed that it wasn't fake but when she tried to wash it out she got the shampoo and hair dye mixed up and ended up changing nothing. When she asked why they even had brown hair dye in their house her greying father popped his head in and left just as quickly. Pacifica asked if they could dye her hair back to its real colour but her mother advised against it because if you dye your hair too many times it falls out. And it's much easier to darken a hair colour than it is to lighten it. So she was stuck with brown hair for the time being. Whenever she went to school or town or pretty much any public place people would snicker and laugh about her having run out of hair dye but Hot Wings defended her by saying, "If she'd run out of hair dye the colour would have faded away over time, starting at the roots and working its way down not all at once." as thanks for defending her she offered to fulfil one request whatever he asked of her. He asked for her to straighten his hair and dye it to look like rainbow dash cause he was super drunk and thought it would be funny. She spent three hours combing and straightening before giving up and having a hired professional do it. Wendy laughed really hard when he showed her. He even told her not to tell sober him that it was his Idea. later Pacifica is having a bit of a chat with Wendy and Wendy tells her that something similar happened to her but that she had dyed her hair pink when she wanted it to be red. Pacifica asked what she could do to convince everybody that she was a natural blond now and she responded by running her fingers through her hair and explaining how much of a difference there is between the way natural hair and dyed hair feels. Pacifica tried using this to her defence but everyone made the argument that she just decided to dye her hair back to normal and that it would take a long time for her hair to not feel dead after years of dying her hair blond. Faced with the irrefutable argument she opted to bring Hot Wings in since he had dyed his hair on purpose and tried making the argument that it doesn't matter as long as it looks good. They refused to give her the satisfaction and she had to resort to letting her hair fade back to its natural colour over time. Boy how they mocked to the very last second. Claiming that she was using diluted hair dye to fade back to blond and claim it to be natural. No one could argue with how smooth it was though.

AN: I had two different Ideas I could have gone with here the one where she's being pranked for being unlikable(way in past) or the one with her using her father's hair dye, this just seemed like I could do more with the story. I always wondered what I would look like with blue or white hair but my hair's tangled enough as it is. Also sorry if this is late mom said not to go to the libary on Thursday. I just remembered I never finished watching My little pony. damn, what episode was I on I think I just started season two but I don't want to assume. Stopped watching shortly after she shattered my already eviscerated heart.(about a year ago next month)

* * *

Emma Frost for a week

Sixer618 #37? During one of her experiments with McGucket, she gets hit with some sort of ray by accident. She feels fine at first and goes home. She wakes up the next morning and sees something odd: there are silver-white streaks in her hair. Then her eyes change colour to silver-blue, her hair starts to shimmer and turn silver-clear. Then her skin turns very hard and becomes reflective, like a polished stone. The next day, her skin becomes reflective, she hits her head and it doesn't hurt, and she is starting to become afraid. Finally, she wakes up, looking like herself, except her hair is clear/silver/white, her pupils are ice-blue, and her entire body is shiny, clear, rock-hard and crystalline with crystal facets; basically a diamond version of herself. She has turned into living diamond. She starts to hyperventilate but then decides to get dressed and see McGucket. (When she walks outside, she feels tingly and looks around. As it turns out, the sun is shining through her head to become rainbows. McGucket is stunned and begins creating an invention to reverse the process, which should take a week. Soos thinks it's cool. Hot Wings is passed out. Wendy thinks it's a good look. Ford is amazed. Stan asks if her parents tried to sell her yet. (She glares and says, "No. At least I don't think so.")) So she spends the week like that, and several things happen.

AN: gt a new flannel but this one's red and I liked the green one better, plus the green one was a gift from my sister… don't know if I mentioned that but yeah… also, diamonds aren't clear that's actually one of the tests to see if it's real or not if you can put it up to a newspaper and read clearly it's either fake or glass. I also just realised clear means both blatantly obvious and transparent so… I don't know anymore.

Pacifica was called over to help old man McGucket with his experiments into reassembling atoms to make certain types of metals and crystals literally grow on trees, by some complicated process of simultaneously keeping the plant alive whilst adding in the change in structure without having to change the plant's needs but the rays have always acted too fast and no matter how far he slowed the process down the plants weren't resilient enough to handle the extra weight and always withered away. Pacifica was sent to move one of the rays that had been too slow and the plant it had shot shown no signs of change like the others but it as also still alive so he assumed the ray to either be useless or at the very least harmless. As it was getting late she decided that moving it to the living room was good enough, when she moved to leave it there it slid the slightest bit to the counter behind it and nudged the button with ended up bathing her in a blinding light. McGucket was quick to react however and pulled the plug on the machine. She hasn't noticed yet but in her hair, there's a bit of a white highlight in the right light. There was no other change in appearance so they assumed it was ok since the machine hadn't worked any way she went on her merry way. The next morning the highlights she didn't really pay much attention to became streaks of white hair that seemed like her hair was bleached in the night meticulously as some kind of prank by someone aware of the experiments she'd been helping with. What's more, her eyes seemed a lot whiter than usual almost blue. The next day she seems to shine more as if her entire body was covered in wax without feeling disgustingly constricted by it her hair a complete whitish silver and her eyes definitely bluer. The next day she slipped on the floor and hit her head on her nightstand but she didn't feel it regardless of the fact the dent in the wood was evident. In fear, she throws on the first clothes she sees in the closet and rushes over to McGucket who is baffled to see that the ray does work but not on the expected organic material and remarks that the healing process for plants may be too slow for them to withstand such a drastic change. She frantically asked him if there were any way to reverse it and he said that it may take a week along with a bit of animal testing to make sure it can be reversed with no harm done. She asks that he hurry so that she doesn't have to feel the strange sensation of light refracting through her whilst reflecting off her. She decides that since she'll be one of the weird things in gravity falls for a while she might as well visit the mananjary to see if the scientist behind their capture could offer any solace in this time of need... also, the pines are her friends now. On arriving at the mystery shack the first to greet her was Soos who remarked that she would probably be the strongest superhero cause she's made of the stuff that's used to cut pretty much everything that's too hard to cut. She thanks him for the awkward praise and enters the Shack to find Hot Wings asleep in the gift shop in a display case with a sign above him that reads, "Living angel fell asleep on my couch" Wendy remarks that she has a bright personality and no longer needs either jewellery or makeup anymore. If she weren't made of stone she might have blushed. Ford comes out of the basement looking very tired obviously having been so enthralled in his research that he either didn't sleep for days or was leaving to get his first real meal since going down… or both. She quickly caught his eye and he was almost scared of what stood before him. He began asking her how she felt what she thought of it and all manner of questions about her new exterior. She explained that in a misstep on her part the ray that was meant to turn plant to stone had turned her instead and McGucket was working on a machine to reverse it. Ford begins mumbling something about his theory being confirmed though the results aren't what he'd expected and the fact that her wanting to turn back was an undeniable factor that would prevent him from seeing if the living crystal form could grow. With all these thoughts floating around his head he almost forgot that he'd been living off ramen for the past few days and needed some other form of nourishment before he rediscovers "too much of a good thing" and the negative implications that come with it. Upon taking his reluctant leave Stan passes and sees that she's become a living gem, takes out a little hand-held magnifying scope one would use when looking at a gem before laughing to himself and asking if her parents had tried to sell her yet. She glared at him clearly unamused at his jest and states plainly, "No. At least I don't think so." Dipper at some point is pushed by Mabel into Pacifica and while she immediately notices where Dipper's hands are Dipper is just moaning about how he thinks both his wrists, along with most of his bones, are broken and is left on top of a very embarrassed Pacifica as she's rendered speechless at a complete loss for what to do. No one thinks to help them, and no one seems to care. Later the girls who used to be her friends try to prank Pacifica but can't seem to get under her thick skin. If they egg her one shower and she's clean if they light her on fire she exits unscathed they can't drown her because her lungs are also diamonds and unaffected by the water. They can't put something in her food because she can't really digest anything and thus doesn't hunger. Verbal insults don't affect her either because she knows that groveling is all they can do. Yet at the same time she can't date anyone with a heart of stone and though Mabel tries to get her to confess her feelings they seem to fade as her heart grows colder. In a food fight she's used as a shield, in class she's blamed for blinding the teacher and several students. At the end of it all she reports back a total lack of human emotions and is returned to normal as if nothing ever happened

AN: If I were to continue this story this could make for it's own series. Also, the experimentation on growing precious metals on trees came to me when I asked myself why McGucket would have such a ray and remembered I had Ford experiment on the bioorganic Silver coming from Hot Wings' fingertips as his nails which are constantly being ground down and generating armour.

* * *

malware

Sixer618 #38? She is helping McGucket with testing a new bio-mechanical suit. So, basically, she's a cyborg. McGucket asks her to just go do what she normally does for 3 days to see if it helps her. So she goes to hang out at the Shack. Soos thinks it's really cool, s the two of them start doing things to test it. Unfortunately, a virus gets into the system and the suit comes to life, kicking Pacifica out of it. So she and Soos have to stop it from destroying Gravity Falls. (They just ask the mantaurs to punch some fire hydrants, causing it to get splashed and short-circuit. They take it back to McGucket, and she simply says, "Definitely needs a firewall or antivirus software.)

AN: OK so I might have friended someone I shouldn't have but I think I handled the situation well with a "begone thot" meme and all's well again. In complete contrast to my previous statement, during my visit to the college I don't remember specifying about I was in the presence of two girls from Oregon(IE we were all there but I had little opportunity to ask them about Oregon) who refuted any argument about the beach being cold by telling everyone about how much colder Oregon was, as a joke I offered a trip to Alaska as I wish to move there if only for a season because I do prefer cold weather. I think I will go to that college though they got people from all over the world and I am interested to see who else will arrive. Did you know that street signs were melting in Arizona this year? My sister showed me a picture while we were going to fix her windshield a while back. The repairman remarked that I was wearing a jacket in the heat and my sister told him that I was just cool like that, that made my day.

Invited over to her old house by old man McGucket, Pacifica looked on as he explained away all the different features and capabilities of this new suit that would help her live life easier such features include running without tiring, reaching the top shelf without a step stool, flying for a few seconds, bungy jumping from anywhere, and immediate proficiency in parkour, along with the basic self defence of a robot suit of course. After a bit of adjustment, the suit was fitted for her and she was asked to wear it for a few days and report back to see if it improved life or needed improvement. She immediately took this to mean, "off to the Mystery Shack" so she went. And again was greeted by Soos who thought it looked cool, the two proceeded to make videos of as many things as they could think to make it do, eventually, they found the only thing it lacked was a translate function and when they tried to download one the suit developed a will of its own. Pacifica was thought to hold the override passwords and the suit threw her out gladly before trodding on and trying to scan everything in the city, apparently selling the entire town on black market sites but as the transactions were taking place the suit was doused in water as every hydrant in the general vicinity was pulled off the ground like flowers to the mantaurs. When the suit fell over Soos and Pacifica high fived behind a bush and the mantaurs fist bumped and shouted, proclaiming their easy defeat of the machine that dared rage against them. They bring the fried, wet remains of the suit to old man McGucket and explain that it definitely needs some sort of firewall or antivirus software. Fiddleford calls Ford and while Ford is working on protecting the computer, Fiddleford is working on waterproofing the suit for future.

AN: I don't have dysentery… in case you were wondering. Also, don't know if I mentioned it but Hot Wings has an EMP on his left arm. Throughout the whole chapter I referred to it as "the suit" and never gave it a solid visual so… just imagine Pacifica as Samus like I did… I guess.

* * *

McGucket

Not sane yet

Sixer618 #39? McGucket, taking advice from Quentin Trembley, freezes himself in peanut brittle for a full week. He wakes up. Apparently, he was being used as a coffee table.

AN: I recently started watching XRA and think it's the most random show I've ever laid eyes on and I've seen ATHF. it stars a man, Xavier, who looks like a monkey man with a beak a snake as his left arm backwards facing legs a loin cloth and one crystal necklace. his right eye is blue and his left brown. He's on a quest for peace that also involves avenging his dead father and native American teacher after his candles set fire to his home and his teacher played dead to get him to leave. Whenever he approaches someone he gets beat up spouts an unending fountain of old sayings taken completely out of context and ends up fixing everything without doing anything reasonable, usually leaves destruction everywhere he goes but everything's only destroyed after he turns his back.

Ok, so McGucket and current/former president Quentin Trembly were meeting to see if any other things the commander in chief said have any scientific merit as he did preserve himself in peanut brittle. They discussed it over coffee except that Quentin in his attempt to out silly everyone even in ordering a beverage asked for a cup of tea made of coffee the barista just put a tea bag in the cup of coffee and he left to go to his table saying, "thank you, my good man. I'll exempt your whole family's taxes this year" and walked away without paying. The guy at the counter just sighed and thought to himself how much worse life as a starving African kid would be. Enter Hot Wings, the guy behind the counter informs him that the bar is on the other side of the street to which he replies, "good to know" followed by "I'll have the strongest coffee you got in the biggest cup you got" after receiving his coffee he pulled out two bottles with childproof caps one labeled "placebo" the other labeled caffeine and poured in as many pills as the cup could hold without spilling and made an effort to try to mix them together before drinking. Once he was satisfied he pulled out a flask and filled the rest of the cup with rum. Regardless Quentin trembly convinced McGucket that the only way to find any value in his ramblings and find method in his madness was to experience it himself and bought a lot of peanut brittle, and had himself frozen in not carbonite. After having been frozen Quentin sold him to the coffee shop as a piece of modern art they used as an extra table. Since people thought it was just a really well done three dimensional holographic picture they sat at it the most and the repeated spills wore it down and at the end of the week the cracks freed him and he only remembers that he was frozen and came away with no findings, the cafe, however, received half a block of solid peanut brittle with the imprint of an old man that they kept as a form of modern art… again...

AN: man I was sleep deprived if it doesn't make sense I'm sorry but I said I'd do one a day if able and I'm tired and need two hundred dollars to pay for books I didn't check out.

* * *

manly bacon

Sixer618 #40? McGucket loses his mind (again) temporarily after hitting his head and starts chasing Soos, screaming, "TOLD YA I WOULD STILL EAT YA! NOW COME HERE, MAN-PIG!" (Carpet Diem reference) He finally crashes into a tree and goes sane again. He apologizes to Soos. Soos buys him some bacon to eat instead in case it happens again.

AN: anyone else just notice yolo is just carpe diem for stupid people.

Old man McGucket was hanging out with Al Gore because he took pity on him in his inability to make friends because of his constant attempts to start an urban legend around manbearpig old man McGucket only hung out with him because he felt sorry for his inability to make friends in one of their attempts at spotting man bear pig Al Gore found Soos and asked himself why he couldn't at least look like a bear like Manly Dan or the mantaurs if they could find a fat mantaur that would completely pacify their quest but it was nigh impossible to find a fat one in the midst of all those muscle heads. Eventually, as they were running from what had to be the fourth angry momma bear old man McGucket slipped and hit his head on a rock. Al Gore was never seen in Gravity Falls again. Upon awakening he found himself to be hungry and heard the familiar voice of a swine that once fled his mouth and began to give chase screaming, "TOLD YA I WOULD STILL EAT YA! NOW COME HERE, MAN-PIG!" and he ran into the woods followed by the screaming old man until one of Al Gores traps left unactivated threw him into the air and hit his head on the way back down before hanging from the tree. Once Soos confirms his sanity he takes him to get breakfast in case he relapses again.

AN: you ever feel like bleaching your eyes? Well after finishing XRA I want to bleach my mind's eye, just when I thought it couldn't get more random the show goes full acid trip on me and I'm just along for the ride. My brain hurts I feel drained. I also, just realised how terrible a name "uncooked bacon" is for a pig.

* * *

Candy

Legally blind

Sixer618 #41? Candy accidentally gets paint on her glasses leading her to think she is "seeing spots."

AN: I tried showing my brother "My little pony" and he made me read his Gravity Falls fanfic based off of the few episodes he's seen… he ships Dipper and Pacifica. And to a lesser extent Candy. It's a one shot and looks perfect for bad fanfiction theatre.

Mabel and Dipper were given the OK from Gruncle Stan to paint the attic as they are welcome to stay anytime they like and Stan plans on being a Pirate with his brother for the rest of their days stopping at beaches to buy more rum and perhaps acquire information on local legends that seem worth investigating. Regardless the twins invited some friends over to help… Mabel invited friends Dipper just sat back and pondered which shade of blue to coat his side in once Mabel was done violently throwing colours around the room with friends. Friends invited included, Grenda, Wendy, Pacifica, and of course Candy. By the time Dipper had finally decided what colour he wanted he entered to find that all the paint had been used and the floor has extra floor on it now. Also, the ceiling and furniture were completely coated. Dipper sighed and then saw Candy Pacifica and Wendy all working together on a rainbow unicorn right next to Dipper's bed. For the rest of the day, the tiny specks on Candy's glasses had her seeing spots which she told people were following her. She refuses to clean her glasses until she gets home and the outsides of the specks of paint don't wipe off leaving round outlines on the glasses for the next few days.

AN: I need help on how Candy would act in… just how she would act. I should have paid closer attention instead of immediately going straight to "OMG BEMO!" and reminiscing about adventure time until she leaves the screen. I also just realised my new flannel is kind of waterproof when I tried to wet the sleeve to wipe my screen and the water slid right off. I decided to try and give the water time and though it did seep in, it felt dry on the other side… I am very tired.

* * *

Grenda

Miserable mail

Sixer618 #42? Grenada gets mad and gets her hand stuck in one of those old, big, and blue mailboxes.

AN: my mom's paranoid because I need to pay the libary a little under $200 so if I don't update or my updates are late blame her cause I need to call the library and ask to pay in instalments because I'm broke and unemployed. On with the show.

Twas Grenda's Birthday and her boyfriend had told her that she was to receive a gift in the mail, though every day she checked she assumed it would arrive the next day. Every day since he'd told her she checked and every day she grew more impatient but today of all days when her patience had finally run out she checked the front door she checked the post office and asked her parents if any mail had arrived for her, when all failed at once she ran outside and punched the nearest mailbox right in the slot. In her rage, she'd forgotten the size of her hands and got stuck. By noon an envoy came with flowers and birds and golden shiny things. This man laid the red carpet and on his signal, a horse-drawn carriage arrived carrying her boyfriend who himself was carrying a box of chocolates as several others gave her flowers. It only took them a minute to realise that she was stuck and it was the most awkward minute of him extending his hand for her to join him ever.

AN: sorry it's not much I couldn't think of more to do with this chapter.

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Gideon

Week of unintentional avarice

Sixer618 #43? Gideon gets glue all in his hair, which makes a lot of things stick to it for a full week.

AN: I think Alex Hirsch would want us to watch anime, you know take in some culture despite the fanservice.

Little boy blue was trying to get over his obsession with Mabel by taking Mabel up on her matchmaker offer and going out with Candy. He'd gotten all dressed up and done his hair, even put on the smallest bit of cologne. Which is pretty much normal for him but he was nervous and wanted to make a good first impression… again… but he mistook the spray on adhesive for hairspray and walks out the door oblivious to the trash beginning to collect, starting with flowers and dead leaves. When he arrived he tried coming on a lot less strong and emphasising his money less so as not to frighten Candy away as he thinks was where Mabel first found fault in him. He began giggling and when he asked her to tell him politely she merely pointed at the top of his head and he looked at himself in the silver spoon. He soon realised that not only did nature hitch a ride but it stuck and held fast. It's just as well they didn't have much in common and it was a good icebreaker while it lasted. Whenever he went to wash his hair what he'd collected throughout the day would collect in the drain. One guy was mean enough to throw a hat at him and he was stuck with it until the thinner they ordered arrived. Gideon and Candy decided to just be friends due to mutual unattraction.

AN: I have no idea why I wrote it like this but this can't be the first time anyone's ever thought of how power crazy Mabel would be in a matchmaking game where all the world's a stage and all the people are merely players. Also sorry for the unnecessary ship idea.

* * *

Not exactly an adventure

Sixer618 #44? Gideon being forced to dance in the Fearamid during Weirdmageddon.

AN: I just realised Star vs. the forces of evil season three was out and now I have the perfect segway to finish that story, if you're interested my OC is in that one too but his presence is seen more as a burden because they're all kids and he can split into several versions of himself… chose one hell of a landing site too.

Gideon in his little outfit would have felt humiliated by the clothes if they weren't so similar to his normal clothes, what really got to him was how fast Bill had all his prison friends petrified and conformed into his throne. Cowering in fear he pleaded for anything else, Bill jokingly told him that the only way his beam wouldn't freeze him is if he didn't stop moving, when he took that to mean run away he was met with a birdcage surrounding him with no swing just his tippy taps and frilly frills. Thus every time bill or one of his associates looked at him he had to be dancing or they'd freeze him. And every so often the dance would change, can can; cupid shuffle; Macarena… other dances… they even got him to do the lamby dance. He wasn't so much humiliated as exhausted, he'd even managed to do the dance from that video where Michael Jackson was a zombie in his sleep. He was so tired he almost cried when he saw the cavalry arrive.

AN: I honestly don't know what you were expecting from this I don't know many dances. Or were you expecting me to explain in detail how a band of literal nightmares could beat down a single prison gang it would probably just take a second with Bill swapping all there arms and legs so they lose the ability to perambulate?

* * *

Mabel

Almost a problem

Sixer618 #45? Mabel (as a vampire) accidentally bites Dipper in her sleep. He starts to turn, but, fortunately, Stan had stashed a significant amount of the cure and gives it to him in time. She is utterly embarrassed. Dipper forgives her and they ask where Stan had gotten the cure from. He says Ford's trench coat, saying he probably won't need it. Meanwhile, in France, Ford has been bitten by a vampire bat and is rummaging through his coat trying to find the cure. He ends up finding a poorly-written note with Stan Bucks attached saying, "Sixer- Borrowed this. Thanks! -Stan". Ford then screams Stan's name before running back to the boat to grab his emergency supply.

AN: I'm actually a little excited to get back to this series if only of a brief short. Also, my brother said he was learning telekinesis so if he figures it out I've asked him to pass it on so that I can walk to the Vatican and call the pope an Argentinian windbag to his face.

Mabel was up later than usual trying to distract herself from the fact that she was a vampire by talking to Hot Wings about how he got turned, apparently against his will, how he was immortal before and thought of the people who chose to be Vampires as weak infants who couldn't handle the weight of their own mortality. She'd been listening for longer than she thought and staggered into her room in the dark and tripped over something. It didn't hurt but that was nothing new, unfortunately, that tumble turned her around a bit and she wound up in Dipper's bed. Around morning when she would usually nibble on her thumb and wake up from the pain she found her mouth filling with fresh warm blood as her ears filled with a shrill scream from her accidental victim. His struggles made him bleed faster and he started to fade in and out of consciousness as Mabel was brought to her senses she thought it best to drag him before Stan and ask his personal opinion as Dipper applied pressure with his weakened hands. Stan tied the bandages like how he did for Mabel when she didn't realise she was bleeding and revealed that he had the cure with him and that they had it since Mabel first turned. With a dose of the cure and a few blood bags in Dipper's veins, all was forgiven and the damages were repaired. They ask how Stan knew where it was and he told them he just swiped the one in Ford's coat as he was going to go get the after cure anyway. In France Ford fends off a bunch of bats that kept biting him while Hot Wings is sitting with the bats and actually conversing with them over a bottle of wine, Ford runs digging through his pockets for his cure to no avail, tossing out a large variety of gadgets and medicines before reaching a poorly-written note with Stan Bucks attached saying, "Sixer- Borrowed this. Thanks! -Stan". Ford then screams Stan's name before running back to the boat to grab his emergency supply. The bats were later pacified and promised only to steal wine and not blood from now on.

AN: I am very excited to see how Star vs the forces of evil will turn out after season three and though my fanfic of the series is no longer cannon I will continue cause it was only a few chapters from being done anyway. Actually, I remember one SVTFOE fanfic where the author was taking suggestions and has hundreds of very long chapters I think I was on 180 something when I lost track and didn't want to reread because it was either too cringy or too real for me… amazingly well written don't get me wrong it's just not what I look for in a story… my all time favourite is still Ciudat Atragerea by jubaili but Finn's hero heart was a close second. I think the story I was talking about is around third or fourth favourite and I think it was called All Sorts but I'm not sure. Check em out the author of all sorts is taking everybody's suggestions and even takes the time to answer reader comments before every chapter if any. I should get back to that one my suggestions are probably up by now. not that I'll be able to reach them even if I read nonstop all month… I don't wanna skip anything because for all the bads I know that somebody suggested it to be specifically written in a way I dislike and I'm ok with that because it's an amazing job overall but I'm more into character development and world building and these stories though recurring hop around way too fast for my tastes. but that's just me.

* * *

Define starving

Sixer618 #46? Mabel tests a "bubble gum airbag" with Gideon (She hits a rock on a skateboard and she blows a bubble before she hits the ground.) However, she is launched into the air and ends up trapped in a big bubble of gum on a tree branch over 25 feet in the air. Gideon asks to get help, but the bubble hardens and drops, so now it's like a hamster ball for 3 days until the bubble cracks. So they have to roll her around because it is not transparent, nor is it sound-proof, so she can talk.

AN: I just spent two whole hours organizing and reorganizing the fan art in my folders there are so many drop downs but I think I can find things easier now. If ever I disappear for weeks at some point in the future assume I made an attempt to sort my memes… I once downloaded over a thousand over the course of a day in a great variety and now they sit in a massive pile waiting to be sorted. But at least I got my libary card deactivated. I just found a bunch of white hairs in my mustache and don't know if it's stress or if my hair's natural colour change is affecting that too, my sister was starting to turn blond and her husband was complaining about it until she told him the whole family had it and to look at my hair. Mine's redder she says and my brother's hair is blonder even though mine's longer… there are a lot of long-haired guys around me now that I think about it. Think my brother said it's called sunkissed hair to which I replied, "I'm an introvert and wear clothes that cover me completely hat included, it's a genetic thing." I might google it later.

It was a lovely day Gideon and Mabel were skating in the park as friends do and Mabel had brought special airbag bubble gum Ford asked her to test on their outing. She didn't want to fall on purpose so she just tried some of the more out there tricks on the skateboard trying to see if she could fall due to total inexperience but as it turns out it is incredibly difficult to so much as get a skateboard off the ground without proper instruction and Gideon only knew how to cruise around on his. He wasn't even attempting a jump trick. Mabel forgets the ollies and decides to go for a manual but as she's still moving in addition to the added strain of the manual the first bump she hit claimed her balance and sent her flying. Luckily the gum deployed as planned and inflated. Unfortunately, Mabel got stuck while it was expanding and it inflated around her sending her up into the air in a semi-permeable shell that eventually got stuck in a tree. Even more unfortunate she was really high up and the branches only prevented her from rising further as the bubble began to harden starting at her feet she began to slowly descend. But as the rate of the hardening was faster than her distance could be crossed she begins to plummet hitting branch after branch on the way down with a battered and bruised Mabel inside. Gideon offers her help asking if she could hear him ask the frst time, to which she says no and the bubble as it hardened became like a gum ball and refused to let light enter in through it let air pass through, Gideon ended up rolling her back to the shack where he told ford, "Think your air gun bag thing worked too well… it kept her from hitting the ground so well that it flew up into the sky with her in it and came back down an even greater distance than if she'd've just taken the fall" least fortunate of all Stan was the one who answered the door and suggested they break the ball by force. She demands he stand down as she's already taken one heavy hit that day and didn't need another. Ford came as fast as he heard the results were in and he needed more of a cushion than a ball something to get stuck to, to reduce the impact rather than an exercise ball that would either bounce you away or as it has done suck you up. He began work immediately on the next prototype and when Mabel asked what to do now he said that they could wait for it to become too dry it becomes brittle and falls apart on its own or wait for a crack and pry it open with a crowbar. She lamented her desire to be in a hamster ball thinking that if it were at least transparent this would be a dream come true but since she couldn't see or go to the bathroom she became more and more concerned by the minute. She almost considered using her sweater as a makeshift chamber pot but then worried that the ball might shatter whilst in the midst of trying to eliminate and became mortified. This was day next day she had been holding it for so long that it actually went back up into her digestive system for a second go (can actually happen but you will vomit the full sized turd out and be unendingly disgusted… if you're normal) instead of coming out the other side however it took the place of her morning breakfast which only managed to poison her and she felt sick the whole day unable to enjoy the rocking motions of her own hamster ball but they still made an effort to include her in conversations and trips with friends. She'd been wearing the same clothes all this time and the stress was making her sweat and the air in the ball began to make her self-conscious and worried that people outside the ball could smell it. The third day she slept longer than usual due to the lack of calories she had a lack of energy and ended up rolling about inside the ball instead of getting up and trying to walk with the motion of the ball like she'd been doing and at the end of the day she began to melodramatically ask that someone write down her will for her as she didn't think she could make it as a hamster after all. Enter Hot Wings who drunkenly stumbles in shouts something akin to, "there's a bunch of giant flying sheep outside! Don't leave the house for your own..." then he threw up and tried to barricade the windows but ended up slipping and falling on Mabel's bubble. His hat left a huge crack that split the ball in two. Hot Wings fell into one of the halves and fell asleep while Mabel made a mad dash to the shower followed by eating as much as she could from the fridge and taking a well-deserved rest in a real bed. The next day both halves were filled with vomit and Soos and Wendy were playing rock paper scissors to see who would tell Stan that neither of them wanted to clean this up. In the end, Mabel did it as an apology for cleaning out the fridge.

AN: also Libary's closed on the tenth, I'd've told you sooner but I forgot. I'm taking the day off have a nice one.

* * *

No more ms nice Mabel… again

Sixer618 #47? When Stan gets sick, she has to be "Boss Mabel" again. This does not go well for everyone else.

AN: finally stitched up my flannel feels good to be back in green… on the other hand, when last I had a choice between a box of Irish tea and a value box of earl grey I took the earl grey knowing it was going to be weak, something's wrong with me. I was considering watching the misadventures of flapjack.

Stan is sick with a really bad fever in the middle of summer, he's in bed with several blankets and it's very hot outside. Hot wings has put several two-litre bottles of water in very close proximity to him along with one two litre of vodka as a joke. Stan and Mabel are on opposite sides of the bed and Stan tells them, "look, I'm not going to be able to work for a while and in my absence, I have decided… that the role of manager… while I'm gone… since you did so well last time. Will be… you..." Soos and Mabel were almost annoyed with anticipation as he dragged it out building their anxiety until the lery last second turning his head every now and again, landing on Soos when he said you before turning around and saying, "Mabel" before she could even begin to express her displeasure he continued, "on my vacation I almost made a ton of money and I'd like to see if on your second chance you can make more than I could have if I'd of just listened to you." neither Soos nor Mabel were happy about this but the hat had fallen squarely on Mabel's head and she would wear that hat for as long as it took to pay Ford to cure him. So Mabel assembled everyone together the next morning announcing Stan's decision to put her in charge again and that she wouldn't be making the same mistakes as last time. She told them that the prices were to be even more outrageous than before. Throughout the course of the day, she shouted at everyone whenever they were slacking to the point that while the shack was immaculate and more tourists were coming than ever the entire staff was burnt out by noon and Mabel was still shouting. At this point, she blamed Hot Wings' presence for their laziness and told him that if he was just going to be there without buying anything he might as well help out, stocking, cleaning, advertising, or something. He snapped his fingers and all of that was done, from signs outside to shining floors, every rack was full and he'd even gotten lunch for the tired workers coffee too. Out of orders to bark, Mabel took a grilled cheese sandwich and announced that she'd be in Stan's office watching the security cameras if they needed her. While she was gone Ford emerged from his lab and met McGucket about their new robot having the organic metals on it but the only plant that had survived being turned into metal was a baby redwood he'd planted about a decade ago and forgot about until recently it wasn't too tall now but this did mean they could make use of the petrified redwoods and Mabel took the opportunity to ask that they help out while everyone else is on break with Hot Wings. Every day the rest of that week Mabel shouted more and more and the workers got more and more tired. By the time Stan was back on his feet Mabel could barely talk but they had enough money to add an expansion to the house. Ford refused to cure him because he didn't want to waste his time curing an illness that would soon pass. After everything was over Hot Wings made Mabel drink a tea made with water lemon and honey. He told her it would make her throat feel better and though it did it tasted horrible. Stan was very happy to see the money they'd made and everyone else was very happy to see Mabel kind again. Then Hot Wings threw up on the ceiling fan and everyone stopped being happy.

AN: did I say that my sister lets me pick something off of amazon for my birthday? Cause she did and I was fine with it being a few days late but how long does it take to get one necklace to America, a plain takes maybe a day and the post office a week but I picked it out a few days before my birthday and I'm starting to feel a little concerned… I just wanted a chess piece necklace. Although, looking at the comments on the pack of cards I originally wanted it would've taken a month and I'd of probably gotten them for Christmas by the time they arrived

* * *

Dipper

Once more under the breach

Sixer618 #48? Dipper accidentally gets locked in the basement. For a day.

AN: there's a couch in the dining room now… I've been writing lying down for these last few weeks and I think it'll be great working in such close proximity to snacks… I just wish we had cupcakes… to go with my tea… least I got my Irish tea… and my favourite fanfic just got a new chapter so I'm very happy tonight. I also just realised how similar the chapter I'm reading is to this… so far

Stan and Ford were off boating looking to find the lost city of Atlantis again because they left someone's magnet gun a thousand leagues below the sea and still had the old-timey diver suits with the tube that has the other end on land… or at least in the air, Soos and Melody were at a bed and breakfast, Abuelita was skiing Hot Wings was teaching Wendy and friends how to throw darts blind in case they ever needed to win a drunken bet, the next lesson would be throwing darts while dizzy and then they would combine the two lessons to make absolutely sure they wouldn't miss if they wanted to. Mabel was at a sleepover at Pacifica's and Dipper had agreed to watch the shack proclaiming himself officially-technically a teen and wanting to prove himself as a responsible adolescent. They only agreed because Hot Wings agreed to stay sober long enough to watch him in case anything bad happened the first day of his weekend alone went really well. Dipper'd managed to clean the entire Shack top to bottom, dust every shelf, clean every crevice, actually fixed the printer and managed to seal up open wires fix cracks in the walls even got to work patching up the hole that led to the basement so others didn't fall in like he remembered doing not too long ago. But night fell and the title of working man had already lost its appeal but he wanted to prove himself and for once a list of things he needed to do in order of importance actually worked as did using the clones with a water gun at his side at all times. Night came and went when he awoke he learned the hard way how much is too much oil when cooking eggs. He'd of asked the clones to do it for him if not for both the risk of melting and burning simultaneously being ever present. A tiny Hot Wings fluttered in and told him that if he put toothpaste on the burn it would kill bacteria and save him the infection that would come if he didn't clean it properly before fluttering back to a group of passed out teenagers who'd learned to throw darts in their sleep. After a burnt and overly salty breakfast with coffee that was far more bitter than the young boy had anticipated he got back to work fixing the hole in the ground… little did he know the power was out, it rained last night and the ground was slippery along with the elevator being on the ground floor. He unwittingly fell into the basement and landed on a pillow that had been left there by his great uncle with a note, "Dipper though I know the chances of you falling through this hole again is astronomically low I figured you might also get stuck here and I didn't want you going mad all alone down here so I left you some cards and some leftover take out and sodas in my fridge behind the shelf when you pull the book by chaucer out of my shelf, just don't tell Stan I smuggled some cheese and chocolates from France and have been keeping them for a special occasion… or when I run out of food but am in the zone. Don't touch the wine there are cameras." Dipper tried the lights to no avail and had similar luck with the elevator. So he played a few games of solitaire, attempted a game of freecell and ended up building a house of cards, come lunch time Dipper's clones find the supplies to build but no Dipper upon closer inspection of the hole they'd be building over they saw Dipper building a pretty decent sized house of cards before with one accord they all grinned the same sly grin and one said, "It'd be a real shame it a gust of wind were to ruin that house of cards he's worked so hard on" which the rest of them readily agreed to before another said, "We should probably cover up this hole. Could you imagine if someone fell down right on top of what looks like hours of work?" Dipper heard them reasoning among themselves and asked fervently for them to let him out but they responded with, "I thought you just needed us to fix up some stuff around the shack and we could go free when we were done." another chimed in, "Besides that looks like a lot of fun, and our new reliable friend should come to save you if you're ever in danger right?" in no time the clones had boarded up fixed and painted the hole over even planted some roses to cover up where the hole was and left without a word. Dipper eventually found a flashlight which led him to a lantern which illuminated the room about a foot in radius clearly, three feet were visible and beyond that only just so he for lack of a better thing to do read Chaucer until he got hungry and ate some leftover takeout eventually a little dove flew in through the floorboards and turned into a little man who fluttered down saying, "just checking in but you appear to be stuck. Should I help or do you want to finish the chapter?" Dipper almost excitedly jumped at the prospect of freedom but he'd truly become engrossed in the world of satire and contemplated heavily his decision so the little man fluttered away saying, "I'll come back later then"

The next day Soos and Melody got back and found the generator had stopped so Soos kicked it to life and walked in looking around for Dipper when he didn't find him in the house he checked the basement where he was still reading. Unfortunately the force of the air pushed when Soos opened the door collapsed the house of cards that took the whole deck, Jokers included to build. Soos asked if Dipper was there and he said, "Yeah be up in a minute just let me finish this chapter"

AN: can you tell what my favorite form of punctuation is? Just read it, I can't even begin to be compared to her I'm a third grader writing the slow kid that turns around wondering where the sound came from every time he farts in comparison to her… she could be a master writer with several published novels. This story, this writer never ceases to amaze me. Even though i know Ciudat Atragerea is ending it's still my favorite and though I find the occasional grammatical error I have no room to criticise, her chapters might as well be my longest chapter here but one continuous chapter(plus easier to read and understand) that kept me riveted for months at a time I've read several of her fanfics and find fault with none… except the rare error but with such long chapters I understand especially when the site itself adds errors while transferring documents into story format… sometimes

* * *

The hunting riddle

Sixer618 # 49? Dipper accidentally grabs another student's backpack by mistake. The student organizes a scavenger hunt for Dipper to find his stuff.

AN: excuse me if this chapter is either rushed or late I'm sick and my eyes are somehow even more sensitive to light not to mention I feel all around awful and had to get a second cup of tea just to stay awake. I just sneezed and it burned so I'm thinking I might be allergic to the new hot sauce my mom bought me… it's not spicy it's actually really sweet and I thought it was a pleasant surprise but I've been eating it for a day now and feel pretty bad from the moment I woke up my thought's been sore and only hot beverages have helped sooth it but as I eat hot sauce every day and am constantly seeking out the next thing to burn my mouth on pain is just an inconvenience but I'm starting to tire of the congestion the headaches and the sore throat… either that or I caught my nephew's sick.

Shortly after Dipper's last class of the day, English, he was on his way home when he bumped into a pale girl who looked hurried and ran right past him seeming in too much of a hurry to do any more than to turn back and apologize. She didn't hit him too hard but the impact was enough to make him drop his open backpack. Upon closer inspection, the contents thereof were not his but rather that of one of his fellow students. Any attempt to read the notes taken or the name on the books was met with a headache in trying to decipher the barely legible chicken scratch… it was as if a left-handed person were using their right hand to seem normal. No matter he walked down to the office and reported that his backpack was taken by mistake and his notes were in there the lady behind the counter slowly pulled up a little black box filled with lost trinkets and things from hats to bracelets and one black hand me down backpack. There was nothing inside except one little note it appears we're both seekers of the unknown and find what others could not, your quest begins where all knowledge must first be sought only by entering the restricted section will you find what you seek he pondered this and the lady behind the counter was asking him if he wanted to leave the backpack for the person who lost it but he merely responded that he should keep it until whoever emptied his backpack returns the stolen property she shrugged and let him leave. He pondered the note most of his way home and thought that the riddle meant his stuff was being sold online but didn't find it on eBay craigslist or anywhere else for that matter so he decided to try a place in the physical world and looked around the local libary trying to think of a restricted place to look but it was a public libary and he wasn't going to try to enter a restricted one. After careful consideration and wondering if asking the information desk would be too strange he witnessed something peculiar. A room sealed off from the rest of the libary with detailed cartoon sketches on the walls beneath the windows he found libarians chasing people who were clearly over eighteen out of the room repeatedly telling them that it was the teen section for ages thirteen to nineteen. The light bulb switched on in his head and he entered the nearly empty room his top-hatted friend was sitting on the couch watching cartoons on his computer and switching to manga when the videos decided to buffer, he was the only one in the room. Dipper entered and began looking around he asked his friend if he saw anything strange since he got there but he just said, "other than that old guy who just got kicked out for the umpteenth time no not really"

"What'cha watching?"

"Eddsworld" he then proceeded to take the seat next to him and watch a few episodes with him before looking under the coffee table in the room as Shepherd kicked it around trying to straighten out the carpet. Beneath the table was a familiar red tattered book on a not so familiar red carpet. He picked up the book and found that it was indeed his great-uncle ford's journal and decided to look through the pages to make sure nothing that wasn't already torn out was out of place but instead of finding less on the last page he found a sticky note with another riddle you've checked beneath to find your book but now you peek through past's overlooked Dipper said his goodbyes to his friend and ran out trying to think of where it could possibly be pointing him. Now he really did go to the service information desk to ask his take on the riddle the old man behind the desk said that it could be the retirement home because no one ever visits the old folks anymore so Dipper set off and peeked through the windows finding nothing but old people who thought that he might be their grandson there for a visit his actual grand parents had their own homes but he still couldn't help but stay a while out of pity after spending his time with those dinosaurs he decided to go look at real dinosaurs and found that there were very few people in the museum. Snapping his fingers as if the riddle made sense he began looking carefully for anything that didn't belong… like that notebook up in the triceratops' ribcage. On the last page much like last time there was another note and Dipper was starting to enjoy the mental exercise with keenest eye you looked to find, now seek where men yearn to confine he snapped his fingers again and said, "Oh easy, the police station" on his way there he found a bunch of tables between the courthouse and the police station with chess boards built into them and he thought it would be cool to play there and there he found his binder the next clue in the clear plastic part this time knight takes queen check mate game's done, now look in the place where all have fun he looked everywhere he thought was fun to no avail finding his idea of fun was not too popular so he took the note to Mabel and explained the situation to her she immediately suggested the prep rally and told him about how the teams are always trying to take the opponent's mascots so they went to the prep rally and had Mabel distract the teachers as Dipper snuck up to their tortoise mascot and looked to find another notebook awkwardly taped to its underside, the next note read you've tamed the beast and retrieved what's your's now seek the place where your's is mine he began pacing back and forth thinking, "yours is mine, yours is mine" out loud to himself before going, "Married people own each other's possessions… right? Aha! The church!" he soon found there were several churches within walking distance and decided to go with a less abundant answer and went to the federal bank because not everyone gets married but most everyone has money. While there he took a tour and noticed some men in suits discussing how a school notebook got into the bin for cashed checks and Dipper asked if his name was written in the inside cover the men working there asked why his notebook got mixed in he responded simply "long story" and reading the next note allowed I apologize for being cras, you'll find your next hint where you place your ass the next day was a school day and he checked every desk he sat in until it was almost time for lunch and even found his pens and pencils along with how clever you've been boy look at the time, a drink sounds in order a meal would be nice he found his thermos of soup in the cafeteria. Still hot and less expensive than school lunches. Under the thermos was the last note I know my last riddle didn't quite rhyme, find me after english our meet's about time now English was his last class and after it had ended he stayed behind and waited for whoever else would stay and as the room cleared he found himself alone with one pale girl in mostly black clothes a nose ring and a lip piercing she handed him his english notebook the last notebook he needed and she asked if he thought her scavenger hunt was fun he responded by handing her an empty backpack and a note through tasks unnamed and trials unnumbered I've forged my path to the end of your riddles now's time you seek while I hide she ended up Stalking Dipper to find her stuff instead of trying to solve his impossible riddles who would have got the Labyrinth from that! They ended up dating for a little while, she broke his heart.

AN: I don't know if I mentioned it or not but in the first episode of the show I'm trying to make I wrote it out as a scavenger hunt that shows the basic layout of the world while also giving a bit of background on the characters and their relationship towards one another… granted I wrote four episodes of exposition before even starting on the show but still, it was really just for me, my notes on the world I'm building actually outweighs what I have prepared for the show itself. I have about one and a half episodes ready and I wrote them out of order but the first is still first and the last is still last. Oh yeah and this is how I organized the scavenger hunt for today's short

List of possible crap - Location - possible accompanying riddle(subject to change):

Backpack - lost and found - (original note) it appears we're both seekers of the unknown and find what others could not, your quest begins where all knowledge must first be sought only by entering the restricted section will you find what you seek (leads to journal)

Thermos - cafeteria - I know my last riddle didn't quite rhyme, find me after English our meet's about time (leads to fourth and final notebook)

notebook(math) - bank - I apologize for being crass, you'll find your next hint where you place your ass (leads to pencils)

binder - jail/courthouse - knight takes queen checkmate game's done, now look in the place where all have fun (leads to the second notebook)

notebook(English) - keeps(hunt ends with Dipper meeting the organizer of this ploy)

notebook(science) - taped under school mascot - you've tamed the beast and retrieved what's yours now seek the place where yours is mine(leads to the third notebook)

notebook(social studies) - museum - with keenest eye you looked to find, now seek where men yearn to confine (leads to binder)

Journal - somewhere in libary - you've checked beneath to find your book but now you peek through past's overlooked (leads to the first notebook)

pens(pencils container + erasers) - his desk - how clever you've been boy look at the time, a drink sounds in order a meal would be nice (leads to thermos)

* * *

"The talk"... not that one

Sixer618 #50? Dip-Her is playing a videogame with Mabel. Their parents come in asking to talk to Dip-Her in private. They ask her a couple of questions, such as...has she had any sort of crushes yet. (She says no.) They ask her if she is adjusting well. (She says for the most part, yes.) Then Stan pokes his head in asking if the twins' dad wants to join Stan, Hot Wings and Soos for beer and bowling. He immediately says yes, and grabs his coat and runs out the door. (Their mom stops him, telling him he agreed to talk about this with her. He says that she is "more qualified." Dip-Her shifts uncomfortably and asks if she can go. Her mom says no. The twins' dad then leaves and races out the door to the car, almost crashing into Mabel.) The twins' mom says that there's one more thing she will have to adjust to. Dip-Her asks. Their mom says that she's going to have to wear "this" from now on. She holds out a bag. Dip-Her looks inside it, goes wide-eyed and looks up asking if she's joking. Her mom shakes her head no. She groans and grabs the bag and heads to her room to change. She then comes back downstairs, clearly peeved, and goes back to playing video games with Mabel. Mabel asks what "that was all about". Dip-Her groans. She tells Mabel about their mother has told her that until this mess is over, she will have to wear the part of the underwear that goes on the chest. Mabel starts laughing, thinking she's joking. Dip-Her simply says "I'm wearing it now." Mabel cracks up laughing, still disbelieving her. Dip-Her rolls her eyes, and grabs the collar of her shirt, pulling it so her shoulder is visible, showing a blue strap. Mabel freezes, staring. Dip-Her blushes in embarrassment, adjusts the strap, and puts her shirt collar back as Mabel laughs harder, saying, "You'll get used to it, Sis!"

AN: I theorise that I will have completed this story in 13 to fourteen business days make your ending suggestions as soon as possible cause I might just push the hasty wrap up button like I tried to do with the vampire shorts ending. I use this expression every single time I am in this position but I am quite literally sick and quite literally tired let the story end so I can finally have rest and possibly find a real job… probably in journalism.

Dipher and Mabel were playing undertake and they just got past the tuToriel in the midst of their first playful chat with Sans their parents entered and kindly requested Dipher come speak to them privately. She agreed quietly and asked Mabel not to continue the dialogue without her. Mabel took a moment to consider how a mini fridge would look in her room. DIpper follows her parents into the kitchen where they begin to ask her about how this change has affected her personal life her immediate response to the question as to whether or not she liked or had liked anyone since then was met with a swift and resounding no. when they ask if she was adjusting well she holds her hand up horizontally and does the 'kinda' gesture, before hesitantly adding on "for the most part..." Stan "just happened to be strolling by" and offered to take the uncomfortable father figure for some drunken bowling. Before he could even complete his query he saw the opportunity to escape and ran to it. The mother catches him and asks that he stay reasoning that he agreed to have this conversation, in the background Hot Wings is smoking a pretzel as if it didn't look absolutely ridiculous having to keep a constant fire lit beneath the fickle ember taking long drags and leaving the lighter on to keep the pretzel from going out as it is very difficult to start again and not recommended for those with little patience. He(Dipher and Mabel's father) argues that she has more experience in the matter and therefore "more qualified" to have this chat before racing off in the time it took Dipher to ask if she could leave, visibly uncomfortable. The dad almost hit's Mabel on his way out Stan following close behind, Soos was already in the car, waiting, and Hot Wings takes his time walking over, he's grown an extra arm and has his pretzel in one hand the lighter in another and an open bottle of rum in the third his head is on fire but he sees no need to rush and takes the last available seat, smoking and drinking all the way. Her mom tells Dipher that since she's a female now for the foreseeable future there's one more thing she'll have to adjust to. When she asks her mom passes her a bag with bright red lettering on a field of black, without even opening it the title told her the contents, "you'll have to wear this from now on" she says. Thinking the bag marked Victoria's secret had prepared her she opened it up and found that she was wrong. With wide eyes, she pleads that it must be a joke and her mother shakes her head with eyes downcast not quite believing herself that this day had really come. She groans and sulks off to her room to change when she returns She's clearly nettled and Mabel asks if it was because she continued the game without her. She sarcastically blames the entire day and everything that went wrong in it on her only for her to ask, "what was that all about?" groaning Dipher replies, "Mom said that until I turn back into a man I have to wear the rest of the women's underwear" she falls to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter choking out "your joking" whenever her breath permitted only for Dipher to give her proof in tugging her collar to show the blue strap of truth. The second Mabel's eyes catch the blue line beneath her shirt she froze causing Dipher to feel self-conscious and adjust the strap before covering it up only for Mabel to continue laughing even harder than before as Dipher's face gets redder and redder. When it finally dies down enough for her to talk again she simply says, "You'll get used to it, Sis!"

AN: I'm starting to think Andrew W.K. isn't the best playlist to listen to when writing about such matters. I had the strangest dream that I was living in a society that no longer accepts paper money… I just wanted a new hat… it was only ten USD. Also, I forgot what the bags looked like but it was either as I described or if I'm remembering correctly pink and black stripes with red letters… at least I know the pink stripes is right… I think

* * *

Stan

Freefallin'

Sixer618 #51? Young Stan sees Crampelter and Crampelter hangs him from the flagpole in his underwear. Ford retaliates by testing the first ever magnet gun prototype which causes Crampelter's fillings to come flying into the magnet gun.

It's their first day at school in the new calendar year. Classes have concluded and the children are free to wander about the streets on their way home. Stan's eyes catch Crampelter's for an instant, he immediately shouts, "new year's resolution!" and dangles him by the underwear before hooking the elastic part of his tighty whities to the flagpole and raising him up above the town. Ford finds out and gets their father to get him down for his physical strength was lacking and a fall from that height was not desirable. It is later discovered that Crampelters new year's resolution was to be the bane of existence. Not just their existence all existence and was expanding his bullying to all who presumed to meet his gaze. In response Ford does some research on electromagnets and acquires the smallest car battery he could find, not to restrain his invention's effects but to more easily carry it and attached it along with some wires and a metal plate with some wires onto a wooden handle, as it was an untested prototype it only had the on button and could only attract metal. When next Stan met Crampelter's gaze Ford unleashed his invention on Crampelter ripping al his cheap fillings out of his mouth. They both ended up on that flagpole that day.

AN: I know it's short but so is Kevin Hart and people love him so...

* * *

Epic fail

Sixer618 #52? Ford has set a course on the StanOWar and Stan asks him where they are going. (The Arctic, which Ford already discussed with Stan, but Stan was not listening.) Ford sarcastically answers, "Hawaii. We'll be there by tomorrow morning, so get a swimsuit." Stan takes it seriously, however, and grabs his swim trunks and races outside wearing them the next morning, and races out on the deck and does a cannonball. He lands on an iceberg, and Ford has to rescue him.

AN: I just started work on what I think would be a good Mario game and will ask Nintendo if they'd either hire me as a writer or buy the idea. Should be up shortly after this short's update unless I fall asleep at the keyboard again It will be up under the name "New Game" or "New Save File" based on whatever I think will be the better title at the time. It's just a concept now but check it out, it's about Government and maintaining peace when the world is on the brink of war. I got the idea from watching the game grumps play Super Mario Galaxy and could not stop my fingers moving as the story literally wrote itself.

Stan and Ford are happily cruising along the ocean surrounded horizon to horizon in deep blue seas and clear blue skies. If they were actual pirates from long ago they'd have to navigate by either using time and position adjacent to the sun or the stars to literally guide them. Instead Ford sits and boasts about how where and when they will arrive telling him about his state of the art homemade multi-information using navigational device made specifically for the ship using a combination of magnetic north, satellite technology and star maps to tell them exactly where they are at any given time. Stan pretending to listen with his nose in a book, at first glance it looks like he's reading a novice guide to nautical terms and practices, in reality, he has the book open and is leafing through a copy of swimsuit illustrated he smuggled aboard in his pillowcase. Stan later blatantly points out that he wasn't listening to a word his brother was saying by waiting for him to finish talking and asking where they were headed. Ford crosses his arms and looks away thinking It's like I didn't just get through explaining this before replying with a Cheshire grin "Hawaii. We'll be there by tomorrow morning, so get a swimsuit." Stan slams his book shut and grins from ear to ear clearly overjoyed at whatever excuse Ford had come up with to bring them there. In all the excitement he figured the sooner he fell asleep the sooner he woke up to the realisation of his magazine. Ford, however, keeps a watchful eye on the navigation system and makes sure not to let the currents and the wind cause too much mission drift. After nothing had happened for too long he decided to do experiments and check back in on their position every now and then. The next morning Ford fell asleep at the bridge with coffee leaking out of his mouth and onto the table as he sleeps. Stan however as up at the break of dawn, expecting it to be cold from the night air and ran out under the light of the rising sun. by the time he could see it was too late. He landed in a pile of freshly fallen snow atop one of the bigger flatter icebergs. Nonetheless the shock of being completely engulfed in the dust form of Ice he screamed which alerted Ford and he had to lower the anchor to get Stan to safety. They spent the rest of the day in silence both very mad at each other. Eventually, Hot Wings landed on their poop deck and got them to make up over a few drinks where they agreed it was a pretty funny prank on him considering he refused to listen the first time.

AN: in case it wasn't clear I'm publishing my Idea on this website under this name for Nintendo to find because I think it might be a good segway into writing an actual show, prove I can do one so I can do another… or at least pay my way through college. Before I forget the libary will be closed on Thanksgiving and the Friday after so if I update it'll be because we had Thanksgiving at my sister's house but I might just take a vacation it is a holiday after all.

* * *

Powerless

Sixer618 #53? It is 1:00 in the morning. Stan is sleeping, but then he hears a crash and goes into the dark (there is a power outage) with a broom. He checks the rooms, and no one is up. He knows Ford said he was going to be down in the basement for a while, so he doesn't bother to check. So he goes around the house looking for what caused the crash. He is really on edge when a hand grabs his shoulder. He screams and whirls around and starts to hit the "intruder" over and over with a broom. The intruder screams, "AAAAAGGHHHH! WHAT THE-OW! OW! OW! WHAT IN THE-OW- MULTIVERSE IS GOING ON?! OW OW! STAN, IT'S ME! OUCH! IT'S FORD! IT'S FORD! STANLEY, STOP!" Stan complies. As it turns out, it was Ford. Apparently, he went upstairs for some food when he saw there was a power outage, so he went and fixed the fuse box. Doing so, he stubbed his toe and tripped, accidentally overturning the kitchen table. Stan makes a comment on how awkward this was. Ford agrees.

AN: I am so nettled right now. I started watching Konosuba season two shortly after my brother and I finished the first season over the course of a few days. I am adverse to cringe which is why it is near impossible for me to write something that will be embarrassing let alone proofread. That being said it is becoming more and more difficult to watch this show. Though I am quite fond of the line where he explains that true gender equality can only be achieved through throwing away any special privileges women have been given from courtesy to chivalry in the feudalistic world he now lives in. they were arguing over who got to use the bath first because she was covered in toad bile and after he paid her a compliment she decided to hug him after he expressed his blatant disapproval of the idea. She hugged him to spite him, the next scene could have been avoided had she not hugged him, what makes it even worse is that the more I watch the more I can predict the outcome and foresee future embarrassing points making me cringe before it even begins just knowing that this is the writer's style and that I've memorized the patterns well enough to know how much I'll hate it before it's even begun on the littlest bit of foreshadowing… two episodes into the second season. Lots of fanservice would not recommend to all though very comedic in most regards. In short, Konosuba is a parody on the adventure genre as a whole where the main character hates cliches but wishes the game like world he'd been reborn in were less like real life and more like a fantasy game.

Stan Wakes up suddenly to the sound of a loud crash and rises to grab anything within reach, managing a broom and wanders aimlessly in the dark seeking out who could possibly have either broken in or stowed away and come to rob them in the dead of night. Before finding anyone he checks to make sure everyone's asleep, he didn't bother checking the basement instead trusting his brother's lust for knowledge to take precedence over his basic human needs like food drink and companionship he didn't bother checking on him as he'd probably be working. Thus he wanders about looking for the cause of the crash his paranoia starts to get to him and he begins to think, I may be old but if they think they can get the drop on me they got another thing coming as his mental declaration of not being useless yet had resounded through his thoughts a hand reached out from the darkness and grabbed his shoulder. Without thinking he immediately whirled around and started swinging, screaming, presuming this to be the intruder."AAAAAGGHHHH! WHAT THE-OW! OW! OW! WHAT IN THE-OW- MULTIVERSE IS GOING ON?! OW OW! STAN, IT'S ME! OUCH! IT'S FORD! IT'S FORD! STANLEY, STOP!" Stan stops and turns on the now functional lights to see that it was his brother but the tension never left it just changed form. Ford explaining that he'd run out of food downstairs and just came up to get something when the fridge light went out and on his way to fix the fuse box he stubbed his toe and flipped the table. Stan scratches the back of his neck and in lieu of an apology, he remarks on how awkward this situation was. Ford agreed. On their way back to their respective rooms they turned on the light and found Hot Wings asleep on the couch with a pyramid of empty bottles across the room. They exchanged looks and Ford told Stan, "there's your intruder" with the flick of his wrist the bottle in his hand flew across the room and fell squarely atop the pyramid while he rolled over still asleep.

AN: in regards to this short whenever my father asks who's entered the house and It's me I respond "guess" in addition when I knock my hand strikes once and no one's happy about that. They also know that if something goes bump in the night it's because even with my night vision I'm very clumsy but usually awake from the time everyone else falls asleep to about the time everyone starts waking up. This almost didn't get uploaded today but I woke up early and there wasn't much left so I finished it.

* * *

Ford

New findings

Sixer618 #54? Ford is in the next room writing a paper when Mabel uses the microwave to heat up something. The metal plate in his head reacts by making him thrash around spinning his head, his eyes unfocused and dilated, screaming gibberish. (Stan sees him and says that if he's possessed, they are Jewish, and the closest thing they have is a macaroni cross Mabel made if a menorah doesn't work.) It causes him to wet himself and forget who he is. (He actually starts acting like a child.) He goes back to normal after 48 hours, (during which Mabel enjoys playing games and stuff with him, along with Dipper) and when they fill him in on what happened, Ford states that he will replace the steel plate with a less reactive metal. Before he can go down to the basement to do so, he screams and thrashes again, and Soos walks in saying he was making popcorn.

AN: I've calculated in my head that the final day to get your suggestions in for the final chapter should be Thursday of next week. I am having Thanksgiving at my sister's so there probably will be a chapter out on the holiday but not on Friday because I will lack both wifi access and the resolve to do anything other than sleep after stuffing my face… last year I ate an entire chicken by myself on top of grabbing one of everything from the pies table and trying my youngest sister's lasagna. I'mma eat and drink a lot. Expect Thursday's short to be late, like on the rare occasion where I update on Saturday.

Ford, through evidence gathered on existing portals, was attempting to create a safe way of travelling between dimensions without letting those nightmares back into this world. Hot Wings had told him that in order to arrive he gathered all the blood he'd shed over the course of his life and created a miniature black hole to tear a hole in the fabric of reality just to arrive at their dimension but also knew of another portal within his hat that led back to his side of the omniverse, but had a fixed location and needed no effort to sustain it on his part. He had already tried larger methods to travel through dimensions but it proved dangerous down the line and he had to scrap that portal. Then again right before him was a stable portal that while bound to the inside of a hat was perfectly mobile and self-sustaining. While he contemplated the math to bring his portal down to a smaller scale and make it safer simultaneously seemed quite the herculean task he decided that he was going to tackle it… then he lost all sense of reason and began to violently shake on the floor. In the kitchen, Mabel had just made herself a bowl of mac and cheese and was anxiously awaiting the very moment the microwave finished cooking it. Stan walks in and remarks that they're Jewish and the closest thing they have to a cross is the macaroni one she made. Hot Wings was sitting across from Ford, answering his questions and helping him with his equations by using his cursed eyes to see if the theories could be put into practice at a glance. In response to Stan, he says, "I may not look it but I am ordained, he, however, is not possessed though there is much I can do I'm late for drinks and a movie so..." he trailed off as he floated away. Ford finally stopped moving as Mabel's impatience got the better of her and she stopped the microwave on its last second. She walked into the living room completely oblivious to her great-uncle lying unconscious on the floor until she's seated herself and asked Stan why Ford was facedown on the floor. After a little while, Ford got up and asked himself who he was aloud before asking why his pants were wet. It took two days for him to slowly come back to his senses and in that time he played with the twins, went on adventures with Dipper heard stories of the good old days with McGucket and wondered at the drunken antics of the man with access to the world's knowledge. They eventually tell him that the microwave was probably the cause of it and that it usually isn't a problem because he's always in the basement. Ford then announces plans to replace the steel plate in his head with a less reactive metal. He took one step and fell on his face spasming like it was a thing to do screaming all the while. Soos comes in and everyone except for Ford stares at him. He was off fixing the arcade game he broke as an apology for not covering his tracks after breaking it, to begin with. He didn't know why they seemed upset with him so he simply says, "what? I was just making popcorn." everyone shakes their heads at Soos… just not as violently as Ford.

AN: is Tungsten Carbide a less reactive metal than steel? That's what my ring is made of and when I googled it, it said that it was stronger than steel so practically if there were a metal stronger than that which he used to replace his skull and it was less reactive that'd be a win-win right? nevermind I just read that on the wiki it said that the metal's electrical resistivity is about 0.2 _µ_ Ω·m. then again it also said that it was used in nuclear reactors because it reflects radioactive things or something I don't know.

* * *

Warning Flammable

Sixer618 #55? Ford falls asleep while writing and wakes up with a ton of ink writing on his face because he fell asleep on the papers while the ink was still drying. He, panicking, realizes he used his no-fade permanent ink, and it won't come off for 6 weeks. Stan sees him and starts teasing, (One insult is, "Sixer, you hung around books so much you're starting to turn into one!" He groans and goes to shave. (remember, he sets his face on fire instead of shaving) Stan hears screaming and, as it turns out, the ink is flammable, so it burns it off. He is relieved after Stan sprays him with the hose.

AN: I got the necklace my sister bought me the other day and am relieved. If only my sleep schedule hadn't decided it would go back to waking up at eight in the morning I've no time for sleep anymore. If an update is a day late or delayed assume I tried to write and fell asleep writing again I can't stand having to write during the day especially with my nephews around shouting so loud I wouldn't even be able to write under the tree outside and if I left the drive to write probably leave.

Ford was just at work on his mathematical formula to master the creation of a safe, stable portal when his coffee and stamina simultaneously ran out while writing. He told himself he'd only be closing his eyes for a second and then getting back to work but instead, he blinked and it was morning. Not only was it morning his head was on his desk and his paper was stuck to his face. Not only was there now ink all over his face but the paper was smudged in the places that dried slower and his face was smeared with illegible backwards marks that would resemble letters if they weren't so fat and misshapen. Certain diagrams came through clearish and the drawing looked the same. But a drawing of a portal is pretty much a dark oval. He begins to panic when he realised he was using the indelible ink instead of the disappearing ink. He figures that even if the ink is permanent skin cells are constantly flaking off and replacing themselves so, though it won't wash off eventually it will fall off given it doesn't soak through the skin and end up like a tattoo. He figured that given his advanced age the ink should last about six weeks and he was about out of food so he couldn't make the excuse that he was studying for the next six weeks and instead braved the ridicule of his brother if nothing more to satiate one of the most basic human needs, food. Immediately Stan tells him that "A: you need friends to have a sleepover and B: you draw on someone else's face not your own" then he began laughing at him and trying to top his own ridicule every day. "Sixer, you hung around books so much you're starting to turn into one!" he said this one to him a morning when he looked more tired than ever as if he'd tried to synthesize new skin to replace his face already. After coffee, he storms off clearly upset that his rare mistake that always came back to bite him had to be so trivial. When he got to the basement he grabbed his trusty lighter and decided to rid himself of his stubble. The hair burned off quickly the letters not do much. He screamed and ran upstairs where Stan blasted him with water from the hose… he was filling an aquarium he found to make a new fake exhibit. When he saw that the words had burned away he said, "hey sixer I thought you were against burning books." he begins to chuckle as Ford sighs in both relief and exasperation.

AN: sorry today's short is late I woke up with a raging headache that made the already unbearable light pain me even when I'm wearing my shades, what's the darkest a person can make shades without them being completely unusable? this is the worst pain imaginable!

* * *

Foolish mistake or well-hidden trap?

Sixer618 #56? Ford is setting traps out in the forest and he accidentally gets caught in one (the one where you step in a loop of rope and it pulls you up so you hang by one leg upside down) He remains there for a while, and his wallet gets stolen by a gnome. Then Dipper and Mabel come crashing through the brush, surprised to see him. Ford asks why no-one's come. They tell him they thought he was in the basement or something.

Ford was out in the forest just setting up traps to catch the illusive something or other, thinking that the more traps he sets up the higher the chance of capturing something new was. On his way to get more rope his leg got caught in one of his own traps and he was yanked upside down and quite shaken, to the point his wallet fell out. From his new perspective he could see a familiar winged man sleeping in the branches of a nearby tree, drunk and fast asleep. He tried waking him but if he shouted too loud he'd throw a half-empty bottle at him, wake up listen for a few minutes and end up drinking himself back to sleep. Three times this process repeated itself before he gave up on the idea of him helping him down. Eventually a familiar red hat showed up beneath him and he asked that he help him down. The gnome looked around and when he found no one shrugged and took the wallet on the floor on his way. Ford shouted, "NO UP HERE!" which resulted in another half-empty Bottle being thrown at him. But this one he caught. Instead of breaking it on the tree trunk and using the broken glass to free himself onto the accumulating pile of broken glass on the grassy ground below, he threw the bottle back at him and it broke on his face effectively waking him. So he says, "Oh hey Ford how long've you been there*pulls out fresh bottle*"

"Since the first time you asked me… *audible groan*"

"Remind me again what happened*takes big swig*"

"Like I said before I was setting up traps and I got stuck in one"

"Well you know the old saying, 'he who digs a ditch-'"

"'Is destined to fall into it' yeah. yeah, I know this is the fourth time you've told me! Can you help me down?" he snores "Seriously?" he groaned again and the twins came crashing through the tree branches, landing flat on their backs a few feet away from the tree Ford was stuck in. Dipper's the first to see him and points him out to Mabel. Ford almost shouts at his excitement but doesn't want to repeat the same conversation for the fifth time and quietly asks why no one was looking for him. They say that he's always in the basement studying and no one usually wants to interrupt. He then asks them to send for someone with a ladder as the ground below is covered in broken glass and strong drink so a fall from that height would be even less pleasant. He also asks them to hurry before too much blood rushes to his head.

AN: I love the night… it's so quiet I could hear myself blink. Why can't the day be this peaceful?

* * *

Just a prank

Sixer618 #57? Ford falls asleep in the living room. Unfortunately, Mabel is having a sleepover that day. So they paint his nails. He wakes up to Stan rolling around laughing. He looks at his nails and quickly grabs his gloves, yelling that it's not funny. (Stan stops laughing, and he opens his eyes. They are glowing yellow with slit pupils. Bill has taken over Stan again. Bill grins huge and says, "It is pretty funny, I.Q!" He laughs maniacally, falling over kicking his/Stan's legs.) So Ford is pretty embarrassed.

AN: by my count, there are five or six shorts left any takers for how it all should end? Also, mom said not to stay up cause the libary'll be closed but I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway so enjoy this holiday story as there won't be one tomorrow… but there probably will be one on Sunday. Also, sorry it's short I was really tired and had to make mashed potatoes at the last minute.

Ford was being lectured by sober Hot Wings on how complex teleportation was and that if he were to give him hints as to the correct mathematical equation which would bring him closer to a safe way to travel through worlds the math would be wrong because of the slight differences in the materials being used causes a new variable that they can't account for without all the necessary equipment to create a new portal present when all he has is the portals themselves. By the time he got to explaining all the possible ways the math being wrong could be dangerous Ford fell asleep on the couch. Hot Wings noticed immediately but also foresaw Mabel's slumber party and let him sleep saying, "you're the one who asked for my help but if sleep is what you want sleep is what you'll get" then he left. Later Mabel and friends were having a good old time reading stolen books gushing and swooning over girls and trying to give Dipper a makeover. When he proved difficult to find they decided to do Ford's nails in his sleep as he was such an easy target. Dipper eventually came out of hiding to "heroically" sacrifice himself to protect Ford from whatever other cruel fate they had in store for him. Even later Ford awoke to the sound of his brother rolling on the floor knocking things over in a vain attempt to stand. Ford puts his gloves back on and says, "NOT FUNNY!" the laughter finally stops only for him to slowly reveal his yellow slitted eyes and with the widest grin possible said, "It is pretty funny, I.Q!" and continue laughing uncontrollably on the floor. Ford's face gets redder and redder until, (he gasps) in bed he realises, "Wait...was that a nightmare or just a memory? Meh. Probably nothing." and opts to go back to sleep.

* * *

Disguise rock

YrooXrksvi618 #62. Dipper and Mabel found a glowing purple crystal in their backyard and find out it can give shape shifting abilities, just by thinking of the form they want. Mabel turns into a mermaid, a pig, a hamster, a cyborg, a model, Dipper, and Bill. Then back to normal. Dipper is pressured by Mabel, but finds it's fun. He turns into a Hide Behind, a gnome, a Gremloblin, Ford, the Shapeshifter, and Dip-her. He then attempts to use it to turn back. It says, "Crystal low. Recharge. Shutting down." Dip-her freaks out but Mabel finds, underneath the crystal, an owner's manual. It says to recharge, leave it out overnight to catch the moonlight. Dip-her concludes the video with saying, "Well, that's it for Dipper-" Mabel cuts in, "Don'tcha mean 'Dip-her?' Haha!"

Dip-her: "I'm not going to say that."

(Mabel runs away with crystal)

Dip-her: "Fine! All right! I will say it!"

Mabel laughs

Dip-her (faces camera again) "That's it for Dip-her's guide to the unexplained. See you next time!"

Mabel: Hey! What about me?

Dip-her: You made me say that!

Mabel: Fair enough.

AN: Sorry if the last short was late I distinctly remember putting it in the doc manager part but I must have forgotten the story manager part. But to be fair I was just getting up when my mom announced that it was time to go and one nephew kept challenging me to a children's trading card game while the other wouldn't stop crying. Though I'm not entirely sure if I was late or not because I have no wifi at home and can't check… and I was so tired when I wrote the last one too… so tired.

Back in California Dipper and Mabel were really bored because they had to go to school so on the weekend they decided to explore the backyard because they had literally nothing better to do. After digging several holes they found a curiously purple crystal, as Dipper was trying to figure out what kind of jem it was Mabel was thinking about the pendant she could make with it and what sweater would look good with this added on. In that moment the crystal began to glow faintly and her sweater changed to one she thought would match perfectly with a crystal necklace about her neck just as she imagined. She looked back down at her hand and found the crystal still there and grinned. She turned her self into a mermaid first but when she found it really difficult to move she opted for a pig instead. She dropped the crystal as her hooves wouldn't allow her to continue holding it and she left it on the floor. She then snuck up behind Dipper and told him that smart Waddles was back and he needed to prepare as much mashed potatoes as possible if he wanted her to build another smartness machine, this disguise went out the drain when on his way he found the real waddles lying on the couch upside down and napping. When he returned Mabel demanded mashed potatoes and Dipper showed her that he was carrying the real one. She panicked rushed back to the crystal and turned herself into a hampster so she could hide in the real hampster ball she found a while back and kept a homemade voodoo doll of herself in, and ran away with the Mabel doll on her back. Dipper was confused and asked her what she was doing and she told him that it was loads of fun and that he had to try it. He declined on the grounds that they didn't know what they were messing got out of the ball and returned to the crystal. With a bright flash of light, she was brought to be a taller older and robotier version of herself. Saying it was cool how she could even see red out of one eye. He told her to stop but she just turned herself into a Taller version of herself without braces plus makeup a tight dress high heels and a feather boa. She tried to look and fell at the inexperience with heels and walking on grass combination. Dipper uses this to further prove his point that it could be dangerous and she retaliates by turning into him and saying, "you can't argue with yourself now can you?" then she starts spouting as many big words as she can think of at the time without any real point before turning into Bill and saying "shake my hand. Come on I dare you." then playing around with the floating thing to see how high she can go on the crystal's power alone, then turning back to normal to give Dipper a chance. Dipper decides to do it on the condition that he gets to record it for 'Dopper's guide to the unexplained' so she gets the camera and he decided to start by being the hide behind and checking to see how well he can hide behind stationary objects before they go out into the world and have him hide behind people. When he was about to be found out by a very angry jock he turned into a gnome and ran away into a dumpster. The jock thought he had him cornered and grabbed a bat but when he opened it up he found an angry Gremloblin swinging at him and ran. He later turned into Ford and decided to reherse for the camera what he would say if ever he was being interveied with Ford's face and voice to Mabel's ubsurd and unexpected questions when at the end he was being so complacent to the questions she asked why and he responded, "It's because *turns into shapeshifter* I'm not Ford at all" he does a fake roar and says, "Just kidding *turns into Dipher* I'm harmless" she laughes and tries to turn back but when it doesn't work she tries shaking it only to hear "Crystal low. Recharge. Shutting down." Dipher freezes before starting to hyperventilate and then screams. Mabel returns to the hole where she found the crystal and dug deeper to find a manual where they learned that they needed to recharge it under the moonlight so she was stuck like that until at least sighs and says, "Well, that's it for Dipper-"

"Don'tcha mean 'Dipher?' Haha!"

"I'm not going to say that. (she runs off with the crystal) Fine! All right! I will say it! (she laughs and he returns his attention to the camera) That's it for Dipher's guide to the unexplained. See you next time!"

"Hey! What about me"

"You made me say that!"

"Fair enough."

* * *

For the coffee!

YrooXrksvi618 #63. Dipper opens the video. They are sitting in a coffee shop. Dipper says that he thinks that in the vents is a troll. Something reached out of the vent and stole some coffee. (Video evidence plays) Dipper says that they borrowed some equipment from Grunkle Stan. (Cuts to Grunkle Stan) Dipper: Stan, can we borrow some of your heisting gear?

Stan: What are you going to use it for? Playing spies?

Mabel: We're going to break into a coffee shop and sneak inside the vents to-

Stan cuts her off. (Stop right there, Missy. You kids are never allowed to use my existing gear to commit a felony that could risk major jail time. Without me. Bring me along and we have a deal.

(Cuts back to Dipper)

He explains that Stan is back at home, as he came to visit for a couple of days. Mabel then walks up and sips her drink. Dipper then yells, too late, that that is extra strength coffee, not hot chocolate. Mabel's eyes start to get big. It cuts to static. They are back at the coffee shop in Stan's car, with Stan doing an impression of Dipper saying, "I'm Dipstick and welcome to my nerd video!" He laughs and reveals that the kids were back in the coffee shop, and going to let him in once the manager locks up. A bright light shoots in his face. He yells about how he's sorry for "bumping that llama off." Mabel then says on the walkie-talkie that that's her doing their signal, shining a flashlight. Stan says "Oh." And proceeds to say that he lied about being sorry for the llama. The three are in the coffee shop, with a coffee in the middle of a trap. Stan grabs some donuts and stuff from the kitchen for them to eat. They then get in the sleeping bags and wait. They set the camera facing them. Cutsa to four hours later. There is a rustling sound, followed by a sip and the setting off of a trap. They wake up and walk around the corner slowly. They turn the lights on. It's a goblin that greatly resembles Toby Determined. He yells in startlement. It starts whining just like Toby. He then jumps away into the vents. They conclude the video, and then the manager comes in opening up shop. He then yells and asks what they're doing. Stan grabs all of their stuff, a few coffees and pastries, and the full cash register. He throws a smoke bomb. Video ends.

AN: First I do like Rick and Morty and was kinda disappointed with Morty's Mindblowers just being callbacks to episodes we've never seen in a hastily written way of revealing useless exposition that ultimately builds up to nothing. Otherwise, I really enjoyed season three. Also, my laptop has… well I don't really know how to describe it but basically the hinge is held onto the monitor by a bunch of tape and I'm concerned I may not be able to open it as successfully in the future as every time I open it it puts strain on the thin tape I have on it now because the duct tape I had on it up until a few days ago literally wore off and is now a tattered lump. I fear I may need a new laptop but as I've previously expressed, I've no means for acquiring income. Also, I owe my brother about two hundred dollars.

In one of the many Starbucks buildings littered around California Dipper and Mabel were investigating an account of missing coffee and pastries. They weren't exactly asked but heard rumours and thought it their mission to find the reason. That being said Dipper starts the video by saying "Hello and welcome back to Dipper's guide to the unexplained episode one eighty something today we're in a coffee shop to discover the recent cause of disappearing drinks. We left a camera in the bushes yesterday to see if anything would show itself at night. From what I saw I'd have to guess it's some kind of troll in the vents (cuts to video of a silhouetted arm reaching out and quickly snatching a cup of coffee from one of the tables before quickly disappearing into the vents again) we got some tools from Gruncle Stan to help with the investigation." cuts to a video chat with Stan time stamped a few days prior to the current timestamp. "Stan, can we borrow some of your heisting gear?"

"What are you going to use it for? Playing spies?" Mabel interjects, "We're going to break into a coffee shop and sneak inside the vents to-"

"Stop right there, Missy. You kids are never allowed to use my existing gear to commit a felony that could risk major jail time. Without me. Bring me along and we have a deal." (cut to) "So yeah Stan's as our house he came to help but told our parents' he missed us cause he misunderstood us when we said 'break in' but he'll get here around closing time and We'll signal him when it's time to- Mabel, MABEL! THAT'S NOT HOT CHOCOLATE THAT'S ESPRESSO!" she goes wide eyed for a second before the screen turns to static and refocuses in Stan's car outside the Starbucks in full view of the two tailed siren Stan has an empty tea cup and has his pinky extended whilst boasting about his great love of boring math games and word puzzles to entertain himself to the camera than when he realises it actually is recording he says, "I'm Dipstick and welcome to my nerd video!" he laughs and points the camera at the store Window where a bright light suddenly Flashes causing Stan To scream "sorry for bumping that llama off! I didn't mean it!"

"Gruncle Stan we told you already shining the flashlight is the signal… over"

"Oh… right, I'm not really sorry about the llama… over" he then grabs the camera and goes into the coffee shop almost undetected where they set their trap and wait in their sleeping bags for the monster in the vents to show itself. Come morning all the snacks are gone the sun's just beginning to rise and a big mouse trap style cage falls on top of him. The noise wakes Stan and he wakes the twins with his increasingly annoying voice. They all bore witness to a troll that looked and sounded like Toby Determined. It ultimately escapes to their dismay and the store owner comes in to start the day at five, come to find two kids and a senior citizen eating his food and drinking his coffee for free. Stan grabbed everything like a bolt of lightning and tossed a smoke bomb the video ends there because the rest of the footage was unusable shots of them running away.

AN: I don't quite remember how long ago it was that I found out, but I remember the strongest coffee being called "Deathwish" not that they advertise let alone sell such a product in your average Starbucks. I think you have to special order it online and it's right up there beneath the ghost pepper on my list of things I want to try at some point. Also, I'm not quite sure I got the words right on the llama thing but I'm too lazy to go back and check

* * *

Destruction with good intentions.

YrooXrksvi618 #64. Mabel opens the video. They turn to a house. Dipper says that it claims to be haunted. They are going to find out. So they walk in, and it's abandoned. Then a ghost that looks like a little girl about Dipper and Mabel's age appears. She says "'Sup?" Dipper and Mabel introduce themselves. She does too. She reveals that she died here when she was twelve. She was about to go to a school dance with her twin sister and she tripped and fell down the stairs. Mabel then says that their school dance is in a few days. Maybe if she goes with them, she can move on. She then says that she can't leave without a host body. Mabel then offers Dipper. Dipper starts to protest when Mabel said that she already had been controlled by a ghost. So it was Dipper's turn. Dipper sighs and agrees. The ghost (you decide on the name) squeals like Mabel and goes inside Dipper, who falls over. He then gets up and laughs in happiness in the ghost's voice. They then leave. The video cuts to two days from then. There is a destroyed gym, Mabel on the floor with a cut on her head, and a rattled Dipper who has his hair matted, a ripped tux, and a black eye. He then proceeds to explain that as it turns out, the ghost's original date stood her up. So she was going to crash her date's date. But then she died, so she tried to use his body to destroy everyone's dates. Mabel tried to stop her but was thrown across the room. Then Dipper fought back for control, just enough for Mabel to punch him and make the ghost go into a silver mirror. Mabel then went unconscious. Dipper concludes the video, just as Mabel wakes up and screams "Bad ghost! Get out of my brother's body!" And she starts hitting him with the punch bowl.

AN: I asked for a guitar for Christmas but my thumbnail broke so even if I do get one I won't be able to strum until February. The entire part that wasn't attached to skin came right off. I'm thinking about selling it as it will grow back and most people lack the patience to grow their own. I make this joke every time this happens but it happens so rarely I usually tell this to someone new every time. I lost my guitar pick and I was growing rather attached to it too.

The video starts with Mabel making faces at the camera causing Dipper to get her attention and focus her back on the task at hand. The camera pans over to get a good shot of an old rundown mansion covered in dust and cobwebs. Purple paint faded and cracked old windows as far as the eye can see. The floorboards creak and the doors squeal. With every cautious step, the house seems to groan, old and broken artworks litter the lead-painted walls and columns. As they enter Dipper flips the light switch causing the bulb to flicker start and burnout. The inside seems to be colder than the outside and they have to rely on flashlights to guide them. Dipper gives light commentary of each of the various rooms explaining the rumours of this house being haunted. A rusty screech caught their attention and set their gaze up to the dusty candle chandelier which seemed to be one gust of wind away from falling. The carpet beneath them had stains of wax from when the candles had been lit but on closer inspection, they found four bright red screws that presumably fell from the chandelier and they moved away from it at once. Mabel bumps into the railing of the staircase and breaks the old rotten wood easily causing her to fall back and land on the bottom step. Lucky they were carpeted. Looking up she was met not just with an old chandelier but a pale translucent girl about her age looking down at her wearing a black dress with frills and laces in a very old style of clothes. At a loss for words, she greets them simply by saying, "Sup?" after a long awkward silence Dipper and Mabel introduce themselves and tell her about the rumour about the house being haunted. She introduces herself as Megumin, she tells them how relieved she is that she finally found someone to talk to after all these years and explains that she died when she was twelve after falling down the stairs specifying that the particular step where Mabel was currently lying was where her neck had snapped. Mabel apologised and moved as quickly as she felt appropriate but Megumin just laughs and tells them she's more upset about missing out on her school dance than she was about the stairs. When asked to elaborate she explains that she died right before the dance and was wearing her current dress to impress her date. Then briefly mentions that she wondered how her twin was doing. Mabel sees an opportunity to make her feel better and tells her that their school dance was coming up. She then subtly invites her to join them. Megumin explains that she can't leave without a host body and Mabel being the taller of the twins offers her brother's body for her to rent. Immediately Dipper asks, "Why me? Wouldn't she be more comfortable in a girl's body?"

"I was already possessed once. You're up!" Dipper reluctantly concedes and Megumin squeals like Mabel and goes into Dipper who then falls gets up and laughs joyously. Jumping up and down saying she missed gravity, touching things and expressing just how much she missed being corporeal. They leave (cut to) the ice is burning the snacks are on the roof the hoops are in the balls and everything is on fire. The students have been evacuated but Dipper and Mabel stayed behind to clean up their mess… well… Mabel stayed because she was unconscious, Dipper stayed to clean up their mess. In a tattered tux with messed up hair, a black-eyed Dipper explains his surroundings, "Okay so we brought the ghost girl who had no human interaction for years to a social event and learned why we shouldn't do that. Apparently her date stood her up and she was going to the dance to crash their date and ruin their fun, since that's what she wanted all along she decided that if she couldn't have fun no one could. Then Mabel punched me the girl left and I trapped her in a silver mirror" he shows the mirror to the camera and she turns her nose up and looks away from him as if he were in the wrong. "After Mabel punched me she slipped on a banana peel she dropped and knocked herself out… I guess that's it for this episode see you AH-"

"Bad ghost! Get out of my brother's body!" she says, she then proceeded to beat him with the punch bowl until he show her the mirror with the ghost laughing in it.(video cuts to black)

AN: if ever you should grow a nail for a very long time and suddenly cut it off/break it off at the base the skin beneath will feel like when you lose a tooth and feel the gums beneath for the first time. It feels super weird and I never get used to it. Losing nails I mean... you ever think that the reason that ghosts can move things without touching them is less a paranormal ability imbued in all the dead and more they were super bored and happened to figure out how to do telekinesis from a lack of anything better to do? Also Megumin is the name of a character in Konosuba the one that's obsessed with explosion magic in retrospect Lalatina would have been more suited to play the rich girl though she actually enjoys humiliation where Megumin will go to great lengths to get her way… hm… or maybe Yunyun because she has no friends.

* * *

Time retired

YrooXrksvi618 #65. The video opens and Dipper says that he thinks he sees Blendin. So they set out to prove it. (They are right. He is hiding out from Time Baby. They then decide to help him move to Gravity Falls.)

AN: I'm pretty sure this story's gonna end in a couple of days so any suggestions? Any at all? Otherwise I'll just end it the way the actual series ended but with Hot Wings leaving instead… by the way if you're ever thinking of using him as a character most of his family defies all logic he never swears and has so many curses on him he can neither use magic nor can magic be used on him. He can discern anything except for the fact he has no concept of time and place. He's actually infinitely smart and can perceive everything before any of the rest of the characters realise what he already knew though he was rarely sober in this fanfic usually the opposite was true but as time works differently here it takes longer for him to get drunk and longer to sober up again. He has such a high pain tolerance that though he definitely does feel pain dismemberment is still just a mild inconvenience to him. He can also move freely in outer space and owns a great variety of weapons, suits, technology, and the like because he's literally the richest person where he comes from because whilst wondering while Jupiter was so dense he remembered it rains diamonds there and started importing them cause he'd have no competitors in this area, hence his hat portal to Jupiter. My bad I rambled I'll just read a few chapters in Deuteronomy and get to writing this.

Dipper starts the video in the park where for a brief second the camera shows a short stout man in all grey with short hair walk past and disappear behind some trees. Dipper turns the camera back to himself gives a brief explanation as to who he thinks it is and where he knows him from before rushing home and showing Mabel the brief footage. They get together and began asking around with a portrait of Blendin drawn by Dipper to ask if anyone had seen him and where. After a bit of digging, they found a small apartment complex with few residents and even fewer visitors. They ask at the door with the address they were given and are answered by a paranoid Blendin who screams instinctively in his high pitched voice that sounds oddly similar to Mr Meeseeks. After a bit of awkward silence, he comes back to the door and says, "Oh it's just you two, you're alone right? (they nod) Oh good, I thought you were the landlord asking how I got in again and when I was going to pay." they get to talking on camera and he reveals that he's done something to upset time baby and was hiding until he forgets due to his lack of object permanence. They comment on his living situation and he expresses that he has nowhere else to go and Dipper and Mabel help to convince him that Gravity Falls is the weirdest place in all of the world and the best place to hide out since everyone there is already aware of weird stuff happening and if anyone asks they'll probably direct them to the Mystery Shack and he'll be ok they convince him to get a job as a lumberjack because he'll earn muckles and be less recognizable if all goes well. Wendy's family agrees to take him in and teach him as a favor to the pines family also Hot Wings wanted to see how well he could hold down his liquor and Manly Dan was challenged to a contest between the three of them and as a man who prides himself on being manly even when he knew he'd lose he couldn't back down. Blendin lost after one sip of beer but he got the job anyway. He also works part-time at the museum with Quentin Trembly who entertains the children by telling his experiences in the past now.

AN: I just learned that the themes I've been using got an upgrade and now it looks like it's snowing.

* * *

Portal mix up

YrooXrksvi618 #66. Dipper opens the video to investigate a cursed door. (They open it. It leads to the inside of Hot Wings' hat, which they fall out of, into Gravity Falls.)

AN: First I'd like to point out that Hot Wings' hat is a fixed portal that leads to his Jupiter where he does high gravity research and occasionally stores things he doesn't want to share(usually alcohol) it specifically transports into a room filled wall to wall, floor to ceiling with gold both coins and ingots. The portals getting crossed is the only way I see this happening. Also sorry about not uploading yesterday I was lagging so badly and also had to download the season finally of the show I was watching with my brother. I'm sorry on my folly I'll give you till Sunday to come up with a suggestion for the end before I take the initiative, and now I know not to ask for suggestions and declare daily uploads. The next chapter will be the last

Dipper and Mabel have found the cursed door Ford had written of in one of his journals(I don't particularly know what it says but since he found the cursed door I assume it wanders) They Start the video with Dipper and Mabel fighting over the camera because Mabel sees a group of kittens she wants so film in a box and an old lady approaching, Dipper makes an argument about having received a rare opportunity to discover something new and venture beyond what they know and if they are to die what purpose will it serve if they don't have evidence of their bravery to ensure no one else follows. Then Mabel makes the argument that if the old lady is a cat lady they'll never see the cats again and that it's their last chance to play with them cause their parents were already unhappy with Waddles eating all of their furnishings without the addition of a litre of cats in a box people abandoned for a reason, not particularly a good one but a reason nonetheless. Eventually the old lady passed them without sparing them a glance and Dipper won the camera and the video they'd make. So he gives a brief exposition of what he'd read in the journal and says that though there's a picture of the glowing door crossed out they were going to enter because, "I'm a brave boy." so they step through single file Mabel first and when the camera passes through it shows a table made of wood partially covered in empty and mostly emptied bottles of hard liquor and some beer. On opposite sides of the table are to men obviously passed out one was small lean and well dressed with long hair cascading down and getting lighter the longer it gets from black to blond all the way down, his glasses not bent but still on the other was a wide man with a muscular build and tall stature loosely holding an axe in his off hand as they slept. On the floor was even more empty bottles, from wine to rum to vodka. Like they were trying to go around the world with alcohol but they were too drunk and could only think of french pirates and Russia. Dipper was then pulled out of the hat by his sister who was pushed out when Dipper started his way through. The hat must have rolled off when he passed out cause they don't remember him taking off his hat even when he wakes up he's wearing it. So she pulled him out. Wendy enters the front door and tosses her backpack near the entrance and walks into the kitchen where she finds Dipper and Mabel recording a video, she asks how they came to be there and when she didn't believe them they played the tape for her and the video comes back on a clip of Wendy and Mabel on the couch as Wendy is surprised, to say the least, and asks if they can get back home Hot Wings walks into the shot wearing his hat and reading a book with a coffee mug in his hand gingerly taking sips every so often before asking, "They don't expect to return through my hat do they?" when they ask why he continues, "that has a portal to my world's jupiter in it because gold and gems are a respected currency everywhere except Utopia if you attempt to go back through my hat and the portal you got here from changes back to the portal it's meant to be that would mean instant death as your body is crushed by more than double earth's gravity plus a thousand times earth's air pressure." they ask what options are left and his wings twitch. He finishes his coffee and says, "I'll let you figure that out." eventually they ask that he carry them home and he tells them just how fast he can fly and that if he does fly them they're not allowed to talk because it's hard enough to breath in low air pressure without adding on talking and they'd pass out otherwise. After returning them to their door they turn around to thank him and he's melting into the floor giving them a "thumb's up" as his arm is the last thing to melt away, it was then that they realised they forgot the camera.

AN: if you haven't suggested anything for the end… my turn?


	74. The finalé rewritten

The finalé

AN: I've rewritten the final chapter to include your suggestion At Bash Bill I hope it's everything you ever dreamed of. My brother and I are trying to write a show together and hope it gets made even if we have to make it ourselves. The first episode is written out on fiction press under the username ClassyCosplayer titled Beneath the Surface if you wanted to read it at some point. Here's a thought I could continue the story in another fanfic wherein Ford takes Dipper and friends over to my world and you can see them studying the physics-defying world of magic, monsters, demons, angels, and human experimentation. Or I can just write the RWBY fanfic I was planning to write. I did say I'd let you choose my next story. Or we could do a crossover with Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls, I'd have to rewatch some of it but I can write it just don't bombard me with too many suggestions I'm just one man and will limit myself to at most one chapter a week but they'll be longer, though not longer than fourteen and a half. And now that I'm done rambling, we can return to our regularly scheduled program.

* * *

Another year, another summer has come and Dipper and Mabel had returned to the small town that is Gravity Falls to spend yet another summer. Mabel on arrival ran and gathered all of her female friends to plan the biggest loudest slumber party they could manage. Pacifica, having worked with McGucket long enough, had convinced him to dress and act more formally. McGucket in a moment of compassion allowed Pacifica's family to move back in as long as he could still work on whatever he wished undisturbed.

Grenada had set up Candy with a cousin of her boyfriend and they were getting along better than ever, causing Mabel to squeal when she heard the news. Mabel and Dipper told them about all the misadventures they had in California showing them what they managed to record and regaling them with the tales from times when a camera was otherwise unavailable.

Bill had come back in the form of a small blond boy in a bright gold tux to play pranks on the residence from time to time (like if Loki was almost tolerable) and on occasion get drunk and spout nonsensical philosophy with Hot Wings until neither one of them could understand the other. He was much less the malevolent force he once was.

Gideon also had completely turned his life around and started counselling prisoners on a legitimate show with tax benefits that helps put prisoners on the fast track for release on good behaviour. When Dipper visited Ford in his lab he found him having finally learned how to create stable portals. They spent the next few days touring some of Ford's more favoured dimensions.

Wendy has had one hangover too many decide to quit drinking and take up smoking instead. Because at the very least, smoking doesn't incur heavy discomfort the next morning with the side effect of leaving one inebriated. At this time Hot Wings was popping in and out of existence everywhere in one day first he appears before Wendy and hands her a note as she's learning how to light a cigaret in the woods and she reads it as he pops out, he reappears behind McGucket and leaves the note on his wrench so when he reaches for it he finds a peculiar note, in much the same way he appeared before the Mayor and left a note in his candy bowl so when he looked over his desk to see if any papers had come in for him to sign he found said note, another was left in the twins' bedroom and on Ford's desk, with the gnomes and the mantaurs until all of Gravity Falls knew, "Friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. I've much enjoyed my time here and while I could easily spend decades more here with little consequence in my home, though I feel I've neglected my duties long enough and must return to fulfil my destiny and raise my son to do the same. I hope to see you all when all our time ends and we find ourselves at the end of existence in the realm where the dead keep living, but for now, I must away to my own home, my own government, my own laws, and my own subjects. And if you should take a minute at about six pm to just look up at the sky you shall see me depart."

Both those who'd know him well and those who barely saw him young and old had found themselves mesmerized for at precisely six pm a massive swirling vortex greeted them when they looked up, so that no matter where they were or what they were doing as all looked up he addressed them all one last time loud enough for the whole state to hear, "It's been fun but now I must depart, my life though endless is wasting away and I must see what fate has in store for me, if ever I should return I hope you're as kind as you were now, I hope to always remember you even in our time apart." as he finished speaking his body ascended into the swirling red vortex, the entire thing quickly collapsed in on itself and left a sonic boom as it imploded, and he was gone but after Wendy had watched him leave she looked down and found that he left his lighter…

* * *

Little boy Bill was almost saddened at having lost someone as smart as he was and went to go play with Stan _that was always fun_ he thought so he went and possessed him to fall down a flight of stairs leaving just as he was parallel to the ground and laughed at Stan's pain from just beyond the door. Dipper and Mabel happen to see and worry that Stan's life might have been in danger. Bill continued laughing at his expense until Dipper and Mabel decided that Mabel would be his puppet now to free Stan of his now nearly daily torment Bill gladly accepted this deal as a way of messing with two pines in one day but as he shook her hand something felt off…

His personality split and he screamed in pain as all his power, malice, and hatred were forcibly torn from his body and forced into Mabel. They were both sent flying back but Mabel stopped herself before hitting anything whereas Bill collided with a wall. The now Bill Mabel hybrid cackled in delight and began floating upside down in Midair, "Oh it is good to be back!"

"What happened? Bill, I thought you said your human body was harmless"

"Oh, it is but this body is filled with potential, to think all it took was a hidden memory of the evilest thoughts of a pure-hearted vampire to revive my unyielding rage towards this entire City!" the Bill boy got up and said, "That's not me, it was born from my thoughts and desires, yes, but even I just wanted to rule the world he wants-"

"The Global extinction of those who put a stop to both of our rampages both the meek form I used to take who's grown too soft and the sorry excuse for a family that denied the world my wrath and now with that drunk immortal out of the picture I can finally destroy all of your hopes and dreams! Nothing you do now matters I am the best of both worlds with the weaknesses of neither. Taking vengeance on all and leaving no prisoners I am the gateway to the other world and nothing can stop me!" with that she re-opened the gateway to the realm of nightmares bringing all of his friends back skipping all introductions and changing her clothes to a yellow sweater vest with a white dress shirt and pink Bow tie elaborately tied to look like a cross between a bow tie and a cravat. (Think If Alucard from Hellsing's bow was pink) She wore a long dress skirt and heels carrying a cane that looks like if cute and creepy had an ugly baby. The handle appeared to be the head of a unicorn on a pike covered in glittery dripping red with spikes and thorns as if they'd cut off the head of a rose and used the stem to impale the head of a baby unicorn, with the base as a severed hoof. Its face twisted in a false grin that was clearly hiding agony.

The wound on her neck from when the vampire had bit her reopened and her skin paled she looked every bit the monster she claimed to be and rebuilt the fearamid as a twisted representation of Mabel Land if the cities' streets ran with blood and every creature within looked starved and minutes away from death begging for release but never finding it. Waddles was transformed into a three-headed hell hog with sharpened tusks that looked more like razors and red blazing eyes of fire to guard the door lest someone try to delete him the same way twice. The real Bill tried to fly after them but found his powers unusable in falling on his face. He tried again and again to no avail until Dipper got a hold of him and shook him violently, "What! Is! Happening?!"

"I don't know… My repressed anger and fear must have met similar emotions in your sister and left me in this useless body powerless and alone."

"or are you just telling us that so you can leave a fake body to spy on us while we plot to take you down again and derail our plan as it happens"

"NO! I'm really powerless. This body Hot Wings gave me is a physical restraint to my powers that shouldn't let something like this happen."

"Then why is it happening?! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?!" enter stage left Ford, "It's the prophecy…" Dipper and Bill were both left dumfounded "there are different versions of it in different cultures and we found one in Atlantis" both Bill and dipper were so engrossed in the story they almost forgot about the flying eye bats in the sky, Ford had to use some quick thinking to down it and take them both down to Ford's secret study to get further away from the weirdness in the one place Bill-Mabel couldn't reach them. "Ok spill it IQ why am I powerless in an apocalypse I can't escape from?" he simply sighed and told them, "the first prophecy I found simply said that you'd bring about the end of the world, the second one I found held much more detail, too much detail…" he pulled out his fourth journal and turned to one of the last pages "I didn't want to believe it but wrote it down just in case it came true, and I didn't share it with anyone because it details one of the zodiacs switching sides to betray the rest and take all of Bill's power for themselves. It reads 'the pure will be blackened old wounds will be opened the powerful will come to ruin and the weak rise to great strength. Cities will crumble and the world turn to dust. A traitor will betray the world and stop at nothing to end all.' I feared that it was talking about me falling for one of Bill's tricks and taking his power to end the world but unfortunately this is much worse the prophesy does say how to prevent the end but we'll need the help of the rest of the zodiacs and you Bill to stop her"

"So what's the catch?" Bill asked curious as to why Ford hadn't put the plan into action yet "We'd need blood from each of us enough to cover her entire body once we do that she'll be temporarily powerless and you'll need to enter her mind to force the two apart and regain your insanity but this time on a tighter leash so it doesn't return to Mabel, if worst comes to worst you'll have to take Mabel's consciousness with you and battle both insanities in your body with limited power"

"but I've lost all my powers how am I going to enter her mind now?"

"lucky for you our feathered friend told me how the power limiter on your body works. You're in a child's body because while children tend to have more energy than adults they also have to have more rest than adults and if you expend too much energy naturally you'll just fall asleep. That massive transfer from your powers to her body must have left you too drained to use telekinesis but you as Bill will always be able to possess people. Since one cannot resist their own will you'll be able to possess her no problem as soon as we get your energy back"

"what are you talking about? I feel fine" Ford held up a mirror to Bill's face revealing to him that he was pale gaunt and had bags under his eyes that made him look as if he hadn't slept in days. "whoa when did that happen?"

"shut up and get some rest while we gather the zodiacs and tell them what's happened, you're no use to us in that state."

Later

"So now that everyone understands the situation how do we proceed from here" Ford looked around at the group who'd all been brought together and hid in McGucket's new Bill proof bunker He'd built with the help of all the weird things in Gravity Falls after weirdmagedon as a precaution to if such an event were to occur again even the unicorns helped out on it, unfortunately, Little Boy bill was incapable of entering. "One question" Pacifica said, "wouldn't we also need Mabel's blood? It's pointless to try if we don't have her blood, right?"

"that's right without Mabel's blood this is all an exercise in futility, luckily I took some samples back when she was a vampire to compare with her normal blood and have enough to compensate" Gideon raised his hand and asked, "Is it really necessary that we get Bill's help? If he goes Rampant again he'll just be double the crazy and angry at everyone for trying?"

"in the body he has now, it would be like a temper tantrum compared to what's happening now but if you insist there is one alternative"

"Really?!"

"we could use the moment of weakness to try to kill it but Mabel will die."

"… I vote Bill handles it…"

"Good. Knowing this day would come I've drawn enough of my blood that I only need a few drops from everyone else." Dipper then said, "wait didn't you say you were hoping it wouldn't happen?"

"Of course, who would want this to happen twice? I simply prepared for the worst in case it did happen and you needed my blood I can't destroy all of it" he then showed everyone the barrel he'd filled and told everyone to stand around the barrel in the same zodiac circle they'd been in before to pour their blood in order, Ford stood in place of Mabel because he'd already given blood and held hers. Each of them cut their hands and let their blood drip in until the line reached Ford and he emptied a couple of viles into the barrel before passing the knife on and bandaging everyone's hands. After the last drop had entered the barrel the blood turned green and Ford began chanting, "Gsrh sh blfi grnv gl kzb, gsrh rh blfi qfwtvnvmg wzb. Dv nzwv z hzxirurxv, zmw mld dv xznv gl gzpv blfi orev." And the blood started turning blue "dv hsllg drgslfg z tfm, dv'oo gzpv lm zmblmv, rg'h ivzoob mlgsrmt mvd, rg'h qfhg z gsrmt dv orpv gl wl," the pigment was darkening until it was almost blackened "bz yvggvi tvg ivzwb gl wrv," the blood was now a reflective black showing everyone's worried faces back at them "blf yvggvi tvg ivzwb gl peoo, blf yvggvi tvg ivzwb gl ifm 'xzfhv sviv dv xlnv," the room seemed to go silent except his voice as all other sound was drowned out and everything except the blood started floating off the ground a bit "blf yvggvi tvg ivzwb gl wrv, tvg ivzwb gl wrv" and the blood was a shimmering shining black with a blue light emanating from within everyone landed safely and soon enough everyone was bandaged up. They had to hatch a scheme to reenact the scene from Carry except instead of her powers going wild the opposite would happen. They ended up having Bill dress up like sleeping beauty in the high school gym, in a bed with a light cast through the window at just the right angle after sending Toby Determined, who insisted on helping, to send a letter to MaBill simply saying, "You want me? Come and get me!" in big letters with a little drawing of Bill sticking his tongue out through his eye and his hands beside his face mockingly with a drawing of the high school on the other side in a way that made it look like some kind of postcard. After a bit of talking to herself out loud MaBill decided loudly to walk straight into their obvious trap and laugh when whatever they tried "inevitably" fails. The gym had been rigged with several plans to coat MaBill in their blood in case any one plan failed. The sprinkler system had been rigged with blood, a good portion of the blood was in a bucket suspended above Bill's head in the minuscule chance MaBill is cocky enough to think kissing Bill was the trap and she wanted to prove it ineffective there was a false floor trap with a small pool of blood beneath and even blood hoses and water balloons should all else fail. Unbeknownst to MaBill, who upon entering though out loud "Oho! You can't be serious! As if I'd kiss this powerless looser! Was this your plan? What's supposed to happen when I kiss him? Will you blackmail me with the footage as if I'd care about my reputation? Or is he supposed to be somehow stronger than me?" as she shouted they tried to activate the sprinklers with no luck, it's as if blood was thicker than water. So Mabill floated over to him rendering the floor trap useless and Bill said, "why don't you try it and find out? We've done crazier things before?"

"Oh, I see. You're smitten with this new power we have and want to join forces, aren't you?"

"I'm such a flatterer I know"

"You even put on a dress to show how helpless you are without me"

"I honestly don't know why I'm wearing a dress I just woke up in this bed with this on."

"I don't know what you're planning but it's not going to work. I don't need useless peons like you slowing me down. The world belongs to the strong the mighty and everyone else deserves the death sentence!" she got right up in his face to say that and right on cue she was drenched in blood, startled she fell from the air into the pressure trap landing her in even more blood, followed by everyone tossing the blood balloons and letting loose the hoses while the sprinklers finally started working again covering the entire gym in a bluish black glowing tint that flashed with runes all about the room before disappearing in MaBill's direction. "I take it you're trying to offer me blood in exchange for your lives but I've already decided to kill you (tries to fly) wait what"

"My turn," Bill said, grabbing her hand and shaking it before she had time to react Bill's consciousness dragged Both Mabel's and his craziness into his own body. Where he began convulsing and laughing violently on the floor. Mabel got up and wondered what happened out loud which prompted an explanation from Ford while the world outside seemed to fade back and forth between weird and normal before Bill's body exploded in a violent fit of rage and it seemed his insanity won the fight but as he tried to regain control of his powers in his now limited body not only was he unable to warp reality as he pleased but the runes that seemed to disappear in Mabel's Direction reappeared covering her from head to toe and left her body to cover Bill's he screamed as if He'd been struck by lightning and fell to the floor before picking himself back up and saying, "well… who'da thought the blood would follow the insanity" the weirdness outside seemed to disintegrate slowly like a curtain being lifted to reveal the set had been wiped clean and the old stage and all its actors had been returned to their proper place after just closing on a war scene. Bill seemed to be disintegrating too, "Well I guess that's it for this body, not that I can't still come back if you call me. I guess a physical form made of my old one wouldn't last anyway. (as his feet crumbled away from beneath him and his arm fell off) I guess there's nothing left to do but… (clear's throat) We'll meet again, don't know how, don't know when, but I'm sure we'll meet again some sunny day" the last verse rang out as the remainder of his head fell to the ground in dust and ashes. The portal closed itself and clean up began anew the only thing left of Bill's physical form was his hat that mysteriously fit Mabel perfectly and she kept it as a reminder that Bill had sacrificed himself for her. Even if it was a tiny bit she saw good in him and though he despised that part of himself with a burning passion it came through for them in the end and she had to thank him for it. The world is quiet here.

* * *

After Word: Alright with cider in hand and breakfast consumed I've finished this tale and brought it to you if anyone knows anyone who might be interested in buying a show about cultures uniting to fight prejudice or a show about an omniscient entity who's too tired of life to care whether the world ends hmu. If you made it this far be sure to follow/ favourite, I wish you all the best and until we meet again Auf Wiedersehen.


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